When Hope Rises Again…

Plot Summary (in case you've forgotten) In her final year at Hogwarts, the lonely Lily Evans is faced with a new challenge and a new fear. Slowly she begins to see the world through a new light, regaining her self-confidence, and finding a group of friends she could trust forever. This is told through the eyes of Lily Evans, and is not your average LJ fanfic. I try to keep to the real story as much as possible.

Chapter 4: Friendship?

Patrols that night were not as bad as I thought they would be, but then again I was thinking that I would end up passing a restraining order on Potter by the end of it. The first fifteen or so minutes were spent in utter silence, and Potter followed a foot behind, looking for snooping or loveless wizards and witches alike. He said nothing, and nor did I. It was awkward, but yet, almost satisfying.

It was fifteen minutes, or so, through, when we passed the Gryffindor corridor, that Potter finally said something. It was very quiet, and had I not been on full alert for desperate prowlers, I would not have caught it.

"Lily, I miss her you know."

I stopped and turned towards him. I was staring blankly at his face. What was he talking about, and why did he say it so quietly?

"She was one of those people who made a difference. I mean until then I hadn't really noticed her, I'd just walk by her, not appreciating that she was actually there."

I continued looking blankly at him, perhaps in shock, but also because I had no idea what he was talking about. I couldn't say anything: his words clamed my nerves, and opened my eyes.

"I've always thought myself immortal, perfect, the ideal guy. But now it's all changed. No-one'll guess it except you." He stared at his feet.

"James" I said softly, "what are you talking about?"

He started walking ahead, his face rather scrunched up. "I should not have presumed that you'd get it Evans. I don't know what I was thinking. You must have fallen for it, just like the rest of them have. Even my so-called friends."

I looked at him quizzically wondering what was causing him so much pain. It came to me like a tidal wave. How could I have forgotten? Of course, the whole reason that I had considered Potter to have seemingly grown up. I was so caught up in the rubbish he had said yesterday, and everything that was going on, that I had forgotten something so vital to him.

"James," I didn't know what to say, what to do. I turned towards him, and muttered something that would have come out of one of those foolish Hollywood movies that Petunia has such a soft spot for. "She's with you, she's within your heart."

James looked at me disgusted. "Evans, what hit you?"

He knew me better than I imagined. "Look, I don't know what to say okay? I know you're hurting, but I don't know how to react. I don't have parents who've died. I've only got a horrible sister. All I can do is say that you have my sympathy."

He looked to the ground. I hated myself, hated that I couldn't communicate with anyone. I hated the fact that I couldn't heal Potter's -or anyone's for that matter- hurt. I liked my solitude. Why did Potter have to become Head Boy, and get my involved in all this muck called 'friendship'? In fact, why was I even thinking friendship. We weren't friends. Potter was just using me as a crying pole because no one else in this whole school gave a damn about anyone but themselves. Certainly his friends hadn't shown that sort of attitude. Well, except for Lupin. But then Lupin had reason: his own mother had passed away last year, which ended all excuses of 'I have to go see my mother as she is really ill.'

No more words were spoken, well at least until we reached the Astronomy Tower. Potter led the way, much to my discontent, but I did not fight for authority. I followed suit, breathing a sigh of relief once we had reached the top. Not surprisingly, there sat our two favourite people: Severus Snape and his dear friend, Regulus Black, sitting and talking to each other while reading aloud from Dark Arts books. I groaned, wondering what Potter would do to the both of them. I was astonished when Potter did nothing like twirl Snape in the air, but spoke rather calmly to both,

"Now Snape, as a prefect for two years now, you should know that this behaviour is totally out of order. Although it may seem to you to be appropriate, noticing your political," He cleared his throat, as if trying to remain calm, "tendencies, it is not in-tune with school regulations. If anything-"

It was this point when Black sneered, and aimed his wand at Potter chest. In fear for Potter's life, or anything that gruesome, quickly called out, "Accio wand" while it would have seemed that Potter said rather lazily, "Expelliarmus!" The result was not good, with Black's wand breaking in two, and his book flying off to the side, while Black fell backwards, crashing onto the floor. Snape sneered. He picked up the book silently and dragged Black up, walking towards the Slytherin Common Room.

I called out as he left, "That's 10 points each from Slytherin, making it 20 points in total!"

Potter said nothing to me after that, and we returned to the Head's Quarter in an awkward silence. I sighed in relief that Potter had not been his normal self, worked on my Transfiguration, then leapt into bed, thoroughly exhausted.

The next two days swept past, my life revolving around the amount of work I had to do, and sitting in the Library. I didn't really know why the library was such a place of solace for me; perhaps it was the faint smell of old books that rekindled the forgotten emotions that I had caged up. The simple fact was I was alone- not lonely- but alone, and was comfortable that way. I guess I was afraid that if I got too close to anyone, I would want more than they could give- or that they would push me aside like everyone else had. No that was a lie; I did have one friend, a distant friend who I had recently stopped emailing me due to her "need to study for her A levels!" I doubt very much it was that. We had grown apart, her life now revolving around boys, and University and French (Yes, she had quite a passion for 'les choses francaises.') And well, my life revolved around… nothing.

Potter and I had continued to patrol the corridors quietly- I did not know what to say, and he, I assumed, was ignoring me. It was a bit surprising, as his old retaliations of "Oi Evans, will you go out with me?" had disappeared, and been replaced by this uncomfortable silence. It wasn't like I didn't enjoy these quiet moments now and then, but it felt so unnatural, so surreal, almost. To tell you the truth, I hated it, but I could not explain to you why.

