Gold.
Part five: Jack.
AN: It's a long one! Sorry I took a little longer than promised to get this up, I hope you enjoy it though.
Time is a relative thing. Time twists and turns around us; some are aware of it, some less so, but it is the one constant in the universe. It crawls past us, sometimes it flies. It can be kind, but is often brutal; it can give so much but it takes away even more.
Rose Tyler can feel it.
She begins to understand what the Doctor sees and feels everyday, and it doesn't drive her mad; she remembers his words on Satellite 5, the look of relief when he realised she could understand it, this burning sense of time and space and every moment in existence like a billion tiny stars all blazing in your mind.
She feels a strange warmth run through her when she thinks of him now. It feels like the glow of gold, so faint that she thinks no one else would see it, in his eyes when they look at each other.
She's lying on her bed onboard the TARDIS, the cool darkness of her bedroom calming to her sun-heated skin. She smiles at the memories of their day; Jack's childlike joy, and the Doctor's face when he was so caught up in trying to dunk Jack that he almost forgot to feel guilty and unhappy. She remembers the jolt of electricity that ran through her when he grabbed hold of her, wrapping his arms around her waist to hold her up when she slipped in the water. Ever since the TARDIS linked them this way just the simple contact of skin on skin stirs something in Rose and makes her feel unsteady and yet sure of his presence in her mind and her heart.
A gentle knock sounds, breaking through her thoughts, and she turns her head to see Jack slip into the room.
"Hey Rosie." He walks over and sits on the edge of the bed, where he pauses a moment before changing his mind and lying down next to her. "You're not dressed yet."
"Nope."
He looks at her for a moment before leaning down to her shoulder and darting his tongue out to taste her skin. He makes a face. "And you haven't showered yet either, you taste like sea water."
She grins. "Better leave me alone then, eh?"
"Nah." He lies back down with his arms behind his head, following Rose's gaze up to the ceiling.
"You alright Jack?" she asks after several minutes of silence, during which she can feel an insistence pressing into the air; the faint glow of the TARDIS in her mind.
"He seems almost the same, doesn't he?"
She sighs. "Yes."
"I like him."
"Me too."
"But –"
She reaches down and takes his hand, still staring up at the dark ceiling. "I know."
There is another pause.
"You seem almost the same, too."
She turns her head this time, sharply, staring into his eyes. "What do you mean?"
"I don't think I could put it into words." He meets her gaze calmly. "But you've changed. Not much, just something…" and there is more silence, before, "more like him," he offers.
"I feel older," she admits. "Not… not age wise but like," she waves her hand in the air, vaguely searching for the right word. "Different."
"I guess it has to do with the whole universe in your head thing."
She smiles into the darkness. "Probably. It's weird though; sometimes…"
He waits.
"What?"
"Oh I dunno, Jack, there aren't… y'know, this universe thing. Time and space, it's all too big for words. The only way to know it is to feel it, and feeling it is beyond anything we can – should – handle. S'why the Doctor's so…" she waves her hand around again.
"Eccentric?"
"Mmm."
She sighs again and shifts on the bed, brushing some sand off her arm. The silence between them is comfortable and easy and Rose feels a new love for Jack stir in her. She has always been his little sister, his best friend, but now she is a protector, a healer, and this instinct reaches out from her link with the Doctor to her love for this brother of hers.
"What was it like?" she asks after a while, keeping her voice soft and her eyes looking up into the darkness. She can't feel everything like she can with the Doctor, but she has a sense of him, vulnerable, unsure, grateful and almostin awe.
"What was what like?"
She knows he understood her, so she stays silent, letting him find the words for the unexplainable.
"It was… I don't remember much. It hurt," he adds, tilting his head as though it is just an afterthought, unimportant. "It was dark and… I don't know, I wasn't really scared, just sad. And then I woke up and it was like taking a breath when you've been underwater for too long, and it felt like I'd been dropped from really high up. You know, slammed into the ground." He gestures with his hands, flicking them against some invisible surface in the air above them to animate his words.
"Sorry," she offers.
Jack snorts. "Think I can forgive you for that one Rosie, seeing as it brought me back."
"Did you think we'd left you? I mean," she shakes her head a fraction, "that we'd meant to leave you?"
"No… I thought you were safe on Earth. I knew I'd died so it seemed obvious that the Doctor had thought it too. Still hurt, though."
