When Hope Rises Again…

Plot Summary (in case you've forgotten) In her final year at Hogwarts, the lonely Lily Evans is faced with a new challenge and a new fear. Slowly she begins to see the world through a new light, regaining her self-confidence, and finding a group of friends she could trust forever. This is told through the eyes of Lily Evans, and is not your average LJ fanfic. I try to keep to the real story as much as possible.

Chapter 9: "Magic" and Tears

I spent quite a while trying to figure out exactly what Dumbledore meant during that lesson, when he had pulled me out. Surely that 'ability' to comprehend basic human reactions that he had referred to was no form of 'magic' and that it was just basic human intuition, built up after years of observing people. I was not unique.

It was by thinking along these lines, that I came to an astounding conclusion, one which one could only receive from Dumbledore. I reflected back to that time in First year, where he had said something along the lines of:

"Hogwarts can only teach you what is not learnt naturally. What we will teach you here is only what you will not teach yourself simply by living."

And then what he had said in Fourth year:

"There is no more enigmatic form of magic other than music, yet so few do remember it as magic at all."

Looking only at one of the statements, it would not seem as though there were any links between the two, but looking at both together, and building bridges of thought between them, a greater understanding could be formed. If music, a magic which I had always considered quite muggle, was magic, then any form of muggle study could be magic as well. I mean, where are the lines between magic and muggle, in terms of what makes us human? That's why it was old. It was human nature, as old as anything Magical can be.

It all fell into place. It was almost beautiful—that is, if that was what Professor Dumbledore had meant.

I turned to find out the time, and realised it was already past 2 am, and I still had to get ready for bed. Stretching from the uncomfortable position I had been sitting in while trying to puzzle things out, I walked out of my bedroom door and into the Common Room. Looking around, I felt that there was something odd about it. Ignoring that impulse, I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and quickly go to the loo. However, upon re-entering the room, I sensed that same feeling again, and looked around more carefully. And then it was all clear- there was a lack of moonlight in the room, because placed in front of the window was a large chair, with the shape of a tall young boy seated upon it. I was just about to go and scold him for staying up so late, when, I saw something I had not expected.

To say I felt nothing would be a lie, because just seeing the moonlight reflect on silent tears falling onto James' face stirred me. More than I had expected, anyway. I didn't know what to do. The last person I had comforted was an old muggle school friend, who I'd hugged to comfort. I was neither experienced nor skilled in this department. All I could do was feel his pain. I was going to turn away, head back to my bedroom in fear of facing the situation at hand, but not surprisingly, I managed to trip over the square edge of the floor carpet.

I couldn't get up. It seemed so pointless. James knew I was there now, and there was no point in pretending that I had not seen him. But he didn't say anything. So I lay there, trying to puzzle out why I wanted to run out and just hug him. I put it down to empathy.

His whisper broke through the beautiful silence. "Lily." I froze, and then slowly lifted myself up, walking towards him. "Lily," he tried again, "Do- do you think the sun will shine tomorrow?"

I paused, a little confused. "If it doesn't, then all we can do it try to keep on living." I felt like as if I could understand what he was saying, and the truth was the only way to provide any comfort.

He did not reply for a while, and I had begun to think that that was the end of our conversation, when once again, a quiet whisper rung through the room. "But there is no warmth without it. There is no more warmth."

At this point, his tears were spilling out. I rubbed the palm of my right hand against his shoulder, and pulled a handkerchief out of my pocket and passed it to him. He was shaking, and my heart ached for him. I let him let it all out.

"I don't deserve to be here today. I shouldn't have run. Why?" he paused, as though he couldn't speak. "Why didn't they take me instead?" He looked longingly at me for answers.

I had to come up with something. Come on, brain, think, use your skills to think about what you would want to hear in this situation. What is the truth? "Your parents, they'd been working for their whole lives trying to create a perfect life for you. Protect you from all the evil that the world creates." His tears glistened down his cheek "By you dying they would have died without anything. They wanted you to live, James. It's not your fault that it happened. They loved you so much, they would be lost without you."

He was crying heavily now, and I didn't know what to do. I continued rubbing his arm, hoping that letting it all out was worth it.

"Why them? Why did it have to happen to me? Couldn't he have picked on anyone else but them? What did they ever do to him?"

I didn't know what to say. I had no answers. I just sat there, my heart aching as I felt his anger and hurt pour out of his heart. He continued to let it all out: all his memories, past fights, happy times, times when Sirius was around, and a lot more. I just listened, soft tears streaming down my face in empathy.

Then there was silence. Beautiful silence that pushed both of us into our own worlds respectively. Thoughts ran through my mind. Times when I too had been close to my family, times when Petunia and I had had happy times. Until Hogwarts, until Petunia became jealous and spiteful, until my parents had to focus more on her, and until I felt distanced from all of them. Things were so good back then.

"James," I said quietly, "you were truly lucky to have parents who cared for you so much."

He didn't anything for a while. "I know." He paused for a while before continuing to speak in a hushed tone, "Sometimes I wonder if I would have ever realised how lucky I was if it didn't happen. I mean I started thinking about it after Padfoot moved in, and all, but it wasn't the same. I took them for granted. We'd fight over silly things, and there were so many times I told them I hated them. I did-"

He stopped speaking. It was as if he didn't want to say anymore, didn't want to remember.

"James, we all do it, it's part of growing up. They knew you loved them, they knew you didn't mean it. I can't say how many times I've said the same thing, not meaning it- " I really didn't want to discuss the relationship I shared with my parents.

He was looking at me by now, and I found myself oddly turning away from him, unable to match his gaze. He stood up, and the distance between us decreased as he towered over me. I felt uncomfortable; my stomach felt uneasy. I couldn't explain my feelings- I didn't understand them. I felt claustrophobic. I stepped back.

"It's late," I whispered in a rather squeaky voice, "We've got a lot to do tomorrow. I should go. Um… Goodnight." I turned to walk away.

"Lily," he whispered. I stopped reluctantly. He walked towards me, and my whole body froze. I couldn't explain anything that I was feeling. Slowly he reached for my hand and squeezed it. "Thank you." He let go, and pulled my hand away quickly. "Goodnight." I barely noticed his hand brushing through his hair.

I ran into my room, not looking back.

How could I explain what I had felt? How could I even understand what happened. I certainly didn't like Potter, at least any more than a friend. Maybe that was it, I felt strange because I had somewhat gained Potter, my sworn bitter enemy, as a friend. And it felt strange. More strange than Remus proclaiming himself as my friend. More strange than when Black had complimented me earlier.

I didn't want to think about it. I didn't want to think about anything. I wanted to sleep. To my relief, I was exhausted, and slipped into darkness…

Author's Note: I am prepared to be stoned with rotten tomatoes. I SUCK, I know. I suck because I can't write, and because I haven't updated for ages, and because that was SO short. I've mostly written the next chapter, though, so that will be up soon :)

Thanks to:

The Zazu- Thank you so much for your next beautiful review. I hate myself for not updating sooner, but my cousin came down for 5 weeks and then I went to New Zealand. I've been writing, but this chapter was hard to construct. The previous chapter was probably one of the worst I've written. I didn't like it too much, and I hope this one is better, but it's not great. About Lily and Restricted section, lets say she's not as 'good' as people believe her to be. She doesn't always follow school rules…

Steelo- Sorry this one was shorter, but I'm working on the next one, so it'll be up soon. Cheers :)

Dragon and Laura- Thanks. Sorry it took so long!

Thanks for reading. Please Review and tell me if you like it or not, and where I can improve. Thanks!