The Diary Of An Erik
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Disclaimer: I don't own Phantom of the Opera, in any of it's incarnations.
Author's Note: YOU GUYS! PLEASE VOTE FOR ME AT THE PHANPHIC AWARDS IN THE COMEDY CATEGORY AT THIS WEBSITE: http / www . free webs . com / phan phic awards
(Take out the spaces. You all know the drill)
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July 1st, 1882
Dear Diary,
Can you believe it's been a year already?
I'm almost out of paper.
Fop offered to lend me some, but his choice of stationary tends to lean towards that with hearts, ponies, and rainbows.
That's not really my thing, you know?
Packing for my trip to New York. Am leaving tomorrow.
-Erik
July 2nd, 1882
Dear Diary,
Another agony-filled trip to the airport.
Decided that bringing the punjab lasso was a bad move, so left it home.
Didn't want it taken again.
Devoured many bags of peanuts thus far.
Am waiting for the overly cheerful woman who hands them out to return with more.
Am also wondering how she can possibly smile so much.
-Erik
July 3rd, 1882
Dear Diary,
New York certainly is an... interesting place.
Little yellow cars driving around honking madly.
Almost got hit by one.
Was mildly upsetting.
Have been unable to find decent waffles. New York seems to have an obsession with Bagels, Hot Dogs, and Pretzels.
Waffles are so much cooler than Bagels.
I mean, come on.
Bagels are like doughnuts that went on a diet.
-Erik
July 4th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Christine and I getting ready to leave for the show.
Christine convinced that I am going to get mobbed by phans.
Pointed out to her the the proper spelling was "fans"
She said everything was hotter when it was spelled with a PH.
And that phans is the proper spelling anyway.
Well fine then, we'll go by her masterful use of the english language.
-Erik
July 5th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Last night's show exceedingly enjoyable.
Sitting in the front is a lot of fun.
Mostly because of the awesome pyrotechnics.
I approve.
Bought myself a T-shirt.
Christine said it was stupid for me to get a shirt with my own mask on it.
And then she bought one.
Said she only bought it so she could get it signed by Hugh.
Told her my autograph was worth more.
Said she didn't care, Hugh was hot.
Ouch.
Burned.
-Erik
July 6th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Am still sight-seeing in New York.
Have grown tired of Bagels, Hot Dogs, and Pretzels.
Have journeyed to a convenience store.
Had to suffer through some teenaged girl latching onto my leg and professing her undying love for me.
Honestly, some people.
Loaded up on sugar infested treats.
Hurrah.
-Erik
July 8th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Still on a sugar buzz.
A bit too much chocolate and too many little paper tubes of sugar.
They just taste so good.
Christine wants to drag me to a club tomorrow night.
She said I'm definitely going.
I said only if I get to sit in a corner and down some decent alcoholic beverages.
She laughed at me.
July 10th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Never go clubbing with Christine.
Or, if you must, don't let her near anything with any alcohol in it.
She can't handle it.
She got a little insane.
I just sat in the corner.
Hit it off with this goth chick, but she got mad when I told her I already had a girlfriend.
However, said girlfriend was dancing with some horrible little American...
Was disgusting.
Never go clubbing with Christine.
-Erik
July 13th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Packing up to go back home to my depressing little basement.
Okay, so it's not very depressing with the hot tub and the foosball and the airhockey and all that jazz.
Actually, it's down right cool.
I have the best bachelor pad around.
Except that it's always infested with Christine, so I suppose it isn't really a bachelor pad.
-Erik
July 15th, 1882
Dear Diary,
I'm back home, safe and sound.
Well, mostly.
Had a bit of an overdose of peanuts.
And Christine drooled on my shoulder while she was asleep.
That was kind of gross.
-Erik
July 16th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Ah, back to my lovely blueberry waffles.
Have missed those while vacationing.
No one makes better waffles than me.
I'm just good at everything it seems.
Aren't I awesome?
Man, I'd be so jealous if I wasn't me.
-Erik
July 17th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Christine slapped me for being cocky.
I suppose I sort of deserved that.
Will not be cocky any more.
But come on.
I am pretty cool.
-Erik
July 18th, 1882
Dear Diary,
It's the anniversary of my dropping of the chandelier.
I don't think anyone remembered.
Hinted at it to Christine, but she has no idea.
Are my triumphs so easily forgotten?
I am going to go be depressed with a pint of ice cream now.
-Erik
July 20th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Raoul's ponytail has had some serious growth going on.
Will obviously have to amend that.
And fast.
I will get around to sharpening my scissors later today.
