Harry Potter or any other characters associated with the book are the sole property of J. K. Rowling. Any original character created solely for this story belongs to me, Little C.
Reviews, comments and even flames are welcome. A big thank you to my beta reader Dorothy.
The Things We Never Did or Said, Chapter Ten
Opening her eyes Lindsey wondered where she was and what had woken her up. And then it all came flooding back to her. Yesterday had been one year exactly since Lily and James had died at the hands of Voldemort and Sirius had been thrown into Azkaban for life for the murder of Peter Pettigrew.
She had been stupid enough to drink herself into a stupor over feeling sorry for her lot in life and then cried herself to sleep. She felt as though a mountain troll had had a go at her and she wished the damn ringing would just stop. Sitting up she realised that the ringing wasn't inside her head, it was the doorbell.
Pulling on a dressing robe she staggered down the stairs and opened the door. She was immediately blinded by the morning sun and only saw a shadowed figure standing there.
"Late night out?" a familiar hoarse voice asked.
"Intense negotiation with a bottle of rum," she said, "the bottle won."
"It usually does," Remus said, "mind letting me in?"
"Sorry," she said and let him inside.
She closed the door, effectively blocking the sun, and turned to look at him, blinking like an owl. He looked tired and shabbier than she had ever seen him.
"You look like hell," she commented.
"Well," he said looking her over, "I've seen you look prettier as well."
"Want some tea?" she asked him.
"That would be lovely," he said.
She shuffled out into the kitchen Remus following in her wake.
"It feels like something crawled into my mouth and died," she muttered as she poured water into the kettle and put it on the stove.
"Know the feeling," Remus said. She turned and looked at him.
"You miss them?" she asked.
"Terribly," he answered with a nod. "And to my great shame I miss Sirius the most."
"Because he is still alive?" she asked as she took the kettle from the stove.
"Yes," Remus said.
She poured two cups of tea and carried them over to the table
"I see he managed to give you the ring," Remus said, pointing at the Claddagh ring on her left hand.
"It arrived in a letter," she said, "same day as...you know."
"Doesn't sound like a man that has decided to betray his friends," Remus said.
"You believe he is guilty?" Lindsey asked dismayed.
"How can he not be?" he asked her. "He was their Secret Keeper, only he could have given away their hideout to Voldemort."
"And you are sure he was the one?" she asked.
"Yes," he answered without hesitation.
"Why? Sirius loved James like a brother," she said, "what reason could he have to betray someone that he loved?"
"Power," Remus said simply.
"Ah yes," she said, "one of the most powerful and cleverest wizards to have attend Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry must join the Dark Lord. That's absurd."
"His whole family was up to their ears in the Black Arts," Remus said.
"And we all know how much he loved his family," Lindsey said.
"He was their Secret Keeper," Remus stated, "he was the only one who knew where they were hiding. Only he could give it away to the Dark Lord."
Lindsey sighed; the hangover made her head feel like it would explode any minute. She knew why Remus was so adamant that Sirius was guilty, because she was equally adamant that he was innocent.
They needed their conviction to keep them from falling apart, to keep all the hurt, sorrow and anger from overwhelming them. Like a patch on a wound that won't heal.
"And what if they changed?" she asked.
"What?"
"I said 'what if they changedtheir Secret Keeper?'," she repeated.
"They would have told me," he said.
"Would they?" she asked raising an eyebrow questioningly.
"Yes," he said.
"Are you sure?" she asked.
"Why wouldn't they have?" he asked back.
"Maybe they thought you were the traitor," she suggested.
"That's absurd!" he exclaimed.
"And the thought of Sirius being the traitor isn't?"
"Why would they change?" he asked.
"Maybe they thought Sirius was risky in the sense that too many knew him as James' friend and would go after him and torture the location out of him," she said, "so they choose someone that no one would think of."
"Like who?" he asked.
"Off the top of my head," she said, "Peter."
"Peter? Little Peter?" Remus sounded amused.
"He was the only one I could think of," she said. "Besides, it's more likely they would have used him than say...Snape."
