Title: Destiny As We Make It
Summary: Shounen-ai/yaoi so for those who don't like this, please don't read and don't waste your time. Ryou Bakura is in love with his Yami but his other half just won't show his true emotions. Hurt and confused, Ryou begins to fall in love with another man because he thinks that Bakura doesn't really care for him. But when Bakura notices that his beloved hikari no tenshi falls in love with Seto Kaiba, he starts to show Ryou that he really cares. Now that he knows that both love him truthfully, who will Ryou choose?
Chapter4: I can't tell you that… I Love you
Bakura's POV
(Scene is back to when Bakura leaves the house/ apartment)
I slammed the door behind me. "Pathetic human," I spat as I stalked down the dark hallway making my way down to the crowded street. Ha! Love! To hell with that word! Love is weakness that only foolish, pathetic and helpless little mortals feel! How dare he say that he loves me! Nobody can ever love me for love is a forbidden emotion! "Weak hikari," I mutter to myself as the park loomed nearer. I don't usually go to these so called 'playgrounds' but tonight, I didn't have anywhere to go…
I turned to the gateway and slumped down to one of the broken stone slabs, the one which has survived most of the vandals' wrath. I buried my head in my palms as I thought about what I had done to my light. I hate him so much! I really do, for he is nothing but the sole model of weakness… and yet, I do not understand why…
Why every time I beat him, he still stays by my side. Why every time I curse him, he stills defends me from the pharaoh's punishments. Why every time I say I hate him, he just takes it all and still manages to say I love you. Why every time he does smiles at me, I feel as if my world suddenly becomes complete. Why every time he touches me, I feel secure. Why every time I hear him say I love you to me, I feel as if I want to answer back, to tell him the same…
Oh Ra! What am I saying? I… I can't fall in love with Ryou! Love is a weakness and I do NOT intend to be weak! I can't be in love with him… I just can't… because I don't love him! No, no, no! I just can't be… I am the almighty Thief King Bakura and I have a heart of steel! I am the King of Ice! I do not feel any emotions, much less that sick, hated feeling called love!
Then, why do I feel this way about my other half? Why do I feel remorse for every time I made him suffer? Why do I feel as if I hit myself every time my fist lands on him? Why do I feel happy and content when he is happy because of me? Why do I feel jealous when some one else makes him happy? Why does it pain me to see him in pain also? Why does it feel as if every time he cries, my heart splits in half?
Wait! Why am I saying this? "I am NOT concerned about him! Ha! Let him suffer!" I shout out to no one, just wanting to convince my invisible audience as well, if not more than myself. But then, why do I feel this way?
Scenes of the past then start flashing in my mind. That fateful second of September, when I first met him… the first time he knew about me… the first time I called him yadonushi… when I controlled him and put the souls of his friends in those RPG dolls… his first day on Domino High… the Monster World Game I lost because of him… the duels in Duelist Kingdom… them Battle City With Marik… going back to Egypt and recovering Pharaoh lost memories… gaining my own body… going back to Japan… Ryou's sudden attack… the hospital and doctor's office… and now this. He's always been there with me, even if I didn't let him know what really was going on. No, I do care. I just… I just…
#you don't want to be hurt# said that little nagging voice inside my head. For once, I agree with it. That attack he had… I didn't know he's suffering that much…
#and you're not making it any better# said the voice, #you're only hurting him more. Why don't you just tell him the truth? Tell him what you really feel# what I really feel? What do I really feel about him? #you love him. You love Ryou# Love him? No! love is a weakness and I cannot succumb to the weakness! #but you love Ryou. You love him#
Maybe I do care. Maybe I feel pity for the weakling. Pity for those beseeching eyes, that angelic smile and that frail body. No! my heart is a stone and it cannot be cracked just like that! It cannot be broken by weakling like him! But still #still what? Admit it Bakura, you love him. You love Ryou.#
A tear cascaded down my cheek as mental images of the earlier incident replayed in my mind. How could have hurt him so much? I… I… I…
Flashback
I sent the blow to his stomach. He fell to the floor, retreating to the wall, cowering in fear. I glared at him. I dragged him to his feet by his hair. I knew he wanted to run away but he couldn't… another blow to his already bruised abdomen. Tears fell down from my light's eyes.
