Chapter 2:
A/N: I'm sooo sorry I needed so long for this chapter but I was really busy. I want to thanks you all so much for your reviews, I loved them. Thanks, thanks, thanks. Okay, so here's chapter 2, and again it isn't beta- read so sorry about my grammar mistakes. And I really hope I won't disappoint you.
Meanwhile in some dirty pub:
Rick sighed quietly and stared into the emptiness ,lost in thought. Slowly the alcohol began to take effect, it began to numb his senses. The latest events didn't seem that bad anymore. And the pounding pain in his heart was covered by a numb feeling. But although he began to feel better, the alcohol didn't take effect as quickly and trouble free as usual and even his taste was different today. It tasted bitter and rancid and his tongue went dry.
Exhausted he held up his hand to signalize that he wanted another beer. In his heart of hearts he was tore up. One the one hand side his mind was screaming that he had to stop, that he needed to think to find a solution. But one the other hand side he wanted to forget as fast as possible and wanted this feeling to stay long enough.
Suddenly a stranger let himself fall in the seat beside him and looked at him curiously. At first Rick didn't notice him but then the stranger began to talk.
"You look pretty messed up buddy. What happened"?
Rick looked up surprised and a little irritated
. "Oh yeah I forgot. I'm Benjamin Duncan but call me Ben", the man yelled and stretched out his hand. Rick shook it , he didn't want to be impolite and then he starred at his beer again. He really didn't feel like having small talk right now. But it wasn't that easy to get rid of Ben.
"You've got a name too"?
He looked up and sighed. "Rick", he answered and hoped that Ben would shut up now. But far from it, he had just started.
"What happened Rick? Looks to me like you could use a listener. And within a radius of 10 miles I'm the best one you can get", he said and beamed.
Rick looked up and stared at him a few minutes, something about his eyes made him shiver. It was like they forced him to open his mouth and before he could think about it he began to speak.
"Hurt my Evy", Rick muttered quietly. Actually he didn't want to talk about it but the words just kept on slipping out. "I didn't want to. I just grabbed her cause I wanted her to listen to me. I didn't want to hurt her".
Ben watched him interested. "Did you have a fight"?
He nodded slowly. "Tomorrow, well today.. my little boy gives his lecture in school and I promised to come. But I can't.. and when I told her this she freaked out. She asked me if I cheated on her". He mumbled and groaned slightly when he started remembering the night.
"And do you"? Ben asked totally matter-of.- factly.
Rick whirled around and his heart started to beat madly. He stared at him furious "Of course I don't. I love her.. more than everything in the world.. I would never do that. I can't think of a reason why she would thought something like that", he stated angrily.
Ben waited, he didn't say a word. And then Rick realized that there were plenty of reasons for her to believe that. Their marriage had been hell lately.. they hadn't spoken more than a few words to each other a day. There was a time when she had tried.. when she'd wanted to talk to him but he'd pushed her away.. as far away from him as possible. And now she was.. she so far away that he couldn't reach her anymore.
It was like Ben had read his mind because he suddenly touched his arm and his voice was soft when he asked his next question. "What happened Rick? What happened that you two became like that"?
And Rick looked up and began to speak. As he did his eyes lightened up. He told him about their meeting and their adventure and how they had met years ago. He even smiled when he spoke about Alex and Sarah's birth and when he remembered how happy they'd been, a slight sigh escaped his lips. How much he wished he could go back there. But then his story reached a certain point and his eyes grew dark and his face paled.
And when he opened his mouth again, his voice was filled with so much sorrow and grief it hurt Ben to listen.
"And then.. she was pregnant again. It would have been our third child.. another boy. Alex and Sarah were joyful that they would get a little brother. But then the day came.. the day that changed everything.. the day I destroyed my family..", he whispered and his voice broke.
Ben reached for his arm but pulled it back when he saw his painful face. "What happened that day"?
"It was a Sunday.. I still remember how warm and sunny it was. We were on our way back home from one of our weekend picnics. I was driving.. Evy by my side and the kids sitting in the backseat..", he stopped and took a deep breath.
He hadn't spoken about this since it had happened. With no one, not even Evy. He had forced himself to suppress it, to hid it deep inside of his heart so it could never hurt him again. But now there was no turning back and he knew that and so he slowly continued his story.
"There was car.. coming from the side street towards us.. he was drunk.. that the police told us later.. and he was so fast, I saw him too late. I tried to stop, I tried to get out of his way.. but I couldn't.. I failed..", he said Ben needed to take a deep breath. He wasn't dumb, he knew exactly what would follow next but he remained still.
