I Tried - Chapter 10
LOVE THAT I'M WITH YOU
Bethany woke up in a strange bed. The smell of a young man flooded her pillows. She groaned aloud, wondering what she had done the night before. Rolling over, she tried to piece together who she had been with. Then she realized she was alone, the young man was not in the bed with her, and she was fully dressed. Sitting up, she held her throbbing head. Then she remembered, Her father... the Red Wolf.
"Oh hell..." She had heard stories, of his ferocity, rumors that he had killed a man at the age of five. Why had he brought her to his home? What would he do with her? She pushed off the bed slowly, looking for some weapon, and finding nothing. She pulled open a drawer, to be greeted with nothing but clothing. Frowning she moved slowly into the bathroom. Did he live in an apartment? Where was she?
It wasn't nice; she had been in better maintained. Even for the ratted towels on the floor and the rust stains over the drains in the sink, it smelled clean. One look at herself and she snorted in disgust. She drugged herself up whenever her father sent her out, but... he was gone now, the Red Wolf had killed him- effortlessly. Bethany gripped her shoulders, the outfit left little to be imagined, she couldn't understand why she was even still dressed.
The fishnet stockings that she had on were ripped in places, but not removed, her pleather skirt, already worn and over sewed was in the same condition, more or less, then it had been the night before. None of it made sense; men in the slums didn't just cart strange women home and expect nothing in return.
"You're up." A deep voice floated to her, she jumped, slipping to fall to the toilet. Spinning to sit on it, she pulled at her skirt, trying to cover her thighs. The Red Wolf leaned in the doorway, one arm raised against his head. Bethany's hands fumbled at the toilet seat, gripping it as though it was a hold on sanity. Her eyes measured the man blocking the doorway.
He wasn't what she expected in the face, in her mind she had him pictured. More scarred, more pointed, like a predator. But he was, handsome, for lack of a better word. The scars that everyone talked about just framed his eyes, they didn't cover his face. In a way, they accented his cheekbones. She wondered if they were smooth to his skin, or if there was a ridge left behind them. She wondered how he got them.
He cleared his throat, drawing her eyes to his. They were sharp, measuring, but that wasn't uncommon in the slums. The haunted look that followed everyone down there had not left him alone. Purple bags shadowed under his eyes, again, not uncommon, nor was his gaunt frame and pale skin. However, there was something else about him, Bethany couldn't put her finger on it. His voice made her jump yet again. "Are you okay?"
She pulled her legs to her chest, so caught up in the moment that she forgot she was in a dirty, short skirt and hugged her knees. She stared at the paint chipping off of her toenails. "I- I don't know... I-" She swallowed a lump in her throat that settled in her chest. Bethany felt herself shaking; he was intimidating, just blocking the door like that.
"You want me ta walk ya home?" He asked after a few minutes of silence. She looked up again, intimidating wasn't the right word. He was, different. There was something alive about him, almost vivacious, as if he hadn't lost his fight.
"I don't have a home..." She muttered, trying to feel badly about her father.
The Red Wolf's blue eyes closed in thought. "You can stay here, then, if you want to."
At first she nearly jumped again, then fear settled around her again. Bethany had no idea what he was driving at, or why he was being nice to her. "You, you don't mind?" She mumbled into her knees.
He turned and dug around in his room. She let one leg slowly drift back to the floor before she leaned forward. Her skirt ripped slightly because of a space on the broken seat of the toilet. He returned and she once again jumped back. Then he dropped a tee-shirt and a pair of sweatpants on the floor. "Here, you look uncomfortable."
She smiled at him, but he didn't smile back.
She stared at the pile of clothing on the floor for a long time. The clothing remained on the floor; she edged around them, her mind working furiously. Would he come in when she was clean and demand payment for his help? Would he let her go afterward?
She wanted to think he was being nice. She felt a wet spot on her cheek. Her hand came away black when she touched it. She was crying, but she didn't really know why. Her head hurt from the drugs, her face still felt bruised and swollen. Closing the door she figured that she may as well get whatever the Red Wolf had planned over with.
The shower head was cleaner then the sink, the tiles were missing in places, but it wasn't really bad when she looked at it again. She showered quickly, half afraid that he would come in before she had finished. She had no idea what just happened, why someone was being nice to her for no reason. After showering she looked at her old clothing, in a pile near the sink, and his, by the door. She moved to his black tee-shirt.
