DISCLAIMER: see chapter one

CHAPTER NINE:
Bring Me to My Knees

What?

"The senator, is she alright?" Master Windu charges the boy.

I can't think, I can't speak, my knees feel like jelly. Surely, the man jests? She can't be…no this is just some cruel joke…This isn't happening!

"Master," Anakin manages to break through my cloud of fear his eyes focused on me seeking answers.

I look at him, my mouth dry as words form and die. His fear is evident and his grief plain.

"Chancellor Palpatine was at the docking bay when the explosion happened…"

I finally register the conversation between the page and Master Windu.

"Is Amidala…okay?" I force out the question even as my body clinches with tension and my head swims afraid of the answer but too terrified not to ask.

"I don't know Master Kenobi."

I squeeze my eyes shut knowing I can't break now; I can't let the façade slip now. I can't grieve, can't shout and demand knowledge. My lungs beg for the air I can't give them…She wasn't even supposed to be leaving for another week!

"The Chancellor asked for you to meet him at his residence," the messenger with squinty eyes and anxious hands says with hesitancy.

"WHAT OF MY WIFE!" my mind screams though I remain silent.

"We will come. Anakin you will come with me we will start in the docking bay…" Maser Windu starts calmly.

"But Master!" Anakin steps up eyes blazing.

"No buts, Anakin. Obi-Wan you will go with Yoda to the Chancellor's."

I nod not trusting my voice to speak calmly, not trusting myself not to accuse that we are wasting time with pleasantries while I don't even know what has happened to my wife.

"Trust the Force you must," Master Yoda rides next to me in the seemingly snail paced Jedi Transport.

"I know Master Yoda," I replied tightly, my head pounding in pain.

"Sense your fear I do."

"She is my wife, the mother of my child!" my hands grip my knees till my knuckles go white.

"Know, this, I do. But Jedi are you. Find peace you must. You must not fear loss…darkside it is…fear."

"I know…" I find anger coming on with my fear.

"Don't think, feel…know the truth you will."

I can't respond, I can't catch my breath. My wife could be hurt…or worse and Yoda wants me to feel the Force!

"Trust you must!" Master Yoda states forcefully making the transport slam to a halt.

I have to reign in my anger, I have to control myself. I want to yell at him, I want to shout "My wife!" and demand that we go on. But I can't. I won't.

"Jedi training you must remember! Release fears…consume you it will. Fear beginning it is…leads to other things it does…Succumb to the darkside you cannot!" Master Yoda stomps his cane on the rough floor, on the third stomp, it finds my toes.

I yelp in pain but somehow the pain reconnects me to reality. It reminds me that I am human; but Master Yoda reminds me I am still Jedi. A lesson perhaps I have put aside in the recent months. I have gloried in the glow that comes with being merely human and somehow lost sight of the fact I am more then just a father, just a husband. I struggled before to accept I was human and now I am trying to reclaim my Jedi…the line so narrow and so precious.

I know what Master Yoda says is true, I know it. I know that my fear will lead me to thinks that are dark. I know that chaos is already ebbing out my harmony. I know that these things are leading towards a path that is dark; I thought I could handle it. I thought could master it: being a Jedi and a husband…a father. I never thought I would have to try and neutralize myself against an attack on my wife. I see now my thoughts were folly, I see now that I failed to see the entire picture.

I can feel the darkness fringing on the edge of mind… I can almost touch it…can almost taste it…

"Chancellor," Master Yoda addresses as I follow him into the Chancellor's residence my nerves on edge though I have managed to level my emotions, or at least bury them beyond the surface.

"Master Yoda, Master Kenobi," the Chancellor's eyes search me up and down and I swear I can see a faint grin twitching in his eyes, like he is delighting in some kind of one sided joke, "I am very glad you've come." He seems remarkable calm and composed considering one of his senators, from his home world no less, a friend, has just been attacked.

"Where is Senator Amidala?" I question my voice remarkably steady and icily even…Jedi like.

"Her transport exploded upon landing. The damage was centered though not limited to the exit ramp…"

Yes, yes, we know that! What of Padme!

"If you will come this way Master Jedi's," Palpatine leads us down a small hallway with doors on either side.

