Note: Look, people, it says in the summary that this is a ONE-SHOT. You get what it means, don't you? So please stop asking me to update! It's annoying really. This work is complete and thus there aren't going to be anymore chapters. So would you please stop harrasing me to update?
Title: Painful mask
Date: 26 February, 2005
Written by: ChaosMagicianGirl
Disclaimer: No, I don't own Sukisyo. I guess that's pretty obvious, neh?
Type story: one-shot
A/N:
Okay, so this is my first ever Sukisyo fanfic. I've never posted it up anywhere. Except on my sukisyo fansite, which I should really update, sometime (shifty eyes). Anywayz, since this is my first fanfic in the Sukisyo fandom, please go easy on me! I'm warning you in advance, that the characters might be somewhat out of character, their background not really correct, and some other things. With that said, I hope you enjoy the story.
I did write it a while back, so it has been gathering dust inside my computer. When I noticed (today as a matter of fact) that there was a Sukisyo fanfic section on FFnet, I wasted no time in posting it.
Honesly, I would like feedback! Good or bad! As long as it are not going to be pointless flames!
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'Was last night a mistake? I can't believe I, I mean we, I mean them did that……'
Frustrated beyond believe, he slammed a pale, slender hand of his against the wall.
It hurt, yes….
But the pain diverted his attention from his haunting realm of thoughts, if only for a short while.
Acting on impulse he slammed his hand against the wall for a second time and again.
The pain shot through his entire body. His brain received impulses of pain, processing them, his mind alerting him to the pain he was inflicting upon his body.
But he gave those warnings no heed, continuing with what he was doing.
Only when after several minutes had passed, he abruptly stopped with what he was doing.
Looking at his bruised and slightly swollen hands, he let out a strangled scream.
Cradling his painful hands against his chest, he took a look at the wall. His eyes wide at what he had done, disbelieve shining in them.
Dents and cracks could be seen in the places where he had graced the wall with the presence of his fists.
"What's happening to me?" he whispered in a state of despair.
Backing away from the now "scarred "wall, slowly, with unsteady footsteps, he suddenly lost his footing, as he slipped on the slippery floor of the bathroom he was in.
He caught himself just in time by gripping the door handle right next to him, preventing his fall at the last moment.
Without his usual grace he steadied himself again, deciding to proceed with what he came here to do.
He walked over to the nearest shower stall, while in the process releasing his hair from the "prison "it was kept in.
His long hair fell loose, flowed over, past his shoulders, reaching his mid-back.
Silky, soft pink strands of his hair fell over his forehead, shielding his eyes from vision.
Blowing the annoying, in the way bangs out of his face, his beautiful soft pink eyes became visible.
Eyes that would turn crimson, when his other personality; Ran would take over.
Or when clouded with lust and passion would be pinkish red while writhing under his lover. Or rather what he wished he would be able to do.
He wanted, craved for a certain person that was out of his reach. A person that could never love him back, who also hated him….
Before stepping into the shower stall, he started shedding all of his clothes.
The first article to go was his shirt, as he let it fall carelessly on the floor beneath him.
Turning to his right, he came face to face with his own reflection in the mirror.
He froze when he looked at himself in the mirror.
He was deadly pale, dark rings from lack of sleep under his eyes. That was however not what had him stand frozen solid in front of the mirror.
He had woken up in the middle of the night, and fled from the room he was in, as if his life depended on it when he became aware what had happened there, what they had both done with each other. Even if it was not them, but their other selves…..
What had him frozen was the fact that if someone looked at him closely could see his eyes were sparkling with the remains of the afterglow of lovemaking shining in them.
Disgusted at himself as he noticed this, he turned his head to the side to avoid looking at his reflection any longer.
His features were delicate, almost feminine.
He wasn't very tall, especially compared to other boys his age. His long, slim legs however gave people the impression he was tall, although that wasn't true.
He had rather small shoulders; the rest of his body was slender, almost thin perhaps. It was no wonder some people might mistake him for being female.
He hated this fact, since he was constantly bullied with it. His appearance made him a sort of outcast at his own school.
Because of his past, he doesn't like dealing with people that much. He is a loner by heart, and therefore preferred to be on his own most of the time. The only people he remotely hung out with were Matsuri and…..Sora…
He also didn't want people to come to close. He might put up a tough, cool and indifferent front most of the time, the truth was otherwise.
He sometimes on brief occasions let a bit of who he really was slip, without knowing it. Sometimes regretting it later, and sometimes feeling better he let something slip.
He was a sensitive person, could be hurt easily. But nobody noticed that, since he didn't show his feelings to often, keeping them inside, as well as the hurt and rejection he had faced and still had to face daily.
His sensivity was his greatest weakness, a curse yet a blessing at the same time.
He was gold honest. Betrayal was a very big deal on his list and wouldn't be accepted by him. He didn't forget, nor forgive easily.
His other side; Ran, was so muck like him in many ways, but at the same time so very different…
Ran is strong, whereas he is weak.
Ran is determined, knows what he wants.
While he could never make up his mind, and always doubted his decisions and actions.
Ran is brave, faced his problems and the obstacles in his way.
He was just weak, a coward, who ran away from them.
Like now….
He couldn't go back….
Couldn't pretend like nothing had happened at all…..
Act the same way when with him before this….
He couldn't fake it anymore….
Pretending to hate him…..
When he actually loved him…
Keeping all his feelings bottled up inside….
Hiding them…….
Trying to convince himself of a lie…
That he didn't care for Sora Hashiba at all…..
The tears rolled down his cheeks, as he was sitting curled up in ball, with his back against the wall of the shower stall.
Crying over the state he was in….
Crying over the contact he had lost with the one person he loved.
Even though it wasn't really him that was making love with him.
Even though it were Ran and Yoru that had actually been the ones that did it, he didn't care.
He still cherished the way; Sora's body had felt against his own.
The way his lips tasted, every inch of his body.
The tender, sweet, gentle yet demanding touches he made by exploring his body.
No, it wasn't Sora, but Yoru who did this.
It was Yoru's name that was called out in pure ecstasy by Ran.
But he had felt everything and experienced everything that Ran did too.
He only wondered if it was the same for Sora……
Is he aware of what happened too?
I hope he doesn't……
I wouldn't know what to do or think if he did.
Please, don't let him know anything.
So, I can just pretend nothing ever happened…..
Let me just be able to cherish this memory of what happened, as a gift I always wanted.
These were the thoughts that whirled through Sunoa's mind as he sat there and cried.
The hot water continued to pound down on him.
Washing away all the traces of a night of passion.
The only traces left would be those in his mind.
These memories would never go away.
He didn't want them to.
Although he hated, as well as loved them at the same time.
Hate, because he would probably never have the chance again to be so close to Sora.
"He will never feel the same way about me as I do for him….." Sunoa uttered out loud, without even noticing it. "He doesn't even remember me……" he continued, ignorant to the fact that someone was listening to him speak. " That's probably the fact that hurts me the most…"
Standing just around the corner, hidden in the shadows, was a person that had been observing his actions the whole time.
His ocean- blue eyes glazed over, a single teardrop falling from their mesmerising orbs.
"You couldn't be more wrong. I do care, Sunoa…."
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CMG, signing out!