I Tried- Chapter 24
Should I Stay or Should I Go?
Trigger's crying woke Reno up a few short hours later. Reno blinked at the clock, though he knew that he could have set it by his daughter. It was seven fourteen, on the dot. Yawning, Reno suddenly remembered that last night hadn't been a dream. Tifa was still curled up on his chest, her hands fisted tightly on his shirt. He had to push on her shoulders to get her to let go of him. "Tifa, c'mon, I can't let my daughter cry all morning."
She mumbled, snuggling closer instead of allowing him to get up. Reno resorted to prying himself loose and replacing a pillow where he had been. After tucking Tifa back in again, Reno went to get Suzanna. She stopped crying when he walked in the bedroom, though started right up again as he dug in a drawer for diapers.
"Hey, give Daddy a minute, you little freeloader. He had a long night and his motor skills aren't working." He put his hands on his hips and glared at the baby, though the smile on his face ruined his threatening appearance.
Suzanna giggled and lifted her hands up. "Da-da!"
Reno laughed, picking her up. "Oh, and you think sweet talking me is going to get you everything?"
She reached up and touched his nose. "Da."
Reno laughed. "Fine, Trigg, you already know you win."
One diaper change later, Reno was attempting to make breakfast while juggling his daughter. At first, she was content with the toy dragon and shiny kitchen tiles, and then she watched Reno dig in a lower cabinet and pull out a pot. Green eyes went wide at the sight of the black pan.
"Oh no you don't, baby. It's heavy and hard like Paw Paw Reeve's head."
"Paw!" Trigger repeated and went back to fwapping her dragon.
Reno turned his back for a moment only to hear the cabinet click. Sticking his foot out and holding a carton of eggs he halted the little girl. "I told you no, Trigg."
Using her father's leg to help her stand up, she looked up at him and pulled a pout. Then she reached for the cabinet again, gave up and hung her arms over Reno's leg. Then she made a little "grr" sound, tried again and looked up at him. "Bang!"
"Sorry baby, someone's sleepin'." He picked the baby up then, and her dragon. "You wanna play with him?"
"No." The girl struggled and made grab hands at the cabinet again. "Bang!"
Reno sat the dragon on the counter near the sink and tossed the little girl a bit in his arms. She laughed and for the moment, forgot the pots. "Are you gonna let me make food or are you not hungry now?"
Suzanna tilted her head and then looked at a cereal box. "Bite."
Reno, resigned to picking Jun-O's out of his hair and a cold breakfast, sat Suzanna in her highchair and dumped some of the cereal in front of her. He'd learned a while ago that bowls were just toys to the girl. Sitting across from her and eating out of the box, Reno laughed. "So, going to finish that novel today, baby?"
Suzanna smiled around a fist full of cereal. Then she stopped and pointed. "Diggy!"
Reno turned around to see Tifa, standing unsteadily and holding the stuffed dragon. "Hello, Teef."
Tifa hugged the dragon to her chest, swallowing. "I thought it was a nightmare…"
"Diggy." Suzanna repeated, holding out her arms.
Reno offered the cereal box to Tifa and pushed out the chair next to him. "Diggy is what she calls her dragon, she loves the thing."
Tifa laughed, walking slowly to the table and handing over the plush toy. It was immediately wrapped in a cereal mushed hug.
"And I'm going to have to wash Diggy again…" Reno muttered. "We have a lot to talk about, don't we?"
Tifa was still watching the little girl, but her voice was serious. "Yeah, Reno, we do."
"What do you mean you don't have a choice, Reno?" The tension had grown for the rest of the morning, coming to a head a few hours later. Suzanna was taking a nap, and now Reno and Tifa were arguing in hushed tones on the balcony. She still hadn't showered, and didn't look like she was going to until her questions were satisfied. "So you could get killed and you are fine with that?"
Reno took a long drag on his cigarette, leaving a big tail of ash to fall off on its own. "My whole life has been a matter of me almost getting killed. Now I just get paid for it."
