I'm updating after more than a week... I have work all the time and being addicted to World of Warcraft isn't helping! Yes I shall write to the end… I have so many ideas what Alucard should go through just to be evil! Nice picture of girly Alucard, DeusHelios... Trust me! Integra is going to have fun, even Victoria! Thank you for all those reviews! I have over six hundred hits on this story… Wow… Ok here's chapter three, the title says it all!
Chapter Three- Alucard plays maid!
Walter painfully examined the female Alucard and shook his head. "It seems the day keeps getting odder doesn't it? Just a couple of hours ago I managed to put my back out, by relaxing. I've been crawling to your office ever since, painfully and slowly, I may add."
"Walter, why aren't you relaxing than. If you're injured we don't want it to become any worse. Relax for once," Integra adjusted her cigar to the other side of her mouth.
"Sir Integra, I can't sit still. I simply have too many things to attend to. If that's all you need of me, I'll leave and go back to my duties," Walter slowly turned and was about to crawl out.
"Walter! I order you to take a vacation and relax! Damn it you old stubborn man! Take a break! It's been over forty years since you've had one."
Alucard and Seras didn't say a word. They only smiled funny for they had nothing to say. Walter stopped, "that is not the wisest order. I'll turn it down as it is irrelevant. I have to clean the main bathroom now."
Integra sighed, she picked up the phone. She quickly dialed the number for head security.
"Yes, Sir Integra?" Pip's voice said over the phone.
"Code 'R'. I repeat Code 'R'!" Integra said with a stern voice.
"You mean the code 'R'! I'll have to get some back up! We'll be there in a few minutes!" The phone was hung up.
Integra sat back in her chair and lit a new cigar, "Walter while you're here and on the floor. Can you get those dust bunnies from under the desk and the book selves."
"Finally you see things my way for once Sir. I'll continue my duties no matter what!" Walter slowly went to the other side of the room. For his cleaning mission was to… DESTROY AND ELIMINATE ALL DUST BUNNIES!
Seras was staring at Integra, who was returning the stare. Alucard was sitting in the chair trying to lift the Jackal that he had dropped on the ground. It seemed so light to him before! Now he was struggling in his new female form. Integra got a pen and started to scribble on pad of paper in front of her. She slowly wrote out words with nice pictures to accompany them. Tapping her pen against the desk, she tried to get the Police girl's attention. Who was staring at the many portraits in the massive room.
"Victoria!" Integra muttered under her breath. The young vampire turned her attention on the blonde.
Integra proudly lifted the picture up so Seras could see it. Some words were on the paper, saying "Code R' is short for relax! We had this as an emergency code ever since Walter turned into an official senior. Since he won't go on vacation without force this is how we'll get him too!" The blonde leader of Hellsing put her finger below a stick figure of Walter with little 'zzzzz' above its head. Meaning if he was tired, he had to relax. The next picture was of stick Walter beating the word 'relax' with a stick. Integra ran her finger to the next picture. A bunch of people who were green were around Stick Walter. Stick Walter had a sweat drop as he was in a straight jacket. The next picture was of stick Walter in a truck… The arrows were pointing to Canada. Integra flipped the paper and a picture was there. All the main Hellsing members and officers were all holding hands with huge smiley faces and a huge green meadow with flowers to complete the scene. Of course they were all stick people. Seras was a bit shock to see the woman of steel draw something like that… Then the blonde pointed to a little note on the bottom. "All drawings done by Annie Louise Hellsing, my youngest cousin."
"That explains a lot..." Victoria thought to herself.
Integra sat back in her chair as she waited. Her blue eyes gazed over to Alucard. She was busy looking at her fingers and hands in awe. Seras also looked over and wanted to smack herself. He was still in shock... Alucard was still trying to figure out why he was put into a female body... He kept staring at his feminine hands in hope that they would turn back into his manly hands.
While cleaning the dust bunnies, Walter would give out sounds of pain. Integra took her eyes off Alucard and looked at the clock. She started to tap the desk with her gloved hands. The Hellsing leader switched her cigar from side to side, waiting for Pip and the team to come... Seconds felt like minutes for Integra and Seras. Alucard was still staring at his hand...
Half an hour went by until Pip and the special squad came... Integra shot Pip a dirty look, he gulped. "Where were you?" Integra said dryly.
Pip adjusted his collar and gulped again, "Sir Integra, it was all Jhon's fault!" Pip pointed a shaking finger at a Hellsing officer, whose attention was on something else in his hands, "he was in charge of the straight jacket! He misplaced it, or wouldn't tell us where he put it!"
Jhon looked up, "what'd I miss? I told you it's in my Gameboy carrying case! Besides why is it my fault? I was just trying to level my Pikachu to level twenty six!"
"Who cares about your Pikachu!" Pip yelled at his fellow officer.
