The Diary Of An Erik
Disclaimer: I don't own Phantom of the Opera, in any of it's incarnations. I also don't own the Time Warp. It's just a hell of a lot of fun.
Author's Note: Don't mind the randomness, I really don't know where any of this is coming from, all I know is I'm going on very little sleep and a hell of a lot of sugar, so it's bound to be a bit crazy.
November 1st, 1881
Dear Diary,
Still cleaning up mess from party.
Carlotta has yet to resurface from her "swim" in the lake.
Perhaps she died.
Oops.
Erik
November 3rd, 1881
Dear Diary,
House still a mess.
Who knew people were so gross.
Have invited Christine to help me clean.
Generously accepted, and added that we would both need a shower afterwards.
I sense she like my shower.
Erik
November 4th, 1881
Dear Diary,
You don't think Christine is only visiting me to use my shower and eat my waffles...
Do you?
Of course not, that's impossible.
Erik
November 7th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Christine came down again today asking for waffles.
Asked her if waffles was all she wanted.
She said no, there was one other thing she wanted.
Dammit, it must be the shower!
Erik
November 8th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Have been in a depressed stupor ever since I learned Christine does not love me for me, but rather for my shower and my mad waffle makin' skillz.
Sat in front of television eating ice cream and watching soap operas.
Nadir found me and laughed.
Damn, Nadir.
Erik
November 10th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Got out of depressed stupor.
Nadir threatened to take pictures and post them on the internet.
Damn him.
He did point out that perhaps the second thing wasn't the shower.
What else could it be?
Erik
November 11th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Confronted Christine about the ambiguous "second thing" she had referred to.
She just rolled her eyes and muttered something about men being so oblivious.
We wouldn't be so oblivious if girls weren't so confusing.
It's like the waffle/sex issue.
If she wants waffles, she can come for waffles. If she wants sex, she should say so!
Erik
November 14th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Delightfully dead looking Carlotta floating around in the lake today.
Hopes dashed when I poked her.
She spit large amounts of water in my face.
Well, if I didn't smell of death already, I certainly do now.
Erik
November 15th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Christine reminded me that Christmas is coming next month.
Should buy presents now, so as to beat the holiday rush.
Except I'm really lazy.
Perhaps I just won't exchange gifts this year.
Not that I had all that many people to buy gifts for.
Erik
November 16th, 1881
Dear Diary,
The Cooking Light website has a new recipe for waffles.
These ones are cranberry though.
Cranberries aren't half as cool as blueberries are.
They're just not.
Erik
November 17th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Am suspecting I will need to coach Christine more carefully.
She's been milling about belting Britney Spears.
This is absolutely unacceptable.
Not to mention it's begun to hurt my ears.
Erik
November 19th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Christine slightly put out by the fact that I didn't like her Britney Spears impression.
Has started singing the Time Warp instead.
I suppose that's a little better.
Not much.
Erik
November 21st, 1881
Dear Diary,
Time Warp is actually pretty catchy.
Has been stuck in my head since Christine began singing it.
She's try to teach me to dance it properly.
She kindly explained that it's just a jump to the left.
And then a step to the right.
I can't seem to remember past that.
Erik
November 22nd, 1881
Dear Diary,
I think I've finally got the Time Warp down.
Told Christine that since I learned her dance it's onl fair that she learn air hockey.
She said that is totally irrelevant.
Oh well, at least she won't start liking the air hockey table more than she likes me.
Erik
November 24th, 1881
Dear Diary,
After much nagging, have finally guilted Christine into a game of air hockey!
Explained to her the trials and tribulations of the thankless job of waffle making.
Agreed to one game.
HURRAH!
Erik
November 25th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Christine whooped my ass at air hockey.
Apparently, the girl has got game.
Oh well.
She enjoyed whooping me so badly, she has agreed to come down and play occasionally.
Yay!
Erik
November 28th, 1881
Dear Diary,
I've really been meaning to shop for Christmas gifts.
I just don't feel like going out in public.
Much less to shop.
Perhaps I can complete all my shopping online.
Are gift certificates to too impersonal?
Erik
November 30th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Have decided that since Christine loves me so much, or, rather, loves my waffles, my shower, and whopping my ass at air hockey, I should get her a proper present.
I can't think of anything really special.
Am not desperate enough to ask the fop for advice.
Yet.
Erik
Thank you to...
Lil-Hikki - You can join the big puffy red faced manager. I actually don't know whether it's Andre of Firmin with the tomato allergy, as Erik doesn't really care either way.
Nota Lone - Ahh, I see. A FOPPISH revenge plot. Like his plot to make Christine jealous by hitting on Meg Giry? We all know how that worked out.
Deathtoallclovers - Yes, I would want to protect those unfamiliar with encountering a fic funny enough that you fall out of your chair laughing. I actually did do that once, and my dad came in and thought I was dying!
obsession is love - You liked the lip gloss line? If you like it enough, you can get the T-shirt. More on that later.
Baffled Seraph - Updating soon, just for you! I had a lot of fun thinking up crazy stuff for Erik to do for Halloween.
All Apologies - Yay, I'm glad you liked it. I always feel shiney when I get good reviews.
Siriusfan9 - Haha, evil librarians. I've been kicked out for laughing too much.
...for your lovely reviews!
ANNOUNCEMENT:
ERIK'S WAFFLE FRANCHISE HAS COME TO LIFE!
For anyone who is interested in nabbing some of Erik's nifty waffle merchandise, visit the following website: "www . cafe press . com / waffle lovers" (You have to remove the spaces, I've discovered it doesn't work otherwise.)
T-shirts, aprons, stickers, and other random stuff with phrases like "Kiss Me, I Make Waffles", "Real Men Make Waffles", "Cherry Lip Gloss Addict", and "Real Fops Wear Lip Gloss"
So yea, anyone interested can go and check that out. I mostly did it because I really want to buy it, but I figured that since I was gonna do it anyway, I might as well offer it up and see if you all want any.