I Tried - Chapter 11

TO BE A MAN

Padre wasn't the type to throw things, to scream or to yell, it would have been easier if he had. Instead, he just looked at Reno, pinched his nose and took a deep breath, before Reno could explain further- as if an explanation would have helped- he just cut the boy off with a gesture. "Reno, I do no feel like speaking to you anymore at this moment." Was all he had said, before turning to walk back into the rectory office.

Reno was lying low for a while as a result. He had known the moment the words left his mouth that there would be a holy war going on between himself and Padre. Well, not so much a war, it was more like vast disappointment from the priest. Disappointing someone was worse then earning their anger in Reno's eyes. But still there was nothing to be done about the matter now; it wasn't as if he could take back what happened. Part of him didn't want to. It was odd, a boy his age, but, somehow, he was looking forward to it.

He was too deep in thought to hear his companions speaking to him. They were repetitious anyway, words bounding together past his ears. Only enough for Reno to get the gist of what was being said: "Dump the girl" "You're insane" "Can't ya see she just trapped you?"

He sighed, pushing the door open to the bar, it was that rusty hour of morning, just before noon, when bars were open, but their latest customers of the previous night were still outside asleep in the dirt. Reno snorted at the sight of a ShinRa PD, having coffee at the bar.

Tex looped his arm over the back of his chair and laughed. "I don't think ya want any trouble, do ya officer?"

Viper leaned over the table. "Yer not tell'n me dat this one guy's gonna thinka rough'n the three a us up are ya?"

Reno lit a cigarette, blowing smoke out of his nose before speaking. "I don't think he wants trouble this morning." He leaned forward on the hand holding his smoke. After giving a slight glance to both Viper and Tex he eyed the officer. "Why don't we all just relax and have breakfast huh?"

The cop downed his coffee in one go, standing up to leave in the next minute.

Reno ground his cigarette out in the ashtray. "Something we said?"

Tex shrugged looking over the menu.

Reno sighed. "Damnit Tex, what? You ain't said but three words to me since you found out. And those words happen to all be 'you are insane'."

"That's cause you are." Tex let the menu fall to the table, lighting a cigarette before continuing. "Don't ya see wha happened here? You lead onna the biggest gangs in the slums. There's a certain amount of power here. She now gets ta have you protect her for the rest of your life." He picked the menu back up dismissively. "You're smart kid, but you ain't got no sense."

"And that is a problem for you how Tex?" There was warning in his voice, a challenge that he hoped the other wouldn't take up. Tex was bigger then Reno, but slower and not as good one on one as the red head.

Tex didn't respond. Viper looked from one of them to the other, biting into an unlit cigarette. He never butted in when the two picked at each other, Reno was usually too serious to realize that Tex wasn't truly threatening his position. It was best he just stay out of things.

Reno reached forward, pulling the menu down and glaring at Tex. "I didn't hear you."

Tex ground out his smoke and shook his head. "You really love her don'tcha? Enough that ya gonna fight with me about it?"

This took Reno aback for a few moments. He sat back down, anger fading. "Yes, I think I do."

"Good enough fer me I suppose." Tex commented.

They walked into the club, as always, together. This time people stopped and stared at them. News traveled faster then even Reno had expected it to, now there was a pronounced weakness with Red Wolf. He loved someone; he was going to be a father. That meant he wasn't going to be thinking foremost of himself, or even of Fallen. Reno's grip tightened around Bethany's shoulder, his free hand slid to his gun. The murmurs halted. They relaxed, moving over to an old table.

Viper just finished a long drag on his cigarette as they walked up to him. He seemed unsure of what to do with his ingested smoke, at last blowing a puff to his side. He looked over Bethany and sighed. It wasn't as if he didn't like the girl well enough, but there was a loyalty to Reno first and foremost. "So yer gonna be his baby's momma I hear?"

Beth sighed; the comment seemed to grate her. "Yeah I am. Problems with that Viper?"

"No, just commentin.'" They both watched Reno disappear into the crowd with Tex. "Ya didn't plan this didja?" Viper asked quickly, surprising Bethany.

"I-I" She started, fists clenching. "So that's it huh? You think I'm one of those kind of bitches? Looking for a man to take care of me?"

"Even if ya ain't look'n fer it, that's what'cha got." Viper countered.

"I know. I know." She put a hand on his stomach. "I know I should have just gone and taken care of it without saying anything, but- it- it's just different when you care about the person who-"she trailed off.

Viper regarded her while he finished the cigarette. He looked back up and the young woman after grinding the spent item beneath his boot. "Yer as lovesick as he is." He then kicked a chair out for her to sit down on. "I still think ya both crazy, but at least yer honest."