She stammered at him. "Reno! What about Trigger? It's pretty damn obvious you are her whole world."
His eyes narrowed, "Teef, I've never said this to you, ever. But I will now. You can't understand." Before she said anything he shook his head at her. "I don't expect you to understand what my life was like, or what it's like to have another human being need you for everything. You can't even begin ta understand bein' a parent. If I die, I die, but she isn't in the slums anymore."
Tifa pulled her knees up to her chest and hugged them while she looked out over the city. She didn't seem to really see it though, she was deep in thought. "You trust Rufus ShinRa? The same person who's- who's" She took a deep breath, wiping a greasy bang from her face. "The same person who is covering up that my whole town, my father, and almost everyone I've ever known is dead. Dead because of his company."
The cigarette hissed in Reno's ashtray. "Rufus keeps his promises. And he made a promise, as long as I do what I am told."
It seemed like hours passed before Tifa said anything. "As long as you do what you are told, Trigger's going to be alright, I'm going to stay here. Is that it?"
He leaned over the balcony, barely making out the people below him as they milled about like ants. "Yeah, I guess it is."
She laughed a bit. "I bet it would floor most people if they got a chance to really know you."
From over his shoulder Reno could see Tifa hugging her legs. "What do you mean, Teef?"
"My father-" she choked a bit with the memory- "always thought you were a rude slum kid that didn't care about anyone but yourself." She looked up at the sky. "He'd never believe you'd do things like this for someone else…"
"It ain't nothin' you wouldn't do for me, Teef." Reno turned back around to look outside. He'd never been able to see much of anything in the slums, but now the view was spectacular. He had a chance to give Suzanna everything she wanted. He had gotten Tifa out of her town alive and it was worth the price.
He almost jumped when he felt her arms around his waist, her head on his back. "I don't like it. I don't want you to get hurt, Reno. But, thank you. Thank you for everything." She let him go then, backing up. "I'm going to take a shower I think…"
Reno didn't turn around, but he nodded. "I'll call Scarlet, she's bound ta have something that'll fit you."
Tifa looked out the window for what felt like the thousandth time. Trigger was playing in front of her on the floor. It had been just a month since Tifa started living with Reno and she was feeling antsy. It was a wonderful day, there was no reason why she couldn't get out and enjoy it, maybe just walk around the ShinRa building a while without the Turks. Whatever she was going to do, she was most certainly not going to stay inside the apartment all day.
Making up her mind, she stood and started packing a bag for Trigger. "How about we get out for a bit, Trigg?"
The little girl looked up and smiled. It was close enough to a "yes" for her. About halfway to the door, Tifa realized that even though Reno was her best friend, she should probably ask before taking his daughter out. After all he'd done for her, she didn't feel right not asking. Tifa grabbed her PHS off the table and dialed Reno's number. He wasn't answering; neither were the rest of the Turks.
After picking Suzanna up, she sat on the couch and sighed. "Well, they said you did okay at the daycare right? I'll just be gone a little bit; I don't wanna make Daddy mad at me."
"No!" Suzanna protested, clinging to Tifa's neck at the daycare. She was attached to the hood of Tifa's sweater, and there was no calmly dislodging her.
"Just for a little while, Trigger, I promise." Tifa felt terrible, utterly like the worst person in the world. She hadn't wanted to make the little girl cry. Maybe taking her with wouldn't make Reno mad.
The daycare worker was smiling, an older man who seemed to have seen this very often in his life. He cocked his head when Tifa motioned for the baby bag. "You're taking her anyway?"
Smiling apologetically, Tifa nodded. "I just… I feel bad."
"It's totally normal. You and that Turk need to start leaving her here more often, or she'll be clinging to her mom and dad her whole life. They all cry a little bit at that age, then they realize that it won't get them what they want."
Tifa sighed. "I- I know, but, I'm not going to be gone long anyway…" It was then that she realized that the man thought she was Suzanna's mother. "Oh, I mean-"
The man handed her the bag. "It's all right, dear. You young parents are always like this. Just try to remember it's harder on you then it is on her."
