Vaughn's POV
"We need to talk," Sydney said breaking the silence.
Holy shit yes did we need to talk. I want to know why the hell she told everyone I was a scum who left her and the twins. And what happened with Anya. One minute she's mad as hell at Sydney, the next they're like best friends again. Okay then...
"Yeah," I sighed. "We do."
Sydney nodded slightly and turned towards me. "You start."
Oh so now I have to start, huh? Just fricking great. "Okay…" I said slowly, trying to sort out which question I wanted to ask first. "Why did you tell everyone, including our children, that I left you? If I remember correctly, it was the other way around."
She bit her lip and looked down at her hands in her lap before answering, "I was embarrassed. I mean, I came to a small town full of normal people two months pregnant, and… I panicked."
"You could have told them that you were a divorcee," I pointed out.
"I know," She sighed exasperated. "But I blanked. For the first time ever, I blanked when I had to come up with an alias. I know I shouldn't have said it but once I did, I couldn't take it back." She paused, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be," I brushed aside her apology. Somewhere along the way, I'd forgiven her.
"God, I'm such a horrible person," She murmured putting her hand to her forehead. I didn't even have to ask for her to explain. "I lied to my…your….our children about who you really were all because I was too afraid to say the truth."
"I can understand why," I told her quietly. At first, I hadn't told anyone about the affair –with the exception of Lauren of course- or the twins but that all came out for public knowledge when traitor was taken into custody. After that, I didn't care if anyone knew.
"But I shouldn't have been," She went on, ignoring my comment. "I didn't have to lie about who you are. God, I don't know why I even left L.A. in the first place."
"You didn't want to break up my marriage to Lauren," I put in. Well, that's what her letter to me said.
She shook her head, "No…I didn't want to share the twins with you." She admitted quietly. For a couple moments, I wasn't sure that I'd even heard her say that. She didn't want to share them? With me? Their father? What the hell?
"Syd…"
"No," She interrupted. "That didn't come out right." She sighed. "I didn't want to share my children with Lauren, the CIA, my dad, my friends, everyone. I wanted something that could just be mine and yours, no questions asked. Somehow leaving seemed like the best option to have that."
"But Syd, you still told our children that I am an asshole." I argued. Oh, I'm so going to lose this argument.
"I know," She sighed. "If I could go back and change it, I would."
"But you can't," I muttered bitterly.
"I don't see how you can give me such a hard time when you're at fault here too."
Hold on…what? Did she just say what I think she just said? Oh for the love of God. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"You stayed with her!" Sydney accused. Yeah, no need to explain who 'her' is.
"You told me too!" I countered.
"I didn't mean it," She cried exasperated.
"Well, you could've had me fooled." I shot at her.
"Apparently I did," She answered narrowing her eyes at me.
Since when did we decide to turn around and blame me for all of this? I didn't do anything wrong. Well, I did have an affair and that is clearly wrong but beyond that, she is all to blame here.
My eyes narrowed as well. "Don't try to blame this all on me."
"Why not?" She snapped. "You chose to stay with her, you chose to stay away from me and the twins. It is your entire fault."
"You threatened me with never seeing our children." I threw at her.
Immediately after, her eyes widened slightly and she looked like a lost puppy. But at the moment, I don't really care.
"If you really wanted me to come after you, you shouldn't have told me that if I did, you wouldn't ever let me be a part of our children's lives." I told her.
"You should've known that I was lying," She said quietly.
Oh for the love of God. "I can't read minds, Sydney, much less read through the lines of your rather threatening letter."
"You're a spy!" She snapped. "It is your Goddamn job to be able to do that."
"No, my job is to help keep the U.S. safe," I countered. Come on, she was in the same profession, she knows as well as I do that just because I'm in the espionage business, that doesn't mean I can sense a lie in a letter.
"Who cares? What it comes down to is that you didn't trust me." She shot back.
Oh yeah, like I was supposed to trust a letter that threatened me ever seeing my children from her. She hated my entire being back then. I trusted her alright, just maybe too much.
"And I don't know if I can trust you," She admitted quietly.
What the hell? Well, this talk hasn't been going the way I planned it too. Not even a little bit. I feel like I'm caught in the middle of something that neither one of us should ever been in but we are by some cruel joke of fate. Story of our lives together.
While I was thinking about this, she climbed off the bed and moved across the room to the wide double windows overlooking the verandah. I watched her pulled back the curtains, letting light infrom somewhere else on the ship and then proceed to stare out at the water. From my position on the bed, I think we had already left the Florida coast.
No turning back now.
It was silent between us for the longest time. She looked deep in her thoughts and I had my own to deal with. I guess it comes down to the fact that we don't trust each other as we should and it's coming back to bite us in the ass.
I do know that I want to make this work between us. Not just for our children but because I truly love that woman by the window.
So I did the only thing to do. I got off the bed and cautiously made my way towards her. She didn't protest –move even- when I came up behind her and wrapped my arms around her waist pulling her closer.
