I love you to the bones

Disclaimer: All belongs to JK Rowling except unfamiliar characters.

Warning: This is about an eating disorder, so may act as a trigger. If you don't like what the fic is about, or how I've written it, don't read. They are OOC.

News: Yes, finally it appears I am back. I've had a whirlwind couple of months, and hopefully all is returned to normal.

Hermione woke up her head was pounding. She rubbed her forehead painfully and looked at the time on her clock. 6AM, that made about two hours of sleep. She sighed and got out of her bed. Her stomach rumbled loudly and her stomach felt like a big cavernous hole inside of her.

She turned on the CD player and The Birthday Massacre came on, Video Kid. She moved her head in time to the music and looked in the mirror. She was pale, her lips were cracked and sore from were she'd been chewing on them, she rubbed her eyes, smudging her eyeliner even worse than it already was. She moved up close and held open her eyelids. Her pupils were still huge. She turned the song up and went into the shower. She quickly washed her hair, cleaned her body and teeth and exited the bathroom.

She still had her CD player on repeat so she carried on dancing to the tune. She then put on some ripped up tights, a pleated black skirt and a shirt. She then put a black V-neck sweater over the shirt and rolled the sleeves up. She then added a load of necklaces and pink gummi bracelets and rings and looked in a cupboard for some shoes. Make-up wise she put on some eyeliner, loaded her eyelashes with mascara, added some pink eye shadow and bubblegum pink lipstick. She put on her platform mary-janes and then got out a big pink tote bag. She rammed her school books in and some essays she'd written. She stared at the drugs in her draw, and thought for a moment. She left the bag in the drawer. She did her nails a bubblegum pink and waited for it to dry until the end of the song, she grabbed her bag and turned the CD player off. She flopped onto the sofa. About two minutes later Harry came downstairs,

"Oh you decided to go to lessons then?" Harry asked,

"Indeed, looks so doesn't it?" Hermione said, with a chapped smile brushed over with pink lipgloss.

"You look peaky"

"I always do" She said brushing some hair out of her face. "I ought to get this cut y'know?"

"Yeah, mines kind of long but I like it."

"Mmm, looks good" She said smiling softly to herself. She checked her nails. They were fine.

"Ready?" He asked,

"Yup" She said and hitched her bag onto her shoulder. Harry grabbed his messenger bag and they left.

It was really uncomfortable between the two of them. Neither of them knew quite what to say. She sighed and Harry yawned.

"Tired?" She asked,

"Yup, really knackered, you?" He said,

"Yeah. Could fall asleep right now if my brain would let me."

They were at the main hall now.

"Well, I'm going to wait for the others" He said. Hermione pulled a thinking face,

"Alright" She sighed, and hitched her bag up smiling slightly she murmured "See you around then" She raised the end of the sentence so it was like a question, or maybe, just maybe it was a hopeful statement.

She walked in and sat at the end of the Gryffindor table. She grabbed an orange and cut the skin off. She then cut the ball in half, then the halves in half, then the halves into halves. She then nibbled whilst thinking. Her teeth hurt, she must have been grinding them or chewing something all night. Or so it felt.

Her stomach was painful as she ate, and after two pieces she felt full. But carried on eating. She put her head down, trying to avoid the eyes burning holes in her back. A tear slipped down her face and she was glad her hair wasn't cut. She tried to blink them back, save herself the embarrassment of breaking down in public.

She felt a presence in front of her and she looked up. Pansy sat beside her and took a piece of orange,

"Hey" She said quietly,

"Hi" Pansy said, "I know I'm not really meant to be sat on this table or any of that bollocks but Dumbledore can bugger off" Hermione smiled at Pansy's statement.

"How are you?"

"Worried." She said simply, "Like the rest of your old friends."

"I don't know Pans. It's complicated"

"For fucks sake Mia I know, you know we care for you but your just dragging yourself deeper into different holes. The circle of friends you have… they're bad for you." She sighed, "Real bad… You need stability. You need people who care about you above all, above chemicals they pump into their bodies. What are drugs going to do anyway?"