After getting dressed, Bethany used her halter top to wipe the mirror off again. She put a hand at the bruise on her face, swallowing as she took a step back. Then she looked over her shoulder at the door. There was no sound behind it. Opening it, she was left looking at his messy bedroom. She blinked a bit at the made bed, the one area of order.
Then she inched to the other door, pushing it open with painful slowness. His voice came from down the hall, laughing. At once she ducked back inside, feeling foolish. There was no use hiding, if she was agreeable, things would go better. The hallway smelled differently then his room. Like, incense. Further down the hall she saw him, leaning on the wall, talking to whoever was in the other room.
He had a smile on his face.
It was light, easy, almost thankful. And it was gone the moment she saw it, leaving her wishing that she could see it again. Something in her wanted to be what caused that smile, because it was a grateful one. She wanted to thank him, if for no other reason then to see it again.
He motioned for her to come over to him with a nod of his head. "Com'ere Bethany, Mariah wants ta meetcha."
"Who?" She jumped, he was unaware of her staring or he didn't mention it.
He just walked into the room, trusting she would follow. There on the bed, she met Mariah. The older woman was sick, pale, and gaunt to the point where Bethany wondered if she could even stand. The woman smiled weakly. "So this is who you found, Reno?"
Her head snapped over to the Red Wolf. Reno. His name was Reno. She then remembered, vaguely, him telling her that. He had a name. "Ya, and now I gotta talk ta Padre..."
The woman laughed, then erupted into a coughing fit. "You take after me."
The smile crept on his face for a second, making his scars sit up a bit on his cheeks. He looked at Mariah then to Bethany. "Thanks." Then he walked around Bethany.
"Where are you going?" she asked, reaching out for a second before pulling her hand back to her chest. Against his tee-shirt.
"I offered you a place ta stay right?" Reno, not the Red Wolf, responded.
Bethany nodded dumbly, watching Reno leave. The woman on the bed coughed again. She didn't know what to do about Mariah, but it had been her that made Reno smile. There must have been something very special about her. "Are you okay?"
Mariah nodded, dark hair stuck to the pillows by sweat. "Don't be afraid, Reno's a good boy."
Bethany worried the ends of the big tee-shirt with her hands. "That isn't what I heard about him..."
The woman's eyes flashed at her. "Don't listen to stupid people," she snapped, then took a deep breath, eyes closing.
"Is he your son?" Bethany pulled up a chair looking at the woman. She couldn't see a physical resemblance to Reno at all, but there was a connection. Something that almost filled the room.
"No." She closed her eyes and coughed again. "Hand me a tissue please?" She pointed to the nightstand. Bethany sat the box down on the faded blankets with care, as if the meager weight would somehow harm the precious woman on the bed. After coughing up green bile, the woman let the tissue drop to the side of the bed. "I found him, when he was a child."
Bethany nodded, but Mariah had worked herself up. Her chest was rising and falling steadily, she slept. Then two men's raised voices made her jump.
The stairway wasn't immune to the chills of the air outside. She shivered, quickening her pace to the voices. One she knew was Reno's. The other, was an aged baritone, more mature then the one she knew.
"Reno, I cannot even believe this! You are trying to give me a heart attack one day aren't you!"
The red head's lazy stance was gone, as were his drawling tones. Clipped, well worded and intelligent, came the reply. "Padre, listen, I couldn't just leave her out there like that. You should have seen this guy. I can't let someone just die in an alley. Sorry."
"And where is this guy now?" The priest, she gasped at that, a priest? Of all the people she didn't expect to see, there was a man of the church, calling Reno by name. The Red Wolf lived with a cripple and a priest, in a church.
Reno raked a hand over his head. "I- I took care of him, can we leave it at that? I will take full responsibility for her, I swear. Please, just let her stay till she gets the nerve up to leave?"
The two held eyes. The priest was shorter then Reno, and while he looked disappointed, it wasn't anger in his presence. The priest was bald, she could see sweat, despite the cold, on his head. It was obvious the two fought more often then not. Like a father and his son. The priest's eyes drifted to Bethany, who smiled shyly. "As you say, Reno." The older man stalked off, leaving them alone.
