Plot Summary (in case you've forgotten) In her final year at Hogwarts, the lonely Lily Evans is faced with a new challenge and a new fear. Slowly she begins to see the world through a new light, regaining her self-confidence, and finding a group of friends she could trust forever. This is told through the eyes of Lily Evans, and is not your average LJ fanfic. I try to keep to the real story as much as possible.
Chapter 5: First signs
I stared up at Remus, uncertain as to why he was sitting there. He said nothing, but smiled at returned to his Charms book. I looked with unease at him, but there was no response, I returned to stare at an Arithmancy problem, which had been particular hard to comprehend due to the complexity in which it was set- in the middle of the British Civil War, in which the British had chose to fight on the side of the King, as he had a particular fetish to Magical ways of polishing his jewellery and thus had given a large amount of land to the ruling Witches and Wizards of the period- also because the Puritans had an enormous fear of Magic, naming it 'The Devil's work' (quite hysterical of course). This had caused utter chaos and divided Magic into two. However, once Cromwell had discovered how important the Wizarding community was to England, he died, and the throne was handed back to the monarchy.
Anyhow, back to my discomfort. Remus just sat there: no permission was asked, no laughter was displaced. I just sat there in awe. Yes, my table was now known as "Private property of Lily Evans" but as often as not, I had anyone (including students from Ravenclaw) coming for 'Lily's council' for help and advice for any sort of work--all except Transfiguration. But now there was another member on my table, a certain shaggy-haired, tall, and scarred Marauder- and one who was not coming for any help at all, but simply because- I was his friend?
In a way my emotions soared, feeling truly special that someone would want to sit next to me simply for the sake of it- and would not want to talk about so-called fit guys, or the most fashionable tip of the week. That being said, I knew I could not afford to worry about the issue right then and there as I had a lot of Arithmancy, Potions and Defence Against the Dark Arts work due in the next day, and I really needed to complete them. So I moved my concentration to my work.
It was about half-an-hour later that Remus said something. He said it so confidently, that immediately looked directly at him, having forgotten that he was even there.
"Hey Lily, do you think that the Potions due in tomorrow will take about an hour or longer?" I was slightly shocked and this small-talk, so much so I didn't get his question, and just stared at him for a few seconds.
"Oh, sor-sorry- was just a bit distracted by this Arithmancy problem. What did you say?"
He just smiled. "It's okay- Arithmancy tends to do that. Was just wondering how long the Potions Essay would take?"
"Oh, I assume about an hour, not longer. But that's only if you've been paying attention in Potions."
"No stress about that. James tends to take brilliant notes in Potions, so I have a copy of them and I was paying attention in Potions."
Potter takes notes. Potter, notes. Those two words certainly did not belong in a sentence. "Potter takes notes?" I asked astounded.
Remus laughed. "You wouldn't think so, but he does actually. He will never admit it to you or the rest of the human population of course- likes to keep his reputation up."
"Right."
"Lily, seriously, you really think that James gets brilliant marks without studying?"
"Well- yes, I thought he wad just one of those people who could-" I was shaking. Potter and studying did not go in a sentence either.
"Sadly, no-one's like that, well, almost. Black's almost like that, but then again he does nick James' notes. Has a photographic memory- that one. But that doesn't help in Charms or Transfiguration. This means he requires James' or my guidance, under whose he excels, of course."
I laughed. This was exactly like the old corridor patrolling days, where everything just seemed to be working out. Laughter wasn't that hard with Remus, and it seemed his 'Marauder' character was not so obvious without the presence of the hailed Potter or Black to exploit his good nature. However, Remus was far from someone I could even pretend to like more than a friend, so any hopes in that area were quite happily suppressed.
"Remus, why do hang around with Potter and Black? You're so different to both of them, so-"I asked daringly.
"We're not as different as you might guess. It is true that perhaps James and Sirius have similar interests, but trust me they have personalities. James is without a doubt more responsible." He stopped, as if remembering something, then paused, and looked back down at his hands. "Certainly more responsible."
"I knew that," I said, not really realising what I was saying.
"You do?" Remus had a small smirk on his face.
I tried to find a reason for my comment- but was seemingly failing, until it came to me, "Well, Dumbledore would not have chosen him as Head Boy if that wasn't the case."
Remus let the smirk fall off, and sort-of nodded his head, before returning to stare blankly at his Charms book.
"Hey Remus, I didn't mean to- I mean, were you-?" I felt incredibly awful by even mentioning the fact. Of course Remus was going to be hurt- he was the one who deserved it.
