Author's Note: Well, well… we're on chapter three already? Time sure flies during summer break. However, unless I suddenly become divinely inspired, I think this is going to be the last chapter of this particular story. There comes a time when you just have to stop, unless you want to lose the humor and just sound dumb. Anyway, thank you a godzillion times over to my wonderful reviewers! I couldn't do it without you.

Disclaimer: I still don't own InuYasha or any of the other characters here mentioned. And if I did, I don't think I could bring myself to share Kirara.

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The night was crisp and clear, a half moon and a million tiny stars casting their pale glow over the feudal era forest. InuYasha bounded through the trees, unhindered by the darkness of the forest around him. A cool breeze ruffled his long white hair as he paused on a high branch, swiveling his ears back and forth, soaking in the sounds of the night. Suddenly, the ears perked. Someone was coming. The dog-demon crouched low on his branch, waiting.

Out of the darkness appeared two running figures. As they stopped for breath, directly under the tree where InuYasha was perched, the half-demon's golden eyes narrowed. He recognized the slightly furry pair. He sniffed deeply to be sure. Yes, it was them, alright. But what were they doing so far out here in the forest without…?

Suddenly a chill ran down his spine. Pivoting on the branch, InuYasha bounded off into the forest in the direction from whence he had come. He had long ago lost sight of the fire's glow among the trees, but the strong scent of wood smoke led him better than even that guiding light. He had a bad feeling about this.

O.O.O.O.O

Upon reaching the campsite he had been spying on for most of the night, the hanyou's worst fears were confirmed. As he edged warily through the trees toward the clearing, he could clearly hear the loud, obnoxious laughter of a certain wolf prince. InuYasha felt ill.

Oh, please no. Don't let them be telling him about… A sinking feeling in the pit of his stomach, InuYasha quickly hid behind a large flowering bush just outside the ring of firelight.

Inside the camp, Miroku continued his story. "Anyhow, I tried everything in my power to woo the lady, but nothing seemed to work. Then, on my last day in the village, one of the children from the town, not more than four years old he looked, came up to me and said, 'Lord monk, I know what your problem is!' Of course I asked the child why I was having such difficulty, and the little darling looked me right in the eye and said 'She just doesn't like you!'"

"Bwa-ha-ha-ha!" Kouga slapped his thigh and howled with mirth at the monk's tale. "Oh, that's a good one! Kids, you gotta love 'em!"

Behind the bush, InuYasha sighed quietly, relieved. It seemed that Kouga was still unaware of the rather embarrassing events that had taken place over the past few days. Now, if only it would stay that way… His sigh of relief turned quickly to a barley-stifled growl of anger as none other than Kagome passed the chuckling wolf-demon a bowl of hot, steaming ramen. His ramen, she was giving away to the mangy wolf!

"Here, Kouga," Kagome said. "You must be hungry. Have some, it's good!"

"Oh, thank you, Kagome. Would it be a bother to you at all to prepare two more bowls? My pack-mates will be along shortly."

"Of course not! Just let me heat some more water."

Nooooooooo! Behind the bush, InuYasha did a miniature dance of fury as he heard the hiss of a kettle being placed on the fire and the rip of a paper top being pulled off a bowl of ramen. That was MINE!

The wolf-demon happily slurped down the hot noodles, gazing around the camp and into the surrounding woods as he did so. "Ah, this is wonderful, Kagome. It really hits the spot. But there seems to be something different about your pack tonight. Tell me, where is the insolent puppy? I would have thought he would have been here and in my face long ago."

The happy blush that had appeared when Kouga praised her cooking vanished from Kagome's face. She fought down a sweat-drop. "Uh, well… he's, uh, off by himself tonight."

"This'll be the third day he hasn't come back," Shippo put in from across the fire. "When he gets all upset about something he just takes off alone and comes back whenever he feels like it. We never really know where he goes or what he does."

"Probably off practicing his dancing," Miroku whispered covertly to Sango, coaxing out a quickly-stifled squeal of mirth from the demon slayer. The bush directly behind them gave a rapid and somehow pained twitch, then was still again.

"So, what happened this time, Kagome?" Kouga inquired, gulping down the last of the cooling broth in his bowl. "Another fight? A petty argument gone out of control? Is the mutt off chasing that other woman again?"

