SORRY IT TOOK SO LONG….
The next morning Napoleon woke up and, although no longer covered in goo, still felt like a decoded piece of crap.
"Dang, Harry, why does all the killer stuff happen to you. You are like so awesome and stuff. First you were like almost killed by the Dark guy and now you are like a Seeker on the Quidditch Team. The best thing that happened to me was when I met my woman, you know she is a model now," Napoleon said.
"Yea, that's great, screw boy," said Harry, who obviously could care less.
"Well, I hope you don't totally suck out there," replied Napoleon. Just then, Hermione came out of no where. "Ahh, its that woman again." Said Napoleon.
"Hello to you to, frizzy" she said. "Don't worry Harry, your dad was a seeker too, you will be great out there," They started going back to the dormitory when all of a sudden the staircase changed floors leading them to the forbidden third floor.
"At least I don't stalk him like you do, gosh! Oh, WHAT? The staircases are so demonic here, like evil ogres, ughhhhhh" Napoleon retorted. "No flippin way, that cat is back again, I gave him some old food last night so he would get away, his feathers got all over my sticky body, GROSS!"
"Genius, cats don't have feathers," Harry said. "whatever, lets run, but Napoleon, you can stay here."
Napoleon gave a really stupid face and decided to join the other two and ran like an idiot with his arms by his side. They ran into a locked room, which of course, Hermione used Alohamora on.
"Where do you learn this stuff? Yea, I get my skills from the 1983 version of Idaho: A guide to Skills?" asked Napoleon.
"Standard Book of Spells chapter seven! Nice resource though, uhmmm yea," she replied. On the other side of the door was a crazy big three headed dog.
"That thing is as big as my mom!" Napoleon said. All three screamed and ran away. The entire way back to the dorm while the other two spoke logically about the dog they had found, Napoleon tried various walking-judo moves to show how he could have taken down the giant dog.
"That was close, what is that thing doing in a school?" Harry asked Hermione.
"No idea, but I intend to find out," she replied.
"…..and yea, this one I learned from Rex Quon Do, HIGHHHH YAAAA," again, Napoleon did some odd movements he believed was karate. "This is one of my own, I call it Tetherball Teether…WHAAAA YAAA," Napoleon tried to do a flying spin kick, but unfortunately fell on his face. "Yea, I could have so taken him down with that one, but this is even better, all you got to do, well really its totally hard…."
Harry cut him off before he continued, "When you fell did you hit your head just now?"
"No"
"That's too bad," said Harry. They dropped Hermione off at the girl's dormitory that evening and had a discussion in their own dormitory that night.
"So, that girl is nice, she got nice bangs," Napoleon said.
"Since your brain is limited, I will have to think about the dog incident myself. You know what Napoleon, sometimes I wonder why the hell I sat with you on the train," Harry said.
"I guess cause of my sweet skills."
"That had to be it," said Harry with sarcasm only an intelligent person could pick up on.
The next morning, Hermione had a chat with Napoleon.
"So, yea, I cant talk to you long for I may loose brain cells, where is Harry?" she asked.
"Talking to Oliver Wood about Quidditch. Yea, I would have been on the team I bet if I had not injured my arm over the summer, I was hunting wolverines and one tackled me. I had to perform this crazy hard spell to get him off me, but yea, so I cant join the team." Napoleon quickly shoved about six tots in his mouth at once.
"Ok, number one, you don't know the first thing about spells, and second, you are weird," she replied. Hermione rose from her seat and left Napoleon with another odd look on his face.
After applying a ton of chapstick to his lips, all he said was "Yea, her bangs are really sweet, but no bangs are as hot as Jem's bangs."