AN: Look, I updated! I haven't disappeared off the face of the Earth! Or
have I? *sinister music* Anyway, now that things have settled themselves
updates will come much faster! Faster still if I get lots of nice reviews!
*winkwink*
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, Ford, Chrysler, golf carts, the claiming shotgun 17 hours before a road trip commercial, the just can't wait to be King song, or... just about anything else you see in the fic. Enjoy!
Ford of the Rings
Chapter 3: Collection
After Gandalf had explained why they were going on a road trip, Frodo was ecstatic.
"Wow Gandalf," he shouted, "now that I know why were going on a road trip, I'm ecstatic!" Gandalf chuckled. "Can I go get Sam, Merry, and Pippin, and bring them too?"
"Of course. As long as you four stop and visit my man Bombadil. He'll love you!" Frodo agreed quickly, and the two arranged to meet at Rivendell, home of famous carmakers.
"Oh, Frodo, before you go," Gandalf stopped the young Hobbit on the way out the door, "Watch out. There are these dudes, Ringwraith dudes. They ride golf carts. They are this really mean gang. They work for Chrysler really freaky people. They wear all black. Never ever trust anyone who wears all black. It's a sure sign of mental derangement. Anyway, they are all, like, out to kill anyone driving Fords. No biggie, you can handle them. Easy to recognize too, really tall and they talk like thisss..." Gandalf lowered his voice to a sinister whisper, "So anyway, dude, avoid them, okay?"
*~*~*~*~*~*
"So you see," Frodo concluded "Gandalf is going to get a few more people to come with us to Mordor."
"Ah," Pippin nodded sagely "and we're supposed to go visit his friend, and avoid the homicidal maniacs in golf carts." Frodo nodded.
"OK" Sam looked excited, "I call shotgun!"
"Dude, get a life." Merry sighed, "Frodo just said that we don't leave for 17 hours! Grow up."
The hobbits turned and didn't hear the muttered 'Idiot' that was Sam's
reply.
*~*~*~* Gandalf *~*~*~*
Gandalf and Aragorn rode toward Mirkwood, in search of Prince Legolas.
"So you want me to come to Mordor with you just so some little midget can get insurance while meanwhile I could be seducing Elrond's daughter and playing golf with Erestor?"
"Ya, pretty much." Gandalf had found Aragorn on the road and had recruited him for their road trip.
"Cool!" Aragorn adored road trips because road trips meant getting lost and perhaps getting drunk, which were two of his favourite things, besides getting laid. "Hey, afterwards can we stop off at Gondor? I want to do a hostile takeover type thing."
"Sure, no problem, dude. Sounds like fun, really."
"Awesome. Hey, Gandalf, look! There is Prince Leggy!
"Right." Gandalf's voice took on a military tone, "Ready the Lembas- Launcher Strider, we're going in!"
*~*~*~* Hobbits*~*~*~*
"I told you to avoid this forest! I told you not to visit Gandalf's deranged friends. But nooo, never listen to the smart one, and now look! We're being eaten by a freaking tree!"
"Wait! Look! Who is that happy, fat, singing guy!"
"Hey Tom Bombadil! Hey Tom Bombadillo! I will save your life! Then eat Armadillo!"
*~*~*~* Gandalf and Legolas *~*~*~*
"So you want me, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood, to escort some midget halfway across Middle Earth?!?"
"Ya..." Gandalf agreed "That's pretty much it."
"Cool! Road trips are fun!" I haven't been on one for almost two hundred years!"
"You're a freak Legolas. You knew that, right?"
Legolas laughed. He and Gandalf were getting ready to leave Mirkwood. Aragorn had gone ahead, saying something about getting wasted at The Inn of the Prancing Pony. Gandalf would ride halfway to Rivendell with Legolas, then go and visit his stockbroker Saruman.
"Aww, come on Gandy! You know you love me!" Legolas grinned "Everyone loves me! I'm cute and overly likeable!"
*~*~*~* Aragorn *~*~*~*
"Whee! I can fly!" Boromir yelled excruciatingly loudly in Aragorn's ear. Aragorn winced.
"Dude, it's a horse. Get over it." Aragorn had found the future steward
of Gondor on the road lost, alone, and singing.
Flashback
After successfully capturing Prince Legolas, Aragorn had taken off to... er... meet the Hobbits. Yes, Hobbits, of course that was where he was going. But then, if he happened to meet them at the Inn of the Prancing Pony, that was just convenience. And if the Prancing Pony happened to have the best ale on this side of Rohan, it was merely a bonus. And if Aragorn himself happened to have a few small, insignificant drinks, well you really couldn't blame him, right? It's not as if he was going to get as drunk as, say, that guy singing over by the side of the road. Wait... he was singing that song wrong. This was not something Aragorn could permit to continue.
