See author's notes at end.
Disclaimer: I don't own them.
Warning: Rated M for adult themes, and adult humour.
Paging Dr. Jackson:
General Hammond was heading to the infirmary when he ran into Dr. Frazier. "Dr. Frazier, how are they doing?"
"I was just going to check in on them Sir. Last check Captain Carter was stable; she has three broken ribs so she won't be moving around for a while. The medication seems to be working on the infection, and Colonel O'Neill and Dr. Jackson aren't showing any signs of contracting the infection, so I'm going to allow them out of quarantine."
"That's good news doctor; shall we go tell them the good news?" Janet nodded and walked with the general to the quarantined room holding Captain Carter, Col. O'Neill and Dr. Jackson. As they entered, they were over come with shock.
"COLONEL O'NEILL, WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?"
"Ah General Sir." Jack stood straight and salted the general with an object in his hand. Jack shook Daniel's arm to get his attention. Daniel stood up straight and faced an irate looking general and doctor.
"What on earth are you doing Dr. Jackson?" An angry Janet Frazier asked.
"Well, you know how when we were on our last mission, everyone was looking at me for medical advice; and I had to keep telling them I'm not that kind of doctor."
Janet and Hammond nodded their heads.
"Well I decided that today I am that kind of doctor." He said taking the stethoscope out of his ears.
"And what about…" Janet said waving her hand at Carter.
"Well you see Sam was getting very…."
"Hot" Jack interjected.
"Yea hot." Daniel said nodding to Jack.
"So you what, decided to take her gown off?" Janet was very angry seeing the two men standing over a very naked and unconscious Carter.
"And the…." Hammond said pointing at Carter.
This time Jack spoke up. "Well you see Sir, Carter was getting very restless, trying to get out of bed, so we…."
"Used the restraints. I didn't want her to hurt herself." Daniel said proudly.
"And the rest…" Janet said angrily.
"Well Dr. Jackson did his initial examination…" Jack said.
"And from the pain in her abdomen, I deduced she had appendicitis, I was about to finish with a breast exam, when you two interrupted." Daniel seemed a little angry now.
Jack jumped in. "Since Dr. Jackson, diagnosed appendicitis, he thought surgery would be necessary, and he obviously needed an assistant I volunteered."
"Well that explains the nurses' cap your wearing Colonel, but where on earth did you get a nurses dress to fit you?" Hammond was now getting even more annoyed.
Jack looked down at the dress that covered him about mid thigh, leaving his very hairy legs bare. "Yes it does fit well doesn't it?"
"I don't even want to know what you were going to there!" Janet said exasperated.
This time Daniel spoke up. "You know as well as I do Dr. Frazier, that when getting prepped for an appendectomy certain areas need to be…."
"Shaved." Jack said, now showing that the item in his hand was a razor.
"YOU WERE NOT GOING TO DO THAT!" Janet looked as if she was about to blow like Mt. St. Helens.
"What?" Jack said looking innocent. "Dr. Jackson ordered it."
"Where on earth did you get the shaving cream?" Hammond just about had enough of this.
"Well Daniel has a way, with the nurses." Jack said using his elbow to nudge Daniel.
"I don't even want to know." Janet walked up to both men, nudged her way so she was standing between them, and very harshly grabbed them by their ears, marching them out of the room. Jack being so tall, and Janet being so short caused Jack to have bend over while being marched out, causing his short dress to ride up at the back.
Hammond shook his head at the sight.
"General?" Janet asked.
"Holding room three will do doctor. Tell me this is caused by some alien virus please."
Janet just shrugged her shoulders as she headed out with the two members of SG1. Before they left the infirmary, she yelled out "WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE GET CAPTAIN CARTER CLEANED UP!"
"Okay doctor."
"Not you General!" 'MEN' was all Janet could think of at the time.
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A/N: Okay this was a joke, I don't know what came over me, must be my evil muse. I will write the appropriate scene in Chapter 9 of my Getting to Know You story. Hope you had a good laugh. And thanks for the reviews.