A/N: Sorry for the LONG wait. School and life overtook me and then just as I was writing new chapters, my computer died. And my chapters were gone. These were rewritten and as close to the original as I could manage ... again sorry for the update and these chapters are very long (much longer than usual) so enjoy:-)

Chapter 12: Worth The Effort

I would have never admitted that my brother was ever right in my life but he really had been right about this vacation. I hadn't ever imagined that there was a person out there quite like Annie. I knew it was dangerous to be falling for a woman so quickly, but with her I couldn't help myself. As the days passed by, I grew more and more nervous and tense, knowing that soon we'd both be away from here and back to our lives again.

I walked along the beach one night alone after Annie and I had had dinner together, trying to clear my head out and figure out what I was going to do once this vacation was over. Annie was trying to make her name out there as an artist and I did have my business to look after. Would she be offended if I wanted her in my life? She was almost as well off as I was when it came to money since she was a true heir of the famous Tattertons. I had remembered reading several articles about the successful toy-making business, especially the founder, Tony Tatterton.

He had looked like a decent man but after I had learned he had tried to rape his own daughter and granddaughter, I knew I'd never be able to look at his picture again without feeling disgust and hatred. Annie was a special person and he'd treated her like a prisoner when she was unable to help herself. Although Annie had told me about her past the night she'd had the nightmare about Tony, she went into more detail whenever I asked. She didn't seem ashamed of what had happened but she still was hurt. I could tell.

I also went further in detail about my life, unable to stop myself. I'd never explained my life so thoroughly to anyone in my life, not even my special psychiatrists. I expected Annie to recoil time and time again, but she didn't. She listened politely with her eyes locked on mine, as if she was trying to feel what I was feeling as well. She never said anything negative about what I had done, even when I told her the awful details of how I had stolen my brother's wife away from him and how awful I'd been to my family. She seemed more sad than anything else when we had these serious talks and sometimes I would stop and try to find a happier subject.

Annie was usually a bright and happy person, but the way her moods sometimes changed scared me a little. Sometimes she would be perfectly happy and then she would pause and her eyes would fill with an aching sadness as if she'd just lost a best friend. When I asked about it, she told me it was just the way she was, the way her father had been.

"I inherited it from him. I inherited his mood changes, that's all. Please don't analyze me, Bart," she would say and I wouldn't mention it for a while at least. I didn't think Annie was crazy or anything, but I couldn't help but wonder what could change her mood like that. Still, I did as she requested; I didn't analyze her. Simply because she asked and also because she did the same when it came to me. She never judged a thing I did, no matter how terrible it had been.

I sighed as I came closer to the tide, allowing the cool white water to flow over my toes. I looked out into the horizon, wondering just what I was going to do. I had three more days left of my vacation and Annie had two. I didn't want her out of my life now. I had to find a way to keep her linked to me, no matter what the distance.

A part of me was angry at myself for allowing myself to fall so deeply for this woman. But I bit down all the bitter accusations my mind wanted to make about Annie. She wasn't after my money; she had inherited the Tatterton toy-making business and for a beginning artist, she was doing pretty well on her own. She wanted to be with me for me. But I'd never had something like that happen before. I hadn't even been sure if Toni had loved me for me but obviously what we had had hadn't been more than physical attraction because she had fallen for Jory, who was better at relationships emotionally when it came to women.

Part of me just couldn't digest the fact that Annie might really like me because of who I was. It wasn't logical to me. Who in their right mind would want to be with someone like me? I was as flawed as a cracked vase and Annie didn't even know everything. I had told her that I used women, but I'd never told her about some of the most shameful things I'd done . . . like bringing whores home or what I had done when I saw Cindy and her boyfriends going at it. I was so ashamed and so afraid I would drive Annie away if she knew of my past sexual activities, which were dirty and no good.

She was far too perfect for me, and I believe that is why I had to continually stop myself whenever I was touching and kissing her. I knew she was inexperienced, probably a virgin herself. And I felt far too dirty to let anything happen between us. Maybe I should just cut off all ties with her when I leave to keep from disappointing her. The last thing I wanted to do was to disappoint Annie.

"Dammit," I whispered bitterly at myself, glaring out at the sun as it began to settle down behind the ocean. I was so angry at myself for doing such dirty things in my life and now I was being tormented by them. Who wanted to admit to the woman that he was falling in love with that he'd been famous for paying so a woman would be with him? It was pathetic and I had just now realized it. I wanted to start my life over again, no matter what. I felt so incredibly dirty. I'd once been on television for a year or so, when I had my religious program on tv.