"I can't remember much after this.. I woke up at the hospital.. but I wasn't hurt at all.. a few scratches and a nasty gash on the forehead that was all. The kids were with me, they were fine just completely shocked. They cried.. and cried.. and I couldn't make them stop... The doctor told me that Evy was badly hurt and that she may not survive. I.. I think she was in a coma for a few days but I can't remember this time at all. It's all blurry and .. and I guess it's better that way around...well, however Evy survived.. of course she did, she always did.. but .. but..", he broke off and looked down.
Ben swallowed and finished the sentence. "You lost the baby", he whispered quietly.
Rick just nodded. He didn't cry and he hadn't cried when the baby died. The grief and the shock were hidden deep inside of his soul and chased him every damn day. The tears were hiding behind his eyes and it hurt because they wanted out, they wanted to flow but he forced them to stay where they were.
Ben slowly nodded and then continued the story. "I guess I know what happened after that. You lost control and looked for help in this damn stuff"; he said and pointed at the beer. "Did she cried a lot?"
Rick looked up and nodded. "Day in, day out. I couldn't bear it any longer to see her suffer because of me and so I fled. And it's getting worse every damn day. I mean she isn't crying anymore but she hates me. For being drunk all the time, for letting her alone and for not caring for our children".
"But you love your kids, don't you"? Ben asked although he already knew the answer.
"Of course I do! I love them so much it hurts, I love them more than everything in the world. I wouldn't know what to do if I would lose them, I couldn't bear that. But they hate me as well because I'm not there for them, because I'm breaking all my promises and because I'm lying all day. But sometimes when I get home late.. I creep into their room and watch them sleeping. They look so peaceful, like angels. But then I hear Sarah cry and it breaks my heart.. and then I get plastered to forget it", he answered truthfully.
Ben cleared his throat and stood up. Rick stared at him panicked. He couldn't leave not like this, not after he had poured his heart out to him. "Hey.. wait! Where are you going"?
"I'm not needed anymore Rick", he said and grabbed his jacket.
"What do you mean? Of course you're needed.. I need you tell me what to do.. I need you to tell me how to figure this out.. I don't know what to do", he yelled.
Ben laughed, took Rick's beer and shook his head. "It's not working this way Rick. I was here so you could finally realize why things became like that. You know what's wrong, don't you? You know that you have to end this because if you won't, it's going to kill you.. and your family".
"But.. but me knowing this, doesn't helps me at all. I mean.. it doesn't tell me how to make it okay again.. I don't know how to make it alright again. How can I fix these things.. how can I fix a family that is broken because of me"?
Ben smiled slightly. "I know this won't help you at all but this accident wasn't your fault and the death of your child wasn't neither. And the very first thing you have to do is to believe that. When you truly realize that you aren't guilty, you'll be able to handle the rest, too".
And then he nodded one last time and disappeared as fast as he had appeared. Rick stared at the now closed door and was too surprised to say anything. But then the barkeeper appeared and brought him back to life.
"Hey buddy", he said.
"What"? He jerked and looked up confused.
The barkeeper pushed the beer closer to him. "Here, you wanted to have that", he said. Rick stared at the yellow liquor, that seemed to cry out for him, a long time and then he shook the head.
The barkeeper groaned and began to swear. "It's always the same. When this Benjamin Duncan appears it happens all the time. The people stop drinking beer and I never see them again in my pub. I should throw him out next time he's coming in. What is he doing with you guys, did he brainwash you"? He asked but when Rick didn't answer he left still hissing.
Rick hadn't listened to a single word he had said. His mind was too messed up right now, he couldn't think about anything else but about the things that he had learnt in this one hour he had spent with Ben.
He took a deep breath and rubbed his face. And then he did something he hadn't done in ages. He started thinking, seriously and with the wish to find a solution for his problems. He knew that all this had to stop, he had to stop it. He tried to recall the times when he had been fully happy with his family and his wish and need to have that again, grew and grew.
.And after 3 hours intensive thinking his face started to beam. And for the first time since many months he could smile again. Not a happy, carefree smile but one that showed hope.
The barkeeper watched him head shaking when he left the pub in a good mood. And this time it wasn't because of the alcohol. It because he now knew exactly what to do and it made him feel whole again.. like he would slowly win back his control.
At first he would go to Evy, telling her he was sorry about last night and then he would talk with her about all the things that went completely wrong in their life. And then he would pick up Sarah and Alex and would take them in the park. There he would talk with them as well, apologizing for his bad behaviors and begging them to give him a second chance. He would try to become a better father again.
"Sounds like a plan", he muttered contented. "Sounds like a good plan".
