"Ah, this, my furry fox friend, is the life." I said, lying back in my beach chair. "A vacation from writing fan fiction is just what I needed. Now, when I get back, I'll be rested."
"Whatever."
"What's wrong Endigo, my buddy?"
"You've been sitting in that beach chair here in the junkyard for a freakin' month!" the fox yelled.
"Well, it's my summer." I yawned. "Hey, ain't that Big the Cat?"
"Yeah, it is. He looks pretty depressed, too. Hey! Big!"
The purple behemoth stumbled over to us. "Hey, Endy."
"What's wrong, Big?" I asked, not really concerned, but I didn't want to seem like a prick.
He began to cry. "The men in the suits said I'm being replaced by the new kitty joining the games!
"New kitty? Oh, yeah, that Blaze chick! I think she just looks a Shadow wannabe, but she's a heck of a lot better than you!" I laughed until Endigo whacked me. Jerk.
"Don't worry, Big, I'm sure- Hey! I know! My ingenious creator here, Endigo Master, can write a new 'what if' story that'll show the suits that you're better than Blaze any day!"
"Hold up. I can what!"
"Would you really, Mr. Endy Master?" he asked. God, he's an idiot.
I looked to Endigo. "You'll hurt me if I don't, won't you."
A grin across his face as the fox pulled out a machete.
"This was my vacation." I pouted.
If You Add a New Cat
If you add a new cat, the old one will get sad.
Since he's sad, he'll wander into a junkyard and piss off a fan fiction writer.
"Hey!" Endigo shouted.
"MY STORY!"
If he pisses off the author, he'll try to make the cat happy to get him to go away.
To make him happy, he'll have to get rid of the new cat that YOU added.
To do that, the duo will have to go to Sega of Japan.
To go to Sega of Japan, they'll have to ride a plane.
If they ride a plane, the retarded cat will try to fish through the water in the toilet
If he fishes there, he'll catch the engine of the plane when his hook comes out of the toilet release.
When he feels the engine hooked to the line, he'll pull.
When he pulls, the entire plane will blow up.
When the plane blows up, the author (les call him Spanky) and the cat will be protected by the cat's fat.
Protected by the blubber, they will land in Japan.
If they land in Japan, you will send the new cat to kill them. (Man, and I was worried about being a prick)
When you send the cat, she'll take a minute to eat some bratwurst!
After eating her bratwurst, she'll find Spanky and Big.
When she finds them, she'll pull out a Sig Sauer.
With the Sig Sauer out, Spanky will run… to DISNEY LAND!
With Spanky gone, you'll tell your cat to kill the other
When you tell her this, she'll empty her clip into the other's gut.
If she does this, his ungodly fatness will fire the bullets back and hit Blaze in the face.
When this happens, Big will celebrate by… doing the Funky Chicken Dance!
Bum-um-um-um-um-um-um, Bum-um-um-um-um-um-um, Bum-um-um-um-um-um-um, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP, CLAP!
However, when he's done, he'll see that Blaze has gotten up.
When she's up, you'll arrive, with every single chicken in Asia. (I'm not sure where the chickens. We'll, actually I do. Asia. I meant, um… yeah)
When you arrive, the chickens will fuse with Blaze, turning her into a horrifying chicat. (Chicact: the other white meat!)
When Blaze is a chicat, you'll tell her to destroy the fattest cat in the world.
If you tell her this, she'll kill the first Garfield, who was morbidly obese compared to current Garfield.
After he's dead, you'll tell Blaze to destroy Big.
When she tries, Spanky will appear with the evil creatures from the 'It's a Wonderful Life' ride.
When he arrives, they'll fuse with Big, forming WonderBig.
With his first move, he'll fire off a hundred nuclear pig children, destroying Blaze the chicat.
With Blaze gone, you'll run.
If you run, WonderBig will absorb you.
When he absorbs you, you'll go crazy.
If you go crazy, Spanky will take over Sega of Japan.
Taking over, he'll break away from Nintendo and create the Gamecast system.
When he does that, you'll get to test all the new games.
While you test, he'll here about the new game Nintendogs.
When he hears about that, he'll ask you for suggestions.
If he asks, you'll tell him to make Segcats, starring the cats of the Sonic world.
Since there's only one cat, you'll suggest adding a new one.
And if you add a new cat…
"Happy?" I grumbled.
"Not since I was created."
"Thanks, Mr. Endy Master. I'm going to give this to the suits to show them what'll happen." Big then walked off.
"I have a bad feeling about this." I said.
Three weeks later, I read that the president of Sega took the story as a kind of death threat. Big is now on Death Row. Hee hee hee hee hee h-
WHACK!
"Don't hit me, you crazy fox!"
THE END