I had given it up because my past had reared its ugly head. Someone had let it slip just what Bart Foxworth had done before he'd relived his ways. All of my flaws had been brought up and no one had wanted to listen to me, no matter how good I preached or sang. I was tainted with too many sins to redeem myself in their eyes. Not even God could help a fool like me. I'd been so angry that I'd stopped practicing religion all together. It seemed that nothing in my life would ever last . . .

I had to leave Annie. I couldn't chance a life of happiness when it might ruin her life. I cared about her enough to know when to let go. But the question was, how was I supposed to let go? How could I enjoy our last days together knowing I'd never set eyes on her again, never kiss her or touch her again? I finally gave up trying to think of an explanation and headed back into the hotel. Surely something would come to me. I should have known better all along . . .

I was going to go into my room and go to sleep without even glancing at Annie but she had her door open so I would see her as I passed. And like a moth to the flame, I was unable to resist going to her. It was like she'd charmed me. When I paused at her doorway and looked in, she was sitting Indian-style on the floor, intensely studying her sketchpad. I loved how she got so intense about her art. It reminded me of how I was so much alike her when it came to my work.

She suddenly looked up at me, her eyes so wide and blue that I drowned in her gaze for a moment. Then she smiled.

"The art show is tomorrow," she revealed. I nodded and sprawled down onto the carpeted floor beside her.

"Nervous?" I asked. She sighed and nodded.

"A little," she admitted and I smiled at her.

"Well, don't be. I'm sure you'll do perfectly fine," I assured her.

"Thank you. I'm glad to have your support," she said, her eyes locking with mine.

"Luke's coming," she softly said. I felt my spine tense slightly and I tried to think of something to say.

"Oh. That's nice of him," I finally said. I couldn't help but be jealous of Luke. He had gotten the chance to grow up with Annie all of his life, even if they had thought they were half brother and sister. Almost like my mother and Chris. Only they hadn't given into temptation, even when they'd learned the truth. I knew Annie had loved him and had been hurt when he'd found someone else though. I wasn't sure how she saw him now.

"Well, he always supported my art. He was probably my first real model," she admitted, smiling and shaking her head.

"I used to paint Farthingale Manor all the time. Luke was my prince and I was a princess and we wanted more than anything to live in Farthy."

Her eyes darkened slightly.

"My mother warned me that it wasn't a happy place but I didn't listen. Farthingale was just so wonderful to my eye that I couldn't imagine it being anything but wonderful …. Elegant. Then after I was brought there, I saw just how worn down Tony had allowed it to become. And he acted like it was brand new all the time. He acted like it was a privilege for me to be staying there. The only thing that looked decent was the maze and my father's cottage. I should have listened to my mother …. She was always right," she whispered.

I was concerned as I always was about Annie's sudden sadness and I put my hand on her shoulder softly.

"You just …. had hopes, Annie. That's all. You just wanted it to be a happy place because that's what you saw when you looked at it. We all have dreams and it's not anyone's fault when those dreams don't happen," I said.

She smiled and slowly shook her head.

"My mother was so wonderful, Bart. She had so much hardship to go through. All because of my grandfather. She grew up poor, in a family that wasn't hers, sold and abused …. And then thrown into a new and rich world. And even though she had money, it was hard to fit in. And when she and my father learned who they were …. It broke their hearts so much. I know you never approved of your mother and Uncle's relationship … but knowing what my parents went though, I can't blame them for what they did," she said, looking up at me quickly as if I would be ashamed that she thought it was all right.

"They didn't know they were related. My mother and Chris knew perfectly well and I just can't see how a brother and sister can fall in love like that, no matter what the circumstances. Of course, I'm not perfect, Annie. I never said I was. I don't think what your parents did was necessarily wrong …. I mean, how can I say that? You wouldn't have been born and I think that is a good enough reason," I admitted. Annie just looked at me.

"So even if my parents were closely related, you don't care?" she asked. I stared at her for a moment. Oh no, had I made her feel ashamed of herself because of who her parents were? I had never intended to make her feel bad.