"Not like me right?" Sweets' voice snapped from behind Bethany. Both her and Viper spun around to regard her. The other girl and Reno hadn't been dating, or even really seeing each other, to her, the Red Wolf was just more of a bed warmer. However, he quit warming her bed when he met Bethany. The whole brothel she lived in- with five other women- was without much of a defending presence since the Red Wolf found other pastures.

Bethany looked around for Reno, and frowned when she didn't see the red head. Viper spoke up from beside her. "I wasn't even mentionin' ya, Sweets."

"Too bad." She glared at Bethany. "You think you won didn't you? Fucking tramp. Getting knocked up to keep him?"

"Like you had a chance to begin with, whore." Bethany snapped back. "He never was interested in you; you just are too hard up looking for a good pimp."

The other girl's eyes widened. She balled her fists, knowing better then to hit Beth, at least at that moment. "You just wait, I'll get him ba-"

"Ya never had me to begin with Sweets." Reno came from the side, drinks in hand. "Stop acting like my dick is a commodity aiight?" He leaned down over the back of the chair Bethany was sitting in. "If I got trapped, I'm a big boy, I'll live wit it."

Bethany waved. "Ta ta."

Later that evening, Reno went outside to smoke. He knew it was a bar, but he didn't feel right smoking around Bethany when she was pregnant. At any rate, he needed air. Sweets had come back, as he knew she would, murmuring apologies. All whores like her were predictable. It would be foolish of her to cut ties with a powerful group over jealousy.

"Got quite a load of fillies don't you?" A voice he didn't need to hear but one word of to recognize cut the air- Corneo.

Reno felt every hair stand up on the back of his neck. He snarled, pushing off the alley wall and lighting another cigarette. When putting his hand back into his pocket, it brushed open his jacket, showing off the butt of his desert eagle. "Give me one reason not to blow yer head off."

"There are four people watching you. You think I'm stupid enough to come here without a bit of help?" The Don snickered. "I have a proposition for you."

He bit into the filter on the smoke. "I really loathe you, you know that? Take whatever you are pushing and get away from me, my friends, and basically out of my sight."

A laugh cut him off. "Damn, you are spunky." his eyes raked up and down Reno's frame, when he spoke again something almost sweet laced his tone. "Shame ya had to grow up into such an intimidating fellow."

Reno snarled. "I may just take my chances..."

Amused, and lifting his hands in an almost comic surrender, the don continued. "Fine, fine, I was going to say, that we shouldn't be fighting! I mean just because I work one area and you work another-"

Reno's deep voice overtook his. "I fail to see how living off of battered women and children is working."

All at once, his mirth ended. The don rounded to fully face Reno, a large hand held up in front of young man's nose. "Yer just a kid still you know that? Give me two hours with you; I could have you whoring out just as well as the rest of my hoes. So watch it brat." He snorted as he watched Reno take a half step back into the wall. "Those women come to me. Ya know why? Women need men to give em a good smack in the face every once in a while. Hell, I have those hoes competing with each other on who brings me the most money. It's a status symbol."

Reno took an extra long drag from his smoke, but said nothing.

"Women want to be controlled. They need it. You let one walk all over you and they use you. You're putting too much in with one bitch. You got po-"

"Shut yer mouth." Reno snapped, suddenly bringing himself nose to nose with the big pimp. The two glared at each other, fists at their sides. "I would like to see you try whoring me out, fat ass." Reno challenged.

"Don't let your mouth write a check your nice little ass can't cash boy. That is what this all comes down to. Do you even realize this isn't a game?" The man's dark eyes glinted up and down, causing the younger man to shiver.

Reno's own eyes narrowed, realizing what the don was doing. "Who said I was playing games?" The hairs on the back of his neck were still standing, this man made his blood boil. He felt the serious need to be sick for a moment, ice pooling around his stomach.

"You are playing a game." Lighting a cigarette of his own, Corneo backed away from Reno. He snickered as the young man edged further away from him. "You aren't using your powers at all, boy. Are you going to be a man about things or are we still playing?" When Reno remained silent, he continued. "Men, real men, use their power. A woman is with a man for that power. And she needs to see it, she needs to feel your hand across her face every once and a while, or she starts to disrespect you. Don't you see that? Women need it."

Fear was gone, in that moment, Reno became angry. "So you, in your infinite wisdom are trying to tell me how to be a man?" He flung the spent smoke into the grudge of the alley. "I think I will figure that out for myself. You make me sick, you know that? Totally nauseated. Go beat on your whores. I don't work that way."

The don laughed, stepping on Reno's cigarette. "You don't know what it is to be a man in power boy." He looked to the corners of the alley, nodding, a car pulled up next to them. "That is what makes you nauseated. It's fear." He stepped into the back of the car, and Reno watched it speed away.

