Plot Summary (in case you've forgotten) In her final year at Hogwarts, the lonely Lily Evans is faced with a new challenge and a new fear. Slowly she begins to see the world through a new light, regaining her self-confidence, and finding a group of friends she could trust forever. This is told through the eyes of Lily Evans, and is not your average LJ fanfic. I try to keep to the real story as much as possible.
Chapter 6: Confusion
Patrols were interesting. No comment was made on the previous conversation in his room, so any thoughts on the words actually being true escaped my mind. It was a joke, I was now sure, but one that failed miserably due to my outbreak. Even so, it seemed that Potter was taking his friend's advice, and was now actually attempting to talk to me.
"So Lily, where do you think we'll catch someone today?" He asked as we left the Quarters.
"Astronomy Tower is the most likely place, with a chance of catching someone outside, near the lake. Others are the usual spots: the owlery, the dungeons, and a few people just prowling along. Watch out for those in disguise as well." I responded, attempting to be friendly.
"I'll bet there's no-one in Astronomy Tower, but a couple in the dungeons, three people near the lake, and two prowlers." He grinned.
"That's a bit accurate. What, do you assign spots for late night wanderers?"
"Not in the least. I'm just guessing." He smiled once again.
He was right about the astronomy tower- it was empty, with the exception of a couple of Third Year students under the guidance of their Professor, but no wanderers. I assumed he knew about the class.
"Ah, see, told you." His ego shone out of his face. I cringed
"I'm sure you just knew about the class," I responded flatly
"Maybe. But, that's not important."
"Right." I looked away as we descended down to the dungeons.
"So Lily, I was wondering-"
Three Hufflepuff girls interrupted him, as I pointed to them. They seemed to be huddled around a cauldron, all excited about something they were brewing. I cleared my throat.
One turned around, and looked at me in shock.
"We were, we were just trying to-" she muttered
"Prepare something for Potions," the other one added.
" A likely story," replied Potter dryly, "especially since you decided to do it late in the night, with no supervising professor."
I walked towards them, and pulled out the sheet of paper that they had been using to make the potion. "A love potion, for those in need for a spark to their relationship." I read aloud from the packet. " What were you trying to do? Entice the Potions master into a state of unmeasurable love for you three?"
The blushed. "It wasn't for him. It was for someone else," replied the one who had noticed us first.
"Alright, either way, what you were doing is against the rules, and you were up after hours completing it. I'm not going to take away points now, but I suggest you pay a visit to your Head of House, and explain in detail what happened before I get the opportunity to, or there may be serious consequences." I added authoritatively.
"Anyhow" added Potter to the conversation, "the potion you were trying would not bring you fair results. The Love Potion, though it may work miraculously for a while, it doesn't bring out the truth of someone's feelings for you. If you really want someone to like you, get them to like you for you, not because you magically made them to- it's the only way you'd feel anything."
I stood back. That was exactly the way to handle a situation like this. The students should be convinced, morally, not only because of their fear of punishment, that what they were doing was wrong, and Potter had somehow managed to do it excellently. To tell you the truth, at that moment, I was amazed, and really impressed by Potter's actions, but I could not admit that- that would mean denying everything I thought I knew about him, and I wasn't about to do anything like that. So in return he just gained another ounce of my respect- something which was building up.
The hour zipped by us, and Potter was correct about al his guesses- an accuracy that made me highly suspicious. So I ventured to ask him about it, but he claimed it was just a calculated guess. He then turned to his desk and carried on with whatever homework he was trying to finish. Yes, to my shock and horror, Potter was actually getting some work done.
The studious hours passed quickly, and I blocked out all other thoughts. I did not get the opportunity to finish my Transfiguration- but it was part of an on going process of turning a rock, or any inanimate object into a tool, into a living breathing animal- the most complex of all transfiguration processes. So far, I'd managed to make the shape of a fox but nothing further. According to Professor McGonagall, we should have had a couple of tufts of hair by now, but I didn't know how long that was going to take.