She swallowed and walked closer to Reno, looking up at him. "I don't want to cause any problems between you and your- ah-"
"We would have a fight this week with or without you." He pinched the bridge of his nose and sat down at the piano bench. Spinning around to face the keys, he let his fingers stroke them idly, without making a sound.
Of all the places she couldn't imagine him, of all the people she didn't want to think he was. But he had the red hair, the scars, it had to be. Reno, as far as she could see, didn't warrant the fear his nickname brought with him. She wondered if he really had killed her father so easily. Bethany felt horrible, for thinking that he had ulterior motives for helping her. Then the piano drew her eyes, without thinking about it, she sat next to him. "You play? The piano?"
Bethany knew he was looking at her, but it didn't frighten her this time. She was engrossed in the old piano keys. Without answering her, Reno started playing. It was a song she had never heard before, something moving and old. When she made herself look away from his hands and up to his face she realized that he was a lot more then he seemed. Unlike anyone else she had ever met. In that moment she made up her mind. If she was going to figure out who she was, there was no better place then that old church.
"I love you,
Not only for what you are,
But for what I am,
When I am with you."
"I love you,
Not only for what
You have made yourself,
But for what
You are making of me."
"I love you
For the part of me
That you bring out;"
Staying in the church had given her time to think. She worked hard around the church, cleaning up, doing chores and such for the others. Bethany had yet to make Reno smile, though it wasn't for lack of trying. Once, Padre had almost done it. He saw Bethany in the kitchen one morning, making breakfast. She had literally dragged the half asleep Reno from his resting place and was forcing him to mix pancake batter.
The priest had laughed earning a scowl from the red head and claimed that they were officially trading Reno for Bethany. Reno had huffed in pretence of wounded pride, but it hadn't lasted long. The three of them laughed, but by the time she turned to Reno again, he was smirking, no smile.
It had astonished her to learn that Reno was not only literate; he was fluent in two languages. It was something that the other members of his gang weren't really privy to. While they all knew that he could read and write they had no idea the total extent of his abilities.
She had begged him enough to help her with reading, something she had never bothered to be any good at. Seeing him do it made her want to read as well. It was too cold to read; tonight she was watching him play the piano.
She watched his hands, moving closer to him. Watching his fingers move along the keys with practiced ease. It had become their habit, over the past three weeks. Reno would play something, and she would watch then the two of them would go to bed, Bethany sleeping on the bed one night and Reno in it the next.
Tonight, she was wearing gloves, her hands tucked up in the sleeves of Reno's hoodie. Their breath could almost be seen in the old building. Reno's hands were without gloves and the cold was getting to them. He tripped over a chord, tangling his fingers. He sighed. "Must be getting tired..."
The hoodie was warm, and she pulled the sleeves back, taking one hand in both of hers. "That's crap, you're cold."
He blinked at her, then looked at their hands, bringing his other one to cover hers. "I'll live."
"Re, I can't take your bed from you tonight, I'll sleep downstairs." She motioned to the cot set up in the rectory that served as bed for each of them on the alternate nights. "I mean its freezing down here."
His blue eyes narrowed. "And that is why you are sleeping upstairs. It's too cold."
"I refuse to take your bed from you."
"You owe me, right? Think of this as payback. Upstairs."
"Uhm, no." She snapped.
Reno sighed, with no other recourse it seemed, he picked Bethany up and walked up the staircase with her.
"RENO! I am going to kick your ass!" Bethany grumbled, crossing her arms over her chest. "This is so wrong, you jerk!" She was unceremoniously tossed to the bed.
Reno smirked at her. Leaning down to talk lowly so he wouldn't wake anyone, "You wouldn't kick my ass."
"Don't tempt me Red. She stuck out her tongue. "How would that look? The mighty Red Wolf, ass kicked by me."
When she slapped out at him, he grabbed her wrist. "Oh I am soooo scared; don't hurt me with your little bitty arms..." And with that, she yanked him to her side, flat across the bed. He laid there for a few moments, thinking of a way to salvage his pride. "Just hush your lips, woman," had to suffice.
Before Bethany could get all the way out of the bed, Reno wrapped his arms around her, yanking her back down. The worn blankets of varying threadbare states made a "whump" sound on their impact. She squirmed, and then gave up. "Wolf... what are you doing?"
His grip relaxed, but she didn't get up, instead she rolled over. He wasn't as happy as he was before. "Did I kick you or something?" She quipped.