He gave into a full body shudder before turning to go back into the bar, sufficiently hackled.

Reno was silent for most of the night. When they finally got home, he sank to the bed still in thought. Corneo had meant to rattle him. He knew that, but, the don had succeeded. The idea that he truly had no idea what it was to have power, or to be a man hit him hard. Bethany had to say his name three times before he heard her.

"What happened?" She asked, looking worried.

Reno looked up at her, still trying to understand how anyone can think the way that Corneo did. How could someone just haul off and hit someone smaller then they were? He didn't understand. "I ran into the don..." Reno responded.

Bethany blinked. "Are you- are you okay? What did he want?"

Reno kicked off his shoes. "No, he wanted to rile me and he damn well did it." He muttered about fat fucks telling him to be a man and flopped to the bed. "Just let me be. I'll live."

She curled up next to him, almost asleep before he asked a question. "Beth, why didn't you leave your father? Were you afraid of him?"

She sat up, looking at him strangely. "It wasn't that I was really afraid of him. I was more afraid of being without him. I was safe I guess."

Reno growled, forcing himself up. "How is getting the hell beat out of you safe?"

She leaned on her hands, thinking. "He wasn't going to kill me. And I just, I guess I expected it after a while. I didn't know anyone who didn't live that way really."

Now he really did need to be sick. "That's disgusting Beth. You expect to get beaten up?"

She stood, getting angry. "So what? You're better then all of that?"

"Yeah! I am, as a matter of fact. I don't need that shit." He stormed over to his shoes. "This whole time, what? You thought it was just a matter of time before I slapped you around?"

Crossing her arms over her chest she snorted. "You don't have it in you to beat anyone, Reno."

Throwing on his shoes, the red head couldn't tell if that was a compliment or not. He threw the door to their room open.

"Where are you going?" She snapped, he knew that Beth hated it when he walked away from a fight.

"Out, I'm pissed off." He growled. She seemed about to say something, but the slamming door cut her off. Reno stormed down the steps of the church, throwing the doors open and shut behind him. Cigarette after cigarette fell to the muck as he paced around the slums.

He hadn't intended to go to Sweets' brothel. But before he knew it, he was across the street. The large, grey-suited man that had started hanging around was on the porch, one of the girls on his lap. He wondered if he was missing something, did that man hit on the whores at Sweets' place? Was that something that men did? Was the don right? With a snort of disgust, Reno stormed in the other direction.

He hadn't wanted power, had he? No, Reno just didn't want to be the victim anymore. But to not be the victim it seemed, he had to be the violator? The perpetrator? Gods why didn't life just come with a manual? What the hell was he supposed to do now?

Reno didn't know. He raked his brain, trying to think of one man aside from Padre who wouldn't fight. Not one person, not one, and while the priest was as good a person as could be hoped for, he was a different breed then Reno. Reno needed to talk to a man who had lived like he had, to talk to someone who, despite growing up with all the slums could do, wouldn't resort to what seemed to be expected of him.

He slumped on the steps of the library, staring at his shoes. He was going to be a father. It terrified him. He had no idea what it meant to be a man; he was really just playing with it, after all that time. Worse yet, he didn't have much time to learn. He would be damned if he hit Bethany. It wouldn't happen. A wall? Sure. Doors? Yeah, but never her. It wasn't right. He didn't pay any attention to where he was walking again. He didn't know if he was trying to reach some destination, or if he was trying to run.

Standing up again, he continued walked until he reached the hotel his mother had once called home. He froze, blinking at the building as if it could run up and bite him. Leaning against another of the endless alley walls, he looked at it. Closing his eyes Reno tried to remember his mother, and with her, his father. All that his mind could conjure, however, were words. He had been "brave, tall, quiet, very smart, and gentle." So his mother claimed. Looking down Reno clenched and unclenched his fists.

He refused to believe his mother would be a liar. That meant that there were men, somewhere, who could be gentle. Of course that one was no where, not even in his memories. "God damn you, where are you?" He asked quietly, falling to the gritty floor, his back against the wall.

He didn't know how long he sat there, his head on his arms, wrapped around his bent knees. "Reno? There you are." When the boy snapped his head up he was shocked to see Padre looking down at him.

"What are you doing out here this time a night? It's dangerous." Reno stood slowly, dusting himself off.

"I heard you fight with Bethany. I suppose I was worried about you."

Reno could feel a smile tug at the corners of his mouth. He let it have its way. "I can take care of myself."

"I know that Reno, but I still worry about you." The priest turned. "Would you like me to leave you alone?"

"Actually," he looked at the building again. Maybe Padre wasn't as different as Reno always wanted to believe he was. He turned to the priest at last, shaking his head before starting to walk next to him. "No I really want to come home."