Where is she! Is she alright? Where are you taking us you old, wrinkled, hair challenged, evil eyed…My mind is on the verge of total shutdown.

"The docking bay was filled with massive smoke and confusion. In the bedlam, we found the body of the senator. She was badly burnt and barely recognizable," he pauses at the last door on the right side hand poised to bush the button.

My heart sinks, my stomach tightens and bile threatens to churn. There is an acidy metallic taste in my mouth yet some how Master Yoda's words echo in my mind, "Feel…don't think."

I must find peace; I must find the Force…Release pain to keep love because it is fear and anger that close the gate… I need faith.

I hear the door start to part. I can't do it, I can't see her… I need to see her. I can't look at the lifeless body who the last time I saw her cradled our daughter, who laughed as she smiled at me… I have to know for sure…

Squeezing my eyes shut I will my mind to cease spinning and I seek the Force. I give up my burden; I offer my pain, my anger, my fear to the Force. Do with it what it will…Take this, all of this, take this torment and give me faith! I seek the Force and at the same find it…and our heart force! I feel her!

"Turned out, who we thought to be Amidala was her handmaiden. Senator Amidala had the foresight or something of that nature to dress in disguise. Though obvious shaken she is unharmed."

The words though ever assuring don't give me the relief…it is her sitting huddled in a large chair that does.

I release the breath I forgot I was holding, she is alive. Thank you the Force saves me, I reclaim my faith, and I relight my path.

Her eyes lift at our entrance. Her eyes are harrowed and full of shock and pain.

I want to rush to her, wrap her in my arms and make the world go away. I want to reassure her that there is safety now…but I can't. I can't even use our heart force… I can only pray she remembers how much I love her.

"Alive…it is good to see," Master Yoda taps his cane.

The flecks of weakness vanish from her, carefully hidden under her layers of her senator airs. I though see it plain as day.

"Thank you Master Yoda, though I would not be if not for the sacrifice of my handmaiden Raché. I must meet with her family as soon as possible."

Inwardly I cringe at her put on bravado.

"Of course, but first we need to secure your safety," Palpatine goes to her putting an arm around her shoulders.

I get indignant, not the most complementary thing I could be but it should be me comforting her! I do though find some satisfaction in the fast she stiffens at his touch and pulls away.

"We think that the person responsible for this believes they succeeded. We were quick to treat the situation as such, to afford us time to secure Amidala before the truth is learned," Palpatine pats her shoulder and I am glad to see offers not a smile of thanks. I however struggled not to glare.

"Careful, we must be," Master Yoda looks from Palpatine to me.

My husband, I thought I would never see him again…I thought my daughter would be without a mother…

Those horrible minutes replay again and again in my mind. The smoke, the cries of pain, the rain of soot and debris…Raché…How will I ever face her family?

I now understand my panic before I left Naboo, if I had only taken it a bit more seriously…if I hadn't…if only…

I could sob but my eyes are as dry as sand, I am trembling all over but I can't let the tension ease enough to truly release my distress. It's all right there, all on the surface.

I want Obi-Wan! I want my daughter! Leave us alone, please! Oh, please…please…just one moment…a moment as long as eternity…and as short as forever…please…

He's leaving? Obi-Wan? Why is he leaving, he just got here! No! Please…please don't leave me!

"Rest peacefully milady," Obi-Wan turns and his voice though tense is soft as a caress…simple words that run over me like heavenly dew…his voice gravel and smooth satin… Please, please don't step out that door…

He wretches his eyes from me and follows Palpatine and Master Yoda out, the door closing behind them.

That's it? My shoulders slump, my headache makes me dizzy.

"Thank you Master Jedi," I whisper to the carpet.

"Master how is she?" Anakin asks voice hitching.

"She is unharmed but reasonably shaken," I shake my head wearily, rubbing my throbbing temples.

"But she is okay?" he matches my slightly hurried pace as I move through the Jedi Temple to seek an audience with Master Windu.

"Yes, Anakin, she is fine! Now please, go practice or something!" I snap my stress still keeping me on edge.

He stops in his tracks; I offer no apology and continue still feeling his heated gaze burning into my back. I'll deal with him later.

