Author's Note: This is just a short scene that I wrote, following the belief that everyone had that Michael is dead. This is just a one-shot and will not be expanded upon. It's meant to just stand alone as a peek into Carly's mind.
There's nothing harder than a true goodbye. The type that says you will never see me again outside of necessary situations. The type that says as much as I loved you once, I CAN'T love you, now. The type that says we made a life together, but that life is over and I can't go back to it. That goodbye... that was the hardest thing anyone could do, but dammit, it had to be done.
I knew Jason would look down on my decision, swear that this was Lorenzo's fault, but it wasn't. It was mine, and it was Sonny's. I wouldn't even lay all the blame at his feet. I had to take my own fault in how our life ended up. I let him do whatever he wanted, and I kept coming back. I've betrayed him in actions and in my thoughts, but at the same time, he's betrayed me, too. And it feels like it's worse because he never apologized for his, and I apologized for mine all the time.
And he never would.
Even when he held me in his arms and begged me not to do this, he wouldn't apologize. My baby boy, my first born... Mr. Man is dead, and it's because of him. And he can't apologize. Maybe if he'd have just said that he was sorry, I would have forgiven him. Maybe I'd have gone back into the den of his depression if he'd just apologized. Or maybe I would have just felt better. He couldn't forgive me, so why should I forgive him? It was all such a mess, but, dammit, I just wanted something from him.
But, there he stood, the man who had lost one son and was ready to steal a daughter to replace him. But, who would replace Michael? Who would replace the little boy that I'd entrusted to so many people, but only one had let down?
No, this wasn't about Lorenzo, or even me for that matter. I still had Morgan, and I could move on with him, but I couldn't do it if I stayed with Sonny. I would only lose him, too. And though I know that Lorenzo's life is dangerous, I can only make a decision based on experience.
Sonny shot me in the head.
Sonny let Faith Roscoe live to kill my boy.
Sonny lost control over and over, and in the end, it was my fault.
Lorenzo loved me.
Lorenzo gave up his business for me.
Lorenzo has never laid a hand on me in anger.
And Michael is dead.
Experience says that I can't trust my life or my last child's life with Sonny. Experience says that I can trust all of that and more with Lorenzo. So, I have to go where we'll be safe, where we'll be able to move on... Where I won't have to look in the face of a man and know that the life I begged him to give up time and again was the reason that my little boy was dead.
Sonny would hate me for it, and Jason would be disappointed in me, but in the end... I had to say goodbye.