When Hope Rises Again…
Plot Summary (in case you've forgotten) In her final year at Hogwarts, the lonely Lily Evans is faced with a new challenge and a new fear. Slowly she begins to see the world through a new light, regaining her self-confidence, and finding a group of friends she could trust forever. This is told through the eyes of Lily Evans, and is not your average LJ fanfic. I try to keep to the real story as much as possible.
Chapter 11: The Order
By the time the sun had risen on Sunday morning, all was sorted. After wandering around the school about five times, I managed to find James after he'd finished his Quidditch practise. Annoyingly, he had taken an awkwardly long bath before coming to tell me that Nearly Headless Nick was probably somewhere on the Sixth Floor Corridor. And, not surprisingly, Nick was there. The House-elfs were found during our Patrols. After tickling the portrait pear (as James advised), and entering their lair, they expressed such delight at seeing James, that it was almost like I wasn't there- that was, until James introduced me.
"Are you going to come and see us often, young Mistress- like the Masters do?" said one rather enthusiastically, before backing away and begging pardon for being so upfront. I smiled and told her she'd have to wait and see, whilst raising an eyebrow at James, who in return, asked for some custard tarts from the house-elf in front of him. They were more than happy to oblige, and they gave us a bagful, before I excused us, and pulled James towards the exit.
After James popped to the loo, we carried on with our Patrols, and as per usual, he directed me to exactly where the offenders would be located. I was beginning to find this quite suspicious. A few detentions were given out, as well as a few points taken from each house.
James had spoken to Professor Dumbledore whilst I was visiting Sir Nicholas, and things were organised quite quickly then. Although mysterious, and, well quite peculiar, Dumbledore had a knack for organisation. Give him anything, and he would have it done for the school. He was an amazing Headmaster.
The thing was Patrols had never been easier. It was as if normal conversation was now possible with James. And it wasn't only him who was willing to change topics to something we could talk about, because even I had been prepared to listen to his Quidditch talk.
"And being a chaser means you have to keep an eye on everyone else in the game, as well as fly. That's what really gives you that thrill when you're playing in the game. I enjoy the position much more than seeker, which is what I used to play."
"I know." I muttered quietly, though not really meaning him to hear it. But his ears twitched a bit and his expression changed.
"How, how do you know?" He asked, as if puzzled. "I thought you didn't come to any Quidditch matches?"
I blushed, I was going to have to tell him. "Well, actually I kind of did attend. I wouldn't let Gryffindor down, of course." I added the last sentence when he raised his eyebrows. "It was hard not to notice since you've always been more of a brag after you changed to chaser." I added teasingly.
He turned around abruptly, as though he had actually taken what I'd said seriously. However, upon seeing the upended ends of my lips, he let out a little laugh. Then, after an awkward silence where the only sounds that were audible were some portraits snoring, he asked more seriously, "Do you still believe I am conceited?"
I was expecting that question, and I had expected myself to answer a quick 'yes', but somehow the word couldn't come out of my mouth. Truth be told, I was not sure of what exactly I did think of him anymore. I couldn't explain why being near him made me feel a little happier. I couldn't explain why I hadn't been annoyed by the crazy events of the day, where some conversations were so frivolous that, had I heard them a year ago, I would have walked out the room.
"You're changing," was the closest thing that I could say. I whispered the password, 'unspeakables' to the portrait door, and stepped inside the Head's Quarters.
After a final "'Night, James," I left him in the Common Room just as confused as I was.
So for Sunday morning to dawn the next day was a blessing, for I knew that James would not question what I meant the night before. And I would finally be able to attack that pile of homework that had taken up half of my desk. But, somehow, after a round of the Marauders at breakfast, I did not have the strength nor the concentration span to stare at my incomplete Transfiguration homework.
Beyond the castle, voices and smacking sounds were heard from those practising on the Quidditch pitch. The later leaving winter birds flew past my window, their sweet twittering softening the cold. A diversity of strange sounding movements and gurgling sounds came from the depth of the Forbidden Forest. Tonight was going to be a full moon.
Suddenly, I knew that I could procrastinate no longer. It was much too beautiful outside to sit indoors and do some work. I needed to get out of the Castle and onto the grounds. I needed to see life again. I needed to breathe fresh air. I needed to feel the cold air against my face. I needed to live.