"I'm not offended Lily. I was asked by Dumbledore before James whether I wanted to be Head Boy- but because of my- condition- I chose not to take that job, knowing that I wouldn't be able to fulfil all the duties required. That's the reason you didn't know who it was going to be before the train journey." He sort-of slumped, but then placed a fake smile on his face.
"Does Potter know?" I asked, respecting Remus immensely for his decision. I could not have taken the same path as he had, had I been in his position. It would have taken a lot of daring and strength that I would not have had.
"No, but I suggested him to Dumbledore, who approved." He said, in hushed tones, as if trying to pretend if it had never occurred.
"Oh." I decided it was time to change the subject, realising that I had pulled Remus out of his comfort zone. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay. Just don't tell Potter, okay?"
"Your secret is safe with me." I assured him. I had no intentions of telling Potter, even if that could utterly destruct his ego.
"That's good. So what did you do in the summer hols?" He asked, attempting to spark conversation.
Somehow, it was easy to talk to Remus; it seemed that there was no issue of self-consciousness that I held around every other student and professor alike around the school. He didn't seem to mind that I was not an ideal friend, and that I wasn't your typical late 1970s British muggleborn witch. There was no stress around his being there- well, expect for the fact that he actually had attempted to be amicable with me.
So the conversation continued with my exciting holiday news, which concerned being stuck in a claustrophobic house with my oh-so-darling sister by my side, and of course her snide husband, whose waist line managed to get him stuck in the door a couple of times. And Remus told his sad holiday experience of his father's attempted torments of his wolf-nature, up until he spent the last 3 weeks at Godric Hollow- the all famed Potter Mansion. Nonetheless, the differences between our two holidays, and the general differences between our natures, had not divided us. I felt as if a burden had been lifted off my shoulders, finally allowing me to rely on someone other than myself. However, the glooming nature of this 'friendship' still terrified me, and my trust had to still be won by Remus.
I don't know how long I sat there after Remus had left, but I do know that I did not get any work done. What Remus had said had not really begun to affect me as yet, but the fact that anyone would even want to talk to me in that friendly kind of way was rather astonishing if anything else.
I decided after looking down on my list of 'work yet to be done', that I was not going to get any work done at that point, and that I really needed to get out of the library for a while. I didn't want to be alone, but yet I didn't want anyone to talk to me. If anything I just wanted to see life fly by me. So I placed my books in my already overflowing bag, made the bag feather-light and proceeded to return to Quarters. I then left my books behind, and went to do something useful- watch and see how the student body was going.
When I was in Fifth year, I was slightly devastated at the beginning that my 'friends' weren't talking to me, and so managed to master the Disillusion charm to see avoid them at all costs, and to make sure they didn't see my utter desolation to not having them as friends. However, I quickly got over that stage in my life, and grew accustomed to living for myself- as I was now. Even so, the Disillusion charm still worked wonders. Most Hogwarts students tended to a bit blind when it came for noticing things out-of-the-ordinary, so I used it against them. In order to be myself on occasion, I would walk the corridors, almost invisible, to just see how the school was going.
This was going to be one of those days. I sifted among the student population as if I was a mere shadow of their counterparts. The burden of students unsettling themselves in sight of viewing the Head Girl had been lifted, and they acted like the young sprites they were. Laughter and mischief edged onto the tips of their tongues, and this youthful spirit calmed my anxious mood. Of course, a colossal tinge of selfishness and cruelty in the name of greed also marred this pleasant dance, as a few students walked with hung heads, and others mastered a ploy to pull another to shreds.
I could think of one such group, the so-called Marauders, but they were nowhere to be seen. I could not say that I hated them now, having made friends with the most decent of the lot. No hatred was left, and truly, I began to miss their innocent ploys: the ones that did not leave the Slytherins with more malice than warmth in their hearts. But I didn't want to think about them at that point. I didn't want to think about anything that worried me- no Voldemort, no Petunia, no Potter. That was the motto.
Thoughts blew by, students and teachers alike headed off to eat. Dinner came and past, and soon it was time for Patrols with the Bain of my existence: Mr Potter. Of course, all civility was expected, and so half-an-hour before, I headed off to Quarters to organise some things for the next day, and wait for Potter patiently. However, upon entrance into the magnificent common room that the previously mentioned Head Boy and I shared, I was astonished to hear the chit-chatter of a number of boys coming from his room. I was enraged, to put it pleasantly. I was about to storm in to his room and demand why he had let in his friends in the first place, when I was further astonished by the topic of their chatter.
"So Moony, the self-acclaimed expert on girl-concerned, what should I do to charm her with my wit and excellence, so that she'd go out with me?" was the arrogant voice of the user of the room.