"Oh I just can't wait to be steward!"
"Um... hey, dude. Dude you're singing it wrong! It's 'just can't wait to be King! Get it right!"
As soon as Aragorn had said that, the not-singing-anymore guy leapt to his feet, whipped out his sword, and pointed it straight at Aragorn!
"Gondor has no king," the unkempt man growled fiercely, "Gondor needs no king!"
The slight thrust of his sword that accompanied the last of his words was enough to make Aragorn take a step backwards and hold out his hands in a gesture of peace. When this failed to make the man back down, Aragorn hid behind his horse. Something told him this man would not take well to Aragorn's hostile takeover plans for Gondor. Oh well, maybe Aragorn would get lucky and this man would conveniently die at some point before then.
"Right, okay, so not-going-to-be-a-king-guy, wanna go on a road trip?"
End Flashback
So here Aragorn was, with this freak, dropping him off at Rivendell instead of waiting patiently at The Prancing Pony not getting drunk. Stupid singing man.
*~*~*~* Gandalf *~*~*~*
Gandalf hopped off his bike and gazed up at Stock Broker Saruman's Magic Tower of Shinyness. It was big. Very big. And shiny too, like you'd never believe. Personally Gandalf felt that Saruman was compensating for something. A lack of shinyness, perhaps?
"Gandalf the Grey," Saruman's voice filled the courtyard, strong and foreboding, yet very not shiny. "You seek my counsel, do you not?"
"Uh...yeah...that's sorta your job, dude."
Saruman chuckled. This was bad. Saruman didn't chuckle unless Gandalf's stocks were doing horribly. Oh no, no! He was approaching the chortling stage. Gandalf must be completely bankrupt! So the Grey Wizard did the only thing that made sense in this situation. He punched the now-giggling wizard. Hard. Saruman stopped laughing. Everything went quiet for a few, precious seconds. Then... the sky darkened. Lightning flashed. The setting was reminiscent of that of a cheap fanfic right before two people fight. And out of the blue... the most amazing thing happened...
TBC
AN: Heh. Cliffhanger! Whee!!! Don't worry, I'll update soon. I've found that Geography is the perfect place to write this. So if I start mentioning economy and such, that's why. It's not 'cause I lost it. That just explains the story in general.
Anyways, review please! Constructive criticism is always welcome, flames will be laughed at. Not that you'd ever flame. I mean, you loved this story, right? Good! Press that little button down there and tell me how much!
Disclaimer: I do not own Lord of the Rings, Ford, Chrysler, golf carts, the claiming shotgun 17 hours before a road trip commercial, the just can't wait to be King song, or... just about anything else you see in the fic. Enjoy!
Ford of the Rings
Chapter 3: Collection
After Gandalf had explained why they were going on a road trip, Frodo was ecstatic.
"Wow Gandalf," he shouted, "now that I know why were going on a road trip, I'm ecstatic!" Gandalf chuckled. "Can I go get Sam, Merry, and Pippin, and bring them too?"
"Of course. As long as you four stop and visit my man Bombadil. He'll love you!" Frodo agreed quickly, and the two arranged to meet at Rivendell, home of famous carmakers.
"Oh, Frodo, before you go," Gandalf stopped the young Hobbit on the way out the door, "Watch out. There are these dudes, Ringwraith dudes. They ride golf carts. They are this really mean gang. They work for Chrysler really freaky people. They wear all black. Never ever trust anyone who wears all black. It's a sure sign of mental derangement. Anyway, they are all, like, out to kill anyone driving Fords. No biggie, you can handle them. Easy to recognize too, really tall and they talk like thisss..." Gandalf lowered his voice to a sinister whisper, "So anyway, dude, avoid them, okay?"
*~*~*~*~*~*
"So you see," Frodo concluded "Gandalf is going to get a few more people to come with us to Mordor."
"Ah," Pippin nodded sagely "and we're supposed to go visit his friend, and avoid the homicidal maniacs in golf carts." Frodo nodded.
"OK" Sam looked excited, "I call shotgun!"
"Dude, get a life." Merry sighed, "Frodo just said that we don't leave for 17 hours! Grow up."
The hobbits turned and didn't hear the muttered 'Idiot' that was Sam's
reply.
*~*~*~* Gandalf *~*~*~*
Gandalf and Aragorn rode toward Mirkwood, in search of Prince Legolas.
"So you want me to come to Mordor with you just so some little midget can get insurance while meanwhile I could be seducing Elrond's daughter and playing golf with Erestor?"
"Ya, pretty much." Gandalf had found Aragorn on the road and had recruited him for their road trip.
"Cool!" Aragorn adored road trips because road trips meant getting lost and perhaps getting drunk, which were two of his favourite things, besides getting laid. "Hey, afterwards can we stop off at Gondor? I want to do a hostile takeover type thing."