The fact was, begin Head Girl was strenuous- and almost not worth it. A larger influence on that matter was that I had nothing that could remove that burden, and that perhaps made everything feel so much worse. I really just wanted someone to talk to about it- but that was not likely to happen. Another factor was that James and I simply did not get along as a Head Boy and Head Girl should. Last year, Alice Prewett and Frank Longbottom were so successful at the positions they held, that they had managed to make the prefects of Gryffindor and Slytherin get along quite well- at least until Potter had his 'great prank' by placing the repetition Charm on the Slytherin common room fire, that said 'Slimy Slytherins Smell' and 'Groovy Gryffindors Grow Greatness' (don't ask- I thought they were really sad as well) repetitively.
I suppose the only thing that really kept me going was the feeling that Potter was changing- that it had become easier to talk to him- and perhaps we could finally do something good for the school. Dumbledore was not a foolish man, and nor was any of the staff who respectively chose Head Boy or the Head Girl. He knew the depth of our differences, and had selected the both of us on that basis.'
With those thoughts, I finally fell asleep.
Professor Dumbledore had called for a meeting the next day at Lunch, so Potter and I were there straight after Transfiguration. We had arrived a few minutes early, so we could not enter his office. I didn't exactly know what to do standing there with Potter right next to me, so I asked him simply, "How far are you in Transfiguration?" in an attempt to make conversation.
"It's going fantastically, the deer I'm transforming my quill into has gained its shape, and all its fur, so not much further to go, you?" He smiled, before returning his gaze at his shoes.
"All its fur! You're miles ahead!" I said in amazement.
"I guess, but it's not that hard. Lets just say deer comes naturally to me." He said with a glint in his eyes.
"Not that hard? Transfiguration takes so much effort and time!" I cringed. I didn't mean to say that all- Potter was not meant to know my faults.
"Really? I thought you aced through it last year."
"Aced through it after a lot of hard work, sure." I said hesitantly- there was no point lying now.
"Oh, right. You know Lily, if you want any help, you can always ask?"
Much to my relief the gargoyles in front of Professor Dumbledore's office moved at this point, so I had no need to respond.
"Ah. So you're here on time. This is a good beginning of a new year. Sit down, sit down please." Dumbledore gestured as we entered the room.
There were three seats in front of his desk. As I had entered the room first, I sat down on the closest seat. Potter took the seat next to me, as I looked at him in awe.
"Good good. I assume you know why I called you here?" Dumbledore drew our attention back to him
I shook my head, while Potter answered, "Not exactly sir."
"Of course, I did not tell you, that's right. But, we must now make this objective, as we do not have much time."
We nodded.
"I am impressed by your efficiency and progress that you have had this week, and I am glad to see Hogwarts running normally so quickly after the events at the beginning of this term."
"Thank you, sir," I responded since Potter said nothing.
"You are welcome Miss Evans. Now, other things have come to my attention as well. I believe the Halloween Feast is the first event of this year, before Quidditch matches begin."
I nodded.
"Well, due to the obvious bias on Mr Potter's side, I leave Miss Evans in control of calculating the dates for the Quidditch matches, and I leave both of you in charge in the Feast. Decoration plans can be given to either Professor McGonagall or I, who will organise it from there."
Once again, I nodded, "Professor, is it alright if I consult the Quidditch Captains of each house before finalising dates?"
"Brilliant idea- I am once again very impressed Miss Evans."
"Thank you, Professor." I blushed, to have a compliment by the most powerful magician in England was not something to be taken lightly, but I still felt I had not done anything.
Trivial details were then discussed, such as the use of the Seventh Year Study Rooms (which were not to be used until after the Feast), and the potential problem caused by students who were suffering under the torments of Voldemort. However, the meeting finished quickly enough, and we were about to leave until Professor Dumbledore added without tearing his eyes from his parchmentwork "Oh, Mr Potter, since you will have more free time, I suggest you make sure the Feast is enjoyable. I assume you and your friends can handle that."
Potter looked at me as we walked out with an extremely puzzled look. "Did he-?"
I shifted in my shoes, he couldn't have, but he did. I nodded, "Just make sure it's innocent, okay?" I continued to stare at my shoes, shocked that the Headmaster had approved of a prank.