"You got a point there," he said. "But why did Sirius kill Peter if he was innocent?"
"Emotions were running high," she said, "someone's wand might have accidentally discharged."
"Highly unlikely," he said, "besides you said you saw it all in a vision."
"I saw Sirius cornered by Peter," she said, "and then a big blast, but I didn't see whose wand it came from."
"You see! Peter was accusing Sirius of killing Lily and James," he said.
"Since when did Peter get a spine?" she asked. "Where would Peter have got the courage to accuse Sirius of anything? Much less murder?"
"Given the right circumstances..." Remus trailed off as she began to laugh.
"The right circumstances?" she said still laughing. "Listen to yourself You know as well as I that Peter was a coward. Hadn't you, James and Remus been his friends he would probably have fallen in with a very bad crowd."
"I think I knew him a little bit better than you," he said.
"I caught a very good glimpse of his character when I found out about your nocturnal excursions," she said, "he informed James and Sirius that you had returned and then he transformed into a rat and didn't return until it was all over."
"I remember being bitten by small sharp teeth," he countered.
"It's easier to disappear in the forest than in a room," she said, "and I'm sure he had his moments. We all have them."
She saw Remus open his mouth to say something but it was drowned out by the sound of a train whistle ...
She saw the Hogwarts express pull into the station through the kitchen wall and once again she saw the pretty girl with long black hair in twin plaits clad in aHogwarts robe and Gryffindor scarf coming off the train being greeted by the same man and woman, only they looked much older ...
She found herself sitting on the floor with Remus holding her upright. She noticed that something warm trickled down her cheek as well as her nose. Her headache had increased; she hadn't thought that possible.
"Do I want to know what you saw?" Remus asked her.
"I'll tell you," she said, "but first I need to..."
She didn't finish the sentence but made a wild scampering run to the sink were she was violently ill. Remus gently stroked her back as her body was wracked with dry heaves after her stomach had emptied itself.
"I want to die," she muttered into the sink and she heard Remus chuckle.
"I'll help you get to bed," he said.
She made a small squeak when he scooped her up into his arms and carried her upstairs and into her room. She didn't think she would, but she fell asleep the minute her head hit the pillow.
Night was falling as she awoke, feeling much better than before only the thing that had crawled into her mouth and died must have brought some friends. Turning her head she saw Remus sitting in the lap chair that stood in a corner. He was reading a well-worn copy of 'Moby Dick'.
"Hey!" she said and he looked up from the book.
"Feeling better?" he asked coming over to sit on the bed.
"Much," she said and got into a sitting position.
"What did you see in your vision?" he asked.
"Same thing as I saw the day of our N.E.W.T.s," she said, "only a little bit different."
"The one you lied about," Remus said, "twice."
"James told you?" she asked.
"He mentioned it," he said.
"It's strange," she said, "that I have seen a vision so far into the future twice. Normally such visions don't come true, not that I would know since I never had a vision more than minutes before it actually happened."
"What did you see?" he asked.
"I stand on platform Nine and Three Quarters watching the train pull into the station," she said, "and I watch as a young girl with braided hair gets off and is greeted by her parents."
"Do you know who the girl is?" he asked curiously.
"I do," she said, "because the girl is Sirius' and my daughter."
Remus went as still as though he had been hit by a Body-Bind spell as he stared at her.
"Impossible," he managed to get out, "Sirius is in for life."
"Well, we didn't look as though we were in the prime of our youth," she said, "although we did look considerably younger in the vision I had back in school than the one I had now."
"Meaning the vision is different?" he asked.
"I said that," she said.
"How old would you say you were?" he asked.
"Fifty," she said, "closing on sixty."
"And when you first had it?" he asked.
"Around thirty maybe forty," she said trying to recall the vision.
"That is a ten years difference," he said. "And it would also mean that Sirius is innocent."
"It doesn't mean anything," she said, "just because I have seen it twice doesn't mean it will happen, the further into the future the vision is the less chance it has of actually happening. But it sure isn't the product of wishful thinking either."