"No." He sat up, and swung his long legs off the bed. Bethany grabbed his wrist; they both stared at her hand. She could smell him, that soapy smell, always with some sweet scents of marijuana or the bitter lace of cigarette. She had become so used to it. "What?" he asked at length.
"I made you mad?"
He sighed, sitting back down. Her hand was still around his wrist. "Naw, don't worry 'bout it."
"It's too late for that. I didn't hurt you did I?"
"Jus, don't call me Wolf, aiight?"
"I- all right?" Beth's eyes didn't leave her own hand. "I owe you a lot Reno;" she stressed his name, "I really don't want to take your bed from you after all you did for me." She looked up again, Reno had moved closer to her.
He tilted his hand up, holding hers. "Then how about we share?"
"I love you
For putting your hand
Into my heaped-up heart
And passing over
All the foolish, weak things
That you can't help
Dimly seeing there,"
"And for drawing out
Into the light
All the beautiful belongings
That no one else had looked
Quite far enough to find."
It had long since been too warm for them to need to sleep in the same bed. Padre made sure they both know that on quite a few occasions. But, as usual, he let Reno get away with things, and so they were sharing his room. It was almost a trade off for good behavior. The winter passed quickly to summer, and the plate that had chilled them now pushed the thermometer to past 90 degrees.
In fact, this night was so hot, Bethany had taken two cold showers and Reno was laying on the floor, two fans going. She stepped out of the bathroom, flopping on the bed. Reno tossed a sock at her, causing her to sit up. "Ever been swimming?" Reno asked playfully.
She got that confused look she hated having. That face where if you looked hard enough, she almost seemed innocent. Reno loved it, she, well, he didn't care if she did or not. "Where?" She questioned.
"The plate. Come on, we'll miss our train." He loved to surprise her, he loved to make her happy. There was just something very right about being with her. Because she knew him, she didn't hold any expectations for him. Unlike Tifa, she wasn't on some different world of reality. This girl, she had his reality, the slums, it made Bethany more real.
The cargo hold of the train was easy enough to sneak into; the breeze the moving car created was enough to make the trip worth it. He watched her stretch out, falling to her back and lighting a cigarette. "So how in the name of Holy are you getting to the plate without us both getting tossed in jail?"
"I have told you a million times, I have super magical powers." Reno crossed his arms over his chest with a laugh. He couldn't quite put his finger on it, but he really loved seeing her laugh. He wouldn't admit it often, but he was falling for the girl.
Reno led her down streets of the plate town swiftly. They were both practiced in hiding from police, but the plates were far better lit then the slums would ever be. He stopped to pick the lock on a gate open. "After you." Reno quipped with a bow.
Bethany eyed the back yard before entering it, the motion light from the side of the house came on, and she darted back out next to Reno. "What if we get caught?"
He laughed and walked in ahead of her. The house belonged to one of the Don's men, he knew through the grapevine that the family had left yesterday for a long Costa Del Sol vacation. The privacy fence would keep their little swim a secret. "Beth, come on, super-"
Rolling her eyes, Bethany shoved Reno into the fenced in yard. "Okay okay! Super magical powers! Psychopath..." Then her eyes widened, regarding the fenced in back yard. It was beautiful and well maintained with green grass, soft flower patches, and a swing just outside the garden. "Oh my god..."
Reno tilted his head, watching her. He felt a satisfied smile spread over his features. He had wanted to do something nice for her. It had been about a year since they met, Reno wanted to somehow commemorate the event. The pleased expression on her face was more then reward enough for the trip. Then she looked at him, her own smile widening.
Slightly confused, Reno blinked. "What?"
"You were smiling." Bethany responded.
Reno started. "Once in a lifetime occurrence."
Then she hugged him, wrapping her arms around his waist and putting her head against his chest. "This is beautiful Reno, Thank you so much."
They hadn't been exactly celibate with each other during the year that Bethany lived with Reno. Cuddling in bed, kissing, weren't really huge deals, it wasn't like they had pretences of innocence to keep up. However, there was something else in her hug this time. Reno responded, putting his chin on the top of her head and his arms over her shoulders. He could see their reflection in the glass door at the back of the house. There was another smile on his face.
