I hate these parties. I hate most parties really. But parties organised by my dad are the worst. Their just so pretentious. We all wear suits and the women wear fancy dresses and we act like we're better than we actually are.
I'm sat outside on the deck with Jake. We're not talking. Just sitting. He hates these things as much as me.
"Having fun?" I ask derisively.
"Nope," he replies with a wan smile, "the food is good though."
I nod in agreement. The food is awesome. I smile to myself, remembering Haley this afternoon. She was so embarrassed- it was kinda cute. And those jeans…yet another fashion faux pas. For some reason I really like that about her.
I look over to where she's bringing out another tray of canapés. She's changed into her waitress uniform- a short black skirt and a white button down shirt. Her hair's in a plait thing and from what I can tell she's put on a little bit of make-up. Don't get me wrong I think she looks great now- hot even- but I think I liked unfashionable, damp hair, no make up Haley even better.
She notices me looking at her and smiles shyly at me. I return the smile and then…
"Hey lover!"
Here we go. Brooke is always like this at parties. Loud and usually drunk. She looks stunning in her red, revealing dress, but Brooke's always a knock out right?
"Oh hi Jake." she says noncommittally.
"Hey Brooke." he says getting up. Brooke is good at letting people know when she wants them to leave.
She leans heavily into me when Jake's gone. "I'm bored. Lets go upstairs."
Suddenly I see my chance to end this. I push her gently away from me.
"Brooke, we need to talk."
"We can talk later. Lets go." she takes my arm and tugs on it.
I pull away.
"Brooke, I'm serious. We need to talk. Now- not later."
She sits back and looks quizzically at me.
"Fine," she sighs, "What do you want to talk about?"
I hate what I'm about to do.
"It's just…don't you ever get sick of this? I mean- all we ever seem to do is fool around…it doesn't really mean anything…"
"You mean you want to be more serious?"
"Exactly…"
"Well I'm fine with that- guess it's about time we took it…"
I cut her off quickly "What I mean…well what I mean is I want to be more serious just…" I trail off. Why is this so hard?
A look of hurt flashes across Brookes face and then she looks straight at me- her eyes hard and cold.
"You want to be more serious, just not with me right?"
I look away. I know Brooke, and I know when she's trying not to cry.
"So you've just be using me really, haven't you?"
I don't say anything. I don't think I've ever hated myself more. The silence seems to last forever, and then she gets up briskly.
"See you round Luke." she says abruptly.
I rest my head in my hands. How much of an ass am I?
I wander slowly towards the kitchen, looking for a drink. I'm about to go in when I hear a voice. I peer in. It's empty apart from 2 people. One of them is Evan- the biggest asshole on the team- and he's hitting on some girl. I think it's one of the waitresses- I cant really tell though- he's stood in front of her.
"Come on- you should be honoured I'm even asking…"
God he's such a sleaze. Poor girl- doesn't even know what she's letting herself in for.
"Look buddy," Haley James's voice says in annoyance, "why don't you take your fat head out of your fat ass. I said no and I mean no."
I grin to myself. She sure knows how to stick up for herself. I turn to go- Haley can look after herself, and even Evan wouldn't hang around after being shot down like that…But then I hear him carry on.
He's put his arms on either side of her- trapping her against the counter. "How about I forget what you just said? How about y'just stand still?" he slurs, leaning right into her struggling body, "see when I want something, I get it." he presses his lips against her neck
He's moved and I can see her face over his shoulder. She looks angry. But more than that- she looks really scared. Terrified even.
"Hey," Evan stops molesting her but he doesn't turn around, "I'm pretty sure I just heard her tell you to leave her alone."
He turns his head to look at me.
"This isn't any of your business Scott. Why don't you just piss off?"
I advance towards him.
"Well unfortunately for you, I happen to think, that you molesting some poor innocent girl in my house is very much my business."
"I'm warning you Lucas…"
"Warning me about what? I'm not scared of you Evan- she doesn't want you so just leave her alone." I say calmly.
Before I know what's happening he's launched his gigantic fist at me. I touch my lip. It's bleeding. Great. Just great. Now I'm going to have to hit him back. It's not like I'm scared of him or anything, it's just that Evan…well- he's a pretty big guy. He could take me easy. But, well- as is usual with red blooded 17 year olds- I'm gonna let pride get the best of me.
"Right." I say angrily before lunging myself at him.
It feels good. This feels good. This punching and kicking. Everything's coming out now. I'm angry. But not just at Evan. At my dad. At my mum for not being stronger. At Brooke for making me feel like a dick. At Nathan for that time we were 7 and he broke the computer and blamed it on me. At Peyton for not returning my Ramones cd even though she's had it for about a year. I'm just angry at everyone and everything. Every stupid little thing that's ever annoyed me is coming out right now,
It's weird how a fight is the one thing in the whole world where you never find your mind drifting somewhere else. In a fight, you concentrate solely on the matter in hand- which is inflicting as much pain as possible on your opponent. I'm so fixed on this that I don't notice all the people gathering in the kitchen. I don't notice Jake and Nathan trying to pull me away. I don't notice my dad yelling in the background. I don't even notice that I'm getting my ass completely whipped. I just keep on throwing punches and kicks in the hope that something connects.
Finally Jake- manages to rip my hands away from Evans neck and he drags me kicking and flailing outside.
He's breathing heavily. It must have taken him a lot of effort.
"What was that about?"
The angry red that was clouding up my mind has suddenly evaporated into the cold dark night and I'm starting to feel all the punches Evan managed to get in. And there's a whole heap of them, trust me. We both sit down heavily on the deck.
I shrug slowly. I don't really want to talk about it.
"Mr Jagleski could you leave me and Lucas alone for a moment." a voice says sharply. My dad. And he sounds pissed as hell.
I turn my head but don't bother standing up. Jake gets up and leaves for the second time tonight.
He yells. And then yells some more. Mostly about how I wrecked his party -except he calls it "our party"- and how I'm a big disappointment and how he should have expected this kind of behaviour and blah blah blah. Same old, same old.
When he's finished he gives me this look. It's all sincere and wistful and sad. But he doesn't mean it. I know he just wants to hit me. He shakes his head at me and then goes back inside.
I take my jacket off and roll up the sleeves of my shirt. When did I become such a screw up.
"Hi."
It's Haley. She sits down next to me. I'm kind of happy to see her.
"Hey." I say quietly.
"Thanks." she says after a pause.
"No problem" I grunt still not looking at her.
She rolls up her own sleeves and gently turns my head to face her. She has a wet flannel which she presses tenderly against my eye. I wince. I didn't even know he'd got my eye.
"Hold" she demands. So I do.
I watch her carefully. The way her hair is falling out of its plait, soft wisps framing her face and tickling her neck. The way she looks so soft and pretty under the dim lights. And she watches me. I wonder what she's thinking. Are we having a moment? If we are then she's first to snap out of it. She turns away quickly and looks out at some invisible point in the darkness.
"So what did your dad say? He didn't look too happy…"
"Y'know. Just how much of a loser I am. How much of a screw up. How I wrecked his precious party."
"Oh. That old chestnut." she says awkwardly.
For some reason it makes me laugh. Probably because when she's says things like that she's completely serious- even though it's the kind of thing a grandma would say. She's so goofy and it's nice. It's nice that she doesn't seem to care about saying things a gran would say.
She smiles and blushes as if she knows how dorky that must've sounded.
"Well anyway. I should go help Jules. Since…y'know…that's what I'm getting paid for."
"Right." I reply, disappointed that she's going.
"But thanks again Luke."
"Like I said, no problem."
It's only after she's gone that I realise she called me Luke.