"No, Annie! I'm sorry if I led you to believe that. It's just … I never approved of my mother and Chris's relationship even though now I do respect just what they gave up to be together. I suppose they tried their best," I said. Annie nodded and closed her eyes.

I put my arms around her and hugged her, kissing her forehead, wishing I wasn't so stupid. I'd rattled on and on so much about my disapproval for my mother and Chris's relationship that I had made Annie feel inferior because her parents had been so closely related. What an idiot I was!

"Annie, you need to stop paying so much attention to my little rants. I'm not really normal, you know. I'm like a volcano waiting to explode sometimes and I just can't help the way I've always felt about their relationship. But I'm not disgusted by you or your parents. They sounded very much in love and I just wish they hadn't had to go through such tragedy. And your mother sounded …. wonderful. I would have loved to meet her. I never knew anyone named Heaven before," I said, smiling.

Heaven. What a beautiful yet unique name. Even if it was a very religious name, I liked it. It sounded a lot better than my own. Bart. At least Jory had had a creative name.

"I know she would have loved you. You two might have really had quite the heated discussions," she admitted and I laughed.

"Am I really that bad?" I teased.

"I'm afraid so."

"Darn. I guess that means you'd be embarrassed to have me at the art show, then?" I teased.

"You want to go?" she asked, seeming surprised and caught off guard. I held my smile and kept my eyes on her.

"Yes. I'd love to accompany you. Unless you're afraid of being seen with the likes of me," I said, starting to wickedly grinned.

"I would think it would be the other way around," she embarrassingly admitted.

My eyes narrowed and I put my hands on her shoulders as I looked into her eyes.

"Annie, I would never be afraid to be seen with you. You put yourself down too much sometimes. I'm no better than you are," I seriously said.

That was right. I was way below her because I was so messed up and she didn't even know it ….

"So you keep telling me. Did you bring anything formal to wear?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. I chuckled.

"Annie, you'd freak if you saw my wardrobe at home. You're probably the first in a long while to see me so casual," I admitted, nodding down at my crisp white shirt and denim shorts.

"Usually all I ever wear at home is suits and I did bring one, just in case," I said.

"You look like the type who'd be dressed up a lot," Annie admitted, studying me with what I had teasingly began to call "her artist's eye".

"But I won't complain about what you've been wearing recently. You clean up well," she teased and I chuckled.

"I bet you do as well. I hope you won't go to the show dressed in a pair of old jeans and an apron caked with paint," I teased back. She smiled.

"Of course not. I wasn't brought up in a barn you know. But I'll have to keep a pencil behind my ear, you know," she said and I laughed.

"Oh yes. To sign checks?" I teased, remembering the night we'd had dinner together and I actually had the humor to lean over and snatch her pencil from behind her ear to write the check. She had looked so stunned by it that we'd both ended up in hysterical tears even though I'd earlier teased that we'd use the pencil for writing the check. I just hadn't known I would do it until I felt compelled to. And I'd been so glad I'd done it after I'd seen the way Annie's face glowed with pleasant surprise and humor.

"No, silly. To write autographs of course," she said with a smile. I couldn't tell if she was teasing or not but it seemed to me that she was. I forced a hearty laugh.

"Right."

"You don't think anyone will want it?" she challenged, crossing her arms over her chest and studying me like a doctor or a lawyer. Her intense look amused me.

"Oh, I have no doubt that someone already wants it," I said.

"Really?"

I nodded and leaned towards her ear.

"Um hmmm. Before I leave, I will have your autograph, Miss Tatterton. And I'll have it framed," I whispered, smiling slightly as I watched her shiver from our closeness. I couldn't help myself when I leaned down towards her neck to leave a trail of kisses there. Then I remembered something and sat up quickly.

"Do you really want to go with me to the show? Or was you wanting to go with Luke?" I asked, feeling like my heart had frozen. Annie scoffed quietly and lowered her eyes to the floor.

"He hasn't even bothered to contact me himself for years, Bart. He happened to read an article about it in the magazine and told me he'd come since it was my first major show. I hardly call that wanting to accompany me at the show," she said, looking up at me quickly.

I saw her eyes were hard and angry and I wondered if she resented him for pushing her out of his life.

"Do you still love him?" I blurted.

She stared at me.