Jhon sighed, "at least I don't stare at a certain female officer… And make some comments about Integra's body." Jhon whined back in the defense of his Pikachu.
"Damn those blubbering idiots!" She muttered to herself, taking her cigar from her mouth and placed it on the ash tray, "we don't have the time to play around. Put that Gamegirl down and let's get operation 'R' over with!
"It's a Gameboy, not a Gamegirl!" Jhon whined. Integra gave him a glare that sent a shiver up his spine. Without questioning Integra anymore, he placed the Gameboy on the ground. He brought out a straight jacket from the massive backpack on his back.
Pip snatched the jacket and crept up to Walter who was on his knees still. Pip signalled the rest of the team to creep up along with him. Two officers came beside Walter on opposite sides.
"Walter!" Integra called out in a sharp tone.
"Yes Sir Hellsing?" Walter said, while slowly getting up, in pain, and facing the blonde.
"It's vacation time!" Integra grinned. Walter looked shocked at Integra as if she just betrayed him. The two officers grabbed both of Walter's arms to stop the butler from drawing out his deadly string.
"Sir Hellsing, what is the meaning of this!" Walter was trying to break the two officers' grip but he yelped in pain as he felt his back crack, "let me go, I can still be the butler."
"Walter, you have to have a vacation soon. This is a better time than any. You can relax for once, and we'll keep the manor cleaned. We do have a good replacement for you," Integra quickly glanced at Alucard then her attention was on the butler, "Pip get the jacket on, his flight leaves in less than an hour."
"I'm trying my best, Sir!" Pip was having a hard time putting the jacket on with Walter wiggling around, "this old man isn't going to give!"
Integra sighed, "you put the cloth to his nose, then you put it on... Idiot!"
Pip forgot about the cloth covered in chloroform that was on his belt. He took it and placed it on Walter's face. The butler soon fainted into the hands of the Hellsing officers holding him. It was easy to slip the jacket onto the old man. "Now take him to his flight… One of you has to go with him… Now go!" The men saluted and carried Walter out of the room.
Seras was speechless after witnessing what just took place. It wasn't everyday you saw something that bazaar. Then again, she was a part of Hellsing which was bazaar enough for any average person, "Sir Integra, who is going to clean the Manor in Walter's place?"
Integra took a cigar from her draw and lit it. She inhaled the heavy smoke then exhaled it, "with Alucard a female human, I just lost my main vampire hunter. With Walter injured and on leave, I lost my substitute... That leaves you with being our main trash man… Woman. So be prepared to be on call anytime. If Alucard is going to get a good lesson in empathy, then he's going to replace Walter."
Alucard looked up with some fear in his eyes, "me… Be Walter's replacement! I can't clean! I can't make weapons! Let me hunt vampires! I can kill them easily! Give me my Jackal!"
"Sorry Alucard, but you can't handle the Jackal in your current state. No human can stand straight after firing it. Don't worry, I will have both of your guns placed in the Hellsing vault. Letting you go Vampire hunting is out of the question, for your own safety. Delay any longer and I'll see to it personally you'll be fitted into a maid's outfit to suit your position!" Integra turned her chair around. "Seras help him clean also until you're called. You probably have more experience than him."
"Yes, Sir Hellsing!" Seras saluted. The female officer grabbed Alucard's now slender hands, "come, Master, let's go before you have to wear a maid outfit. Those things are awfully small to work in..."
Alucard wouldn't budge. No Jackal! No gun! No killing! No blood! No Jackal? NO JACKAL! These thoughts ran through his mind. This is going to be total hell!
Seras sighed as she picked up Alucard, bridal style, into her arms and ran out of the room. Integra chuckled when she pictured Alucard in a maid's outfit.
Seras was first going to teach Alucard about how to use the cleaning products for the main bathroom. "Ok, Master, this is what Grime-Away is for…" Seras put the liquid onto the sponge and started to scrubbed the bathtub, "this is for the mirrors!" The female vampire held up a bottle of Hindex, the cheap rip off of the States Windex. She sprayed it on the mirror and wiped it off with a bunch of paper towels. "I think I explained all these products… I'm going to do some training with the troops now, bye Master."
As soon as the vampire left, Alucard sat on the mat, looking at some twenty cleaning products. She looked over to the toilet, "seems clean..." Alucard muttered to herself, "he was retired to do this kind of work? Wow... I will never retire!"
Alucard opened the bottle or Mrs. Clean and took a whiff of its lemony smell, "this smells, good…" Alucard kept smelling the lemony cleaner.
"MASTER!" Seras screamed, as she saw Alucard on the floor. His eyes were blood shot, and there was cleaner all over the floor.
The female human slowly sat up, "what? Did I pass out?"
"What were you doing?" Seras asked with some concern.
"I just opened the bottle and smelled lemons! Such a nice lemony smell too, it was... Does that come in that stuff you wear on your skin? What was that again?" Aluacrd asked.