"Master Kenobi," Master Windu rises from his desk as I appear in the open door way to his office.

"Master Windu," I offer a half bow.

"Let's walk," he gestures to a path that winds along the glass paneled wall looking across the city.

We walk in silence for a while each in our own thoughts I suppose…I can't peg mine down.

"You're here because of Padmé."

I nod; he says it as fact not question. He then turns silent hiding his hands in the sleeves of his robe.

"She is my wife Master Windu. You can't ask me not feel anger toward the people responsible, can you? We have a new baby…we…" I feel my emotions charge again.

He is silent.

"I trust the Force…I do!" I assure quickly thinking that must be what he is thinking.

"Do you Obi-Wan, truly?" he demands harshly.

I pause, his tone sharp and slicing.

"Because Obi-Wan if you don't, you are jeopardizing the Order, your padawan, yourself and your family! If this makes you doubt what would happen if this happens again, what would you do if Force forbid something really happens to your wife or daughter? What then? You give in to the hate, the anger, and you fall? What then? You are too powerful, too in tune with the Force so if you should fall prey to the dark side you would become an enemy the Order might not be able to handle…Do you realize this? Do you realize that there is the great reason to fear on all sides? Do you know there is cause for doubt in the Force not only by you, but the council, your wife, your daughter? This isn't just some playact here! This is real Obi-Wan! There is something powerful moving here and you need to find your truth."

I blink, I can't speak. Master Windu stares at me eyes dark and demanding, "Do you trust in the Force?" the question cuts to the quick.

"I do," I answer hoarsely.

"Enough to put your wife's and your daughter's life in its hands?"

I stand shell-shocked. He wants me to surrender their fate…blindly? He wants me to put all my trust concerning my family in the Force. My own life, okay…but Padmé, Leia?

"I…I…" I stutter.

"You cannot waver! Listen to me, you are a married Jedi a contradiction in it's self. You have everything against you except the Force. The Force and its will are the only reasons you are still in this Order. There are things still left for you to do. We don't know what they are; we don't know why you were meant to marry. We don't have the answers and I am not sure if we even have all the questions! But all of these things are happening for a reason and you are at the center.
"So until the Force says you're done it's up to me, to the council to keep you on the straight and narrow. You are training the Chosen One, you are raising a daughter, and you are a husband. You need the Force, you need your faith, and you need guidance now more then ever."

"Yes, Master," I breathe somehow both shaken and empowered. I am not alone; I am not fighting this battle as one, but as many. There is more then just me trying to muddle though this I have the greatest Jedi Masters behind me.

I will remain a dutiful Jedi; I will control my emotions for my wife, for my daughter, for my padawan. I will not fear the future for the future is still being written…I will take my own advice and be mindful of the present. I don't know how I will master this all but I will be what I need to be. The Force help, guide me, I will.

"Now we have to figure out what to do about your wife's security…perhaps even your daughter's too," he sighs tiredly hands resting on the railing running along the floor to ceiling windows.

"I don't think anyone beyond those discussed know about her, but regardless she is safe. She is being looked after by a close friend of Padmé's family."

I stand next to him choosing to leave Paddy's name and former Jedi status out of the conversation for the time being.

"Paddy Accu?"

Jedi, what are you going to do?

"Yes, Master."

"Former Jedi…Yes she is safe with him," he nods with approval.

I shouldn't be shocked at Master Windu knowing of him, but I still am.

"Paddy is a good man, he was a loyal Jedi, and he will care for your daughter well."

I sense he will offer no more on the subject, "And Padmé?"

He turns his face to me, "You and Skywalker will be guarding her for the time being. While I doubt it will take long for the assassins to figure out they missed their mark it will buy time at any rate."

"Thank you Master Windu."

"Don't thank me Obi-Wan; it was not the council or I that assigned you to this. It was Palpatine. He requested you both personally. Something to do with the Naboo, Trade Federation run in no doubt."

I nod, not feeling much like analyzing it at the moment, but something beyond the surface feels questionable.