I strode through the corridors as though I was on a mission- noticing that a few students moved to make way for me, whilst a few actually waved to say hello to me as I passed by- something that wasn't quite usual. But it felt good, somehow, that I hadn't hidden away in the corners, and that I was really facing life as it hit me. Ironically, it was actually quite pleasant.
I was outside before I knew it.
Approaching the Lake, a beautiful white owl feather slapped my face. Right in front of me was a sight for sore eyes. A badly injured snowy owl had collapsed on the ground, bleeding from where a wing was barely still attached. I knew what this meant, but could not think of how to deal with the situation. How had it been at Quidditch matches? I called a stretcher, upon which I gently placed the owl. It floated behind me as I ran towards Professor Dumbledore's office.
Whose family had been affected? Could it be mine? Or any of the students which had parted and stared as I ran by? Was it the guilty or the innocent affected? The innocent, it seemed by the way the owl had been treated. I could only hope it was not mine. Hope that another had been affected. But at the same time, I felt guilt that I would want anyone else to suffer the fate which I feared so much.
Dumbledore's phoenix, who I later learned was named Fawkes, met me at the stone gargoyle, somehow knowing that I would be there. It prodded me to untie the letter that the owl still had around its foot, after which it soared off with the stretcher now somehow flying behind it. Holding the letter still in my hand, and shaking unsteadily, I walked slowly up to Dumbledore's office.
He was patiently waiting behind his deck, his eyes facing towards my own, but seeing very much past anything that mine could see. I could not disturb him. His eyes, though still the calming blue they had always been, showed signs of restlessness. Dark bags were visible underneath them. Lines of stress and wear were now visible on his face. The soft Dumbledore I had met on my first day, had slipped away, and in return, a much tired, and worried Wizard was sitting in front me. Yet he smiled when he acknowledged that I was in his office.
"Miss Evans, I should not be surprised. If anything it is wise that you came, it is indeed." He was now standing, and with a wave of his wand, I now had a seat to sit down in. But I could not sit down. I could not let this moment pass as any other would.
"The owl- It was dead- or unconscious- the letter- I do not know- what?" Somehow I was finding it hard to speak. I wanted him to tear it open, and tell me that it wasn't me who would suffer, at least not now. I wanted him to say everything was going to be all right.
He sighed, and lifted the letter out of my hands. It unravelled, and he skimmed through it, his face not betraying his thoughts. He sighed once again. "It is not good news, I'm afraid."
He was pacing by now. I said the only response I could think of, "Who? How many?"
"How many affected, you mean Miss Evans?" He was peering through his half-moon glasses.
I nodded, a little intimidated.
"Too many. All of us will be affected, but to those most," he paused, "it will not be simple."
"But who, sir? Is it-?" I did not have time to ask my question aloud.
"Not yours, no, Miss Evans, not yours. But five students will have to be told, and two will have to be sent. It will not be easy. It is never easy."
I was relieved, to a certain extent, but guilt had caught me by the neck. A large lump formed in the base of my throat. I dared not ask who was affected.
He carried on. "Miss Evans, I believe it is best that I tell you the truth now. But I would prefer it if you would sit down. There is little time, and a lot to be said. Things that should not leave this room."
The truth? What truth? Had Dumbledore lied to me before, or had he been concealing the truth from me—from the school? I sat down obediently.
"The actions of Tom- by that I do mean Voldemort- are not simple. He has always had a peculiar taste for power, and although that is not unknown amongst Wizarding folk and muggles alike, his thirst has taken him too far. This ambition is what makes it so impossibly difficult for us to defeat him, as well as his brilliant magical knowledge. In fact, he was probably the most brilliant student Hogwarts has had in the last century."
Voldemort had been at Hogwarts? How could someone such as him turn out like- like how he was? Had the school not taught him tolerance?
As if reading my thoughts, Dumbledore carried on. "Head Boy, by the name of Tom Riddle then. Despised his muggle roots, no doubt. His father left his mother when he found out that she was a witch. This scar has lead him to what he thinks as revenge."
Behind Dumbledore, the hiding face of Professor Dippet spoke softly, "My biggest mistake…"
"His powers are great now, his knowledge is much broader than what he was taught here: unto the unknown depths of the earth he has travelled, seeking knowledge of Dark Magic that has stained him. But under him, he now has followers, doing his biding, as any henchmen would."