"Uh, no, nothing of the sort." Kagome tapped her index fingers together, wondering how to phrase her explanation without giving Kouga anything he could taunt InuYasha about. "There was just… uh… sort of an awkward situation, and, uh, he decided to leave for a bit. Nothing serious."

The wolf prince raised a bushy eyebrow. "An 'awkward situation'? Do tell."

Kagome edged away from the wolf-demon, who was edging closer and closer to her in his curiosity. They were almost nose to nose. "Uh, you know Kouga, I'd really rather not if it's all the same to you, so…"

Behind the bush, InuYasha let out a barely audible sigh of relief. It looked like Kagome wasn't going to tell the wolf what a fool he'd made of himself. He'd have to thank her… if he ever got up the nerve to officially come back to camp.

"Don't worry, Kagome!" InuYasha's head jerked up as Shippo's childish voice rang out. "I'll tell him so you don't have to!" Without waiting for a response, the tiny fox-demon began his story. "The other day we were out fishing and when we came back to camp we saw InuYasha—"

InuYasha didn't need to hear any more. He was off and hauling tail in the other direction before the entire sentence left the oblivious little kitsune's motor mouth. Kami, I'm gonna KILL that little runt!

Determined to get himself as far from the others as possible, InuYasha ran into the very thickest part of the forest. Unwilling to pause in his retreat, the hanyou only called a halt when he ran up against a wide river that fell off into a large waterfall not far from where he had emerged from the trees. Well, it wasn't quite as far away as he would have liked, but he supposed it would do. He couldn't see, smell, or, most importantly, hear anything this far away from the camp.

Flopping morosely onto the grass, the dog-demon sighed deeply. Well, that settled it. His life was officially over, his reputation on its way to the blazing pits of hell. Once Kouga knew of his embarrassing antics with Kagome's "modern day" toys, word would spread like wildfire—possibly even faster, knowing the mangy wolf's speed. InuYasha groaned, letting his face fall into clawed hands.

Kaede and the other villagers would know. Kikyo would know. Hell, even Kagura and Naraku would know! Oh, and when Sessho-maru found out he would probably laugh until his ridiculous fluffy tail exploded. The hanyou imagined challenging a vicious demon, only to have it keel over before he even drew Tetsusaiga, consumed by a fit of the giggles. Somehow, fighting demons with a sack over his head for the rest of his life seemed less than appealing.

The hanyou gnawed absently at a split claw as he pondered his options. How could he prevent this most severe embarrassment? The most logical choice would be to silence the ones who might share the unsavory information, namely the wolf, the shrimp-fox, and possibly the monk. Permanently, if need be. However, though he felt that he could cheerfully rend the lousy lupine limb from limb, his conscience would never allow him to harm Shippo or Miroku, however much he might be tempted to. So killing the miscreants was out of the question.

InuYasha glanced up at the moon, almost wishing it were new. If he were caught in his vulnerable human form, then possibly some hungry demon might happen by and nibble his head off, mercifully easing his pain.

Perhaps he could simply disappear. He had heard that there were plenty of demons in China. Maybe he could go there, far from idiot wolves and women who taunted him with strange objects that shouldn't even exist in this time. But leaving the country meant no more ramen. Never again would he be able to enjoy his favorite treat, ready in three minutes flat. What to do?

Well. Whatever he did, he wasn't going to do it without having one last small revenge. Exactly what that revenge was, he had no idea, but he trusted that it would come to him when the time was right. He had only to wait until the others fell asleep…

O.O.O.O.O

Several hours later, in the dead of the night, a silent patch of darkness crept into camp, carefully avoiding the scant light provided by the softly glowing embers of the dying fire.

InuYasha glanced around, unsure of what exactly he was here for. He could see Kagome nestled in her sleeping bag across what remained of the campfire. Shippo was sprawled out beside her on his back only halfway under the covers, muttering frantically in his sleep about happy hopping acorns, his pompom of a tail twitching spastically. Next to them Sango was snuggled up in Kilala's soft tummy fur, deeply asleep. On the other side of the fire Miroku lay wrapped in his blankets, obliviously drooling all over his own face and the arm he was utilizing as a pillow. Everything seemed normal enough.

It took the dog-demon a bit longer to spot Kouga. The wolf prince was curled in a ball just outside the ring of firelight, clutching his tail and sucking his thumb. Sometime earlier that evening his little traveling pack must have arrived, for wolves were clustered all around him and his two perpetual tagalongs had made themselves comfortable on a worn fur at their prince's feet. The one with the mohawk, InuYasha couldn't remember his name, was doing his best to kick his companion off said fur, with a limited degree of success.