AN: Hi, there :-) sorry about the cliff hanger last chapter hehehe, I hope this made up for it. I am also a bit excited to say we are nearing the end, one more chapter! I wanted to ask how you all thought this story went…as good as the first, better, lacking? I would really love any thoughts you might have. If you want to wait and reserve judgment till I've posted the last chapter that's great I just wanted to pose the question now to give ya time to think about it. Thank you guys so, so, much!

Just a note, we have reached the plot line of Episode II: Attack of the Clones. It wasn't Cordé that was killed in the explosion because I wanted to kind of be sneaky LOL so anyway just an update on the time frame, though it's still is line with my altered one and the rest of the plot is up in the air so don't count on anything happening just exactly as in the movie :-) LOL.
As always, RaeAnne

Zan189: Yeah the name Luke need a little back story…as did Leia so I just made it up, makes it so much more fun. Thanks for reviewing!

TheAmazingTecnocolorRingWraith: Oh I am a profile reader too, it does tell so much about the author as far as what kind of stuff they write and since a lot of times authors write more then one story for any one genre I am assured most times I will find another story to enjoy as much as the first.

Yeah Luke still has to be born…and while I do not intend on giving away any plot details with this next sentence I just want to point out that Luke can still be born and be Leia's sister without Padme being the mother…But hey, I didn't kill of Padmé this time! Yeah!

Sarahhillary39: thank you, I am so glad you enjoyed the chapter.

Sassy-satine: Sorry about the whole heart attack thing, I was evil and I apologize…Vader made me do it… or wait I know it was Palpatine! Yeah… I'll go with that :-) LOL

Yeah, weary just sounds like such a drab name for a baby... Rain, rain I can deal with and it fits in my story…now if only I could change reality like I can fiction, well…hmm, that could be interesting LOL Thanks as always for reviewing, you are just awesome!

xInuyashaxangelx: I am so glad you got a chance to review my last chapter :-) I appreciate it so much, and even more glad that you enjoyed it. Hope you enjoyed this one as well!

Vee017: Agree with you I so do! Perfect solution to my little Force and Obi-Wan faux pas! And yes I too love original twists that still plausible, I hope I have achieved a little of that here.

I too love the interaction between Windu and Yoda, the bond is strong and I hope to have enforced it all the more in this chapter. I think that is where Anakin turn away so bad. If he had come clean from the start and had the council's, Obi-Wan's help who knows what could have happened. So yeah, the relationship between the three is so essential here I hope I've played it well.

I do appreciate your thorough and so helpful reviews!

lazy.kender: Hehehe, well you're right she is fine :-) Obi did panic, but he evened out so it's all good :-) I hope you enjoyed this chapter too :-)

Yes Anakin was so adorable in number one…hmm it makes me sad thinking about him turning so evil…

Sparkle85: Sorry, sorry, I had a momentary coma and my evil twin…wait a second… I am my evil twin! Awww….. Anyway, my evil-er twin pulled that horrid joke and it was her who made me leave such a nasty cliff hanger…She is sort of wacknut so you must excuse me… I mean her… hehehe. I hope this chapter was better LOL

SuP3R G1R: Oh, I hang my head in shame, alas, I did do an awful thing to my loyal friends…please I offer Obi-Wan as a peace offering…though I do need him back by Monday…

Yes, there is to be three parts to my saga…and would you hate me if I told you he doesn't find out till three? If you will I'll just keep it a secret :-)

the rain in spring: Well rested assured I am here with the stunning conclusion to Padmé Kenobi's Life Hanging In The Balance Moment…and now a word from our sponsors…

Hehehe, it's late, I am tired that that was just insanity up there…Anyway thank you so much for taking the time to write two reviews to both chapter seven and eight that was too kind! I hope this chapter didn't disappoint. Thanks so, so much!

eac-dudette: I am sorry, it's most certainly yes way. But I fixed it now so it's all happy…well alive anyway now :-) Thanks for reviewing!

mrs. skywalker: Excitement, it's just so exciting, I get excited when all you guys get excited and when I am excited I do silly things…and exciding things make me ready to bounce off the walls…well exciting things and too many sugar free non-fat vanilla lattes…and too many Red Bulls…those get me bouncing and excited too…. I hope you're still excited after reading this chapter:-)