A/N: Okay, I know this chapter sucked but I didn't know how to explain it better. Next part will be about Rick coming home finding his family gone. Please review so I know if I should continue or not. And I could really use a beta reader.. so if anyone wants to help me sent me email. Thanks! Bye Sue
A/N: I'm sooo sorry I needed so long for this chapter but I was really busy. I want to thanks you all so much for your reviews, I loved them. Thanks, thanks, thanks. Okay, so here's chapter 2, and again it isn't beta- read so sorry about my grammar mistakes. And I really hope I won't disappoint you.
Meanwhile in some dirty pub:
Rick sighed quietly and stared into the emptiness ,lost in thought. Slowly the alcohol began to take effect, it began to numb his senses. The latest events didn't seem that bad anymore. And the pounding pain in his heart was covered by a numb feeling. But although he began to feel better, the alcohol didn't take effect as quickly and trouble free as usual and even his taste was different today. It tasted bitter and rancid and his tongue went dry.
Exhausted he held up his hand to signalize that he wanted another beer. In his heart of hearts he was tore up. One the one hand side his mind was screaming that he had to stop, that he needed to think to find a solution. But one the other hand side he wanted to forget as fast as possible and wanted this feeling to stay long enough.
Suddenly a stranger let himself fall in the seat beside him and looked at him curiously. At first Rick didn't notice him but then the stranger began to talk.
"You look pretty messed up buddy. What happened"?
Rick looked up surprised and a little irritated
. "Oh yeah I forgot. I'm Benjamin Duncan but call me Ben", the man yelled and stretched out his hand. Rick shook it , he didn't want to be impolite and then he starred at his beer again. He really didn't feel like having small talk right now. But it wasn't that easy to get rid of Ben.
"You've got a name too"?
He looked up and sighed. "Rick", he answered and hoped that Ben would shut up now. But far from it, he had just started.
"What happened Rick? Looks to me like you could use a listener. And within a radius of 10 miles I'm the best one you can get", he said and beamed.
Rick looked up and stared at him a few minutes, something about his eyes made him shiver. It was like they forced him to open his mouth and before he could think about it he began to speak.
"Hurt my Evy", Rick muttered quietly. Actually he didn't want to talk about it but the words just kept on slipping out. "I didn't want to. I just grabbed her cause I wanted her to listen to me. I didn't want to hurt her".
Ben watched him interested. "Did you have a fight"?
He nodded slowly. "Tomorrow, well today.. my little boy gives his lecture in school and I promised to come. But I can't.. and when I told her this she freaked out. She asked me if I cheated on her". He mumbled and groaned slightly when he started remembering the night.
"And do you"? Ben asked totally matter-of.- factly.
Rick whirled around and his heart started to beat madly. He stared at him furious "Of course I don't. I love her.. more than everything in the world.. I would never do that. I can't think of a reason why she would thought something like that", he stated angrily.
Ben waited, he didn't say a word. And then Rick realized that there were plenty of reasons for her to believe that. Their marriage had been hell lately.. they hadn't spoken more than a few words to each other a day. There was a time when she had tried.. when she'd wanted to talk to him but he'd pushed her away.. as far away from him as possible. And now she was.. she so far away that he couldn't reach her anymore.
It was like Ben had read his mind because he suddenly touched his arm and his voice was soft when he asked his next question. "What happened Rick? What happened that you two became like that"?
And Rick looked up and began to speak. As he did his eyes lightened up. He told him about their meeting and their adventure and how they had met years ago. He even smiled when he spoke about Alex and Sarah's birth and when he remembered how happy they'd been, a slight sigh escaped his lips. How much he wished he could go back there. But then his story reached a certain point and his eyes grew dark and his face paled.
And when he opened his mouth again, his voice was filled with so much sorrow and grief it hurt Ben to listen.
"And then.. she was pregnant again. It would have been our third child.. another boy. Alex and Sarah were joyful that they would get a little brother. But then the day came.. the day that changed everything.. the day I destroyed my family..", he whispered and his voice broke.
Ben reached for his arm but pulled it back when he saw his painful face. "What happened that day"?
"It was a Sunday.. I still remember how warm and sunny it was. We were on our way back home from one of our weekend picnics. I was driving.. Evy by my side and the kids sitting in the backseat..", he stopped and took a deep breath.
He hadn't spoken about this since it had happened. With no one, not even Evy. He had forced himself to suppress it, to hid it deep inside of his heart so it could never hurt him again. But now there was no turning back and he knew that and so he slowly continued his story.
"There was car.. coming from the side street towards us.. he was drunk.. that the police told us later.. and he was so fast, I saw him too late. I tried to stop, I tried to get out of his way.. but I couldn't.. I failed..", he said Ben needed to take a deep breath. He wasn't dumb, he knew exactly what would follow next but he remained still.