"We need to stay honest with each other," I said softly, resting my chin on her head.
Sydney nodded slightly. "Yeah, we do." She whispered back. "Do you still want to try us again?"
"Of course I do," I answered immediately. "Do you?"
"Yes," She replied.
Well, now that we have that out of the way, we can move on to other subjects. But to be honest, I can't think of a damn one.
"I didn't mean what I said," She admitted suddenly.
Whoa…wait…mean what exactly? About wanting to still try again? Or something else?
She continued on before I could ask any questions, "About not trusting you. I do trust you. Really I do. Especially with the twins." I smiled softly at this. "I've never seen anyone take to parenting like you. I even sucked at it at first."
"I find that hard to believe," I answered.
"Well, believe it," She told me. "I was nervous, and jumpy. I had no idea what I was doing."
"You seem to have gotten over that." I countered.
"Yeah, after the first year and a half, it got a little better," She answered.
"Only a little better?" I teased.
She laughed softly, "Okay, so I was pretty much used to it by then."
"Thought so," I replied, turning her around in my arms. She didn't put up a fight and looked up at me expectantly. I smiled at her and closed the distance between us to have our first kiss as a new couple.
-break-
Sydney's POV
One thing I've learned as being a mother for four year is that once the twins caught on that Christmas was one of two times of the year that they got presents for no reason, they like to wake me up very early and tell me that it's Christmas and therefore, present time.
Today was no exception.
"Mommy! Daddy! Wake up! It's Christmas!" Anya and Chris chorused together. From what I could tell with my eyes closed, Chris was trying to shake Vaughn awake while Anya tried on me.
I admit, not being a spy for four years has spoiled me and I am no longer a morning person. I reluctantly opened my eyes and saw Anya's exuberant face a few inches away from mine. "And what time is it young lady?"
"I dunno," She answered giving me that innocent smile of hers.
"Is the sun up?" I asked next.
She shook her head, "No but almost."
It's before dawn. Just great. This is a new record for them. I do not like getting up before dawn. Especially when the night before Vaughn and I were up…well, you know, consummating our new relationship.
"That means wait at least another hour," Vaughn put in from his spot next to me. Oh I'm so glad that we got redressed after last night. The twins jumping on us while we were naked would not have been very fun.
"Awwww…." The twins whined at the same time.
After Vaughn and mine's talk a few days ago, we made a silent pact to really try to be a couple and parents as a team to our children. The twins fought it at first. They didn't really want to have two parents telling them what to do or not. They wanted one or the other. And that's what they were used to, so I can't blame them. Much. After a couple tantrums, Chris and Anya accepted that now they have both a mommy and a daddy and if one says no, that's final.
I think we can make an exception today. Heck, it's Christmas. "How about a half an hour and you two can stay in here and sleep with us?" I offered.
"I second that motion," Vaughn added smiling.
"Okay," The twins agreed though Chris's 'okay' was a little more excited than Anya's. Anya and Chris wormed their way in between Vaughn and me, using us as pillows. I smiled down at them before looking over at Vaughn. He was smiling as well.
Just as I was about to fall asleep once more, Anya nudged me awake again. There went my half hour.
"Mommy! Christmas now!" Anya told me as I opened my eyes again.
"Oh fine," I teased, sitting up. "Let me guess, you two found your presents?"
They nodded, "In the main room."
And they waited to open them. That's a surprise. Though, I should've known they'd go locate their presents before ever coming to wake up their parents.
"Well, wait are we waiting for?" Vaughn asked, already halfway off the bed. He was moving too slow apparently because the twins took the cue and bounded off the bed and out of the room.
I laughed, "We should hurry or else we'll miss everything."
Vaughn nodded and reached for my hand which I gladly gave to him and we went out in the main room to see the twins just about ready to dive into opening their presents.
"How about we open our presents on the verandah?" I suggested, glancing towards the double doors. The sun was just coming up and it looked like it was going to be a very beautiful day. Perfect for Christmas.
"Yeah!" The twins chorused, grabbing what presents they could manage and heading for the verandah doors. Since this was our first vacation as a family, I opted to spoil the twins a little and get the two bedroom suite. The fact that Vaughn came along only reinforced my decision.
Since neither Vaughn or myself had planned on spending Christmas around each other, we didn't have presents for the other. But upon confessing that, we agreed to skip getting presents for each other this Christmas and go out for dinner sometime as a replacement. In all honesty, having Vaughn here with me and the twins is ten times better than any gift.
I smiled at them and grabbed the presents they'd left behind handing a few to Vaughn to carry. "They seem excited," He commented.
"It's Christmas, of course they are," I answered. What kid isn't excited about Christmas? Exactly, they are all. Actually, I take that back. I wasn't really excited about Christmas when I was younger after my mom "died".
Vaughn laughed. "I'm new at this, give me a break."
"You're better than me, remember?" I countered.
"How could I forget that?"