"I'll always love him, Bart. Some part of me will always love him and remember all that he's done for me. But he isn't the same person he used to be and neither am I. I'm not a stupid dreamer anymore. I could care less about the childish fantasies we used to have. They were just ways to waste our time because we were so bored. But he didn't even want me in his life at all, Bart. It was like suddenly, after he knew who I was, that were weren't related, that he didn't want me. It's sick to imagine that he only loved me when he thought we were siblings but it's the way it feels. We're not even friends anymore. I lost him as a friend. I've lost everyone. Drake, my father, Luke. That's why I pushed myself so hard to visit all over Europe and why I worked so hard to be in this show. I don't have a family anymore. And I miss it," she angrily admitted, her eyes filling with hateful tears.

And here I was, thinking of leaving her. I swallowed hard, wondering what I was going to do now. I couldn't just leave her without a goodbye now. She didn't have family or friends anymore. She didn't have anyone but herself. It was hard to imagine how she was happy the way she lived but it was obvious that she wasn't too happy. I suspected that she wouldn't have spoken to anyone here if she hadn't happened to need my assistance the night she came into the hotel with her arms full of paintings. Was Fate trying to tell me something?

"I know how you feel, Annie. Really, I do. Although my brother and his wife and children live nearby, I drive myself into work to fill the void in my life. The only company I have is Trevor, my hired help. And now Melodie, my brother's ex wife. She returned a while ago with no money, no place to stay, and I allowed her to stay. Not because I wanted her or loved her. Not because I pitied her either. Because I enjoyed seeing her crawl back to me on her hands and knees after she'd hurt me and her husband. I know it was just as much my fault as hers but she still thinks everything that went wrong is my fault. Like I corrupted her. And I despised her so much I enjoyed making her do chores she'd probably never done and work as something she's never had to do. She was famous and dancing with stars, not working in some local diner. And I haven't felt ashamed about any of it until I met you, Annie. I'm a terrible person."

She looked at me with such sadness I wished I'd kept my fat mouth shut.

"You're trying to break off gently, aren't you?" she softly asked, looking down at the floor. I swallowed hard and decided to come out with the truth. I reached for her hands and brought them to the warmth of my heart.

"Annie, I'm going to be totally honest about that. I've done so much worse that I don't even know where to begin. And I don't want to tell you what sins I've committed, I'm so ashamed. I know you probably think I can't go lower than sleeping with my brother's wife but I have. And I can't tell you what I did because I don't want to disappoint you. Annie, the truth is I feel you are too good for me. I don't want to end up hurting you … I was thinking of a way for us to go back to our own separate lives but I didn't want to give you up. I was feeling selfish not wanting to let you go because I never want to make you feel like you've made a mistake. So I was trying to find a way to do this but it's not easy. It's damned hard," I admitted.

I expected Annie to be angry at me so I wasn't surprised when her eyes swung up to glare at me. She was strikingly beautiful when she was angry and seemed so intense about her anger. It was as if we'd been made for each other, no matter how silly it sounded. If only we'd met so much sooner …. before I had the chance to roll around in the mud ….

"Why don't you ask me what I'd like, Bart, instead of trying to protect me with what you think is right? I might not feel the same way you do. I'm no better than you are, Bart. You don't have to tell me what your sins were if you feel they're so terribly bad. But what is a sin is you trying to live my life for me, trying to choose what is best for me. I like to make my own decisions and I think I should have a say about what happens to us as well," she angrily and passionately said, her blazing eyes not once leaving mine.

"What do you want us to do, Annie? What would you like to happen?" I asked seriously, clutching her hands even tighter. The anger began to slowly disappear from her eyes.

"I don't want us to be ashamed of wanting to be together. I don't want us to be ashamed because we don't think we're good enough to be together. Bart, I haven't been happy in a long time and I wasn't expecting to find happiness here, but I've found it, with you. You bring out the best in me and I think, from what you've said, that I bring out the best in you. If we can do that …. is there really a reason for us to destroy that? Can't we even try and see if we can handle it? Isn't it worth the effort?" she whispered.

My heart was beating wildly inside my chest and I knew she could feel it. We stared at one another in frustration and desperation for a moment before we leaned towards one another on cue and deeply kissed. There was no denying the shocks that ignited within the fusion of our lips being pressed together or the tingles that were felt when our skin touched. There was no denying that trying to keep what we had was more than worth the effort. It was definitely worth it. When we pulled away, breathing hard and fast, I knew she'd felt the same I had. Our eyes met and I knew that our relationship was far from over. It had just begun.