The Diary Of An Erik
Disclaimer: I don't own Phantom of the Opera, in any of it's incarnations.
Author's Note: Don't mind the randomness, I really don't know where any of this is coming from, all I know is I'm going on very little sleep and a hell of a lot of sugar, so it's bound to be a bit crazy.
December 1st, 1881
Dear Diary,
Crap.
December already, and I still have no idea what to buy for Christine.
Have enlisted the help of Nadir.
Has agreed to browse through websites with me for a truly meaningful gift.
Erik
December 4th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Nadir suggested something from Victoria's Secret.
Somehow a lacy, expensive thong doesn't seem like my kind of gift.
Nadir pointed out that this really didn't matter, as it was Christine's gift.
Said that it was still from me, and I would not have my good name soiled by running around giving people lacy thongs.
Erik
December 5th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Why do I even ask for Nadir's help anymore?
Suppose I should accept defeat and ask the fop.
But I'm not that desperate yet...
Am I?
Erik
December 6th, 1881
Dear Diary,
I am, indeed, "that desperate"
Went and asked Raoul for a suggestion for a gift for Christine.
Also went on schpiel about a lacy thong.
What IS it with these men and thongs?
On second thought, I'm quite sure I don't want to know.
Ew.
Erik
December 7th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Am almost out of ideas.
Have decided to ask Meg.
Was assaulted by various screams, and squeals of "THE PHANTOM OF THE OPERA! IT'S HIM!"
Well who were you expecting?
Santa Clause?
Erik
December 9th, 1881
Dear Diary,
At Meg's urging, I spent the day in the mall at The Body Shop.
Lots of smelly things in there.
Meg assured me that Christine would love that girly stuff.
Meg, however, refused to assist me, and sent me off with a mere "Just make sure you don't buy her something that smells like crap."
Thanks, Meg.
Erik
December 12th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Have prepared a lovely giftbasket for Christine.
Lots of smelly girly stuff, and a gift certificate to a spa.
I'm just so amazing.
Got the fop one of those hair elastics with a fake ponytail on it.
Plan to cut that off too, as soon as he wears it.
Erik
December 13th, 1881
Dear Diary,
More shopping today.
Have to find something for Nadir, and Madame Giry.
Perhaps I should give my managers something.
Like a box full of dirt.
You don't suspect I'd be able to get my hands on a toad at the pet store, do you?
Erik
December 15th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Decided to buy Nadir a pair of bunny slippers.
Suspect he will hate me for it.
Well, next time he'll think before he gives me such crappy ideas for a present for Christine.
Got Madame Giry a bicycle horn to attatch to her cane.
The ballet girls will hate me for that.
I suppose most everyone will hate me after Christmas.
Erik
December 18th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Got Meg some hair clips.
Thought she deserved something for giving me advice on what to give Christine.
Was able to procure multiple toads for Carlotta.
Pet store owner warned me not to wrap them until the last minute, or they'll die.
What's a better present, a dead toad, or a live one?
Or how about one of each?
Erik
December 19th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Can't bring myself to leave the toad in the box to die, have returned it to the aquarium with it's buddy.
See, I really am a nice guy.
Am wrapping all the "non-perishable" presents now.
Erik
December 20th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Hurrah! It's almost Christmas!
Christine has expressed some fears about a terribly fat man falling through her chimney.
Pointed out that there were no chimney's in her dressed room.
She replied that perhaps, in such a case, he would use the window.
Offered to let her spend the evening with me, as there were no openings for a terribly fat man to squeeze himself through.
Erik
December 22nd, 1881
Dear Diary,
Christine seems very excited about spending the night.
Suspect she will hog the shower and use all the hot water.
Perhaps I should buy more waffle making ingredients.
And practice my air hockey.
Erik
December 24th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Christine has arrived, bearing a present for me.
Aw, how sweet of her.
I gave her the smelly girly stuff I got for her.
She said she loved it.
She offered to use the bath bubbles in the jacuzzi.
Hurrah for bubbles!
Erik
December 25th, 1881
Dear Diary,
MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Note to self: Spend more nights in jacuzzi with Christine.
I opened her present today.
Another speedo.
Am beginning to think that waffles are not all she wants.
Erik
December 27th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Have begun to receive angry letters concerning my presents.
How was I supposed to know Carlotta didn't like toads?
Seriously.
Am I a mind reader or something?
Erik
December 29th, 1881
Dear Diary,
Have begun cautiously opening my Christmas gifts.
Managers returned their boxes of dirt.
REGIFTERS!
Erik
December 31st, 1881
Dear Diary,
Gifts have been opened, laughs have been had, punjabs have been prepared.
Alright, fine, maybe Nadir's idea to get me a rasta hat complete with fake dreadlocks was pretty funny.
Did not appreciate Raoul's gift of lip gloss.
How does Christine stand that nauseating stench?
Can't wait for the Masquerade Ball!
I have the BEST costume.
Erik
Thank you to...
fireflyjunction - I didn't happen to notice the horse, I'm going to have to find my clip and watch that again! That's great. I'm glad you liked the fic.
Killthefop - Well, I always thought so. Erik seems completely oblivious to this fact however. How long will Christine have to drop hints for?
Deathtoallclovers - People who don't fall off their chairs need to join the legions of...um... people who fall off their chairs... The website is below, I didn't realize it didn't work.
obsession is love - Fixed the URL so it should work. Personally, I wish Nadir had taken those pictures...
fireflyjunction - I know, I know, I wanted a picture too. LOL. No fruitcake for Nadir, fruitcake is scary looking. Everyone who wanted to look at Erik's awesome merchandise, I hope the link shows up now!
ANNOUNCEMENT:
ERIK'S WAFFLE FRANCHISE HAS COME TO LIFE!
For anyone who is interested in nabbing some of Erik's nifty waffle merchandise, visit the following website: "www . cafe press . com / waffle lovers" (You have to remove the spaces, I've discovered it doesn't work otherwise.)
T-shirts, aprons, stickers, and other random stuff with phrases like "Kiss Me, I Make Waffles", "Real Men Make Waffles", "Cherry Lip Gloss Addict", and "Real Fops Wear Lip Gloss"
So yea, anyone interested can go and check that out. I mostly did it because I really want to buy it, but I figured that since I was gonna do it anyway, I might as well offer it up and see if you all want any.