"You tell me," I answered, moving towards the verandah.
"Mommy! I love it!" Anya cried, tearing the wrapping off of a new Barbie.
"Mine's better!" Chris argued, holding up his new action figure.
"Not-uh!" Anya shot back.
"Is too!"
"No it's not!"
"Yes huh!"
"Hey, no fighting on Christmas," I commanded, putting a stop to the argument before they could resort to physical violence which knowing them, wouldn't be too far away. "And apologize."
"Sorry," They mumbled at the same time.
"Now, what else did you get?" I asked, changing the subject.
As they launched into telling me what they had gotten for Christmas from "Santa" (really me) I looked over at Vaughn. He looked at me at the same time and we shared a smile. I have a good feeling about this. We are going to be able to make this work.
-break-
Vaughn's POV
Normal people do not have the end of a perfect day spent with their two children and very lovely girlfriend ruined by their CIA phone ringing. But of course, since I am not normal, my phone started to ring.
Sydney sent me a look from where she was packing her suitcase. Today was the last day on the 14-day cruise and tomorrow morning at 8:30 we'd be landing in Los Angeles. Strange how we departed from Port Canaveral and yet we dock in L.A. I wonder if Syd planed that. I don't think so, because she seemed kind of surprised by the captain's announcement yesterday.
"Vaughn here," I said upon answering the phone.
"How's the cruise?" Weiss taunted immediately.
I rolled my eyes, "What do you want?"
"Oh, so now the only reason I can call my best friend is because I want something?" He asked sound offended.
"You haven't called in 14 days, I assume you want something." I pointed out.
He sighed. "Alright, fine. Dixon says he wants you back. Within the week."
I frowned, "Why?"
"I don't know. All he said was 'call Vaughn and tell him to come back'." He answered.
"What if I was still out at sea? Then what?" I asked.
"Well, I know you're not." He countered. "I'm a spy you know and I have connections."
I should've known that he would find out when the cruise was docking. And where probably too. "You do?"
"Yes, I do," He replied. "And I also happen to know that you are docking in L.A. Imagine that."
"Yes, imagine that," I returned dryly.
"Would a certain ex-spy be joining you?" He asked.
"That is none of your business," I told him.
"Aw, come on Mike, I want to be an uncle!" He whined.
"I'm sure you do," I muttered. "I'll call you tomorrow after we dock in L.A., alright?" Before he could protest, I hung up the phone and turned back to Sydney who was looking at me with a smile tugging at her lips. "Weiss."
Sydney nodded understandably, "What did he want?"
"I have to go back to work tomorrow," I answered after hesitating.
Her smile faltered for a moment. "Oh," She nodded turning back to packing.
"Stay in L.A. with me." I offered.
She looked up at me, biting her lip. "I don't know…" She answered carefully. "My life is in River Falls. All the twins know is River Falls."
"Kids move all the time," I pointed out.
She nodded. "I know…but I don't want to upstage them more than we already have."
"Can I ask you something?" I asked. She hesitated before nodding. "What were you thinking was going to happen when this ship docked?" I mean, she didn't think that I was going to move to River Falls, did she?
She bit her lip. "I don't know. I didn't think that far ahead."
"Well, now we have to think that far ahead," I told her. "Tomorrow, this cruise ends and we have a decision to make."
She nodded. "I know that it's too much to ask you to give up everything you have in L.A., but I have a life in River Falls too."
"But you used to have a life in L.A." I argued. "You can have another one."
She nodded again. "I know, it's just…" She trailed off and I waited for her to continue on her own. "I don't want to face everyone after all these years."
Oh my God, I think for once she's afraid. That's a sign of the apocalypse in my mind. "Syd…no one judges you for leaving."
She looked up at me sharply, "You're sure?"
I nodded and abandoned my own suitcase to walk over to her. I placed my hands on either side of her cheeks, and smiled at her. "Very sure. They want you to come back. Especially Weiss. All he whines about anymore is when is he going to be an uncle."
"I never did understand how he'd be an uncle to your children." She answered avoiding the subject.
"It's Weiss, he's a weird person." I told her.
She smiled. "Obviously."
"Syd, move to L.A. with me." I pleaded.
She bit her lip and refused to meet my eyes. One of those long silences fell between us as she decided whether she would or not. "Would you want us to live with you?" She asked breaking the silence.
The question caught me off guard though it shouldn't have. God, why hadn't I thought of that? Of course she was going to wonder where she and the twins would live.
I nodded, "Yes. We might be a little cramped though," I answered. She looked up at me frowning slightly so I explained. "I don't live in the house I shared with Lauren. I moved to an apartment three years ago."
She nodded understandingly. "You sure it won't be a problem?"
I smiled and nodded at her. "Of course I'm sure." I replied. How could Sydney and our children ever be considered to be a problem? I mean, seriously.
She took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "Alright, we'll move to L.A. with you."
Next chapter: The joys and pains of moving