The hanyou grinned evilly. The young monarch of the wolf-demon clan sucked his thumb. How precious. He'd have to tell everyone else… if he decided not to leave, that is. Feh, maybe he'd just go on hiatus for a while and come back in a month or two. That would presumably allow time for everyone to forget what he'd done. InuYasha suddenly let out a muffled growl. Darn it, he shouldn't have to be this concerned about other people knowing about his little jig in the clearing! It was no big deal, really, but here it was driving him to distraction!

Curse my low self esteem… He was beginning to have to fight the desire to plop down in the middle of the sleeping camp and whimper until Kagome woke up and made him some ramen to sooth his frazzled nerves. He shook his head violently. No! I'm better than that! I don't need anyone to make me feel better!

He had decided. He was going to leave for a while, and be darn the consequences. He would come back when he felt less likely to maim anyone who embarrassed him. And he was going to get some ramen before he left or die trying. Tiptoeing around his sleeping companions, the hanyou crept over to Kagome's backpack. Slowly, carefully, and quietly as he could, he eased open the flap and pulled out a bowl of noodles. Not bothering to close the backpack or look at anything else contained therein, he began to sneak out of the clearing.

"Where do you think you're going, mutt face?"

InuYasha's hair stood on end for a moment, then relaxed a bit. "Shut up, stupid wolf. Where I go is none of your business."

"Normally I couldn't care less what you do, but when you sneak around our camp in the middle of the night and attempt to slither off with poor, sweet Kagome's ramen, then I make it my business!"

InuYasha's hackles rose further. "Your camp? Who died and left you in charge of this clearing, huh?" He had hoped to sound angry and threatening, but the effect was somewhat dampened by the fact that he had to whisper or risk waking up the others.

"Well I should think that someone should be here to protect your pack, since you disappeared into the forest for no apparent reason!" Kouga too was dissatisfied with whispering his taunts, but it was better than nothing. "Tell me, puppy, what was it that made you slink off without your companions? It must be something quite bad for Kagome to not want to tell me about it."

"Oh, quit playing dumb!" the dog-demon hissed, scrounging for the half-full kettle. "I heard Shippo shooting off his big mouth. I know you know what I did, so you can just go ahead and start mocking me and get it over with."

The wolf prince snorted, inclining his head slightly. "For your information, puppy, the little fox was not allowed to inform me of what must surely be your latest stupidity. No sooner had he opened his mouth than Kagome, the demon slayer, and the monk all dove on him and covered it up. So apparently your little secret is safe for now. Unless… you would like to tell me?"

"Me tell you? In your dreams!" A wide grin spread over the hanyou's face. So Kouga really didn't know! He could trust everyone (except the loud-mouth fox) to keep his silliness a secret. Life was suddenly good again. "Get lost, mangy wolf. I'm back now so Kagome's perfectly safe again." Still smiling hugely, InuYasha pulled up the kettle and sat down cross-legged in front of the fire, adding some wood so he could cook up his ramen.

"She would be much safer with me here!" Fur bristling, Kouga stalked over and with great deliberation pushed the kettle over with his foot.

InuYasha laid his ears back as the water destined to cook his ramen gurgled out all over the grass. "Safer, you say, Kouga? I must beg to differ." Kagome would be proud of him, he thought briefly. He was being exceptionally civil under the circumstances.

"At least she can sleep soundly knowing that I am here to watch over her. And will not run away when I get a little flustered!"

The hanyou had to smirk at his ruffled rival. "Maybe, Kouga, but you obviously haven't considered what else she'll get besides a good night's sleep if you stay here."

Confused, the wolf-demon cocked his head slightly.

"Fleas, you filthy animal! You and your dumb wolves must be swarming with them! I bet Kagome's already got about a hundred little buggies crawling all over her…"

Kouga's blue eyes flared briefly red. "You take that back."

"Yep, she'll wake up all itchy and scratching… haven't you ever heard of using soap when you wash? Oh, I forgot! You don't wash at all, do you?"

With a howl of fury, the wolf prince launched himself at InuYasha, who was mentally doing a victory dance at finally goading Kouga to attack him and not the other way around. They hit the ground in a snarling, snapping, scratching swirl of red and brown, white and black. Kouga was unquestionably faster, but InuYasha was stronger, so the two were pretty evenly matched as they tumbled around the clearing, each trying to teach the other a painful lesson.

