Bound in Matrimony

By: Jasmine

Chapter 2

"The Art of Vexation"

Sirius and James were sure they'd be able to successfully sneak by unnoticed when a stern voice called from behind, "Mr. Black. Mr. Potter." The two spun around to find Professor McGonagall staring down her rectangular spectacles at them, her nostrils flared, lips thin as paper. "I'm sure you two will be more than willing to inform me of your whereabouts of last night since you never showed up in your dorms." Her eyes were like knives piercing through their very essence.

"Well, you see here, Professor," Sirius began smoothly, putting his hands in his pockets casually. He paused, contemplating his next words only to come to nothing. He looked to James for support, but his cheeks were still flushed and he still looked dazed. Sirius rolled his eyes as Professor McGonagall cleared her throat, awaiting his response. "We—er—just went out for a—" But he was cut off.

McGonagall had just laid sight on Sirius's attire, and her eyes widened to the size of dinner plates before narrowing, her glare making Sirius flinch. "Mr. Black. May I inquire as to what you are using to hold your pants up?" She questioned, her lips now barely discernible from her very skin. She was shaking with rage, sparks seeming to emit from her ears.

Sirius looked down and gasped, as did the rest of the on-looking students. He had mistakenly knotted his Gryffindor tie around his waste in haste, unable to ascertain the location of his belt that morning. He laughed nervously, glancing back up at Professor McGonagall, who was in her prior state still. James slapped his forehead, causing him to wince in pain. "Come now, Professor, even the best of wizards can make mistakes so early in the morning—"

"Considering you aren't the best of wizards," McGonagall began icily. "And you weren't up so early in the morning, I don't believe that statement applies to you." Sirius frowned, opening his mouth to reply only to be interrupted. "Ten points from Gryffindor for your insubordination. And five points from each of you for being out of your dorms after hours."

"What!" James bellowed, flabbergasted. All heads turned toward the glass vials on the stone walls, each holding different colored sand, to see not twenty but thirty points being abducted. Sirius gasped loudly, falling over in a mock-faint. "Er—Professor? Thirty points were taken. There's only two of us."

"Incorrect, Mr. Potter. There were not two but four of you out of bed last night. I haven't forgotten about Ms. Evans and Ms. Simmons." She then turned and strode off. Sirius stuck his tongue out at her back only to jump when she turned again. "Five more points from Gryffindor for that, Mr. Black, and I suggest you place your tie in its correct place by the time I see you in class."

Once she was out of earshot, Sirius mocked in an uncannily accurate impression of Professor McGonagall, "I suggest you place your tie in its correct place by the time I see you in class because I bloody well can't take a joke!" A few people snickered. Sirius glared at them for he was not trying to be funny this time. "Old hag. Well, I'd better hurry upstairs before they start deciding to extend the house point vials to have negatives." He stalked off huffily, hexing anyone who glanced at him on his way.

Lily and Alana sat in the Great Hall that afternoon, Lily gulfing food down her throat hungrily. She hadn't eaten for nearly twenty-four hours after all. Alana gazed disgustedly, wiping a fleck of grease from her cheek as Lily made to grab more from the infinitely appearing platters ahead of her. Only did Lily stop her frenzy when Sirius and James took their seats ahead of her. She'd never eat so messily in front of them, never would she give them another topic of taunt. "Er—Hey." said James uncertainly. Lily grunted, not even looking up.

"You must be hungry." Sirius teased, smirking, to shatter the annoyingly silence ringing through his eardrums. Lily wondered how he'd known when she realized he was not looking at her but her chest. She was about to slap him across the face when she looked down herself and was shocked at what a mess she'd made herself. Her newly cleansed white blouse was covered in different bits of food and whatnot. Sirius shifted his gaze to Alana. "Next time, offer her a bib."

"Shut your trap, Black, before I do it for you." Lily snapped, muttering, "Scourgify." Her blouse was now as white as it had ever been and looked as if she'd just bought it. She smiled slightly, nodding her head in satisfaction. Only then did she notice the peculiarity of James's behavior. It usually would have been him, not Sirius, who'd insulted her. Why had he backed off at such a tempting chance? It didn't seem very like him, but then again, when did he ever act expectedly?

"Anyway..." said James slowly, looking anywhere but into Lily's deep emerald eyes. "Tomorrow's a Hogsmeade visit." He glanced at Lily, apprehension eminent in his tone. Sirius nudged him, encouraging him on. After all, if he ever wanted Lily to accept the news of their marriage, he had to get her to like him first, or, in any case, that's what they'd come up with while conversing by way of notes throughout their morning classes. "I was wondering if you'd like to go with me..."

"No." Lily said curtly without a thought as to the question. Three pairs of eyes stared at her incredulously, but she paid no heed. James Potter was the reason she hated choosing Gryffindor over Ravenclaw during her sorting, the reason she lived a life of torment both in and out of school, the reason Gryffindor had lost thirty points that morning, and the reason she wasn't quite sure of how she'd gotten back to school with such a headache. She wasn't about to give in without a fight.