Come on, if I can't make the stupid fop miserable, what good am I?
That's what I thought.
-Erik
July 21st, 1882
Dear Diary,
Am beginning to think I should just keep the ponytails in a trophy case, because they never seem to fetch much money on eBay.
Perhaps I can mount this one on a plaque or something.
Although I'm not sure if the ponytail of an annoying fop is exactly what I want hanging over my fireplace.
It doesn't really go with the rest of the house, you know?
Perhaps it can go in the bathroom...
-Erik
July 23rd, 1882
Dear Diary,
Nadir came by today.
Was not too happy.
Showed me his very chewed up shoe.
Said that happened when he tried to feed my crocodiles.
Told him it was not my fault he got too close.
He got all huffy and left.
Left the chewed up shoe.
Threw it to the crocodiles.
-Erik
July 24th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Crocodiles rejected rest of shoe.
Shall have to tell Nadir that his feet smell.
Shall get him odor-eater shoe inserts for his birthday.
Don't suspect the gesture will be appreciated.
Oh well.
-Erik
July 27th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Raoul complaining about his robotic hand.
Said it has been rusting up.
Well DUH.
I did that on purpose.
But he doesn't know that.
He doesn't know much of anything though, so that isn't saying much.
Told him I'd fix it.
Made it greasy so he leaves black marks on everything.
-Erik
July 28th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Raoul realized about the grease.
But only after he got it in his precious hair.
Oh, poor baby.
Has hobbled off to the hair salon to get it "repaired"
I will just have to mess it up again.
-Erik
July 29th, 1882
Dear Diary,
RAOUL THAT LITTLE RAT!
He got hair extensions.
Well.
I obviously can't just let that HAPPEN.
But if I simply cut it off, he'll get more extensions.
I will have to come up with a better plan.
-Erik
July 30th, 1882
Dear Diary,
Have devised a plan.
Will dye Raoul's hair.
Will dye it a very dark and ugly green, that way, he will be unable to dye it back to a light color, but will instead have to cover it with a very dark and ugly brown, so his hair will look like something vomited up by someone on an airplane.
I love my evil plans.
Am off to buy hair dye.
-Erik
July 31st, 1882
Dear Diary,
Operation Dye The Fophead is officially put into action.
Will sneak into his room tonight while he is asleep.
He's a very heavy sleeper.
Sleeps with strange music on though.
Something with the lyrics "Dora, dora, dora the EXPLORER!"
Must shoot the lyricist.
Now.
-Erik
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REMEMBER, GO VOTE AT THE PHANPHIC AWARDS!
Thank you to...
Kute Anime Kitty - Erik can't punjab the crocs because then PETA would be on his adorable little butt! Hehehe...
Arien Belthil - Oh Erik Waffles rule, obviously. I do hope that unlike Christine, you will WASH your shirt. And props for making your mom laugh! I suppose it's good that I try to keep this family friendly... mostly...
Erik's Girlfriend - Congrats! I'm still waiting on mine from Amazon.
Enchanted Oasis - Doesn't everyone get dreamy over Hugh? I adore him... anyway, back to the fic.
Killthefop - Maybe she's like Elijah Wood? Anyone who has watched the LOTR commentaries and stuff knows this already, but he can sleep ANYWHERE, ANYTIME. He's weird. I'll bet he's an alien.
Marianne Brandon - I will do my best to get my hands on the Lon Chaney film. Gerry IS a mediocre singer, and it's so upsetting. Oh my, when my school served breakfast for lunch my friends and I started laughing so hard. It was hilarious. Waffles are awesome. Much better than studying for exams, obviously.
Angel-Of-Music1331 - Yay, go vote for me::hugs:
monroe-mary - Of course Erik is that cool. Although I don't think he appreciated the ending at all. I'm kind of scared of what Erik would think of Gerry, which is why I've been procrastinating making him watch the movie.
GoldenLyre - Haha, I never really thought as many people would like this, but I guess they do. So that means they should all go vote for me. Hehehe. I'm glad I was able to cheer you up before your exam.
Baffled Seraph - I think that was possibly everybody's favorite entry. It's the one everyone keeps quoting.Where are you going to see Phantom? I hope it's someplace with someone good!
SarahBelle - Exactly, no one cares about the fop. Or his ever-so-perfectly manicured fingers. I think Waffles are Erik's favorite food. I don't know much else about his diet except that he hates fopcakes. Hehehe.