InuYasha spared a moment to feel sorry that he couldn't use Tetsusaiga before belting the wolf prince a good one across the nose. Kouga let out a muffled snarl before retaliating with a vicious kick to his opponent's stomach. This sent the hanyou flying backwards to land on Miroku's sleeping form. The monk, considerably startled, fought his way into an upright position, swinging his staff like a madman and knocking a certain deeply sleeping demon slayer in the head. "What's going on?! Where is the enemy?! Huh…? InuYasha…?"

"Hyaa!" Said dog-demon scrambled from Miroku's lap and launched himself at the wolf prince. "Think you can kick me and get away with it, huh?"

"I just did, insolent pup!"

"Ouch! What was that for?!" Sango struggled to her feet, glaring at Miroku and rubbing her head. Kilala quickly morphed into her large form, arched her back, and hissed evilly at the one who dared strike her mistress.

Miroku blanched. "Sango, I'm so sorry, I wasn't trying to grope you I swear!"

"I know that, monk," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "Why did you hit me? What's going on?"

"Apparently InuYasha has decided to rejoin us."

"You want some of this? Bring it on, mutt! I can take you any day!"

"Oh, is that why you have a bloody nose and I don't have a scratch?"

"You're goin' down, half-breed!" Kouga took a running leap at his adversary, who managed to dodge at the last second. Carried forward by his own momentum, the wolf-demon slid to a stop next to Kagome's sleeping bag, covering the slumbering girl with pieces of grass and dirt and managing to get one foot tangled in her hair. "Ah, Kagome! Look what you made me do, idiot dog!"

"I think you did it yourself, stupid wolf!"

"Ow! OWW! Hey, leggo!" Still half asleep, Kagome began to struggle against whatever was pulling on her hair. She thrashed, kicked, and flailed her arms, inadvertently pitching Shippo off into the weeds and getting Kouga's foot even more firmly tangled. "Get off me!"

InuYasha laughed and pointed as Kouga hopped up and down on one foot trying vainly to help the priestess-in-training get loose. This was even more entertaining than pawing through Kagome's backpack.

"Shut that hole in your face, you worthless dog-turd!" With a howl of rage Kouga ripped himself free of the confining hair (earning an ear-piercing shriek from Kagome) and hurtled toward the hysterically laughing hanyou, a blur of brown furs and flying black hair bent on homicide. InuYasha sprang nimbly to one side and the wrestling, shoving, and rolling in the dirt continued.

Kagome looked on at the proceedings with an enormous ball of tangled hair taking up one side of her head and an unnaturally calm expression on her face. "And this, Sango, is why we neuter animals in my time."

The battle progressed for several more seconds, watched by all, since the fight had finally awoken the wolves and Kouga's pack-mates. The two stared wide eyed as their master and his rival tried to rip each other a new tail, as it were. Only Shippo remained miraculously asleep, face down in the weeds where he had landed.

Suddenly, Kouga shot out a leg in an attempt to catch InuYasha off guard. He missed by a fraction of an inch, but dodging the blow was too much for the dog-demon and his feet slid out from under him. As he gave a mighty kick to right himself once more, they connected with the backpack. Kagome's eye developed a nasty twitch as, unnoticed by the warring demons, it landed in the fire.

"Oh, my merciful Lord." Miroku quickly clapped his hands together and hung his head as he began a sutra for their poor, doomed souls. Sango scooped Shippo out of the weeds and sprinted for the safety of the woods, followed by Kilala, eleven wolves, and two wolf-demons.

By an amazing streak of ill luck, the two combatants didn't notice the sudden silence until it was too late. Kouga was the first to notice that something was amiss. He glanced up in time to see Kagome calmly reaching for a large stick of firewood. "Eh, Kagome? Is something wrong? Um… what are you going to do with…? Kagome, STOP! I'm SORRY!"

"Hold still, Kouga dear… and InuYasha…" she turned to glare at the panicked half-demon who was trying desperately to get out of range "SIT, SIT, SIIIIIT!"

Their mournful howls of anguish could be heard throughout the forest for quite a while thereafter. And suffice to say that a certain hanyou, arguably scarred for life, never went near Kagome's possessions again. See, even InuYasha learns eventually.

O.O.O.O.O

-owari