She links her hand with his again. "Similar to realising he's sent you back home, on your own, and stayed behind to die, I'd imagine."
"He loves you," was Jack's only explanation. He thought a moment, and then, "he loves us. But you… I don't think love can even begin to describe it."
"You think?"
"You're the one inside his mind, you tell me."
"How d'you know ab–"
"It's pretty obvious, Rosie. Don't you guys ever discuss…"
"Nah. He keeps all the good stuff shielded from me, I reckon. It's more, words and feelings, between us. Y'know, not like, thoughts and… feelings," she finishes lamely.
Jack chuckles softly, and then jumps up, stretching and making his way towards the door.
"Why don't you get dressed and we'll go get a drink or something. Much as I love you in that bikini," he grins, and she matches it with her own smile.
"You're all charm, you are." She sits up and yawns. "We landed somewhere?"
"No. But there're drinks aplenty around here." He opens the door and lets light spill into the room, causing Rose to blink furiously several times. He turns just before closing the door. "You should talk to him, you know. He's acting fine but there's something… well, I guess you'd know."
"Yeah." Her voice is quiet and she looks down at her hands, irrelevantly noting that the chipped red nail polish needs removing. She hears the door close gently and lies back down, closing her eyes and reaching out, feeling the air around her stir as the TARDIS responds to her call.
She feels the shimmering energy winding and rushing through the corridors of the ship. She shivers as her link with the Doctor grows stronger with her searching, and the sense of him fills her suddenly, making her heart twist and contract in empathy. She can feel his sorrow, realises that now left to his own company and his own thoughts, he has sunk back into his grief, blaming himself for things that not even time itself could have stopped.
Rose gets up off her bed and gets dressed quickly, before hurrying out of her room to find him.
xXx
He is sitting at the kitchen table, hands wrapped around a mug of something hot, gaze fixed on the floor and a place invisible to Rose.
She stands in the doorway, unsure but desperate to help him despite the unease that still drifts through her at the connection to this new form.
But he looks so vulnerable, sitting there alone, and although he still looks a stranger she can feel that he isn't. She wants to stand there watching him forever, learning him, but somehow he knows she's there.
"Well?" His words fill the air, but he doesn't look up. Doesn't move at all.
She walks into the kitchen and kneels on the floor by his chair, placing a tentative hand on his knee.
"What is it?"
He is silent for a long time, still staring into a distance that Rose cannot see.
"Coward or killer," he says quietly, and she frowns.
"What – "
"It's what he said, the Emperor. He asked me."
"And you're neither." She ducks her head, trying to catch his eye and make him look at her.
When he meets her eyes it is on his own terms. He looks into her so intensely that she has to stop herself from reacting physically and pulling back.
"I'm both," he says, and then he laughs bitterly. "They're mutually exclusive." He holds her gaze, challenging her.
"It's not true. I know what you did." She sees the spark of gold in his eyes and she places a hand on his chest, over the double beat of his hearts.
I know what you did and I know what you are.
I am nothing. Next to you I am tiny.
No. I'm the one kneeling at your feet; I've given you my heart, my trust, my life, and I will continue to do so. You're neither.
He slides down onto the floor, bringing them equal. He lays own hands over hers where it rests and holds it to him.
I am undeserving. I was too weak, only you brought my strength to me. I'm too weak. I am a coward; it's all I have ever been.
A coward for not killing millions of innocent people?
A coward for not saving yet more from the Dalek race.
But you did, in the end.
You did.
But nothing I do is without your influence or your touch. That's why the TARDIS linked us like this; you are laced into my every word, every action and thought.
His eyes are bright suddenly, shimmering with tears that he will never shed. He leans forward to rest his forehead against hers.
"Rose…"
xXx
Sometime later, minutes or hours, Jack is heading to the kitchen to make a coffee. He stops in the doorway, staring at his best friends as they kneel on the floor, a gold light glowing between their eyes and their hands entwined against the Doctor's chest. He smiles as he quietly shuts the door behind him and makes his way down the dark corridor in search of another kitchen.
I will try and get the next part up soon but I think I need to update my other fics, 'Heatwaves' and 'The Adventures Of Captain Jack,' first because they're being grossly neglected! Feel free to check those out in the meantime :grin:
Thank you for reading.