"I don't know. Momentarily take the pain away, the feeling of uselessness that burns inside of me all the time. The voice that tells me I'm failing over and over and speaks stupid statements like 'one more pound till I'm thin, one more pound till I win.' Maybe they're comforting but all it is is maybes these days. I can't win. It's not enough being myself anymore." Hermione looked down at her plate as she said this.

"Oh my God Hermione. You need help, not just sweeping it under the rug all the time. There isn't a rug big enough to sweep it under." She moved next her. And the plate of orange was between them. Ironic, Hermione thought, food is all that keeps us apart, and it seems so simple to her but to me it's just not.

"I'm not sweeping it under the rug." Hermione murmured

"Ok, so are the drugs helping you now? Do you feel you can eat now? Cause it seems to me all your eating is orange! Wet fruit, hardly any calories right? Negative even." Pansy said,

"Yeah, but how'd y-" Hermione started,

"You said it" Pansy cut over her, "I remembered it."

"Well… yes" Hermione said,

"We all love you, and care for you. We're all so worried" She came closer to Hermione and looked her in the eyes, piercing into her, "Please let us help you" Hermione sighed,

"It's not as easy as you make it sound." With that she pushed her plate in front of her, it had three pieces of orange left.

Pansy sighed and glanced over at Harry. He shrugged. Pansy made her way over to the slytherin table and she rested her head on Draco's chest.

Hermione glanced over just as she exited, throwing a longing look the couples way. Wanting someone to support her, some one to look after her.

She wanted someone to love her. Yes, love, perhaps that infamous feeling would make her feel wholesome, like she had some kind of worth in this world, maybe life would seem so indescribably beautiful… It would be a fairytale… And she could forget.

She leaned against the entrance hall's wall. She felt emotional and looked over to the corner where she'd collapsed. She shook her head.

She was confused, there was a voice telling her to stop, the damage she was doing to herself, then there was a voice telling her how worthless she was. And she knew she wasn't but she couldn't stop.

Harry came out after her,

"Mione?" He said softly,

She looked up,

"Yeah?"

"It's not pretty you know… It's not sexy… It's not beautiful. He picked up her arm like a stick, do you think this is beautiful? A bone with some cling film skin wrapped around it?"

"I don't know what I think alright? I know you care for me, I know all that bollocks… But sometimes it's something inside you and it just won't go away… It just pokes and pokes away at me and I can't do anything. I want to stop Harry… Believe me I do"

"Yes… I believe the old Hermione wants this to stop… but you've changed… look at your belly… think about the drugs… all that shit you pump into your body it's not helping!"

"I know…" She said sadly… "But what can I do?" She looked at his eyes but they were shot down, "The school isn't really helping… Madam Pomfrey isn't helping… Everyone around me is so happy, so confident, so in love. Take Pansy she loved Draco and that's enough she doesn't feel empty… It's like maybe if my stomach is empty my heart will be full?"

"It doesn't work that way… Hermione you have bones jutting out everywhere, your hips, ribs, collar bone, bones that I didn't even jut out. Your beyond thin… your…"

"Emaciated?" Hermione said, supplying the word,

"Yes! Precisely… it's not nice… It's awful, I hate seeing you like this"

Hermione looked down a tear flowed down her cheek, she felt such guilt at her friends sadness but she had to carry on.

Had to.

She took one last look at Harry and hitched her bag onto her shoulder bone,

"Sorry" She said, and walked away and with one last look over her shoulder she scurried to her first lesson.

Harry watched her hurried away and sighed… He had to sort this out.

But how?

He knew she thought it was none of his business… but it was, he was her friend she wasn't thinking right.

He set off to his first lesson his mind set on helping.

x----------------------x

Arghhh! I'm sorry it took me so long to come up with the goods, ff is not my top priority at the moment. I'm so sorry guys, this is my favourite fic so for fans of regrets shrugs I'm sorry but it won't be updated as much as guys deserve it to be. Sorry, sorry, sorry, I've changed a lot over the past few months. I'm still anorexic but I've changed my circle of friends cause my old ones were holding me back, much like Hermione. This fic means a lot to me, and I know it means a lot to some of you. It is my top priority. And hopefully always will be.

mwah