"Sure, no problem, dude. Sounds like fun, really."
"Awesome. Hey, Gandalf, look! There is Prince Leggy!
"Right." Gandalf's voice took on a military tone, "Ready the Lembas- Launcher Strider, we're going in!"
*~*~*~* Hobbits*~*~*~*
"I told you to avoid this forest! I told you not to visit Gandalf's deranged friends. But nooo, never listen to the smart one, and now look! We're being eaten by a freaking tree!"
"Wait! Look! Who is that happy, fat, singing guy!"
"Hey Tom Bombadil! Hey Tom Bombadillo! I will save your life! Then eat Armadillo!"
*~*~*~* Gandalf and Legolas *~*~*~*
"So you want me, Prince Legolas of Mirkwood, to escort some midget halfway across Middle Earth?!?"
"Ya..." Gandalf agreed "That's pretty much it."
"Cool! Road trips are fun!" I haven't been on one for almost two hundred years!"
"You're a freak Legolas. You knew that, right?"
Legolas laughed. He and Gandalf were getting ready to leave Mirkwood. Aragorn had gone ahead, saying something about getting wasted at The Inn of the Prancing Pony. Gandalf would ride halfway to Rivendell with Legolas, then go and visit his stockbroker Saruman.
"Aww, come on Gandy! You know you love me!" Legolas grinned "Everyone loves me! I'm cute and overly likeable!"
*~*~*~* Aragorn *~*~*~*
"Whee! I can fly!" Boromir yelled excruciatingly loudly in Aragorn's ear. Aragorn winced.
"Dude, it's a horse. Get over it." Aragorn had found the future steward
of Gondor on the road lost, alone, and singing.
Flashback
After successfully capturing Prince Legolas, Aragorn had taken off to... er... meet the Hobbits. Yes, Hobbits, of course that was where he was going. But then, if he happened to meet them at the Inn of the Prancing Pony, that was just convenience. And if the Prancing Pony happened to have the best ale on this side of Rohan, it was merely a bonus. And if Aragorn himself happened to have a few small, insignificant drinks, well you really couldn't blame him, right? It's not as if he was going to get as drunk as, say, that guy singing over by the side of the road. Wait... he was singing that song wrong. This was not something Aragorn could permit to continue.
"Oh I just can't wait to be steward!"
"Um... hey, dude. Dude you're singing it wrong! It's 'just can't wait to be King! Get it right!"
As soon as Aragorn had said that, the not-singing-anymore guy leapt to his feet, whipped out his sword, and pointed it straight at Aragorn!
"Gondor has no king," the unkempt man growled fiercely, "Gondor needs no king!"
The slight thrust of his sword that accompanied the last of his words was enough to make Aragorn take a step backwards and hold out his hands in a gesture of peace. When this failed to make the man back down, Aragorn hid behind his horse. Something told him this man would not take well to Aragorn's hostile takeover plans for Gondor. Oh well, maybe Aragorn would get lucky and this man would conveniently die at some point before then.
"Right, okay, so not-going-to-be-a-king-guy, wanna go on a road trip?"
End Flashback
So here Aragorn was, with this freak, dropping him off at Rivendell instead of waiting patiently at The Prancing Pony not getting drunk. Stupid singing man.
*~*~*~* Gandalf *~*~*~*
Gandalf hopped off his bike and gazed up at Stock Broker Saruman's Magic Tower of Shinyness. It was big. Very big. And shiny too, like you'd never believe. Personally Gandalf felt that Saruman was compensating for something. A lack of shinyness, perhaps?
"Gandalf the Grey," Saruman's voice filled the courtyard, strong and foreboding, yet very not shiny. "You seek my counsel, do you not?"
"Uh...yeah...that's sorta your job, dude."
Saruman chuckled. This was bad. Saruman didn't chuckle unless Gandalf's stocks were doing horribly. Oh no, no! He was approaching the chortling stage. Gandalf must be completely bankrupt! So the Grey Wizard did the only thing that made sense in this situation. He punched the now-giggling wizard. Hard. Saruman stopped laughing. Everything went quiet for a few, precious seconds. Then... the sky darkened. Lightning flashed. The setting was reminiscent of that of a cheap fanfic right before two people fight. And out of the blue... the most amazing thing happened...
TBC
AN: Heh. Cliffhanger! Whee!!! Don't worry, I'll update soon. I've found that Geography is the perfect place to write this. So if I start mentioning economy and such, that's why. It's not 'cause I lost it. That just explains the story in general.
Anyways, review please! Constructive criticism is always welcome, flames will be laughed at. Not that you'd ever flame. I mean, you loved this story, right? Good! Press that little button down there and tell me how much!