Once Upon a Razorblade

Disclaimer: I own no part of Yu Yu Hakusho. But steal my plot and you will suffer.

Part Three: Waltzing Through Eternity

Chapter One: Penchant for Self-Destruction

I have an appointment with my school's guidance counselor directly after second period. This is my third day back to school and I have much catching up to do (a lie, since I was sent the notes and homework by Kaitou), yet the appointment still stands.

I don't have any idea what the counselor will be like.

I don't even know if it's male or female. I forgot to ask Kaitou. He's been here once or twice before.

"I'm antisocial," he told me yesterday, a hint of bitterness creeping into his voice, "and apparently, it's a sin in this world not to be a social butterfly. Unless one is simply 'quiet', of course."

I smiled then, and thanked him, but forgot to ask about how his meetings went.

But as I step into the office, I can almost smell the sharp scent of a mistake.

"Ah, Mr. Minamino. Please, sit down," the woman at the desk says, not even glancing up to look at me. She has a slightly mannish build (more than my own, I'm afraid to admit) and a boyish haircut that doesn't even reach her ears. Her glasses hang from a cord around her neck, and she looks to be in her late forties.

"All right, then. How are you doing today, Shuuichi?"

"Fine, thank you. And you?"

"Good. Tell me, Shuuichi. I know from looking at your records, you're a straight-A student with top marks in everything. Your teachers say that you're a well-rounded young man, but a bit of a loner. Would you explain that to me?"

So I do. I have friends in a different school.

"I see. Would you tell me a little about your home life?"

So I do. I tell her that I love my mother dearly, that I have a stepbrother and a stepfather, both of who are good people.

"Mm-hmm. How does your mother feel about your grades?"

"Whatever grade I receive she is happy with."

"So she doesn't pressure you to do well at school?"

"No."

The counselor nods. "I see. Well, Shuuichi, would you mind telling me how you felt when you attempted to end your own life?"

I think a bit on this one: To tell the truth or not to tell the truth?

'I was bored, I suppose, so I decided to kill myself.' I should say that just to get a reaction out of this woman.

"I don't know."

"You had to be feeling something, Shuuichi. Anger? Depression? You know, none of the feelings you have are wrong or 'bad'."

"I understand that."

"Then you'll understand that I can't truly help you unless you tell the truth, don't you, Shuuichi?"

I stare into this woman's dead serious eyes.

"I was relieved. Happy, if you will."

She seems to be trying to discern whether I am telling the truth.

"I see. No anger, no depression, no remorse?"

"No."

She nods.

"Would you tell me the reason why you attempted suicide?"

I think for a moment or two before raising my shoulders up in a slow shrug.

"There are other ways out of depression, Shuuichi. Suicide is never the answer. I know what you've been through." My heart lurches. "We all get depressed at your age." Another lurch. "You just have to get over it and find some other outlet."

By now, I have recognized those lurches for what they are: anger. She knows what I've been through? No, I highly doubt that. I am a youko in a human's body - a body which seems to have contracted a deadly something, by the way - who now works for the junior leader of Reikai, but who, outside of his mother, has no other reason for living. Tell me, can she really relate to my situation?

"What if that outlet stopped working? What if the outlet that I chose to pour myself into spontaneously ceased to soothe me?" I ask, keeping my voice level.

"Then you should have found a new one, Shuuichi," she says, her voice hard and cold. "May I ask what your outlet was in the first place?"

I brush my finger briefly against my wrist.

I will tell her the truth, if only because I know she will get it out of me some way, some how, and will not rest until she does so. I can tell by the way her eyes try to bore into mine. She tries to intimidate me, and tries to wrench the truth out of me. Doubtless, she has tried this on other students before me, and doubtless, they have crumbled before her.

I don't crumble.

"I cut myself." Yes… That proud, strong tone… Say it like the youko that you are… don't let that foolish human believe she has any amount of power over you, that internal voice tells me.

The woman narrows her eyes.

"You seem to have a penchant for self-destruction, young man. All right, Shuuichi. I believe that's enough for one day. We'll be having weekly sessions. I'll inform you of which day next week."

I nod and promptly leave.

I can hardly wait to see how long it takes before one of us drives the other to the edge.

Author's Space

I hated my guidance counselor/psychiatrist. That's my defense.

I hope you enjoyed. (I didn't really like this one…) I know some of you have been waiting for this. Sorry it wasn't out sooner; I didn't have Easter week off, but I'm going to work on it during Passover week.

Soundtrack: Franz Ferdinand's This Fire, I think. Much, if not all, of Part Three was written with the help of The Waltz of the Flowers from The Nutcracker.

Please: Review/ flame, tell me before you use this on a C2, and come again.

Review Responses and Thank You-s

GreenEyedFloozy – I wanted to see that play, but I never did get the tickets…

Niana Kuonji – Internet servers have been giving me a lot of trouble lately, too. I knew there was something I forgot. I wanted to mention the Hiei thing, but I suppose it slipped my mind… Thanks for reminding me!

samuraiduck27 – Well, here's the very beginning of part 3. I hope I didn't disappoint.

sakurasango – No! Don't die! Well, it's late, but here you are…

Kuranga108 – I suppose that Hiei's a bit too depressed at the moment to kill Kuwabara…

ineXpressible – I love Jorge, too. The tense? Hmm, half of the time I don't even recognize what tense I'm using.

The Amazing Tsu-chan – Sorry about that. I hate it when that happens to me – when a story just leaves off in the middle of nowhere and I want more… Oh, I believe the sole purpose of editing is to drive me crazy…

Kyoka – /blush/ You shower me with such compliments! I've been aiming for complexity, simply because I like it, and I'm glad you like my style. Editing is a real pain, isn't it?

Thanks to: Aseret Kitsune.