AN: Holy crap, look, an update! Blame it on Danielle, she decided to really like this fic, so I decided to make more. Except, this bit probably isn't anywhere near as good. Oh well. Deal with it.

Disclaimer: I so totally don't own any of this, okay?

Ford of the Rings

Chapter 3: Hobbits and Heros

Hobbits

"If I never see that man again…" Merry trailed off menacingly.

"I dunno!" Sam's voice, on the other hand, was quite cheery, "I liked him!"

"You would." Merry snickered, "Birds of a father and all." All the Hobbits laughed, until Sam realized he had been insulted and started glaring.

"So, anyway, let's got to Bree! The Inn of the Prancing Pony is there, they have really kick-ass ale!" Pippin was excited. You could tell from the way he was bouncing in his seat, rocking back and forth and poking Merry constantly.

"Pippin!" Frodo all but shouted from the driver's seat, turning and glaring at the younger Hobbit, "Stop bouncing in your seat, rocking back and forth and poking Merry! You're rocking my Ford and giving me a migraine!" Sam giggled.

"But Frooodoooo…" Oh no! Pippin was reverting to whiney-little-kid mode! Flee, flee in terror! But wait, look, it's Bree! Diversions rule!

The Hobbits drove up to the gate. It was one of those toll-booth type gates, with an automatically rising red-and-white striped board across the road. There were no people around to raise the bar for the Hobbit to pass.

"Um… guys?" Merry questioned "There are no people around to raise the board so we can pass. How do we get into Bree?"

Suddenly, a mystical voice from the heavens announced: "If you seek entrance into the city of Bree, you first must answer these questions three."

"AHHH! Voices!"

"Dude, Frodo, its okay, calm down."

"But the voices! They were talking to me!" Frodo was panicked, "I thought they'd leave me alone after I agreed to burn that barn…" he trailed off, trying to look innocent. "Not that that was me or anything… heh…"

"You freak!" Merry shouted, "Why the hell did you burn that barn! It was the best snogging hideout in the Shire!"

"Well, you see, it started with this Leprechaun… it said I should burn things… and it was fun!" Frodo's face lit up.

"A child's fascination with fire begins at an early age." Sam quoted.

"Ahem, people. How about getting into Bree? I'm hungry!" Pippin, although amused that Frodo was a pyro, really wanted to get inside. There was ale in there, damnit! "Hey, voice! What are your questions?"

"Hey! You heard the voices too, Pip?"

"We all heard the voice, Frodo. You are such-" Merry's comment was cut short by the booming voice from the heavens, which sounded pleased to have been remembered.

"Question One! What is your name?"

"Frodo."

"Samwise Gamgee, esquire"

"Meriadoc Brandybuck, at your service, and your family's."

"I am Spartacus!... er, wait, no… I am Pippin!"

"What is your quest?" The voice continued.

"We seek the Holy Grail!"

"No, we don't!"

"Why not? It would be fun!"

Frodo interrupted before the voice could get offended. "We're going to Mordor to get insurance for my beautiful, lovely, awesome Ford."

"What is the air-speed velocity of an unladen swallow?"

The Hobbits talked among themselves until Pippin randomly decided to answer 'six'. It was his favourite number.

There was silence.

"So… was he right?" Sam wondered aloud. He enjoyed a game of twenty questions just as much as the next happy-go-lucky, three-foot-tall little person with a pyromaniac for a best friend, but it was getting cold outside the gate.

"Uh… er…" the majestic heavenly voice fumbled, "I… sure… He's… close enough. Go on in."

"The gate-thingy rose, letting the four brave little toasters… er… Hobbits inside Bree.

Aragorn

"Hey! Butterball! Wanna nother drink…" After dropping the singing man, who was revealed to be Boromir, off at Rivendell, introducing him to Arwen, and explaining the ever-important 'no touchie' rule, Aragorn was finally settling down inn the Prancing Pony with an ale. His twelfth ale, in fact.

Suddenly, the door opened, and in walked four Hobbits. Three of them looked extrodinarily like Frodo, Sam, and Merry. The fourth looked like Pippin, but in a stupid hat.

"Pippin!" the Merry looking one said, "Take off that stupid hat!"

Ah, it seems these are our Hobbits after all. Good, good!

Frodo walked up to the counter. "Hello. My name is Frodo Bag-… er… Underhill. That's right, Underhill, not Baggins. Not at all…"

"Psst… Frodo! I don't think they're buying it!" Merry hissed. Pippin was silent. The other Hobbits looked at him, alarmed. Pippin wasn't silent unless… Pippin wasn't ever silent. Ever.

"What is in, Pippin?" Merry's voice was shaking. Pippin being quiet was just that scary.

"That drunk guy, in the corner…" Pippin's voice was barely above a whisper, "He keeps watching me… He's gonna eat me!" The last sentence was yelled, so that Sam, who had leaned in to listen, fell over.

The drunk guy in question looked offended, muttered something about only eating dwarves, and only just that one time, and stumbled out of the bar.

Aragorn, who had been watching from the other side of the bar, wandered over to the Hobbits and began to give them a rather drunken lecture.

"…and you hasta buy me ale, cause of the thing where you never gave me chocolate before an if you touchie Arwen you die an I rule at golf, never forget that and beware of the… the guys, the golf cart guys, and don't tell no one 'bout your Ford, and don't eat erasers, trust me on that one, and…"

"Maybe," Merry whispered, "we can sneak away…"

"No!" Aragorn yelled, "Grandoff said to protect yous guys from do evil thingys…"

"Gandalf?" Frodo guessed.

"Yeah, him with the hat." Aragorn agreed, as he dragged the Hobbit upstairs for the night.

Hobbits and Aragorn

"Where are you taking us?"

The now mostly-sober Aragorn turned and gave the tied up Hobbits what he obviously thought of as a wild look, but was in fact a rather hung-over grin.

"Into the Wild."

"Uh… right…" Pippin turned to the other Hobbits, "Do you still think we can sneak away?"

"Nooo!" Aragorn shouted, and then winced at the noise, "You have to stay with me, I'm one of the main characters!"

"Ah, right, well can you at least untie us?" Merry gave him his most eager and innocent look.

"Fine. But I get to sit up front with Frodo." Aragorn agreed.

"Hey… I called it!" Sam whined.

Aragorn was taller. He won.

AN: I probably meant to include more when I was first writing this, but this is all I have done in my old notebook, so this is all you get for now. Review?