Once Upon a Razorblade

Disclaimer: I own no part of Yu Yu Hakusho.

Part Two: Sweetest Lullaby

Chapter One: 'Why' In a Mother's Eyes

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White.

No other colors.

Just white.

This, I know, is not the color of Reikai. So where am I? How did I get here?

I hear the sound of weeping.

I shift my eyes to the side.

The blurred image clears slowly, and I am suddenly staring into brown eyes that I faintly recall seeing many times before.

They are my mother's eyes.

And I faintly wonder: Why are tears flowing from them?

Then I close my eyes and drift back to sleep.

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Her eyes are on me again. I can feel it, even as I drift into something that is slowly resembling consciousness. I can feel her hand in mine, her thumb as it strokes the back of my hand. I can feel her fingers brush strands of hair out of my face. I can feel them trace an indistinguishable pattern into my face. And I can feel the way those fingers shake, almost as though my mother is holding in some sort of deep emotion that is struggling to free itself, no matter the consequences.

I feel the urge to open my eyes, to see her face and to watch her as she has undoubtedly watched me for the past few hours.

If only my eyelids didn't feel so heavy...

I manage to open them enough, though, and turn my gaze on her. Her eyes widen slightly.

"Shuuichi..." she whispers. As I watch, her eyes fill with crystal clear tears and her hand tightens on mine. And then she asks me something she has probably been wondering for a long time now. "Shuuichi... Why?"

"'Why' what?" I mumble.

And now it is in that instant, the moment after I ask, that I remember where I am. The memories come rushing back to me like a blow to the head.

Why indeed.

I can't completely remember what I was thinking, actually.

However, before either of us may speak again, a woman in a white doctor's jacket strides into the room and comes to stand next to my mother. A nurse hurries in behind her.

"So you're awake, Shuuichi," the doctor states, her voice stern.

"Yes."

She glances at me over the tops of her glasses. Apparently she didn't want an answer.

"You caused quite a panic, young man. There aren't many O negative blood donors, you know. With so much blood lost, we almost couldn't bring you back."

Is that supposed to cheer me up?

"Furthermore, young man, upon further examination of your state of being, we noticed two things. The first: that your little incident was completely intentional. Your mother has scheduled you for a meeting with a school psychiatrist, Mr. Minamino. The second: You seem to have contracted a disease of the blood, which is quite rare and, in most cases, fatal. Nur—"

"Dr. Ishinomori to the ER," comes over the P.A. system, and the doctor practically flies out of the room.

"Nurse, give him the details!" she calls to her before disappearing down the hallway.

And I just sit in my bed and wonder what... just... happened.

"Well, it's rather complicated…"

I'm... going... to die...?

"…The usual symptoms are pain throughout the body, exhaustion, and occasionally, a temporary loss of circulation. Also, a tendency to become extremely depressed may occur…"

That would explain a lot.

"Mrs. Minamino, your son will be put on a medicine to counteract most of the symptoms, including the pain. However, there is a problem with the conflicting chemicals in this medicine and those in the antidepressants that Dr. Ishinomori was planning to prescribe to your son. She wrote everything down on here…"

And after the nurse hands my mother the slip of paper, she leaves us.

"Shuuichi," my mother whispers. "Why did it have to be you?"

I'm going to die.

"Why did it have... to be... you?" It seems so much like she just cannot believe; that she is going to break down at any moment.

This is what you wanted, isn't it? Are you happy now?

"Why couldn't it have been me?"

It's funny how that inner voice has a soft, regretful, almost gentle tone.

"Mother..." I half-sigh.

You weren't really thinking about it, were you?

"Why?" Her tears overflow, and she buries her head in her hands.

I squeeze her hand with all the strength I have and blink away the stubborn tears that seem to be intent on rising to my eyes. Needless to day that the youko within is shaking his head in disgust.

Why indeed.

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Author's Space

Soundtrack: PREDILECTION, Nittle Grasper (Yamaguchi Kappei as Sakuma Ryuichi).

I don't believe they ever say what Kurama's blood type is in the manga. In here, it's O negative, meaning he can only receive blood from O negative donors, and, consequently, Rh negative donors are supremely rare.

The disease: I made it up. I was too tired to come up with the scientific reasons, or to look up an actual disease. I'm 14. I'm lazy. Deal with it.

Yes, Shiori is Mrs. Hatanaka by now, not Mrs. Minamino. However, it's a mistake that a hospital might make, and I'm trying to make this seem real, okay? Aside from my birth, I haven't stepped foot in a hospital.

Just so you know, yes, I did have this part of the plot in the works since before I posted this; hence the summary. Read carefully and you'll see it was there all along. Cookies to anyone who guessed that I'd do this, though.

Next Chapter: Chapter Two: Afraid You'll Jump?

Review, etc.. Sorry for the holdup, by the way—I had to finish finals before I could post this.

Love,

Fluorescent

Thank You So Much:

Kyoka: Thank you! You flatter me so much…

samuraiduck27

Cpegasus

Silverlie

Blackfoxi: As you can see, he's not quite dead yet, although he did slit his wrist. I really think you should go ahead and write down and post that dream of yours—I'd certainly read it because, yes, it does sound extremely beautiful. Candy for catching the allusion to Karasu, and don't worry—super long reviews are adored.

Kurama's Angel

Kuranga108

Darkrose

sakurasango

shadow dragon: Candy for you for getting the allusion—and as you can see, no.