"James, I did not call myself an expert on her, I just said you're fighting a losing battle at the rate you're going," was the response of a new friend.
I assumed this was another of those worshippers Potter had- no doubt a bunch of girls who thought they knew what they wanted, but only saw power and prestige in light of the so-called handsome Mr Potter, but the rest of the conversation was shocking, to put it lightly.
"A losing battle, eh? The fact is Moony, when you're with Lily, you're always in a losing battle, no matter what side you're on," responded the arrogant male once again.
I stood back, uncertain as to what was going on. Lily- were they talking about me? What was going on? I leaned in once more to try and catch onto what was going on.
"See that's where you're wrong. Lily's a great person, who's really concerned about everything-really. You've just never bothered to actually get to know her."
"What! That's utter nonsense- I've tried to-"
"Flirt? Act overly arrogant? Seriously Prongs, if you want to actually get a girl, you've got to learn more about her, and appreciate her as a friend before you fall head-over-heels in love with her."
"Love? Hold on a sec, who said anything about love?"
"Oh please, Prongsie, my lad, if anything, you should realise by liking her for four years, that you're either in love with her, or you're infatuated. Either way you're doomed, my boy." Great Black was there as well. Black should really not give out advice, he's never had a serious relationship- he was just a plain flirt, when it came down to it. Flirtatious, but not a move maker.
The nightmare was getting worse- this had to be a joke. Of course everyone knew I was outside- Potter must have a portrait or a ghost in there that told him I was arriving or something like that. They thought it would be funny to make me think that Potter actually cared for me, not trying to just trying to remind me how low I was on the social ladder. It was the inly way the situation made any sense for me
I'd had enough. I was exhausted, and I didn't want anything else to pull me down at that point in time, so, hesitantly, but surely, I pushed the door open, "Potter!" I tried to glare at him, but was unsuccessful. All three members of the conversation, and their fawning friend looked at me, speechless.
"Potter, would you please come outside, so I can have a talk to you." I asked after long last. He stubbled out, looking at me quizzically.
I pulled him by the arm away from the door, and asked him in urgent whispers, "What are your friends doing here?"
He said nothing at all.
"Look, I don't mind you spending time with your friends, nor do I really care what you lot talk about, but this is the Head's Quarter, not the Marauder common room." I tried again for a response.
"Look, Lily, I didn't know you felt like this, okay? I mean it's my room, for Merlin's sake, and so I thought that it would be fine that my friends came over. You weren't in, after all." I said quite calmly, as if wondering as to what I was hinting before- no doubt stressing that his joke had failed.
"Look, I don't mind you talking to your friends, I'd just appreciate it if you paid attention to the rules for once, and don't invite people over who aren't meant to be here." I tried to respond reasonably.
"It's a rule?" I nodded, sighing. "Oh, Lily, I'm sorry, okay? If you don't like it, they won't come by here again: though I thought you wouldn't mind, since I heard you and a member of my mischievous gang, the Marauders are now friends." He smirked.
"Friends, or not friends, Potter, it's no concern of yours." I bit my tongue- that had come out harshly- far more harshly than I meant it. I covered up, "Look, Potter, I don't mind you having friends over. Just ask me beforehand, okay?"
He nodded.
"Oh and we've Patrols in-"
"Fifteen minutes, I know. I'll get them out of here." He interrupted as I walked towards my room. I collapsed into the soft covers of my four-poster bed. I really didn't want to be here at that particular moment- too many things happening at once.
Author's Note: Fifth Chapter up now- sorry it's been so long- work is such a killer- and my dad smartly disabled the line we had connected our ADSL to, so right now I'm stuck with using dial-up. It's up to you to judge this chapter. It's different, but at least the story's moving a bit now. The next chapter will take some time. I've typed up about 1000 words already, but we'll just have to see.
Oh, and I got an email from someone who would prefer not to be mentioned, so I'll put it simply: Lily is not a Mary-Sue (as this person thought she was). I'm just trying to create a character who I think justifies her character in the books. It's taking me quite a while, and I do tend to delete a whole section if it doesn't meet my approval. Yes, there is a tinge of me in her, just like every character I create/use, there is a part of me in each one of them. That's how I write.
Thanks to:
Whimsical Firefly- It might be going a bit fast, or slow, but I suppose its going okay- we'll just have to see. Thanks for all your reviews so far, you've been a great reviewee- very much appreciated! As to the answer to your question- I think Sirius mentioned it.
Thanks for reading. Please Review and tell me if you liked it or not, and where I can improve. Thanks!