Suzanna stopped crying as soon as they left the daycare.
"He thinks I'm your momma, did you hear that?"
She tilted her head at that and then announced "Annie Teef."
"That's right, Auntie Teef." Tifa laughed and opened the main doors to ShinRa. Reno wouldn't be upset, she finally decided. And if he was then he could take Suzanna to daycare.
It was late. God he was tired. Reno had no idea what time it was, he only knew that he had a blessed two days to recuperate after this last hellacious weekend. They were from Junon, to Corel, to Midgar and around twice more in less then a day. At least the objective was handled. The entire collection of intelligence dealers was put down. Less then two days and an entire side empire was leveled by three guys in blue suits.
Said blue suit was stained from the ankles down, his jacket smelled like the cigarettes they all had been chain-smoking up to an hour ago, and his shoes were never going to be wearable again. He slid the shoes off and let his jacket fall on top of them before he even bothered to make sure the door was locked. The side arms and mag rod clinked against the counter as he sat them down.
The white dress shirt- that would also have to be thrown away instead of washed- was soon to follow his jacket. An attempt to remove his socks resulted in him losing his balance and falling against his door. Reno cursed a bit, then since he was already leaning on the door, he used it to keep him up while he threw his socks on the pile of clothing.
His hand covered a wrap around his ribs. He had three similar patches, two on his left arm and one near his neck. He really hated getting shot at; those places would sting like hell tomorrow. But they weren't what had bothered him. Reno swallowed and let his slacks fall to the pile before making his way into his own room.
He really could have died tonight.
The shower was quick, more so that he could clean out any scrapes and cuts then to relax. Reno ignored the alarm clock while he put on his pajama pants. It would be so nice to just sleep for a few hours. Maybe he'd catch a nap with Suzanna too. Speaking of, it couldn't hurt to peek in and check on her.
When he opened the door, she wasn't there. Momentary panic set in. However, Reno knew that Tifa wouldn't let anyone just take his daughter. No one outside of ShinRa knew that he was even employed, and no ShinRa person would break into a Turk apartment. No, there was some logical explanation for this.
He had been right, opening Tifa's door, Reno could see that Suzanna was safely curled up with her. Reno leaned in the doorway and sighed. Suzanna was safe and sound, curled up into a little ball with Tifa's arm over her. Reno crossed the room to get his daughter. He remembered the numerous people that told him letting her sleep with adults would make her too needy. When his hand pushed Tifa's back she woke up.
Reno didn't realize how strong she was. Her hand clasped over his wrist and she glared for a moment through sleepy eyes. Then she realized who he was. "Oh… Re." Tifa yawned, getting comfortable again and tugging on his wrist. "We missed you…" Once again she yawned and fell asleep.
Standing there with Tifa's hand on his wrist, Reno made a choice he probably shouldn't have. He pushed the covers back and crawled into the bed. Almost immediately Trigger rolled over and tucked her head against his chest. Before he fell asleep, Reno could feel Tifa's forehead against his, her hand just on his shoulder. He needed this tonight, tomorrow he would worry about shouldn't have or should have.
"Dear gods, Se! Look at yourself; did you even put some iodine on that?" Scarlet complained the next morning. She and Reeve were walking with a rather battered Rude and Tseng to Reno's apartment.
The Wutain ducked his head a bit, but didn't respond. He was moving stiffly, one arm in a sling. He was sure it wasn't broken, but when it was pulled from the socket it hurt too much to really use. Rude wasn't much better for wear, his entire right hand was wrapped. He'd put his hand directly on the muzzle of a gun to redirect it as it fired, earning a burn the length of his palm. As a result the group would actually have to go out for dinner, seeing as it was Rude who usually cooked.
"Maybe Tifa's learned how to not burn eggs yet?" Reeve offered, trying to get Scarlet out of her mothering mode. It didn't work well.
