A/N: Sorry for the EXTREMELY LONG wait. My exams are over and I'm hoping to find more writing time. (I'd hate to quit my reviewing and beta jobs, though grin) Thanks for your immense patience. Without further ado…
Chapter 10: Heart to heart
The next morning, Calleigh was bathing Darian in a small tub on the changing table in the nursery when Horatio quietly leaned against the door. Surrounded by pale blue walls, Darian slept half the time alone in this room, half the time in the much smaller crib in his parents' bedroom.
Horatio looked around, still getting used to the feel of the room; he'd never thought it would one day serve as a nursery, especially after his divorce to his ex wife, Gabrielle. The walls had gone from beige to blue to suit Darian and the ceiling was covered with a white fluffy cloud tapestry. There was a closet on the left wall, a window in the wall farthest to where he stood, a large wooden chest and a navy blue playpen in the middle of the floor. There was also an enormous poster of the world behind Darian's crib, a musical mobile of stars over the crib and a shelf with stuffed animals on Horatio's right.
Horatio walked up behind Calleigh, leaning his head over her shoulder.
"Bath time," he muttered, looking down at his boy.
"Mmhmm," Calleigh held Darian's head while washing over the baby with a soft cloth. She left the cloth aside, asking, "Can you get –"
"Sure," Horatio had already guessed what she wanted and went to get it.
Calleigh lifted Darian, putting him down on the towel, which she quickly wrapped him up in. There was a little hood on one of the corners to cover his head and she gently rubbed his head, drying his damp hair as much as possible. Horatio handed her the powder and she sprinkled it on Darian who squirmed, tongue involuntarily sticking out.
She fastened a diaper on Darian and turned to look at Horatio. A hand on his hip, Horatio was silently standing beside her, wearing his grey striped shirt and black suit.
"Are you feeling alright this morning?" She touched the hand at his hip.
"Yeah, it was nothing."
"It didn't look like it was nothing… how long had you been putting up with the pain?"
"Started at the end of the afternoon," he lied. The pain in his abdomen had started in the morning, coming and going.
"Well, let me know, next time, okay?"
Horatio nodded.
"Well, you should be getting to work…" she tried not to sound like she was pushing him – she was doing a lot of that lately, but she wanted their life to get back to normal; comparable to the way things were before Darian.
"Horatio – " Yelina called after him as she quickly strolled down the hallway, catching up to him.
"Yeah?" he turned to face her, taking his vine leaf stance.
"How's it going?"
"Okay." He furrowed his brow. "Why?"
She shook her head. "Just wondering," she smiled sadly, knowingly.
Horatio blinked. Did she know? Did Calleigh tell her? Did Calleigh know? He swallowed uneasily.
"When will you be coming over to pick up Ray tomorrow morning?"
"Ahh, we should be there around five thirty if we want to make it there early, get settled in and see something on our first day."
"Okay," she nodded, "and I'll take care of Ella – check up on her after work."
"Thank you. Calleigh wouldn't have left without knowing Ella was taken care of. Neither would I."
"You know, Horatio, I could watch Darian for you… I'm sure my mom wouldn't mind keeping him during the day and I'd bring him home after work – she loves babies; you should have seen her when Ray was little.
"That's kind of you to offer, but Calleigh wouldn't agree. She wouldn't go anywhere without Darian."
Yelina glanced into his eyes, "How is she?"
"Um, well, you know, no matter what I say," his head swiveled, "she thinks she's put on a lot of weight. There's no alteration whatsoever – only in her mind."
Yelina smiled, "just remind her she's beautiful… that's the kind of thing you want to hear when you're sore from feeding and carrying the baby, not to mention tired from the difficult nights. How are you holding up? You look like you've been spread kind of thin."
"I'll surely look and feel better this weekend."
"Well, my offer still holds, okay?"
Horatio nodded. Darian was part of the issue, but separating him from his mother wasn't going to take the disquiet out of Horatio and especially not Calleigh. He had to talk to her. Tonight, he'd tell her. He had to get this off his chest.
"Calleigh - " Horatio called, his voice laced with emotion.
"Yeah, in here," she called back from somewhere in their home.
