Just a reminder… that Kurama is 'Shuuichi' and his step-brother is 'Shuichi'.

Once Upon a Razorblade

Disclaimer: I own no part of Yu Yu Hakusho. But steal my plot and you will suffer.

Part Three: Waltzing Through Eternity

Chapter Three: Frostbitten

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The house is silent. My mother is making a few phone calls, my stepfather is still at work, and my stepbrother... well, I'm not completely certain where he is.

I pass my hand over my forehead. I have a headache from staring too hard at a math problem I'm supposed to be solving. It's a rather easy problem, now that I look at it properly and I realize that I was overcomplicating it a bit.

I lay my head on my arms and close my eyes.

"Shuuichi?"

My eyes snap open.

"Oh. Sorry, you were sleeping." My stepbrother backs out of the room quietly.

"What is it?" I call out.

"Nothing. Though… would you like some ice-cream? Shiori bought it yesterday," he adds, and though his overall manner is nonchalant, I can see the look in his eye. It's that one that says he wants company - he wants my company, as unbelievable as it may be. (What company, after all, am I?)

"All right." I glance at my watch. "Why don't you go down and I'll be there as soon as I can, okay, Shuichi?"

"Sure," he responds, and shuts the door behind him. I wait until his footsteps have receded before I make my way into the adjoining bathroom, reaching out to the mirror that keeps the rows of shaving cream and cologne, among other things.

'Other things' meaning, in particular, two dark orange cylinders filled to the midpoint with medication. I shake one of each into my hand, fill a cup with water, and down them as fast as possible.

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"Cold!" Shuichi yelps, and I half-laugh.

We sit across from each other, atop stools situated in the kitchen. He has been playing 'cook', drizzling an extravagant amount of chocolate syrup and sprinkles over three scoops of various brand-name ice-cream flavors. Somehow, he has managed to dredge up other trappings, the likes of which match what would probably be found in an ice-cream parlour.

He has certainly outdone any of my attempts at a sundae, not that those have been many.

"Don't eat it so fast," I admonish, feeling very much like the older brother I am supposed to be.

"Don't be an old man!" And he laughs, scooping up another huge spoonful of ice-cream and shoving it into his mouth. "The brain freeze is part of the fun!"

I smile.

My stepbrother and I hardly see each other, despite the fact that we live in the same house. We don't go to the same schools, and we don't hang out with the same people. I care for him, of course, as much as a brother should, but I see him relatively little. Our relationship is, for the most part, friendly but distant, and much of the time, we must make do with small talk as the predominance of our conversation. But every so often, he will invite me to watch a movie with him, or ask me to drive with him, or eat ice cream, just like this. And usually, our talk, though idle, will turn to something slightly more serious.

"Hey, Shuuichi?"

"Yes?"

"Are you sick or something?"

My spoon hovers in the air as I pause.

He doesn't know. I half expected that my mother and stepfather wouldn't tell him, for whatever reasons they harbor. They didn't even tell him about my suicide attempt, simply that I was in the hospital, though I don't blame them in the least for doing that.

But how am I supposed to respond?

"Why do you ask?"

Shuichi shrugs.

"Just something I heard the neighbors say. And sometimes, I see you taking medicine when you think I'm not looking." He shrugs again. "I just wanted to know."

I think on this for a moment.

"Yes, I am sick."

"How sick? With what? W-"

The fingers that hold the ice-cream bowl are starting to numb from the cold that seeps through it, and I can almost imagine that the ache increases to a blinding ache as it spreads, almost as though the cold is in the veins themselves.

"-You're not going to die, are you? How-"

Too many questions. It's making my head start to spin as I try to sort them out.

"-Why didn't you tell me? How-"

Why didn't they tell him? Maybe I could have been spared the headache of trying to answer him.

"-Did you find out while you were in the hospital, then? What-"

I didn't know that my imagination was this powerful. But it's a bliss - the way that this something burns a freezing path through me, so much better than back when I cut.

Unfortunately enough, the pain does not clear away the fog that seems to be intent on clouding my brain.

----

"Shuuichi!"

Nnn…

"Shuuichi! Wake up!"

"Shuichi, what happened?"

"I don't know! We were talking and then his eyes just closed and he fell back! I didn't do anything!"

"Shh. Shuichi, honey, calm down and call the doctor. The number is on the refrigerator."

My mother's calm, even voice belies the worry beneath.

Slowly, I try to regain my full consciousness. I try to make sense of what my stepbrother was saying. I try to remember for myself.

And I do.

"Shuuichi, you're awake. Good boy," my mother says hurriedly, and I can't help but think it sounds as though she's talking to a dog.

"Don't move until your brother can get the doctor on the phone," she orders before bending down, pressing her lips fiercely to my forehead, and threading her slim fingers into my hair, squashing any of my attempts to rise from my spot.

She remains beside me, on the floor, even as Shuichi hands the phone to her.

I didn't realize it before, but there is a slight stinging sensation at the back of my skull, presumably a bruise or some sort of bang. And slowly, the pain begins in my head, soon escalating to a throbbing, pounding headache.

Sometimes I wonder why this is happening. Sometimes I wonder if Fate is holding some sort of petty grudge against me. Sometimes I wonder if this is supposed to be some sort of extended atonement for the sins of Youko. And at times like these I wonder, Haven't I done enough? Haven't I spent the past few years trying to right the hundreds of years of wrongs?

Of course not.

"Shuuichi, honey, how do you feel? Where does it hurt?"

"I'm all right, Mother."

"No, you're not!" she bursts out suddenly before remembering herself and the fact that the phone is only resting on her shoulder.

She sounds so anxious and… scared. Panicked, almost.

She closes her eyes for a moment. "I'm sorry, Shuuichi... Please. Where does it hurt?"