Scarlet laughed and flashed her card in front of Reno's door to gain entry. "Rude says she almost didn't catch anything on fire this time, so at least she's learning." They looked down at the pile of clothing at the door, then, collectively, looked to Reno's open door. They could plainly see his un-slept on bed from where they stood.
The clock read 7am. Reeve's eyes darted to Reno's door and back up to the wall. "Suzanna hasn't started sleeping in has she?"
"I've got twenty gil that says they walk out of Tifa's room." Rude muttered kicking the pile of clothing.
Tseng laughed and fell to the couch. "I'm not touching that bet, it's a given. Now, what state of dress…"
"Ha ha ha, very funny." Tifa muttered, carrying Suzanna to her room for a morning change. None of the Turks failed to notice that while she was wearing her own pajama bottoms, the shirt was Reno's.
"Did Reno just combust and leave his clothes?" Reeve asked from the kitchen.
"No, he's just not really awake yet." Tifa responded.
"I'm fucking awake already….assholes…." Reno leaned in the doorway of Tifa's room. Scarlet immediately noticed that he looked worse for wear then either Rude or Tseng.
With an exasperated sigh, Scarlet gripped Tseng by the wrist and dragged him off to Tifa's bathroom. On the way she grabbed Reno with her free hand. "That is it. Both of you are getting something put on those, now."
Protests ended in pained hissing from both Reno and Tseng. Reno added the complaint that "they hurt worse now" to the mixture of common and Wutain cursing.
Tifa shook her head, holding a rather calm Suzanna. "You'd think she was cutting their hands off."
"So, where to for breakfast?" With a bright smile, Reeve changed the subject.
Reno blinked at his alarm clock. He really had slept till almost seven at night? Alexander he must have really been wiped out. He swung his legs off of his bed and stretched. Stiff, sore, but otherwise fine, it felt amazing just to rest for a few extra hours.
It also felt amazing not to worry about Suzanna. Tifa was impeccable with her. The little girl treated her…treated her as though Tifa were her mother. He ran his hands through his hair and leaned forward. Reno was starting to treat Tifa as though she was Suzanna's mother as well. How many times had he just let her cuddle next to him on the couch? How many times had he let her get up instead of him to watch his daughter or change her. Of course, Tifa offered, and she did it because she wanted to help.
But Reno wasn't supposed to just let someone just.
Just what?
He was starting to get too comfortable with her. Last night hadn't been the first night they'd slept in the same bed. It was happening too often. He'd come home and feel tired and alone and crawl into bed with her. Arguing with himself, Reno tried to push the point that he felt comfortable with Tifa. She was his oldest friend. She knew him like no one else ever would.
Was it so wrong to feel comfortable with someone?
Well, of course not. However, it was wrong to be attracted to someone and perhaps ruin all of that comfort and over ten years of friendship.
Reno got up and opened his door. He wasn't getting attracted to Tifa, he told himself. Though, he could probably watch her play "airplane" with Suzanna all day before he got tired of it.
That train of thought continued to bother him. Reno was relishing the chance to go out with everyone and blow off some steam. They had tickets to the multiplex's "B-Rate" night- Rude's favorite movies were so bad you had to laugh at them. Tseng's translations of what the people in the Wutain fighting films were saying was also good for hours of fun.
All Reno needed was to have some time with everyone to remind him what a good friend Tifa was.
Scarlet walking into the apartment alone was not what they had expected. Reno and Tifa looked at each other and then back to her. "Ah, where is everyone?" Reno asked.
Scarlet rolled her eyes. "Rude and Tseng are needed to play guard dog at an impromptu banquet. But I didn't want you two to have to stay in because of it. I'll still take Suzanna tonight." She bent down and slung the baby bag over her shoulder. "Ready to say bye bye to Daddy and Auntie Teef?"
Suzanna reached up for Scarlet to pick her up. "Na!"
