The Diary Of An Erik
Disclaimer: I don't own Phantom of the Opera, in any of it's incarnations.
Author's Note: Don't mind the randomness, I really don't know where any of this is coming from, all I know is I'm going on very little sleep and a hell of a lot of sugar, so it's bound to be a bit crazy.
May 1st, 1882
Dear Diary,
Lots and lots of baby crocodiles.
NOT good.
Where the hell is there another crocodile in Paris?
I'm not stupid, I KNOW there has to be another.
Erik
May 3rd, 1882
Dear Diary,
Alright, I really have a problem.
I can't feed all these crocodiles.
The fop refuses to volunteer his limbs.
Pointed out that the poor little baby crocodiles will go hungry.
Said that was not his problem.
What a bastard!
Erik
May 4th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Apparently, crocodiles do not like waffles.
Oh well, more waffles for me and Christine.
Christine says the baby crocodiles are cute.
I say they'll only be cute until they're big enough to launch a crocodile rebellion and eat us all.
A dozen full grown crocodiles is a force to be reckoned with!
Erik
May 5th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Wasted the last of my waffle ingredients trying to feed the crocodiles.
Will have to go shopping.
I hate shopping.
I really hope I don't run into the fop again.
Cold, heartless fop, willing to let poor baby crocodiles starve!
Erik
May 7th, 1882
Dear Diary,
SUCCESS!
Baby crocodiles eat dog food!
Problem solved.
Well, temporarily anyway.
Erik
May 9th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Have decided to order the ping pong table I've been wanting for a while now.
Christine still convinced that it will not fit.
Told her if necessary, we can knock out one of the walls and expand the lair.
She replied that it would be better to just put it in the fop's room.
I wonder if the fop would object?
Erik
May 10th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Cold, heartless fop!
Not only does he want the crocodiles to starve, he won't let us use his bedroom as a game room.
Ooooh how I hate him.
Stupid little twit.
Erik
May 11th, 1882
Dear Diary,
The crocodiles are getting a bit too large.
Was holding one of them... not a good outcome.
It's a good thing my nose is already missing, because if it wasn't, it DEFINITELY would have been gone after that encounter.
Very feisty little things.
Erik
May 14th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Ping pong table has arrived!
Have it out on the front porch for the time being.
Tried to play with Nadir, but as Nadir sucks, the ball wound up in the lake.
And I was not about to jump in and fish it out.
Erik
May 15th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Have purchased large supply of replacement ping pong balls.
That way, next time Nadir fires one into the lake, we can still play.
Almost went through the entire bag today.
Made a very spectacular dive to save one of the last ones.
Erik
May 17th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Note to self:
NEVER invite the fop to play ping pong.
He's even worse than Nadir.
Another bag of ping pong balls has wound up in the lake.
I swear, soon enough there will be enough that you could just walk across on them.
Erik
May 19th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Have decided to return to air hockey and foosball as those games seem to have a lessened risk of getting things stuck in the lake.
Christine has begun wearing her waffle shirt again.
I should get her more so that she doesn't have to wear that one for days on end.
She did not, however, slap me when I tried to kiss her.
GO ME!
Erik
May 20th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Christine said she's tired of playing air hockey.
Asked her what she would prefer.
She said we should rent a movie.
An expedition to the movie rental store should prove entertaining, even if the movie itself isn't.
Erik
May 21st, 1882
Dear Diary,
Well, I was right about the movie rental store being entertaining.
It's astounding what crap these filmmakers come up with.
Left the store with various movies, including "Van Helsing", "The Matrix", "Fight Club" and "The Rocky Horror Picture Show".
Should prove to be an interesting experience.
Erik
May 22nd, 1882
Dear Diary,
Note to self:
Never watch Van Helsing again.
Am not very versed in movie-going, but am fairly sure this can qualify as a quite terrible movie.
Am tempted to try Dracula's whole "walking on the ceiling" bit, though.
Christine says that when I smash my head, she's not going to sweep me up and bring me to the hospital.
Erik
May 23rd, 1882
Dear Diary,
Watched The Matrix today.
Have come up with more insane stunts to try.
Christine says I had better cut it out.
Told her that all the crazy kung fu looked like fun.
She still does not like it.
Have decided to start wearing very shiney sunglasses, as that is the closest I'm going to get.
At least I'll LOOK cool.
Erik
May 24th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Fight club was... interesting.
Must get my hands on some soap.
Christine smitten with some actor in the film.
Brad Pitt, I believe.
He's not all that good looking...
Erik
May 25th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Alright, of all the things in the world that I never needed to see, Rocky Horror Picture Show is one of them.