"Death Eaters…" The words came out before I could stop them.
"Yes, that is what they are known as. The cover themselves with masks of white-" He was seated by now as well.
A memory stirred him my mind, and a vivid image of my thirteenth summer flashed in-front me, "The masked robbers-" the words slipped out through my mouth again.
"That is what they were known as on the muggle news, yes. But the identities of these henchmen are not known, and so we do not know who is betraying us. Thus, at this moment in time, we cannot trust anyone, for anyone could be a spy."
"Yet, sir, you trust me." I wanted to know why, why he had said so much already.
"Yes, Miss Evans, I do. Voldemort's first attack did not happen last year, as the Ministry would like you to believe. Previous events have occurred, but they were dismissed as a right of political freedom within the Ministry. It was only with the sudden boom in deaths, and in particular the deaths of Ministry members, that recognition of the threat that Voldemort poses has come to light. In the meanwhile, those who knew the outcome of the power Voldemort ensued, had begun to form a group, under whose banner they would fight against him for peace."
"Who? How?" The words were floating in my head, tumbling, and forcing themselves out of my mouth.
"We named ourselves 'The Order of the Phoenix'. We were few, and are fewer now. You would know a few who served until their deaths- Mr and Mrs Potter, of course, and now Mr and Mrs Meadowes." He was now sighing. "There is not much more I can say, Miss Evans, except that I hope that, when the time comes, you will be able to join in our Order. Mr James Potter, Mr Sirius Black, Mr Lupin and Mr Pettigrew are already amongst our few, but cannot join until they too have finished studying here."
I was confused. How could I make a decision now? I had just heard of what he was speaking about, and knew so little. Could it be true? Had the tide really turned that black? I wasn't sure. Was there no one to speak to?
He was reading the letter again, "I do not expect an answer today, or tomorrow, Miss Evans. You will need to think, need to sort through old Daily Prophets. But you will not be able to speak about this freely to everyone. There are few you may talk to. One is the one who holds a similar title to yours. I am sorry that I have to tell you now, but this is the only time, and the most appropriate, I believe. When your decision is made, I will be happy to hear it. If you do refuse the offer, though, every detail of this conversation will no longer remain a memory, and you will be ignorant of any of the matters I have conveyed to you."
There was so much to remember. Did I want to lose it? Return to my sweet innocence, and think that there was no such threat? It would be so simple to think that I could hide from the evil in the world, but even then it would catch up with me soon enough. I was only seventeen years old! How could he put such a burden on me? There was too much to be done. To think that this had been the right time for anything was laughable, because I could not have had less time, and less worries. But then, Dumbledore had always had a second sense, and his knowledge seemed be always beyond mine. And now I had a decision to make, something that would inevitably affect my life. If I chose to agree, then my death was almost certain, but if I disagreed, I would be betraying the reason that I had chosen to become an Auror. It was all too soon, too unrealistic. I couldn't just stand there in his office as he looked at me for answers.
My thoughts were still clouded when a tall, dark-haired boy passed by and let out his hand, so that he could catch my shoulder. I jerked upright and saw James grinning slightly. "Hey Lily," he said, as he winked, "Heading for Heads' Quarters?"
His expression turned stern as I told him we needed to talk.
"Are you alright?" he asked in an urgent tone, as soon as were had entered the Heads' Common Room.
How could I tell him? It seemed strange to be telling the person who I had almost hated last year, about my worries. But somehow, it just seemed natural, oddly natural. After all, Dumbledore had hinted that I might discuss any issues relating to the Order with James. So it slipped out, slowly at first. Almost every detail came out: Dumbledore's words, the enigma surrounding the Order, and that decision. The only thing I did not tell him was about my uncertainty in the decision I had to make. Surprisingly, he didn't stop listening or assume that clouded look he often gets whilst sitting in a classroom, pretending to listen to a teacher's instructions. In fact, he seemed to be taking it all in very slowly.
"Dumbledore asked you to join the Order?" he asked, as if amazed.
I nodded, he was impressed, and I couldn't tell him that I was bordering on rejecting the offer.