Lamia - Gah! I'm sorry I took so long! I know what it's like to sit there refreshing rabidly waiting for the stories you love reading to update. It's torturous!
obsessionislove - I'm convinced that entry is the popular favorite from this chapter. But Erik IS that cool.
gavvie - Updating as often as possible! I hate to keep you all waiting!
Son Ange - French teachers truly are a strange breed. But props to you for taking French! I take French too. It's so much cooler than Spanish... :ducks barrage of fruit being thrown by spanish students:
Mongie - Because obviously Erik wants to hijack a plane. How stupid can those airplane officials be?
TheIncredibleOne - No, you see, I have a chapter all set and ready to upload if I die. It's in my will. It says "Upload file idied.doc to and add to "Diary of an Erik"". Ha, just kidding. But yea, I'm not dead! Whee!
piratingelvenpyro - You did? Thank you! I couldn't figure out for the life of me who it was!
Le Fantome De L'Opera - Ha, that's my own personal pet peeve, going shopping and being unable to find decent clothing. And Erik is always dressed so properly.
Nota Lone - Haha, I have taken to fast forwarding through that bit... I'm so mean.
sinfuldelight - Oh dear, perhaps if you're rolling around on the floor, we should get Erik to lend you his lint remover? I can only assume he has one. I can't picture him with lint on his wonderful evening suit.
angel of mystery - Hurrah for sugar!
Cleesa - Gah, it seems everyone has been waiting for updates. And since I take so long, I have SO MANY of these replies to write. I FEEL SO LOVED::hugs all her fans:
Noni-Noelle - Raoul and Kim Possible - interesting concept. I mean, he watches My Little Pony, so you really must wonder what else he does in his spare time.
MegGiry - FREAKS OF THE WORLD, UNITE! I probably spend about 20 minutes every time I wear the "Phic Addict" shirt attempting to explain what exactly Phic is. Because if I say "Phantom of the Opera Fan Fiction", no one understands. We really must see to educating the masses.
Tsunami Wave - Oh of course. Erik has wonderful fashion sense.
deathtoallclovers - Rock on for phanphic award nominations::high five: Yes, we really must punjab those nasty airline people.
decep. - Darn, I seemed so invincible! No one could flame ME! Sorry you think I nabbed the idea, it's something my friends and I say all the time around school, so I thought it would be funny to include. It's a very commonly parodied phrase.
Seika Hellsing - Isn't Hugh awesome? I LOVE HIM! We want Erik to strip? The speedos and the hot tub aren't enough? Oh EEEE-RIIIIIK!
The Singing Fox Demon - Yes, my friend was telling me about this movie theater that has midnight showings of RHPS... she says it's quite crazy.
Phantoms Little Lotte - Ice cream on waffles is good. Plus, it might make Erik sugar high. That would be hysterical. :runs up and puts something about Erik getting sugar high in chapter:
Baby-Vixen - Yay for marshmallows... I still have some marshmallow bunnies from Easter... I wonder if they're stale yet?
No One Mourns The Wicked - And my reviewers rock my world, so this world must be on a darn huge rocking chair!
Shade sunslayer - First may I say that I adore your little () So cute. Erik + Waffles + Speedo GUH!
satha - Poor Erik in America. :runs off to NYC to hunt him down and kidnap him: I mean...er... right.
totalspiffiness - Glad you like the stories. There actually are some shirts concerning Lip Gloss. "Cherry Lip Gloss Addict" and "Real Fops Wear Lip Gloss" I believe.
Lucinda - Haha, I seem to be keeping everyone from their homework - myself included!
Videocirapter - Glad you enjoyed it, and here's your update!
Aggie - I agree, certain months seem to be funnier than others. I think it depends on how much sugar I had.
Meredith - Oh you can see the fop tied to a chair when we make a film of this - wouldn't that be hilarious::plots to kidnap her friends and make the film some entries:
...for your lovely reviews!
ANNOUNCEMENT:
ERIK'S WAFFLE FRANCHISE HAS COME TO LIFE!
For anyone who is interested in nabbing some of Erik's nifty waffle merchandise, visit the following website: "www . cafe press . com / waffle lovers" (You have to remove the spaces, I've discovered it doesn't work otherwise.)
T-shirts, aprons, stickers, and other random stuff with phrases like "Kiss Me, I Make Waffles", "Real Men Make Waffles", "Cherry Lip Gloss Addict", and "Real Fops Wear Lip Gloss"
Newest Additions include: "Will Not Be Seduced By Waffles" and "Phic Addict"
So yea, anyone interested can go and check that out. I mostly did it because I really want to buy it, but I figured that since I was gonna do it anyway, I might as well offer it up and see if you all want any.