Thanks for the reviews. Next part is the ending that will hopefully lift your spirits.
song is Creed "Wash Away Those Years"
She came calling
One early morning
She showed her crown of thorns
She whispered softly
To tell a story
About how she had been wronged
Well I guess she closed her eyes
And just imagined everything's alright
But she could not hide her tears
'cause they were sent to wash away those years
they were sent to wash away those years
"Tim, it's not your fault."
He still recalled her words after the death of Erin Kendall. They had calmed his soul more than anything else could. It didn't erase the guilt, he doubted anything ever could, but it was a statement that he wasn't alone. That the team didn't blame him. Those simple words showed that humans made mistakes. They were often in error. You weren't alone. You moved on. And it might not be the next day. It might not be the next week. But eventually, eventually you would be ok.
He didn't know if that applied now.
Kate's death had impacted the team far more than he could ever imagine. He knew, of course, Gibbs would seek vengeance. That Tony would miss the sparring with Kate. That Abby would lose a friend. But he hadn't been prepared for the fiery hate behind Gibb's eyes. The torture he only expressed in snapping at the team. He hadn't been prepared for the pain in Tony's eyes. A pain that seared Tim's soul. He had stopped looking Tony in the eye a week ago. He hadn't been prepared for Abby's sudden lack in enthusiasm. In life.
No. He hadn't been prepared at all.
He hadn't known her as well as the rest of the team. For some reason that made it seem he should be affected less. But he wasn't. He had loved her. Not like Tony had. And he knew Tony had. But he had loved her as a friend and a member of the team.
It was two a.m. McGee still sat at his desk, the only illumination coming from his desk lamp. He hadn't moved in over an hour from that spot.
No. He hadn't been prepared at all.