"Innocent?" His glasses slipped as he lifted up his eyebrows. I looked away, once again to stare at my shoes
"You know, something that doesn't utterly destroy Slytherin-Gryffindor relations." I added too sharply for my liking.
"What Slytherin-Gryffindor relations? The ones where they treat everyone they know as if they were superior? The ones where they spit on people just because they're not pureblood? Which one, Lily? You tell me." He sounded disgusted.
Anger reached boiling point, but I did not want to have a shouting match in the middle of the day, in the middle of the school corridors, so I spoke calmly. "Not every Slytherin is like that you know? Slytherins are ambitious, that's what's in their personality, that's it. You've just created an aura around it, just because they have a few bad students."
"Oh, really? Well Gryffindor isn't like that, I mean we may be brave, but we don't put down people because of it."
"The little your perfect ignorant mind knows, the better." I was annoyed now. He knew so little about the way people treated me, the way he treated everyone- it disgusted me.
"What are you on about Evans?"
I cringed, the harshness of 'Evans' hurt, but I know I had to explain. "You should walk the corridors in your magnificent invisibility cloak after your anti-Slytherin pranks, and you might hear the voices of muggleborn Ravenclaws and Hufflepuffs talking. Trust me they are not complimentary."
"And how do you know? I suppose they only say it because they know you hate every shred of me."
I cringed once more, "The little you know about me. You know Potter, your friends were right—perhaps you should get to know me on occasion, and you would find a very different person than you think. But it's not like you really care. You should learn to be a bit more observant, and you might notice that there are other forms of disguise than being invisible."
I walked faster. I couldn't stand to be near him at that moment. I hated having to say things like that to anyone, even if it was to Potter. Why did he always have to destroy everything when it was just getting better? There were things I'd never understand.
I could hear him fainting calling out "Lily" from a distance, but I ignored it. I had to find somewhere to hide, so I could get rid of the meaningless façade I was putting on. The only place to turn was Myrtle's bathroom- no one dared to enter except for I, so I wasn't bound to meet anyone, except Myrtle.
I curled up in the corner, wrapping my hands around my legs. Why did things like these happen to me? Did Potter actually hate me or like me? What was happening with Remus- was he only being friendly with me because Potter had asked him to? What about home- why had no one written when I'd sent Anasuya so long ago?
"Lily, is that you?" the monotonous voice or Myrtle filled the bathroom. She looked at me- "What's the matter this time?"
"Myrtle, I don't really want to talk about it." I really did not wan to hear her voice when I was trying to sort things out.
"But Lily, I know how you feel."
"Myrtle, we lived in different times, we've lived different lives. I'm not the same as you. You're a nice ghost, no doubt, but we're not the same."
The noise which had named her 'moaning Myrtle' started again. I groaned. I couldn't deal with it all right now. I just wanted to run away and hide. Everything was just getting too complicated. I did something I shouldn't have done- I got up and I walked out, leaving the poor ghost weeping her ghost away. I dissolved myself in work again, and ignored my emotions.
Author's Note: Sixth Chapter up now- it's fast, but the next one won't be for a while- sorry :(. Please do tell me what you think about this chapter- moving too slow, too fast- too weird? Tell me if you hate it or love it- I like the beginning best, but that's only my opinion. Oh and just so I can give my political opinion: Australia voted wrong in voting back John Howard (grr). Sorry had to be said. No offence to anyone, but those who supported the racist Family First, or the xenophobic One Nation.
Thanks to:
Whimsical Firefly-Nice to hear you liked the chapter. I think that one was my favourite, but some interesting ones might come up. I don't think Lily's insecure, but I'll obviously have to add some bits on to make it more clear. James isn't as nice as he might seem- he's still a little bit of a tease, but according to the books, he's meant to have matured a bit, so I'm trying to incorporate that. I think more than anything she doesn't take James seriously anymore- but that's all changing, so we'll just have to see. Thanks so much for all your reviews- you deserve a gold medal :)Lightstorm- Thanks for the review. Glad you've liked it so far, but as to see what's going to happen, you'll just have to wait. This fic. is going to be long.
Thanks for reading. Please Review and tell me if you liked it or not, and where I can improve. Thanks!