"I love you, Bakura! Why are you doing this to me?! Why are you hurting me?!" Ryou screamed at me, catching me offguard.
"You pathetic human! You're weak! You're helpless! I hate you!!!" I growled. He looked as if a knife plunged through his heart. I narrowed my eyes at the pathetic sight in front of me. A third blow hit his already numb stomach. He didn't plead for me to stop beating the crap out of him. He spat out blood. I threw him against the wall. He cried out in pain as he slumped down to the carpeted floor, staining it with his mortal blood. I kicked him hard and went out into the cold starless night, leaving him in utter pain as I let my thoughts drift…
End of Flashback
I gasp at the memories. How... how could I have been so cruel to him, my hikari, my own life giver, my Ryou tenshi? i don't care anymore. I don't care about what the doctors said. I don't care if Ryou hates me now… I just love him so. Ryou my beloved, I am sorry… sorry for all the pain I put you through, for all the crap I made you take, and for all the heartache I caused you. I care for you tenshi! I love you!
I got up and seeing as I have not brought anything sharp with me, I punched the concrete instead, now relying on it for physical pain. Physical pain was the pain that I can take… not this emotional shit! Damn!
I ran out the gateway, rushing blindly into the awaiting arms of the city noises, lights and crowds. No! Here I am again, I can feel the terrible amount of pain brought by emotions… I can't love Ryou… love is a weakness only for these stupid mortals to suffer! I can't… I don't… I musn't…
But I feel for Ryou. I – I just love him so much… oh Ra! Help me! I know I have been condemned by you the time I turned my path to darkness… but this is not a thing darkness can help me with… what should I do now? Love is weakness but I feel it… and I REFUSE to be weak! What the fucking hell should I do now? Help me please…
Yume: uhm… I have nothing to say really…
Gale: pokes Yume with a stick just tell them already, they're not gonna eat us
Yume: ya sure? prods Gale back with another stick
Gale: yeah… I hope
Yume: sorry… we will be updating soon minna!
C.Bakura: tugs on Yume's skirt oi! Have you sheen Wyou?
Gale: nope, sorry Baku. Hey maybe Seto- P knows. Go get him and find Wyou.
C. Bakura: otay!
Yume: you said otay!
Gale: yeah, well, it gets kinda boring here without Yako and Aya… and besides I happen to like baby talk!
Yume: erm, who's Seto- P? he's not a chibi- fied version of Seto, is he?
Gale: no… he's my little puppy…
Yume: oh! where is he?
C.Bakura: enters the room with a brown puppy witn white spots all over, one ear white and with stubby white hair and with clear icy blue eyes hey! I founded them!
Gale: that is Seto- P
Ryou: enters the room after Bakura hey guys, what's up?
Yume and Gale: look up
Gale: I see 10 mosquitoes, 3 icky cockroaches, a wad of bubblegum, some weird looking lizards, a shoe, lint, hmm… and some UFI's – unidentified flying insects
Yume: I see a pretty light, another pretty light, some wires, the ceiling, stars, clouds, the moon, and some UFO's… oh wait, that was just a silly looking jet.
Ryou: O.O okay…. Not exactly what I meant, but- wait is that my missing shoe?
Gale: yeah, I think that was the one you threw at me and Yume the other day…
Ryou: blushes erm, sorry about that…
Dsgirl Eli: shakes head we'll do the thank you's next chapter… thanks for bearing with these morons, everyone!
DsGirl Mira: After chapter five we promise more longer updates
Dsgirl Jeca: R and R minna! Ja ne!
C. Bakura: Wead and weview evewywone!!!
Yume and Gale: Aww! Cute!!
Ryou: ;;
Yume and Gale: even cuter!!!! glomps Ryou
Dsgirls: Review for their sanity everyone!