Chapter 19

A/N: this is the hastily written alternate chapter 19. I apologize for the length, but you can pretty much skip the first couple of paragraphs. It's hastily written because my monitor is dying, and I probably won't be able to buy a new one for a while. I apologize for all mistakes.

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Shaking a bit, she opened the box to find an overturned goblet with an anti-spill charm on it and a letter.

Dear Remus,

How are you? I'm fine and it's all thanks to you, which is why I would like to begin repaying you immediately. I'm sorry for everything I've put you through and I hope things are going well for you. Enclosed is a goblet full of Wolfsbane potion. Don't hesitate to write me if you think you'll need more.

Severus.

What did he think he was doing writing Remus? He'd ruin everything, the jerk. So, fuelled by fury she wrote her reply and went back to Remus as she'd promised.

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Seeing the letter made his whole face light up. If anyone had been in his private chambers with him they might have had a heart attack. That light flickered and died horribly as he read the letter that claimed to have been sent by Remus.

Snape,

Of course I should have realized that you would do something like this. I thought I got Tonks to tell you that the only thing you can do to repay me is to stay away from me. You're right, you have put me through a lot, but this is the worst of all. I know you're trying to win my affection by sending me that potion, but I'll tell you this. I don't want another. I don't want to see you or another one of your potions ever again. We are not in love, and your constant pestering has led to the end of our fledgling friendship. Why did the Headmaster ever force me to baby-sit such a pathetic, desperate, man? No wait, you're not a man are you? You're a murderer. A murderer I want nothing to do with. Stay away from me!

Mr. Lupin

He reread it several times getting more confused than he'd ever been. Remus would never write something like this. Hadn't the whole reason Tonks had told him to back off, was because Remus was too nice to do it himself? He'd seen Remus be completely infuriatingly cordial that time when Lucius Malfoy found him alone. Lucius had insulted Remus for ten minutes before storming off, and Remus hadn't reacted angrily at all. This letter just wasn't Remus, and to react like this to an act of kindness? I must have done this too him. That sweet man was so nice before me. Don't worry Remus I won't bother you again. "I won't bother anyone ever again", with a tear running down his cheek he wrote that onto parchment and sent it off before reaching for poison. He held it in his hands looking it over. "No, not poison," he decided replacing it on the shelf. "I can't control it, but this I can," he decided as he shattered one of the jars taking the shard. Holding it so tightly in his right hand that it was beginning to cut, he drove it into his left wrist, crying out slightly in the pain.

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She and Remus were playing checkers again, with the window open and a slight breeze coming through. It was quiet except for the occasional move of a piece. Quiet until the fluttering of wings broke their attention as a school owl perched on the window.

"It's probably for me," she said hurriedly getting up to retrieve the letter from the owl, which flew directly to Remus as soon as she was about to do so.

"It's from Professor Snape," she had never hated Harry more.

"Don't read it Remus it's probably just more hate mail," she said hoping he wouldn't.

"But he knows an engraving spell. Why doesn't he use it?" Remus asked them confused ignoring her comment as he opened the letter and felt for engravings.

"I won't bother you. I won't bother anyone ever again," normally she would have wanted to strangle Harry for reading this, but she was in a bit of shock because this sounded just like a-

"It sounds like a suicide note," her Remus sounded worried.

"It is a suicide note," her voice sounded hollow to her. Dammit Snape you were just supposed to go away, not pull a stunt like this!

She watched Remus jump up, and rush to the fireplace fumbling with the jar of emergency floo powder.

"No Harry stay," he commanded as the teen grabbed onto his arm," Harry…alright we're wasting time you can go."

She watched as they left, then zombieshly walked downstairs and out so that she could appaperate home.

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"Severus? Severus where are you!" he heard Harry whimper beside him as he said it," No, Harry I'm not shouting at-"

"No, it's blood…on the wall"

"Harry help me find him, quickly,"

Harry was able to find him quickly and as he knelt down he felt blood.

"Harry go get some help!" he shouted as he tried to find the source so that he could bandage it. He heard the tinkling of bottles, only then remembering that Harry wouldn't dare leave the room. He was about to get up to get someone himself, when Harry put a bottle in his hands.

"Wha-?"

"The label says blood replenishing potion,"

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Remus you're here," he whispered.

"Why wouldn't I? Severus I love you-"

"b-but, T-tonk-ks said y-you d-didn't, a-and in t-that l-letter," he sounded helpless as he cut off Remus'," –even if you don't love me."

"She said that did she?" he asked everything in his mind clicking into place, and his voice quivered with betrayal, shock, anger? No, not anger. He couldn't remember Remus being angry with anyone. "I love you, and I'm here now. Nothing Tonks can say or write will tear us apart again," Remus said as he grasped his hand.

"Lean down," he said gently tugging at the piece of fabric right above the warm, rough, hand that grasped his own. Remus, the owner of the hand and sleeve, complied and he weakly lifted his upper body up for the kiss. Remus leaned in, and he leaned back, just as the words, well shriek actually," Mr. Lupin!"

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"Remus!" she looked startled as she saw him appear in the fireplace.

"Why?" the single word sent shivers down her spine, and she had to turn away from him.

"Why what?" she tried to keep the tremor from her voice.

"YOU KNOW DAMN WELL WHAT!" she flinched at his shouts," How could you? HE COULD HAVE DIED! HOW COULD YOU!" he let the words ring, shouting or saying, nothing more.

"Remus I-"she heard him running as soon as he heard her voice, and instantly she met the ground.

"Why?" he asked again sounding choked.

"I-I," she felt both of his hands on her head before he intertwined his fingers with her short locks.

"Why?" she saw stars," Why!" more stars "WHY!" she felt a warm sticky substance dribbling down her lips, but her mind didn't register it just like it hadn't registered the crunching sound, because her disbelieving thoughts were," he's…he's trying…to hurt me…he doesn't…he doesn't-"

"Because I love you!" he released her instantly.

"Tonks dear," his voice had taken on mock gentleness," I'm sorry, but I don't love you," tears pricked her eyes," I love Severus. I love him, not you," he stood up and she heard him walk away for a bit before he stopped and sad in that same mock gentle tone," I hate you," there was a rushing of flames as he left.

A/N: there'll be another chapter after this, but the reason this was hastily written is because my monitor is dying so I'm not sure when I'll have the other out.