All of the sudden Remus buried his face in his hands and started to cry. For a second or two she was too startled to do anything other than pull him into a comforting embrace.
"I want to believe that he is innocent," he cried into her shoulder. "I want believe that he wasn't the one that betrayed Lily and James. But I can't."
"Shh!" she hushed. "You don't have to believe."
"I miss him so much," he sobbed.
"So do I," she whispered softly, "so do I."
Outside the stars and the half moon came out and shone in on two lost people clinging to each other for comfort in a sea of pain.
The next morning she awoke to the smell of toast, scrambled eggs and coffee. Bewildered she made her way down the stairs and into the kitchen. She found breakfast on the table and Remus standing at the stove wearing an apron.
"I hope you are hungry," he said when he noticed her standing in the doorway.
"Famished," she said and sat down. "I didn't know you could cook."
"It's amazing what you learn when you start living on your own," he said and gave her a cup of coffee. "This actually brings me to why I'm here."
"You mean that that wonderful argument last night wasn't the reason for your visit?" she asked in mock surprise.
"I was actually wondering if I could stay here for awhile, he admitted. "Just till I get a job, which might take awhile since not many people are that keen on hiring werewolves."
"I wonder why?" she said taking a sip of her coffee. "I mean they are human most of the time, and yes you can stay, I have more room than I really need."
"I will try and find a place to go once a month," he said, "though I wonder where I can find a place that will contain a werewolf."
"How about the basement?" she asked him pointing toward a door partly hidden behind the refrigerator. "It was remodelled as a bomb shelter during the Blitz. If it could stand against an air raid a werewolf should be no problem. Though I guess I should reinforce the door, just to be sure."
"Then I guess I only have to concentrate on finding a job," he said.
"Let's eat breakfast before it gets cold," she said, "then I'll show you to one of the guestrooms."
"One of the guestrooms?" he asked surprised.
"I said I have more room than I need," she said.
After they had finished the breakfast they both went up to the second floor and Lindsey led him to a locked door at the end of the corridor.
"It probably needs a bit of airing out," she said as she unlocked the door. "After my grandfather died my grandmother lived with us and this was her room."
"Maybe another room would be better?" he asked.
"Nonsense," Lindsey said, "it's a room, not a shrine. Rooms are to be lived in."
She opened the door and went inside; it was dusty and the air was stale, the white lace curtain that hung over the window had yellowed with age as had the bedspread. But aside from that and the dustit looked as it had when her grandmother had lived.
She moved into the room with Remus in tow and while he looked around the room she walked over to the window to let some fresh air inside.
"Your grandmother seemed to like abstract art," Remus commented as he looked at a series of paintings hanging on the wall.
"Those are Rorschach tests," she said.
"Never heard of a painter by that name," Remus said.
"Hermann Rorschach wasn't a painter; he was a psychiatrist from Switzerland in the early twentieth century," she explained. "Those inkblots in the frames are part of a personality test. You look at them and based on what you see people can tell what kind of person you are."
"Isn't it easier just to get to know a person?" he asked.
"Friends only know what we want them to know," she said, "psychiatrists want to know what we won't tell our friends."
"So your grandmother was a psychiatrist?" he asked.
"She was studying psychology when she met my grandfather," Lindsey said sitting down on the bed, careful not to disturb the dust. "Had they not got married, I have no doubt she would've continued with her studies. I don't think she regretted her decision, but if she did she never admitted it."
"Regrets are part of being human," Remus said. "We all have them, in smaller or larger quantities."
An uncomfortable silence fell between them before Lindsey finally spoke.
"If we don't get this room cleaned you will regret sleeping in it."
She slammed her hand down on the bedspread and a cloud of dust whirled up and tickled her nose which caused her to sneeze and create an even bigger cloud. Remus couldn't help but laugh as he moved to help her out of the dust.
The Blitz, sustained German bombings over England during World War II from September 1940 to mid 1941. London's population rate dropped with 25 procent when people that were able evacuated out into the country side – mainly children. Over 43 000 British citizens lost their lives.
To Be Continued...