Title: Tides of Change
Author: AznEyes
Rating: K+
Genre: Drama Romance
Disclaimer: Kareshi Kanojo no Jijou (Kare Kano), Masami Tsuda
Summary: Tsubaki reflects on her feelings for Tonami. Sakura Tsubaki / Takefumi Tonami. One-shot.
Author's Note: Takes place after episode 26, which is the end of the first season. Told from Tsubaki's perspectives to Tonami. The italics show her thoughts. This is my first "Kare Kano" fic! I hope that you like it!
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There you are, practicing your dunk shot on the outdoor basketball court. You look so . . . different from the last time that I saw you. It is not only your appearance; your personality has changed as well. You are no longer that spoiled brat who refused to consume anything with "artificial preservatives".
I know that I have changed as well. You are the one who made me realize the extent of change that I have experienced. I could see it in your eyes.
Shock . . . Surprise . . . Revelation . . .
I am no longer the same girl that you remembered. You are no longer the same boy that I teased.
Yes, we have both changed.
I do not believe that my emotions towards you have changed all that much, however. I do not really know when they had started, but it was long before Sensei asked me to look out for you. Something about your demeanor attracted my attention. I wanted to toughen you up, so that you would be able to deal with your bullies on your own, independent of anyone else's aid. Then, somewhere along the line, I realized that my goal carried with it an edge of affection.
We were still children back then and I did not know how to deal with the unfamiliar feelings that I possessed towards you, so I pushed them away. I pushed you away. I could not allow you to get close to me because I knew that, in the end, I would get hurt. I did not want that to happen. It was selfish of me, but I didn't care. As long as you were the one to get hurt and not I, then everything would be all right.
Looking back now, I do not think that my decision was the best one to choose. Instead of waiting for you to hurt me, I hurt you. I teased you and ridiculed you, pushing you ever further away from me.
Looking back now . . . I realize that I had hurt myself as well when I did so.
And now . . . you have returned. You have returned to this city; you have returned to my life.
Why you, Takefumi Tonami?
Why is it always you?
In grade school, it had been a teacher's request that had brought us together. This time . . . What excuse is there now, Tonami? Is it . . . destiny?
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'Oy, Tsubaki!' Aya says, snapping me out of my reverie.
I look up at her, irritated that she had interrupted my trail of thought.
'Who are you looking at out there?' She saunters over to my position by the window, still clutching her half-eaten lunch in her hand.
We—that is to say, Aya, Rika, Tsubasa, and I—are having our lunch in an empty classroom today, for it is far too hot to go outside. Evidently, you do not think so. You are practically drenching his school uniform with sweat, yet you do not seem to care.
'Is that Tonami-kun?' Rika asks innocently; she had come over without my notice.
'Yeah,' Aya says absentmindedly. 'I wonder why he's out there now. Is he an idiot?'
'No,' I automatic defend you. 'He just likes sports and . . . is very loyal to his team,' I finish lamely.
Aya rolls her eyes.
'There is a fine line between loyalty and stupidity, Tsubaki,' she responds. Then she glances down at her pale arms. 'Even someone who is loyal to their team to the point of insanity wouldn't be out in that heat.'
'It is rather hot to be playing outside,' Rika agrees.
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Ah, Sawada Aya . . . The author of wonderful stories . . .
Sena Rika . . . The creator of beautiful things . . .
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Just then, Tsubasa jumps onto my back. Apparently, she has some cookies in her mouth, for I can feel crumbs travel unpleasantly down the back of my shirt.
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Shibahime Tsubasa . . . The scientific experiment gone wrong . . . Although a very cute one at that!
We are all so different.
None of them can understand the fierce determination of an athlete. We all have our different areas of expertise and talent, but none of theirs (assuming that Tsubasa has one other than looking cute) can compare to the brilliant glory that one feels after a well-played game. None of theirs even come close!
Even though I am only a sophomore, I am a starter on our high school's volleyball team. That is a great honour, and I have no intention of letting all my hours of hard work go to waste. I practice my spike shots and bumps and volleys and serves and everything to the point of exhaustion. My goal—perfection!
You appear to have the same frame of mind, although your sport is basketball. So, even in the sweltering heat, you remained loyal to the game and to your team.
You were truly an athlete!
I remember that when we were younger, we had nothing in common.
You were in first-class and I was in middle-class.
You were short and I was tall.
You were plump and I was slender.
You were weak and I was strong.
You were not very intelligent and I was . . . not very intelligent.
So, almost nothing.
Still, it doesn't make sense how I had such feelings of affection towards you back then. Initially, I thought them to be nothing more than those of a sister towards her younger brother. But when I recalled my affections towards my own siblings, I realized that what I felt for you was not the same thing.
But it didn't matter.
When I was finally able to sort out my feelings for you, it was with the news that you were leaving. The rumor was that your father got transferred because of his job, so you and your family were going with him.
Thus, when I met you for what I thought would be the last time, I hurt you again. It no longer mattered to me if you were hurt, because now you had hurt me. You had hurt me by leaving.
But now . . . you are back.
You, Takefumi Tonami, have returned. You are a different person. When I first recognized you for whom you were, I wondered if I would fall for you all over again . . .
Such thoughts were soon answered.
It had not been a smooth road for us, we both know that. We argued, we fought, and we hurt each other.
Then we kissed.
We are not so different anymore.
I am still in middle-class, while you are in first-class.
I am tall, but you are taller.
I am slender and you are as well.
I am strong and you, too, have developed a hidden strength over your years of absence.
I am still not very intelligent, but he are now.
Things have certainly changed.
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'Oy, Tsubaki!' Aya says once again, although her words are not without cause this time.
'Where are you going, Tsubaki?' Rika asks innocently.
I glance back at them from the doorway, in which I am about to exit through.
'I'm going to practice basketball outside. What can I say? I'm an idiot,' I reply, winking at Aya. Then I depart.
As I walk away from the classroom, I vaguely heard Rika say, 'But, Aya, she plays volleyball.'
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You have returned. You have returned to this city; you have returned to my life.
Why you, Takefumi Tonami?
Why is it always you?
In grade school, it had been a teacher's request that had brought us together. This time . . . What excuse is there now, Tonami?
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'Oy,' I say, catching you off-guard.
The basketball bounces cleanly off the rim—an obvious miss.
Your expression of irritation is rather amusing to behold.
'Why are you here?' you demand.
I smile and jog over to retrieve the ball, my short hair blowing freely in the wind.
'To show you how it's done.'
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Is it . . . destiny?