"I can't remember much after this.. I woke up at the hospital.. but I wasn't hurt at all.. a few scratches and a nasty gash on the forehead that was all. The kids were with me, they were fine just completely shocked. They cried.. and cried.. and I couldn't make them stop... The doctor told me that Evy was badly hurt and that she may not survive. I.. I think she was in a coma for a few days but I can't remember this time at all. It's all blurry and .. and I guess it's better that way around...well, however Evy survived.. of course she did, she always did.. but .. but..", he broke off and looked down.
Ben swallowed and finished the sentence. "You lost the baby", he whispered quietly.
Rick just nodded. He didn't cry and he hadn't cried when the baby died. The grief and the shock were hidden deep inside of his soul and chased him every damn day. The tears were hiding behind his eyes and it hurt because they wanted out, they wanted to flow but he forced them to stay where they were.
Ben slowly nodded and then continued the story. "I guess I know what happened after that. You lost control and looked for help in this damn stuff"; he said and pointed at the beer. "Did she cried a lot?"
Rick looked up and nodded. "Day in, day out. I couldn't bear it any longer to see her suffer because of me and so I fled. And it's getting worse every damn day. I mean she isn't crying anymore but she hates me. For being drunk all the time, for letting her alone and for not caring for our children".
"But you love your kids, don't you"? Ben asked although he already knew the answer.
"Of course I do! I love them so much it hurts, I love them more than everything in the world. I wouldn't know what to do if I would lose them, I couldn't bear that. But they hate me as well because I'm not there for them, because I'm breaking all my promises and because I'm lying all day. But sometimes when I get home late.. I creep into their room and watch them sleeping. They look so peaceful, like angels. But then I hear Sarah cry and it breaks my heart.. and then I get plastered to forget it", he answered truthfully.
Ben cleared his throat and stood up. Rick stared at him panicked. He couldn't leave not like this, not after he had poured his heart out to him. "Hey.. wait! Where are you going"?
"I'm not needed anymore Rick", he said and grabbed his jacket.
"What do you mean? Of course you're needed.. I need you tell me what to do.. I need you to tell me how to figure this out.. I don't know what to do", he yelled.
Ben laughed, took Rick's beer and shook his head. "It's not working this way Rick. I was here so you could finally realize why things became like that. You know what's wrong, don't you? You know that you have to end this because if you won't, it's going to kill you.. and your family".
"But.. but me knowing this, doesn't helps me at all. I mean.. it doesn't tell me how to make it okay again.. I don't know how to make it alright again. How can I fix these things.. how can I fix a family that is broken because of me"?
Ben smiled slightly. "I know this won't help you at all but this accident wasn't your fault and the death of your child wasn't neither. And the very first thing you have to do is to believe that. When you truly realize that you aren't guilty, you'll be able to handle the rest, too".
And then he nodded one last time and disappeared as fast as he had appeared. Rick stared at the now closed door and was too surprised to say anything. But then the barkeeper appeared and brought him back to life.
"Hey buddy", he said.
"What"? He jerked and looked up confused.
The barkeeper pushed the beer closer to him. "Here, you wanted to have that", he said. Rick stared at the yellow liquor, that seemed to cry out for him, a long time and then he shook the head.
The barkeeper groaned and began to swear. "It's always the same. When this Benjamin Duncan appears it happens all the time. The people stop drinking beer and I never see them again in my pub. I should throw him out next time he's coming in. What is he doing with you guys, did he brainwash you"? He asked but when Rick didn't answer he left still hissing.
Rick hadn't listened to a single word he had said. His mind was too messed up right now, he couldn't think about anything else but about the things that he had learnt in this one hour he had spent with Ben.
He took a deep breath and rubbed his face. And then he did something he hadn't done in ages. He started thinking, seriously and with the wish to find a solution for his problems. He knew that all this had to stop, he had to stop it. He tried to recall the times when he had been fully happy with his family and his wish and need to have that again, grew and grew.
.And after 3 hours intensive thinking his face started to beam. And for the first time since many months he could smile again. Not a happy, carefree smile but one that showed hope.
The barkeeper watched him head shaking when he left the pub in a good mood. And this time it wasn't because of the alcohol. It because he now knew exactly what to do and it made him feel whole again.. like he would slowly win back his control.
At first he would go to Evy, telling her he was sorry about last night and then he would talk with her about all the things that went completely wrong in their life. And then he would pick up Sarah and Alex and would take them in the park. There he would talk with them as well, apologizing for his bad behaviors and begging them to give him a second chance. He would try to become a better father again.
"Sounds like a plan", he muttered contented. "Sounds like a good plan".
A/N: Okay, I know this chapter sucked but I didn't know how to explain it better. Next part will be about Rick coming home finding his family gone. Please review so I know if I should continue or not. And I could really use a beta reader.. so if anyone wants to help me sent me email. Thanks! Bye Sue