He left his arm around her shoulders while he guided her to the pool. The in-ground had a slide and a diving board; it was as well maintained as the yard. Her eyes scanned the water, then she eyed Reno. "We don't have suits."
One thing he hadn't thought of. The house, he knew would be alarmed. It took him a few moments before he shrugged out of his shirt and handed it over to her. "Does this work for you?"
"I love you because you
Are helping me to make
Of the lumber of my life
Not a tavern
But a temple;"
"Out of the works
Of my every day
Not a reproach
But a song."
The water was more than refreshing, the pair spent over an hour in the pool. Bethany pushed Reno in the shallow end and he pulled her down with him. They stood up together and looked at each other with their arms still entwined.
He thought it could have been that the motion light went out over an hour ago, leaving the stars to shine. That must have been what changed the mood from playful to romantic. "You're amazing, Reno." Bethany told him.
Her words shocked him, he had been complimented before. Never like that, never with some breathless adoration. He never had someone look at him the way that Bethany did. Reno smiled again, but shook his head. "I'm a gang leader, Beth."
"And I don't care." She responded, brushing her lips with his.
He stiffened slightly, feeling her wet hands rest on his shoulders. His eyes drifted shut. Before he could touch her she backed away.
Reno pulled her close again, arms going around her waist and shoulders. She met his mouth without a question. Before he knew what he was doing his hand was at her hip, under the shirt. Bethany's back hit the wall of the pool, he leaned into her, bracing one hand on the rim of the pool and the other on the small of her back.
At the point in time where he would have moved on with the interaction, Reno forced himself to back away from her. Admitting feelings was one thing, how to act about them was another. He failed to notice the white knuckle grip he had on the rim of the pool or that his arms were shaking slightly. "We don't have to..."
The time it took her before Bethany responded, almost made him regret asking. He hadn't exactly thought to bring her out to the pool for this reason. In the same moment he opened his mouth to apologize, she responded- "but I want to."
Dawn woke them the next morning, Reno almost jumped to his feet at the odd feeling of the sun on his skin. At one point that night, they had made it to the swing in the garden. Everything was brilliant with the morning light, dew on the grass- Beth.
Then it occurred to him that things had been very different this past year. He hadn't gone to visit Sweets and her brothel, even to simply catch a drink. When he did go out to party, half the time he took Beth with him. Even though he had claimed again and again that they were not together, no one had ever hit on her.
She wasn't the prettiest girl in the slums, she was wittier then a lot of girls, but Reno actually liked that. People had taken to asking where she was if she wasn't with him. It then dawned on him, they had been a couple longer then he thought. The emotion wasn't something earth moving, it wasn't magical. It was calming, welcoming. He settled back to the bench of the swing, letting his arm slide back around her. Blue eyes drifted closed again, a smile on his face.
"I love you
Because you have done
More then any creed
Could have done
To make me good
And more then any fate
Could have done
To make me happy."
That next year had been a changing one. He didn't bother to hide the content feeling. Reno didn't want to. Level headed and still deadly, the Red Wolf slumbered now more times then not. That left Reno to be himself, with her.
It wasn't out of the ordinary for them to spend time together but apart, both in the same room, but doing to different things. It was one of those moments, both of them reading a book when Bethany's voice broke the easy silence. "Reno?" she said quietly.
He didn't look up at first; her tone was usually quiet, unless they were fighting. When she was angry she tended to scream, say things without thinking, thankfully, the fights were few and far between. One thing she never did was feel sorry for herself and cry, so when she started sobbing it startled him. Reno dropped the book and looked up at her. The book in her hands trembled as the pages soaked up her tears. "Do you love me?"
Her book joined his on the floor as he kneeled to look up at her face. "You know I do. What happened Beth?"
"Don't be mad."
"Mad for what?"
She was sobbing now, head in her hands. Reno had to stand, pulling her hands down in his before she answered him. "I'm pregnant," the tears flowed down her face. "What are we going to do? I can't have an abortion, Reno, I can't stand them! He always would make-"
He cut her off, brushing his lips to hers. Later there would be time for questions, later there would be time for choices, later there would be time to be rational. Now, however, wasn't the time. "We'll manage it, Bethany, I'll find a way."
"You have done it
Without a touch,
Without a word,
Without a sign."
"You have done it
By being yourself.
Perhaps that is what
Being a friend means,
After all."
"Love"© Roy Croft
Content © Drakonlily