"Where?" he walked down the hall, trying to pinpoint where she was.
"I'm in the baby's room," she helped him.
"Hey," uneasily, he feigned a smile.
"You're home early," she finished snapping the buttons of Darian's onesie. What's the occasion, she wondered and then mentally kicked herself for even thinking it – Horatio had not one selfish bone in his body. She veered with Darian in her arms, "You came home early to plan the trip, to seek my navigating talents?" She held back a smile.
Good. She was in a good mood.
"No, actually, I came home early so we could talk."
The expression on her face changed entirely.
"Oh." She had wanted this all along, waited for this moment - for him to open up - and suddenly she wasn't sure she wanted him to.
"Maybe we could go and sit down in the living room – "
She nodded, averting her eyes as she walked passed him and continued down the hall.
Calleigh sat down on the couch, holding Darian in her lap and Horatio joined her, sitting further from her than he usually did.
He swallowed nervously, "I've, uh, I've been meaning to tell you this these last few weeks, but I've been… but I'm afraid to tell you."
Seeing him this way, she switched back to being unyielding. There was no way either of them would walk away from this room without having an honest discussion.
"Why?" she scooted closer, "I can help you. What is it?" she looked him in the eye, "Just tell me."
He leaned forward, away from her, placed his hands in prayer and brought the tips of his fingers to his mouth.
"Horatio," she leaned forward as well, sliding a hand across his hunched shoulders.
He turned to look at her, feeling her fleeting touch.
"It has to do with your job and us, right? I should know about the things that concern us…"
"I'm afraid of what you might think of me."
"There's nothing you could say that would make me feel differently about you."
He briefly looked at her and chewed the nail closest to his mouth.
"Just go out and say it." He'd kept her dangling for days.
"I… I can't."
The phone rang and Horatio's head came up to the sound.
"Let it ring; this is more important…" she took his hand away from his mouth and tried to be of assistance. "I want the truth. It's been going on for weeks…" she recalled the facts. The phone rang again. "What has changed between us? I mean, everything is great… well, except for the fact that you're holding back things from me. Darian couldn't be more loved by either of us and we make love like we always have…"
"Darian is dependant of you." He found a way to get to the problem. The phone rang one last time before the answering machine picked up and both, Calleigh and Horatio were too engrossed in their conversation to pay attention to the message.
"As any infant is…" Was he upset that she was overly protective? Was she devoting most of her attention to Darian at Horatio's expense? Dependant of her… "Is this about me going back to work?"
"If anything happens to you, God forbid, it's my responsibility. I couldn't live with myself –"
"Horatio, nothing's going to happen to me. You won't let it - I know you. It won't be your fault; you won't be the one to blame." She paused, taking in his protectiveness. "I could have been killed in a car accident while coming back from the grocery store last night… Life's a risk, you know that."
"Yes, but being a police officer is far more dangerous and the likeliness of something happening on the job is greater."
"So, let me get this straight… you've been feeling this way since Darian's birth?"
Horatio looked to the floor, "Pretty much."
"And, you want me to - what? – leave my job?"
"You know I'd never ask you to do that."
"Then, what?"
"I can no longer be your supervisor…"
"Wait – what are you saying?"
"What I'm saying is that I think it would be best if I left my position."
"You're not seriously going to – Horatio, being a CSI is part of who you are - "
"A part that I'm not comfortable playing if it makes me responsible for the life of the mother of my child."
"And I thought I was overprotective of Darian…" she said, lightheartedly.
"Calleigh, I'm serious."
"So am I. You're not leaving your job." She softened a bit, "At least, not until you give it a chance."
Horatio furrowed his brow in disagreement.
Calleigh smiled, "I'll make you a deal, Mr. Caine: we try it out for a week or two and, if you're still not feeling all right about it, we'll talk about it then and try to find a solution, together." He couldn't believe how easily she had found an uncomplicated answer. "We're all going to die one day, Horatio, and we can't guess when, where or in what circumstances… we can only hope it won't be anytime soon." I'm not finished with you, she thought.
"I'm going before you." He said with a seriousness she had only seen a few times before.
"Don't talk like that. I don't want to have to outlive your death," she emphasized.
