Once Upon a Razorblade

A Yu Yu Hakusho Fanfiction

By: fluorescentpinkfairies

Chapter Rated: PG-13

Disclaimer: I own no part of Yu Yu Hakusho.

Part One: Eternally Asking Why

Chapter One: Finding the Curiosity

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It's so strange.

I wasn't looking for this. And yet, here it is, sitting in my palm.

And I must wonder where it came from.

A simple sliver of metal, one edge of it sharp enough to cut through wood, through soft metal, through paper.

Through skin.

Such an eerie thought, and yet oddly inviting.

Other people do it. Cut themselves, I mean. There is something mentally unstable about them, or so I'm told. Apparently, the pain that they receive from self-mutilation soothes the internal pain that they have.

But is that true? Does it really do that? Or is it simply some sort of psychosomatic (1) reaction?

Curiosity bubbles up inside me, triggered mostly by the fact that I… I've been rather depressed lately. I'm not completely sure why, but I am. After all, I have quite the perfect life. I have a caring mother who does not place unreasonable restrictions upon me. I have a kind step-father and step-brother. I have the top grades in the school. I have friends who are there for me when I need them. I have a good part-time job.

So why am I not satisfied with it?

Why do I feel myself become frustrated and desolate? Why do I just want to lie in bed and never move, never feel?

I kept wondering if it was simply my yoko instincts and feelings starting to surface and trying to motivate me to get out of this body.

But no. There is the sense that this is all me. No yoko instincts involved, except those I retained when I entered this body.

Given the chance to heal, or at least temporarily relieve the pain, the internal pain that I find so hard to contain sometimes—would I? Should I? For the sake of scientific study, maybe…?

Liar, that little internal voice says to me. Liarliarliar.

…No comment.

Curiosity killed the cat. Satisfaction brought it back, the voice continues.

That is my go-ahead.

Funny thing. Curiosity made the fox slash himself up.

Beads of crimson well up in the minute, paper-cut-like wound I have inflicted upon myself. My heart is beating fast and hard—it always does when I do something 'forbidden'. I wish it would just shut up sometimes; be more like a demon heart.

Funny thing, the internal voice repeats. Satisfaction made him want to do it again.

Tracing the wound deeper, I wait.

And surprisingly, it makes me feel better.

Is it psychosomatic? I have no idea. But it does relieve me in the same way I suspect an anti-depressant would. Not that I've ever taken an anti-depressant, of course.

I hear footsteps ascending up the staircase and I pull down my sleeves. The thin blade is shoved into my desk drawer. And I begin to heal myself, realizing that if anyone finds out what I've done, I will become one of those 'mentally unstable' people.

Those people aren't unstable.

They're right.

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Author's Space

(1) Psychosomatic—a reaction that is solely mental. For example, you know those placebo pills—the sugar pills that they have? Sometimes doctors prescribe them to their patients. They have little to no effect, but sometimes, after going on these pills, patients get better simply because the illness—and therefore the cure—was all in his/her head in the first place.

Goes well with Crying by Sugarcult on their Palm Trees and Power Lines CD. Usually I'll make a note about my soundtrack for a chapter, just… because… I dunno, maybe you might want it.

The first official chapter: What do you think about it? Tell me in a review/ rant/ critique (I love these)/ flame.

Tell me if this is going in a C2. I don't want my stories floating around without my knowledge. So go ahead and add it—but tell me at some point that you've done so.

Love,

fluorescentpinkfairies

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Questions, Thank You-s, and Other Such Stuff

Question: Will you explain how he died or will we have to guess? (KaraKurama

Answer: Insofar as I know, no, you will not have to guess. Kurama will spill all. But that's only insofar as I know, now isn't it? But feel free to guess. I'm game if you are.

Thank You-s To: sakurasango, Shadow In Darkness, KaraKurama, and samuraiduck27. The truth? I didn't expect so many reviews (not to mention such good ones!). Thank you guys so much. You're awesome.