"Why not!" James inquired blankly, his temper rising. Sirius and Alana backed away, sensing the same heat emitting from Lily. They'd rather be a part of the audience than the stage-actors. It was much safer.

"Because I said so! I don't have to give you any valid reason!" Lily snapped hotly, rising from her seat for a better stance. James did the same, sensing the tension building between the two of them. This was going to turn into a row, he knew it, but he wasn't the one who started it, so he shouldn't be the one to stop it. That was his saying. Finish what you started, and if you didn't start it, don't bother finishing it.

"Yes you do have to give me a valid reason because I'm—" He halted in mid-sentence. He'd been about to say 'your husband' but thought better of announcing it in the Great Hall when all heads were turned in their direction, intently watching the scene they were putting on as if it were some excellent, top-rated television show.

"A lying, disgusting prat who's worth not even the dirt he walks on!" Lily spat scathingly, poking him harshly in the chest with her index finger. James glowered on a moment longer before turning and marching out of the Great Hall, numerous sets of eyes following until the doors slammed behind him. Lily smirked in triumph, sitting back down. "Couldn't deny it because it was the truth." She muttered to herself, her tone between hateful and victorious. Sirius and Alana stared unbelievingly at each other. They'd been expecting bloodshed that time.

James continuously threw brooding glances at Lily the whole day, who had a very hard time ignoring them. He had to get her to go with him the next day, no matter what. He'd been trying his best not to resort to blackmail, but it turns out Lily's headstrong attitude was pushing him closer and closer to the edge. He'd have to think of something good, though not too much. That would be saved for later torture.

James spent the rest of the day trying to find anything he could use only to come up blank. Finding blackmail was harder than it looked. It seems he had to turn to his clever mate Padfoot. When he spoke to him that evening of his plan, Sirius spent almost five minutes rolling around the ground, hilarity overcoming him. "I don't think it was that funny." James mumbled fervently.

"Sorry, mate." said Sirius at last, wiping a tear from his azure eyes. He retook his seat in an armchair next to James, crossing his feet. "It's just odd. She's your wife, yet you still don't know her. Blackmail isn't going to do anything but get her angrier, mate. She's just going to end up hexing you into oblivion."

"Then what?" James asked, his hazel eyes befuddled.

Sirius rolled his eyes. "Do I have to tell you everything?" He groaned. "Five years with her and still zilch. You've got to annoy her into it. She'll try killing you, but in the end she'll give in, unable to take anymore of your bothersome attitude. And worry not, Prongs, I shall teach you the art of vexation. You'll be an expert by the next ten minutes."

"Ten minutes?" asked James skeptically, smirking, an eyebrow quirked.

"Yep." said Sirius cheerfully. Then, his face became serious, his voice stern. "Now listen closely, James Potter. The art of vexation is very easy to learn but hard to keep up. The trick is: never shut up. Continue to talk on and on and on repeating the same thing using different words. For example, if you'd like to tell someone they look beautiful, and don't you go stealing this. Come up with things of your own. Anyway, if you want to tell someone they look beautiful, it should go something like 'Oh, Lily, you look stunning. The light shines upon your grace, highlighting your very being. You're the beauty and I'm the beast. You're gorgeous, exquisite, magnificent, and breathtaking. Your ravishing qualities overshadow those of the whole female population combined! I know I'm not worthy of such an enchantress, but please deem me so. Your seductiveness is overwhelming my soul.' and so on and so forth. Get it?" Sirius finished to a wide eyed James.

"Why haven't you got a girlfriend, or girlfriends, for that matter?" James inquired, astonished.

Sirius smirked, putting a hand through his sleek hair. "Single works for me right now. Don't have an expectations to live up to." He paused. "Or rather, don't have any expectations for my girlfriend to live up to." He finished smugly making James roll his own eyes. A momentary hush followed this statement. Then, Sirius exclaimed in a surprised tone, "What're you still doing here! Go seduce her before I do!" He waved his hand in the air, making James jump out of his seat and run to the other end of the Common Room. "My job here is done." Sirius muttered before heading out the portrait hole toward the kitchens, oblivious to the plentiful girls trying to catch his attention his on his way.

Well, there you have it. Chapter 2. I like how this story is coming out. It's turning out to be much more well written than my last, but I hope I don't lose interest in this one, or else I'll end up writing crappy. I don't think I will, as long as those reviews keep coming in! I've also been trying to make Sirius a bit more cockier and humorous. How's it going so far?

Oh, and about the tie-in-the-pant-loops thing, trust me, it's a huge deal for someone to do that. I myself go to a private school and if something of the sort were to happen, that person would face extreme consequences. Think of it like stepping on the name of the school, if you might, and you've got the extremity of the act.

That's about all. You'll only get chapter 3 if I have... let's say... 5 reviews? It's 3:52 in the morning, you all! I woke up to write for you guys, so review! And recommend my story to friends as well, please! Thanks! (3:53 A.M. now)

REVIEW!

..Edit..

UU I only got one review so far, but I am forever thankful to you, Stuck in Wonderland. How about 4 reviews for this next chapter, eh?