"I won't," he said profoundly. He wouldn't live through Calleigh's death – even if his body stubbornly refused to shutdown, he'd be already dead inside.
"Oh, and you think I'd be capable of going on without you?" She said, facetiously.
"I don't know." She eyed him and he looked sincere.
"Horatio, you fool, I love you – don't ever doubt that."
"And I, always." He took her in his arms and they stayed enlaced for a long moment. Then, Calleigh pulled back resting her head on Horatio's shoulder, his arm lovingly surrounding her and the baby.
She glanced up at him, "Will you be able to enjoy our trip to Disney World without making yourself sick?" She raised an eyebrow, "Because you promised me a good time, remember?"
"I'll try hard to put everything aside – like I have before – and leave all this in Miami."
She smiled tenderly.
The flashing red light on the answering machine indicating a new message went unnoticed.
They were happy and that's all that mattered. Their vacationing together, starting tomorrow morning, was an extra.
Calleigh covered her mouth as she yawned for the second time in about ten minutes.
"Tired?" Horatio glanced at her as he steered the Hummer towards Yelina's.
She glanced at him from the passenger's seat with a look that said it all; Darian didn't do his night and it's five in the morning, what do you think?
Horatio checked up on his son. "Funny how he's sound-asleep now."
"He's your little carbon copy when he doesn't sleep during the night, you know," she pointed out.
"I believe you're the morning person - he gets his early rises from you." He answered back.
"Okay, maybe." She watched him level-eyed. The man was impossible to wrong.
"You were too excited about going to Disney World to fall asleep last night; it's not Darian's fault, you're tired - admit it."
Calleigh looked up at the sky, "Whatever." She signaled him to keep his eyes on the road, "just drive, will you."
Horatio chuckled and she smiled secretly, happy to see him jovial.
Pulling up in front of Yelina's home, Horatio parked the burly vehicle and left the motor running as he went to knock.
The front door opened, revealing Yelina wearing a satin dressing gown.
"Hey," she smiled with sleepy eyes.
"Good morning," he answered.
She left the door open, giving him the opportunity to come inside, as she turned away and called Ray Jr.
They waited a bit and Yelina eyed Horatio, "His bag is ready; I helped him with it last night. I don't know what's keeping him…"
"Mind if I go check?"
"No, not at all," Yelina motioned him down the hall.
Horatio walked over to the boy's room and was surprised by Ray coming out of his room at the exact same time, "Whoa, easy, Ray." They bumped into each other.
Ray lifted his head, "I'm not coming with you."
Horatio frowned than looked down the hall at Yelina who was waiting, arms crossed. Horatio lifted a finger, asking her to wait a minute and lead Ray back into his room. Horatio sat down with Ray on his bed, asking, "What do you mean? You don't want to come to Disney World with me and Calleigh?" He thought the kid wanted to.
"No, I do. It's just that I made a promise…"
"A promise to whom?"
"To Maddie. I said I'd hang out with her this weekend. Didn't mom tell you?"
"Tell me what?" Horatio was at a lost.
"That I was," Ray looked off into the distance, "in a fight at school because this guy, Tommy, was picking on Madison…"
Horatio hid his pride towards his nephew for standing up for his half sister. That a boy; he's definitely a Caine, Horatio thought.
"Ray, what did I tell you about getting into fights?"
"I know," Ray hung his head, "It will only get me into trouble… I wasn't thinking. Mom was really mad and, at first, she didn't know what to do and said that I couldn't go with you, then she changed her mind."
"And, you had already told Madison that you could spend time with her this weekend, right?"
Ray nodded.
"Why didn't you tell me this before?"
"I tried. You were never home… I even tried last night."
Horatio closed his eyes briefly, remembering Ray's call and how he forgot to call him back, remembering the answering machine picking up last night and how Calleigh and him hadn't bothered to check the message before going to bed.
"Okay, hang on a second." Horatio pulled out his cell phone and dialed Susie's number.
"Hello?" Susie's sleep-filled voice answered at the other end of the line.
"Hey, it's Horatio. I'm sorry to disturb you at this un-Godly hour, but…"
TBC…