I meet her gaze for a moment before answering.

"At the back of my skull, above the temple. And before I blacked out, all along here," I tell her, my fingers ghosting the pathway along my forearms that the ice had seemed to take, through the veins and surpassing the junction between fore- and upper-arm by a fractional amount.

She repeats this in a weary tone to the doctor on the other end, and pauses as she listens to the answer.

"Shuuichi," she begins, her eyes darting to my step-brother before alighting on me once more. "Have you taken your medicine within the past hour?"

"Yes," I answer. "Right before I came down here."

She nods and repeats it.

I watch as her fingers worry her bottom lip before her eyes close.

I can only imagine the stress that I've placed on her shoulders in such a short amount of time.

"Oh, no..." I hear her whisper to herself. "I was told there might be some conflicts, but that we shouldn't worry... Yes... Well, what...? Yes. Thank you, doctor."

Slowly, I push myself up, eager to hear what the latest twist in this never-ending drama is.

"Shuichi, would you be a dear and fetch some ice?" she requests of my stepbrother, and he nods.

"Come here, Shuuichi," my mother says, and beckons me to sit beside her. I slowly comply.

"The doctor said that tomorrow you have to go back for a check-up," she whispers, her fingers probing at the back of my head.

"Did she say what's wrong?"

I can see feel her hesitation as she gently presses the cool ice against my skull.

"It's nothing to worry about. Really."

----

Author's Space

Soundtrack: The Medallion Calls and The Black Pearl, from Pirates of the Caribbean (the Score/Soundtrack).

Cliffhanger-ish. Not quite, but it's up there.

I tried to make Part Three shorter, but it wouldn't obey. It's the longest one, actually. What a monster… I like it, though. Particularly this chapter and Chapter Five. And sorry about the lateness. School doesn't get out until the 28th of June.

I'm getting too involved in this story. I went into my brothers' medicine cabinet to see what guys put in there. What, you were expecting seeds and fertilizer? Kurama's just a normal teenage guy. Kinda.

I just watched the Bandits and Kings DVD. Utterly awesome. But did you know they changed Shuichi-kun's name to Kokoda? It creeped me out before I watched the Japanese version and realized that it was OK because his name really was Shuichi…

Yes, yes. You know the drill.

Responses

At 11/12/1 o'clock in the morning, I so do not want to be doing this, but it's the only time I'm going to be able to post. And it's really cluttering up the post and making it seem longer than it is… But:

samuraiduck27, KyoHanna, blackrosekitsune, Kuranga108, SunStar Kitsune, HieiXkurama2000, Aseret Kitsune - Thanks so much! You're all such great reviewers and I'm so thankful that you all take the time to review for me!

RaggedWings – Oh, I liked the ending line, too, if I may say so myself. It took me just so damn long to think it up, though, simple as it was… At least you reviewed at all, ne? It's really appreciated!

DemonUntilDeath – Happy (really-late) Birthday, then! Or maybe it's early? So you're older than me, huh? That's really cool! Er, well, 'hint-hint' as in he's going to make a little guest appearance. With dialogue. Finally. Life schedule? Since when do I care about that:smilewink: Anyway. Thanks!

GreenEyedFloozy – Sad, hm? Yeah. I can't remember if I did or not, but I have the feeling that I may have teared up while writing this chapter. Can't remember. Yeah. I tried counting stars quite a few times, actually, but my vision is so bad that I couldn't tell if the light was from a shooting star or from a plane on its way to LaGuardia Airport. In any case… Thanks for taking the time to review!

A lilmatchgirl – Ha! Yeah. A way with words is probably number two on my list of must-haves for a bishounen. :sheepishgrin: I enjoyed writing the shrink's conversation because it was kind of like forcing me to get into the head of a character I didn't like very much.

Kuramafan-06 – Although I can't tell you the complete ending of this fic, I can tell you that I absolutely abhor stories that are under the 'Tragedy/Angst' category and end happily. I keep wanting to buy the My Chemical Romance album, but I never remember. Ah, well. Actually, I first heard Ready Steady Go on Anime Network On Demand because they've finally started to show music videos. It was really cool-looking. Hmm… Do you know where I could find that song you were talking about? Is it in any anime or do I have to get it :coughillegaldownloading? Unfortunately, no, I don't have a hotmail account, but feel free to e-mail me at any time… All in all, thanks so much for your support and reviews and birthday greetings!

purplehairedwonder – Wow. I agree whole-heartedly. I don't even really venture into the archives anymore, the stuff in there is so mind-numbingly bad. But, anyway, thanks so much!

Niana Kuonji – Hm. I really shouldn't have put it that way: More like Kaitou's making a guest appearance. Or something. Damn! I meant to have her say something about Kaitou, but I forgot. Damn! Uh. Anyway. Yeah, that's true, Yusuke's got more death experiences, but I think that… Kurama may just like to test the boundaries of how far he can get to death without actually getting sucked into it. Dunno. Thanks so much for the song! It's really awesome and – as you said – really catchy. If I could put it up somewhere and maybe paste a link to it from my profile, would that be okay with you? Full credit is yours, of course… Ah, well, thanks for everything!

Hieis4gotndreamr – Yeah. Eavesdropping is, like, my specialty, even though I really don't mean to do it. Oh, dude, where do you live? I'd like to move there. The last day of school? I've got until June 28th for Regents and finals… Ugh. Anyway: Thanks for reviewing!

ineXpressible – Gorilla? Termites? Uh. Okay! Thanks for reviewing!

Kooriya Yui – Ah… Short and suspicious, eh:drowsysmile: Cool! Er. Please ignore that. A proper response is not possible at the moment because it's about 12 in the morning and my neck is killing me. :sheepishsmile: Thanks so much!