"Lily, that's an honour! Merlin, Padfoot and I were only asked to join because of Mum and Dad. And we're not even proper members yet- we don't get told anything. And Moony and Wormtail only know about it because we asked Dumbledore to let them know. In fact, most of the others are only in because of family relations or because they really trust Dumbledore. Like Alice and Frank-"
"Alice and Frank are in the Order?" I asked. If they had joined, there was more to it. Alice had been really helpful and friendly after my OWLs. She was impressed by my 'guts' as she called them. She was the reason that I had felt slightly at ease at being a loner last year.
James nodded as though it was obvious, "Yup, and they're only are in because Frank's mother really trusts Dumbledore. Of course, old Mrs Longbottom knows nothing about it, but Frank's been close to Dumbledore for years."
I nodded, and my thoughts slipped away. I still couldn't tell him no. By the way he had been talking, and the way that his eyes lit up when he spoke, and the passion that brewed out of his mouth, I couldn't tell him that I was thinking of saying no. I couldn't say no, could I? After what had happened since the beginning of this year, and slightly getting to know the Marauders better, could I disappoint them, and say no? Could I disappoint James?
But my thoughts were luckily short-lived, or I would have had to question from where these issues arose. James was towering over me, his hazel eyes, through his spectacles, now more green than yellow, were looking at me questioningly. A hand reached out, as he unconsciously ruffled through his hair. Awkwardly elated, unexplainably slightly out or breath, I stepped away, trying to avoid his gaze.
"I'm sorry- I, er, didn't catch what you said." I stared at my hands, pretending that there had been something stuck on them that was almost impossible to remove.
"I asked if you were going to join. You are, right?" He seemed to think that 'yes' would be the only obvious answer to that question.
I nodded reluctantly. I just couldn't say no to him.
He smiled, "It'll be good to have you on the team with us jokers. I mean you're brilliant at magic, and you, well, have a certain style- a different style- a really good different style."
I couldn't look up at him. I felt the heat rise to my cheeks. Why was I being affected by someone who I had just started to call a friend? "It's not that important. You're the Order too." I tried to throw off the undeserved compliment.
"Is that a compliment? From Lily Evans? For James Potter- evilness personified?" He was smiling, a little twitch that enlightened all his facial features. A strange sensation went down my body, like a little shiver. I stepped away from him, my face reddening.
"I suppose. But, um, I really need to get some work done before tomorrow. I suppose I'll talk to you later- during patrols. Um, thanks, for the help with, the Order." I slipped past him hurriedly, strangely hoping, much to my horror, that he would still continue talking to me.
Author's Note: Long chapter! Well, I kind of did like the chapter, but I'm just going to have to wait and see what you think. My only concern is now that HBP is coming out in less than 7 days, I will not be able to finish this story, and details in HBP will change my storyline. I have reason to believe that more about Lily will be revealed in HBP, so that kind of stops this. However, if the storyline is similar I will adjust this story according to those details. If they are too apart I may start a new story, but I will be using parts of this one to fit into the other one. Um, I should have a new chapter posted before it comes out though, so keep an eye out for that.
Anyway, I hope all of you and your family/friends are all right, proceeding the attacks in London. It's a tragic news for all those affected and London itself, and also because it diverted attention away from the G8 summit in Scotland.
Thanks to:
The Zazu- Thanks so much for your review! Halloween Feast organisation was given to them by Dumbledore because they are the Heads (I mentioned this through Dumbledore at the end of chapter 1). With James talking to Lily: well, James obviously (though not all too obvious to Lily) likes her, so when it comes to talking to someone, he finds to hard to talk about that really hurt him to his friends- Sirius because he's repressed all the feelings of hurt he's felt. Remus because he has more problems to worry about (I will bring that up later). And Peter just wouldn't understand- he's just a bit insensitive. So who else did he trust, who wouldn't laugh at him? Lily. The person who he really likes, and someone who he knows wouldn't push his emotions on such a serious subject aside. But cheers for the review!
Aeryn Snape- I do the word thing all the time. It's a sad tale. Think too fast- it's so annoying when I have an essay to write- have to re-read it loads of times. Thanks for the compliment!
Thanks also to Steelo and Laura and firehottie and Queen of the Duct Tape and Eternal Dragon101
Thanks for reading. Please Review and tell me if you like it or not, and where I can improve. Thanks!