Learned later that one of the cast members was asked to play me in some stage production of my story.
Since when is there a stage production of my story?
Wait... I have a story?
Erik
May 27th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Looked into this whole "Stage Production" thing.
Have bought tickets for the production in London, and in New York.
I'm quite excited.
I'm also strangely frightened.
Suppose the people they've chosen to portray myself are terribly ugly?
Oh well, will simply have to go about dropping more chandeliers.
Erik
May 31st, 1882
Dear Diary,
My tickets have arrived!
I'm going to London on June 20th, and New York on July 4th.
Have done some research on the singers in the lead roles.
John Owen-Jones, and Hugh Panaro apparently. (Author's Note: Yes, I know, John isn't in the production anymore, and I'm quite bitter about it, so quiet yourself! In my story, John will play the Phantom FOREVER!)
Will have to see if they're any good.
Christine informed me that there's also a good deal of movies.
I, however, am not all that keen on seeing any more of these movies.
Movies are very frightening things.
Erik
Thank you to...
angel of mystery - Everyone has such good shirt ideas! After I finish my serious fic, there is going to be a great outburst of diaries. I'm thinking "The Diary of A Persian" "The Diary of A Giry (The Big One)" and "The Diary of A Giry (The Little One)" Sounds funny, no?
Baffled Seraph - Of course computer geeks rock. I am one. Exactly, who cares about what's LEGAL. Since when has Erik had any respect for the legal system? I've considered just putting the computer in a time out.
lilymunster - Hurrah for 1337. Hey, what's wrong with being hyper? NOTHING! Wheee!
sheamusthemagicalleprechaun - No liquids while reading humor, dammit! You're all going to spill stuff all over! Erik got his animals from a zoo. So you'll have to contact your local zoo when it goes out of business and offer to adopt all the fierce animals.
phantom-lover72 - Well if I can get someone who usually hates POTO humor to laugh, I must have done something right, I suppose!
devilofhumor - I actually really don't like pancakes at all. Waffles are just so much better. I only wish I could be as brilliant as you say I am in school!
1gamegirl3 - Oh, careful not to wake the older sister. Being an older sister, I can testify that we do not like being disturbed!
monroe-mary - Hurrah for being insane! I love Erik's general attitude towards everything. When reading the novels, both Kay and Leroux, so many things he would say would just make me start laughing so hard. And I do believe he actually called Nadir a little fart at some point in time. In fact, I'm going to find it, right now. Ah, there it is. "Oh, daroga," he sighed, "what a truly boring little fart you are at times!"
Kat097 - Oh weird looks schmeird looks, READ ON! Hahaha, I'm in a bit of an odd mood, slightly hyper.
Nixieharpist - Hmm, an "I Hate Fops" shirt certainly is an interesting idea. I should hop off and do that in a bit.
Son Ange - Yes, Erik has a very odd sense of humor, it seems. But we all love him anyway!
A.D. Chandelier - Yes, well, I'm sure Erik doesn't find the prospect of a great deal of crocodiles very amusing. Poor Erik.
Deathtoallclovers - Yea, I try to control my pervertedness, but as was seen in the fop's diary, sometimes it just sneaks out. I swear, I was talking about a straw! I swear it!
scimitarmoon - Geez, everyone keeps saying that whole "genius" thing, and I'm always paranoid that the next chapter won't live up to the hype! And I certainly don't want to kill you! That would be a shame indeed.
satha - I couldn't help myself, once I came up with that whole tattooing thing I just REALLY wanted to use it. Yes, we'll have to see what Erik is going to do with all the crocodile babies, won't we?
Songwind - Hurrah! I feel so special, to be added to your favorites list. The diaries of Erik shall live on, as they have no forseeable end... Originally it was all going to be over when the story ends, but everyone loved it so much and I have a strange addiction to writing it.
...for your lovely reviews!
ANNOUNCEMENT:
ERIK'S WAFFLE FRANCHISE HAS COME TO LIFE!
For anyone who is interested in nabbing some of Erik's nifty waffle merchandise, visit the following website: "www . cafe press . com / waffle lovers" (You have to remove the spaces, I've discovered it doesn't work otherwise.)
T-shirts, aprons, stickers, and other random stuff with phrases like "Kiss Me, I Make Waffles", "Real Men Make Waffles", "Cherry Lip Gloss Addict", and "Real Fops Wear Lip Gloss"
Newest Additions include: "Will Not Be Seduced By Waffles" and "Phic Addict"
So yea, anyone interested can go and check that out. I mostly did it because I really want to buy it, but I figured that since I was gonna do it anyway, I might as well offer it up and see if you all want any.