But the fourth day, a Wednesday according to the Muggle calendar, had come, and Hogwarts was on its feet again. Fifth year girls and boys would go to great lengths to attract members of the opposite sex, including, oddly, a boy who tied to transform himself half into a lion, because a girl had pointed out to him how masculine she thought they were. Sleaky-easy bottles were reported stolen in the Hufflepuff Common Room, only to find that one girl (with extremely bushy hair) had stolen all, hoping to gain the attention of a boy she liked. Well, she certainly got it- her hair had changed into what looked like a bouquet of Tulips. I was highly impressed.

At about 3pm, I went off to Charms, only to find I was the only one there, well all except Lupin. I walked towards him, and sat behind him. Hearing my books fall on the table he turned towards me. Looked at me quizzically, and finally pulled some words together.

"So, ah, Lily, what's going on?"

I shook my head, not sure if I heard correctly. "Did you just call me Lily?"

She shuffled a bit in his seat, "Well, yeah, 'cause, you know we've patrolled for two years together, so I thought, you know we could be more than acquaintances."

I looked at him in awe, then shifted my eyes to stare at my feet. He's joking of course; I mean he must have been dared to do that by Potter or something. I laughed.

"Lupin, you're a joker, you are!"

He looked at me again, "What are you talking about Lily?"

I felt uncomfortable, his eyes glaring at me, as I wriggled in my chair. I couldn't accept the idea- it was too odd, too strange. The whole incident was inconceivable, impossible. A thought came to my head: if Lupin did not actually mean what he said, then I could use the situation to my advantage. I could use him as leverage to catch the Marauders red-handed if they tried anything

I shrugged by shoulders, "Sure Lu-Remus," I said more confidently than I felt, "But do you know where everyone else is?"

Before Remus was given a chance to even think of an answer, the arrogant voice of a certain member of the Black family cry loudly, as if announcing himself to the class:

"Evans, dear, you're here 10 minutes early, 'course no-one's going to get here this early!"

I cringed and said nothing- I was in no mood to be told how much of a 'swot' I was by the infamous Black.

"Hey Evans darling, I think you've nicked my spot there."

I looked up at him, "Your spot?"

"Yes love, my spot. Now why don't you just move your cute little bottom down a seat, and snugly nest yourself into Moony over there? I know you want to."

"How original Black! Isn't it ironic that the last time you said anything to me was that exact phrase, except in the context of Potter? And even then I didn't move? What are-"

"Look Remus, she's finally admitting to liking Jamsie-"

"What? I didn't say anything of the sort!" I wanted to strangle Black!

"Hun, you said 'even then' when referring to James."

I grinded my knuckles together, and sighed exasperated, "I only meant that in the way- in the way that you would imagine it to be so."

"Sure Evans dearest." He winked at Remus, and sat behind me. I sighed. Well at least I still had my seat.

The lesson passed quickly, well, apart from the snickers between Potter and Black behind me. Charms came naturally to me; there was no need to actually do any work for the most time, so I used those sparing moments to plan exactly what I was going to do next. Normally I was quite spontaneous, deciding things on my emotions and my moods, but I used it as a time filler-as to not seem bored during the lesson.

As soon as the lesson finished, I rushed towards the library, the sole place where I could contemplate on and attempt to understand the event that had just passed. The aura of books gave that subtle comfort and normality that hadn't been there so far this year, allowing me to calm down for a bit. I couldn't understand it though- couldn't understand why anyone would want to be my friend, let alone Lupin. I could accept the fact that Lupin would be quite direct (on occasion) to say what he meant, but I couldn't help questioning why- Why would he want to be my friend? I could understand that he might admire my skills, but a friend? It was impossible- a joke.

Perhaps it was these insecure thoughts that made me starting thinking, or the fact that I had mistakenly picked up the book, The Magic behind Wizarding relationships by Regurga Lone in an attempt to look like I was studying, that I began to question myself, my authority in the matter.

What was it about me that found it so shocking that someone wanted to be my friend? What made me so uncertain as to doubt the good nature of any other human being? Had I lost that much trust in myself? Of course Lu-I mean Remus, would be a friend, we've patrolled the corridors for two years together, and we've had some good times, catching unsuspected teenagers (once including Sirius) in the thralls of a passionate embrace, trying to catch the mystery midnight flier, who turned out none other to be James' arch-rival, the Ravenclaw Quidditch Captain. Yes, it was true, when Remus was with Potter, Pettigrew or Black, he tended to ignore me, but that was expected- they were his best friends. It was perfectly natural to gain Remus as a friend, after-all, he and I had, in an odd way, already become friends.

Trying to control my thoughts, and finally getting down to some Ancient Runes study, I sat back, and forgot my agony. That was until my new friend decided that he wanted to sit with me.

Author's Note: Fourth chapter up now. I'm not sure if I like this chapter or hate it. I have a feeling it's moving a bit fast, but oh well. "study break" now, so I might be able to update more often- we'll have to see :)

Thanks to:

Whimsical Firefly- I think that's the main thing I like about Lily. There are some expectations, like I would have to guess she'd have to get along with James' friends and be compassionate type, but she's a fun character to play with. Thanks for the luck and the review!

TarnishedIgnorance- You changed your name! Anyway, yes, I've read through this twice, but I'm sure you'll inform me of any errors. Mock exams are like practice ones before the finals, the ones that counta lot if I want to get into University- so yeah. They count towards my grade significantly. But I hope this chapter is up to your expectations.

Pearlstar- never hidden at all- all you had to do is find me. Thanks for reviewing.

Thanks for reading. Please Review and tell me if you liked it or not, and where I can improve. Thanks!