"Master, that's perfume… Let's get you out of here before you pass out again…" Seras picked up the dazed Alucard and took 'her' to Integra's bedroom.
Alucard looked around the massive bedroom, "it seems clean to me... Why are you humans forcing me to do petty work? It's not that bad! I've slept in a blood soaked coffin for two hundred years of my life, I consider that clean!" The human whined.
"Master, it's not clean though! I'll do the bathroom... I can't trust you around cleaners... Here take this to dust off the surfaces around the room..." Seras handed her master a dust covered duster. "Also make the bed, I believe you know how to make one! I have to get the bathroom cleaned before sunrise!" The female vampire ran out of the room, leaving the confused human by 'herself'.
"Humans are the weirdest and stupidest race of them all... Complaining of a bed not made and some specs of dust..." She mumbled to herself. Alucard made 'her' way to the bed. 'She' stood there for a while, staring at it. Maybe the bed would make itself if Alucard stared at it long enough.
"I can't even summon my familiars to do the work for me! What's the point of making the bed? It just gets made messy again… I know! I'll just rip off all the sheets and throw them in a pile on the floor!" Alucard carried out his 'brilliant' plan, and ripped off all the covers. Leaving them in a heap on the floor, he felt quite proud of himself.
Taking the duster in his hand, Alucard walked towards the massive closet. She opened both of the oak doors, to reveal Integra's whole wardrobe. On the right of the massive closet were olive-green suits as far as the eye could see. One the far end where shelves and shelves of brown shoes. On the left side were army suits of different colours towards the end. At the front were a couple of men trench coats that were either green or black. Alucard remembered how he would bother Integra about wearing the same thing over and over again. She'd always say 'look who's talking' right back at him. Now one thought came to his mind...
'Do I have to change clothes everyday now? Manually!' Alucard thought. He knew Humans changed their clothes everyday, and had to do it themselves, not generate what ever look they wanted to. Besides he'd have to get a new wardrobe to go with his new body… 'This is the worst curse… Making me, a human! Human... She could at least wished for me to be a dog...' Alucard sighed.
He went out of the closet, his eyes had seen enough olive green for an immortal life time. Taking the duster in a tighter grip he walked over to the bookcase on the right wall. Alucard brought his arm up and took the duster across the books. A cloud of dust flew up into his face. 'Her' eyes began to water, with a desire to itch them also. Alucard felt her nose tickle.
"ACHOOO!" Alucard sneezed, "achoo! Achoo!" She started to walk across the room sneezing violently.
Alucard felt the tears roll down his cheeks, then the door opened. Seras entered the room looking at Alucard in puzzlement, "Master, are you allergic to dust?"
"ACHOO! Allergies? What are those?"
"I'll explain them to you later, right now we should get out of here… Sir Integra is heading to bed right now…"
A half asleep Integra walked into her room, she looked lazily at Seras and Alucard, "didn't I tell you to clean? Report to my office first thing tomorrow night… We'll discuss in more detail what areas to clean... Don't worry about cleaning anymore… I've seen the mess you two made in the bathroom, just go get some sleep…" Integra collapsed on her bed, as the two woman in her room left quietly.
"My first night as a human and you people make me do work... It's not like I'm some useless human!" Alucard blurted out. Seras tried to ignore her master's comment. All night she was complaining. This would be an interesting month for the Hellsing organization. Alucard gripped her stomach as it growled in hunger, "what was that?"
"That, Master, is your stomach wanting food..."
"You mean I have to eat? But I haven't lifted a fork in more than four hundred years!"
Meanwhile in a harbor in England
"This crate is small, but heavy as hell!" The dock worker moaned as he carried the crate onto the ship.
"Remember, that's first class cargo, nothing should happen to it! Just handle it more careful than others ok?" Pip told the dock worker.
"Geesh! You sure want this treated nicely for cargo. It's like there's a living human being in there or something..." The worker carried on towards the ship.
"Brian, tell Sir Integra that Walter is going first class all the way to Canada... I'll be joining him soon on the plane... Come on Jhon, let's go!" Pip grabbed Jhon's collar and dragged him towards the jeep.
"Can't you just hold on for a second! I'm doing battle with one of the elite four!"
Indi: Alucard in a maid's outfit! That's going to be fun to write about next chapter!
RueNeko: You're just evil! Poor Alu-chan!
Alucard: Who's idea was it to turn me into a girl! It's one of you two! Who made it so I can't wield my precious Jackal anymore!
Indi: -Gulp- He did it! He! It was all Pip's idea! All his!
Pip: Monster! AHH! -Runs away screaming like a little girl-
Alucard: Come back here! -Runs after Pip-
RueNeko: Never knew Pip screamed like a little school girl...
Indi: Me either... Until next chapter enjoy