Once Upon a Razorblade

A Yu Yu Hakusho Fanfiction

By: fluorescentpinkfairies

Chapter Rated: PG/PG-13

Disclaimer: I own no part of Yu Yu Hakusho.

Part One: Eternally Asking Why

Chapter Three: Nicotine

----

"Hey, Kurama, what's up?"

I snap out of my musings.

My dark, twisted musings…

He must have noticed the slight frown on my face.

"Oh, nothing, Yuusuke. Simply thinking."

"Oh." The Spirit Detective glances around the food court.

Somehow, he managed to talk me into coming on an outing with him, Kuwabara, Keiko, and Shizuru to the mall. I had thought that he might want to be alone with Keiko for a while before we get called for another mission, but apparently, Yuusuke wants as many chaperones as he can get.

The girls went to some shop or other quite a while ago, and told us to "sit tight in the food court" until they returned. Kuwabara is on his third shake, Yuusuke on his fourth, and I on my second. And they still have not come back.

The urging, the call—it tugs at me, tugs at me so hard that I feel I may heed its call, even though this is a public place, where I am with my friends.

I wait through it, as patiently as I can, for a few more minutes. These few minutes drag on and on and on.

"Gah! Where are they?!" Kuwabara bursts out suddenly. "We shoulda never gone to the mall, Urameshi! This is the stupidest idea you've ever come up with!"

"Yeah, whatever! It wasn't my idea in the first place!"

"May I make a suggestion?" I put in before they make a spectacle of themselves in the middle of the food court. They look turn to me.

"I will go looking for them. If I have not found them within thirty minutes, then I will return here."

They think on this for a minute.

"Sounds good. See, Kuwabara, why didn't you think of that?"

"Shut up! You didn't think of it, either!"

I smile and leave.

Thank the gods they don't know. They wouldn't understand it at all.

As I turn the corner, I realize that the men's bathroom is apparently filled to capacity, for there is a line that trails outside it.

I bite my lip.

Addiction. Addictionaddictionaddiction, that inner voice whispers. Terrible, isn't it?

Yes, it is.

I hate it and I love it.

I do keep my word, of course. I go looking for Shizuru and Keiko—as well as for a place to satisfy my craving.

Ah, there. The stairwell, secluded and away from prying eyes. No one uses it anymore, that I'm sure of. The escalator is much more convenient, and thus the staircase is reserved only for emergencies.

Such as this.

There is nowhere to catch the blood as it slides down my arm, but that isn't my main concern anymore. No, I just want to get this over with so that I can go back to Yuusuke and Kuwabara and tell them that I haven't seen the girls.

I prepare for another cut, savoring the feeling of pain as it makes its way d—

The scent of burning tobacco.

"Shizuru."

It barely escapes my throat.

She stands against the wall, barely visible in the dim light of the stairwell, the embers of her lit cigarette glowing as she exhales a cloud of smoke.

"Don't let me interrupt you," she says calmly, and I see her shrug before she lifts the cigarette to her lips, taking a long drag on it.

I stare at her.

"If you want to do something self-destructive, go ahead. I'm not exactly a poster child for healthy living, either, now am I?"

She half-grins at me.

"Besides, I'd be a little worried if you were as perfect as everyone thinks you are."

----

Author's Space

•Soundtrack: This Photograph is Proof (I Know You Know) by Taking Back Sunday on the Spiderman II soundtrack.

•Written because I approve of Shizuru-Kurama, though I have a feeling it would be a pairing ridden by angst and dark romance and such. Also because she's one of the only ones I could think of who wouldn't judge him for cutting.

•Next Chapter: Chapter Four: Desensitization

Thanks for reading. Please review. Or rant. Or flame. But I like critiques the best. You know my C2 policy.

Love,

fluorescentpinkfairies