" " speaking; ' ' thinking
((DISCLAIMER: I do not own Naruto or any of it's character.))
- Sasuke's Scars -
' How can I stay like this forever...?
' It's simple... I can't...
' As I watch you, I realize that I'm your blind spot. You can't see me, or you don't want to see me. One of those. I doubt I'll ever be sure. All I know is that, whether you choose to or not, you don't see me, and I hate it. What am I to you? A friend? A teammate? Some one who can watch your back when you're in danger? Just how important am I to you? You don't even notice when I cry at night. If I wimper, it's answered with an obnoxious snore. For every tear I cry, you drool on your pillow. If I whispered your name, I would hear your voice saying, "Sakura-chan..." Why can't you just place a knife through my heart? You could end it so much faster, and with less pain.
' But, no. You'll never lay a hand on me that's meant to kill. You don't know it, but you stay in my mind and you slowly, painfully kill me. You even cause me to make stupid mistakes in battle, mistakes that really could kill me. I do it all for you, and you avenge me everytime, but you still don't see it. Maybe I'm better off dead. When I was nearly killed my Haku's needles, I told you my body moved on it's own. I lied. I saw him go for you and I couldn't let him mar your perfect body with holes. I'd protect you from anything. I'll help keep your body perfect, no matter how many scars I have on my own. Let me be your shield...
' Naruto, let me be your shield... '
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"Sasuke-kun...?" whispered a voice. Sasuke slowly turned and raised his head, keeping his back to the door, recognizing the voice. In the shadowed doorway of the room Sasuke and Naruto had to share stood Sasuke flaxen-haired teammate, his object of affection. As quickly as he could, Sasuke wiped away his tears and hid his bloody kunai, as well as his bloody wrists, the best he could. His back still turned to Naruto, he almost shook with fear that he would be caught in the act.
"W-what is it, Naruto-san?" he muttered under his breath, hardly loud enough for Naruto to hear. Every thought in Sasuke's head prayed to the gods that Naruto wouldn't enter any further, but his prayers went unheard as Naruto stepped inside, closer to Sasuke and closer to his secret. For the first time he could ever remember, Sasuke wished that Naruto wouldn't want to see him, touch him, or be near him.
"Sasuke-kun, what are you hiding...?" Naruto asked gently, taking another step towards his friend and reaching towards him.
" It's... nothing... Just tell what you need and then go, okay?" Sasuke barked, thinking, ' Why is this the time you choose not to be a insensitive loud-mouthed idiot, Naruto-chan? Why now...? '
Naruto's voice changed, from caring to almost sounding hurt. "Are you sure you're okay? Just show me what it is you're hiding, Sas---"
" It's nothing!" he shouted, fresh tears welling in his eyes as he said it. He knew it was a lie; it was so much more than "nothing." He had a problem, but there was no cure except for Naruto's caring touch and the words "I love you" coming from his lips. Because of that, he would never be cured, and he would probably die this way.
Naruto hesitated, as if sensing Sasuke's pain, his scars. Finally, he spoke. "Kakashi-sensei wants me, you, and Sakura-chan to meet him tomorrow at nightfall, at the edge of the forest to the east of town. You know the spot. I was wondering if you'd like to go and get some ramen with me... but I see you're busy..."
"D-damn right I am..." Sasuke managed to say. It was all he could do not to throw himself into Naruto's arm and weep, begging him to love him and to hold him as a lover would. He then bit his lower lip, hard enough to draw blood and leave the distinct metallic taste of blood in his mouth, refusing to say another word.
Naruto sighed dejectedly and Sasuke listened to him leave. He knew it had been wrong to force Naruto away, especially because it was his room as well, but he couldn't be caught. It never crossed his mind for a moment that he was driving away the only person that he wanted to come closer. He had to protect himself, his secrets, at any cost at all, no matter what that cost was.
Looking down at his weeping wrist and his dripping blade, Sasuke let one last tear escape as he pulled the kunai across his flesh one last time...
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AUTHOR'S NOTE: Well, this is my fist Naruto shonen ai fan fiction. Yes, as of now, it is shonen ai because it has a meaning. I don't understand why I always end up making my favorite characters into bad people or people with major problems... I also kind of feel like I'm ripping off another fan fiction that I really admired, but if the author of that fan fiction happens to read this, I hope they will show mercy because I adored theirs and they were what inspired me to write this. Well, hope you like it. Review please.