Disclamer: I don't own Naruto.

"So let me get this straight. You want us…" she gestured at herself and the man sitting next to her. "…to take care of this baby?" She stared at the old man as if he were crazy.

He nodded. "Not just any baby though. His baby."

His baby, she thought. With Jiraiya and I?

"Why don't we just throw him off a cliff right now? The child will have better chances of surviving that way."

That said man who sat next to her was oblivious to their conversation and currently giggling while reading the contents of his 'research' notebook. Tsunade rolled her eyes.

The Third shook his head and stared at the pair disapprovingly. "It's not a question. As the Hokage, I am ordering you two to take care of him."

Silence.

Another giggle.

"JIRAIYA! You could at least pretend to listen when I'm talking!" the old man fumed.

"Huh?" The red and green clad man looked up from his notebook. "Ah…okay. What she means is we'll take the kid." The man poked the woman next to him. "Tsunade, let's grab the kid and go."

She apparently had different ideas. As the man gathered the baby, she glared and gave in. "Pay up, old man."

Sarutobi deposited a large bag of coins in Tsunade's outstretched hands. He stared sadly at it, knowing it would be gone soon now that it was with Tsunade.

She shook the bag and grinned, satisfied with the amount. "Jiraiya. Let's go." she commanded as she walked out the door.

Jiraiya paused at the door, holding the boy with one hand and fumbling his rucksack with the other.

"Here. It's the latest volume," he said as he tossed the book to the old man. He turned and walked out of the room.

Sarutobi could feel a nosebleed coming on as he scanned the cover of Icha Icha Paradise.

Tsunade and Jiraiya were walking down the road leading away from Konoha, figuring out where they would stay for the time being.

"We should stay in a hotel," the man put in.

Tsunade's eyes glittered. "With a casino-"

"-And a hot spring."

"Agreed," She answered. "So what's the kid's name?"

"Uzumaki Naruto."

"I see."

Tsunade felt something wrong. Was she missing something?

"HOLY SHIT! Jiraiya, please tell me where the hell is the kid."

"No worries," he soothed. He turned around and showed her.

There was a tiny blond head sticking out of his rucksack.

"YOU STUCK HIM IN YOUR RUCKSACK!" She screamed as she extracted the child from his evil clutches.

"Shut up or you'll wake him," Jiraiya warned her.

Tsunade kicked the man and he went flying 100 meters away.

"Don't worry, Naruto-chan," she cooed to the now-awakened child. "I'll protect you from the stupid pervert."

"HEY! I am not a stupid pervert!" the man scoffed, offended. "I am a SUPER PERVERT!" He said as he made a V sign with his hand.

Naruto giggled at the funny mans antics.

He turned back and gasped, enraptured by Tsunade. Gurgling and squealing with pleasure he poked the diamond-like…thing on her forehead. And he poked it again. And again. And again.

Jiraiya laughed.

"He's pretty cute, huh?" Jiraiya asked his companion. It was true too. With fuzzy yellow hair and bright blue eyes, he was adorable.

The woman grunted, agreeing with him.

"So you want me to summon Gamabunta so we can arrive faster?" the man asked.

"And we fall off while he hops? No thanks. I can summon a slug for us."

The man snorted. "Yea, and we'll move like what? A mile a day? No thanks."

They arrived, sooner or later at a hotel. As they got their rooms and dropped their things off, they came up with a plan. They would each take separate shifts taking care of Naruto. Jiraiya would take care of him first, then Tsunade.

He stripped out of his clothes and wrapped a towel around his waist. He checked to see if it was secure- not that he minded if it wasn't. Oh no, Jiraiya was very proud of his body. He walked over to where Tsunade left Naruto on the bed and hoisted him onto his hip.

"I think we're all set."

Naruto smiled.

"And so I told her 'There's no way I'm letting you hurt my child' and I took Naruto away from her and here I am."

The women around him sighed and expressed their sympathies.

"The poor dear."

"What a b- witch!"

Naruto splashed around and wondered where he was. Did he go blind?

Jiraiya sighed theatrically. "I just wonder if I did the right thing. I don't even know how to take care of him!"

"I can…come over tonight…and…assist you," a woman offered suggestively.

Jiraiya grinned. The boy was was useful in his own way, Jiraiya thought.

And that was how Tsunade found them an hour later, naked women draped all over Jiraiya, and Naruto, who was splashing around blindly, all alone in his little corner.

"WHAT THE HELL, JIRAIYA? YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE TAKING CARE OF NARUTO!"

"I am taking care of him," he responded. Jiraiya shivered in the hot water. Damn, was she scary.

"WHAT IF HE DROWNED! AND NARUTO! THINK ABOUT NARUTO!" Hearing his name, said baby raised his head confusedly to the voice. "THERE. ARE. NAKED. WOMEN. HERE." She put and emphasis on naked.

"I manipulated the water to hold him. And secondly, don't worry about him being scarred for life," Jiraiya replied. He held Naruto up and told her simply, "I blindfolded him."

Tsunade breathed a sigh of relief and grabbed Naruto from Jiraiya's arms.

Casino time.

A/N: This is my first Naruto fic.

I got the idea from all those Naruto raised by other people fics and I'm kind of fond of the sennins, so i wanted to write this. I was inspired by the weirdness...and the lame stuff I came up with for the other chaps.

I got the "NARUTO! THINK ABOUT NARUTO!" thing from "THE CHILDREN! THINK ABOUT THE CHILDREN!" thing. lol.The Jiraiya thing in the hot tub came from that...thing...in Ice Age, where that...thing...was in the hot mud with the other...things.

I hope I don't have commitment issues 'cause I actually enjoy writing this fic, so I think maybe I'll keep it going.

reviews appreciated!