Priestess Adularia: You probably won't understand this chapter, but as Kikyou is being healed she ends up in a sort of dream where she makes the conscious decision not to live on dead souls.
It was the dark of the night, and it was cold.
A slender, pale, impossibly beautiful woman in the traditional outfit of a Shinto priestess walked through the dark. The branches of the trees—like long, bony fingers reaching out to grab any unwitting soul which may pass by—blocked the moonlight, but some shined weaved in and out in spangles of silver, illuminating her and the glowing snakelike beings gliding around her.
She cast no shadow.
She hated shadows. But more than that, she hated being a shadow.
She was the original. She was the one who had suffered. She was the one who had earned and desired everything she had.
That girl. The faux-priestess, in her obscenely short skirts and indecent tight tops. She had everything. Everything Kikyou had wanted, everything Kikyou had never had. But she had not been content. She had taken what had been Kikyou's.
Meanwhile, Kikyou was forced to hide in the dark, feeling from life, living on the poor souls she once protected, trying to do any good she could as if she could somehow make up for a crime she hadn't even commited…
Kikyou's sister, Kaede, had protected and cared for the girl while denouncing her own sister as a mud façade.
The villagers who had once worshipped Kikyou flocked around the girl as if she were a goddess.
And Inuyasha…
But thinking of him only brought her pain.
A soul-stealer skimmed past her. She reached out unconsciously, glancing at her graceful hand as it passed.
No one looking at her could tell she was made of herbs and grave-soil, nor that her bones had turned to ice under the thin sheet of clay.
But she was. She was a corpse, and not even a real corpse. She had nothing.
Nothing!
Another soul-stealer twined around her, and she almost smiled. They were trying to keep her company, trailing about her like loyal puppy dogs.
For a moment, her perfectly impassive face crumpled.
Inuyasha…
Her fingers clenched around the crimson fabric of her miko garb.
She doesn't even deserve him.
She knew Inuyasha still loved her. But did he know she still loved him?
Of course not, she mused bitterly. It isn't as if you let him know.
That was right, wasn't it? She loved him desperately, with every grain of dirt in her sham body.
She died for him.
She had been willing to give up her identity for him.
It's so cold.
Then why oh why did she continue to stay away from him?
Why couldn't she simply accept his love?
It's her, she thought fiercely.
What else could it be?
After all this, she had a heart, and she couldn't take her love away from her reincarnation.
Oh, whatever god may be out there, what a cruel trick you played!
Too much unfairness.
Too much brutality.
I can't bear this…
She couldn't hate and love at the same time.
She couldn't hurt people.
She couldn't live on the souls of the dead, even if she freed them every night.
So cold…
Speaking of which…
A flock of soul-stealers were coming, each with a new soul. Those with her were ready to allow the righteous souls to travel to heaven.
Cold…
"No!" she shrieked, the noise shattering the stillness of the night.
If there had been any animals around, they would have fled, but there were none.
They had ran from her.
I wish it didn't have to end this way…
"Take them away from me! Take all of them away! I refuse to live on dead souls!"
As the soul-stealers swarmed away, she felt the cold settle even more deeply on her.
If only there were a way we could all be happy…
Her body glowed all over. Dust showered onto the ground.
She felt her knees buckle and she fell.
If only…