Scarlet seemed to miss the slight worry on Reno's face. "You two don't worry about Rude and Tseng, have fun tonight. Okay?" With that and a wave from Suzanna, Reno was left alone with his thoughts and Tifa.
Though they missed Rude snickering like a little girl and Tseng's grammatical rants at the movies, Reno and Tifa had a very fun evening. In fact, they were having such a good time that they stopped at one of the local hooka bars to warm up in-between the theater and the U-train.
Tifa rubbed her arms after walking in the bar. "Wow, it gets cold fast here. Feels like it was just tee-shirt weather last week."
Reno followed Tifa in, closing the door behind him. Without thinking about it he rubbed her arms for her. "Yeah, Midgar does this. It'll be new years in two days ya know."
She leaned back, her hands covered his. They stood like that for a moment before the host appeared in front of them with a cheerful greeting. Reno and Tifa jumped apart then, and though she didn't look back at him, Reno could tell something was going on in Tifa's head as they sat down. The soft cushions of the hooka bar made little wheezing sounds as they sat on them.
Tifa tilted her nose up, smelling the smoke coming from the table next to them. "Smells like apples."
Why was he watching her so much? Taking in the little details? He knew damn well what her nose looked like, it hadn't changed in years, why now?
It didn't help matters when she moved closer to him, prompting his arm to go around her. "God, I'm in a sweater and I'm still cold." Tifa complained.
He rubbed her arm, looking down at her.
When she looked up at him to ask him why he was being so quiet, Reno tilted his head down to her. When she didn't move away, he brushed his lips with hers. It was just for a second- if that- but her eyes went wide. Color flushed her cheeks and she stared at him. "Maybe… maybe we should just go home?"
"Ah… yeah." Reno responded. He needed to go to bed, obviously he wasn't thinking right. Why would he just kiss Tifa?
They rode in silence, both looking at each other and then away. Reno smoked three in a row, mentally berating himself. He was worried that Tifa would want to leave now, when she opened her mouth in the elevator, he steeled himself for just such a comment.
"Reno…did, did you kiss me?" She asked, almost as if she didn't think it happened.
He swallowed. "Yeah, yeah, I did, I'm sorry. I don't-"
She shook her head. "No, it's… it's okay. I just wasn't ready for this… for that."
With a sigh of relief, Reno smiled. "I won't rush you, I don't know what happened."
She moved closer to him, prompting Reno to lean against the wall of the elevator. "I won't let you rush me, Re." She rocked up to her tiptoes, kissing him.
He almost forced himself not to touch her. Almost, he refrained from pulling her closer. One hand rested on her hip, the other moved to the back of her head. The elevator dinged on Reno's floor and they stopped, breathing hard.
"We should get Trigg…" Reno muttered fishing for any excuse to stay off of Tifa after she kissed him like that.
Tifa nodded an agreement, though she held his hand while they went to Scarlet's apartment.
Reno moved his keycard in front of Scarlet's door. Forcing his hand to stay on Tifa's and not go around her. He shoved the door open. What they saw was enough to put their minds off of each other, for at least a minute.
Scarlet's couch was turned the opposite way of Reno's so from the door you couldn't see someone laying on it. When the door opened, Reno could hear two people moving around on the couch, but he couldn't see them. He and Tifa made their way inside, closing the door behind them. "Scarlet?" Reno asked, eyeing the shirt on the back of the couch.
The rush of air from the people on the couch made him think they'd been holding their breaths since the door opened. Reeve suddenly sat up, though it appeared more like he was kneeling due to his body angle. A bare arm hooked over the back of the couch. His brown eyes were narrowed dangerously and for all the world he looked like he'd just escaped death.
The shirt on the back of the couch slid down from in front of him. After a more shuffling, Scarlet also sat up. "Is there a problem?" She asked.
Reno shook his head. Of course he had known that Scarlet and Reeve were sleeping together. It wasn't something they pretended to know, however. The reason was quite simple. As much as she hated it, President ShinRa was also sleeping with Scarlet. The president was not the sort of man to grin and share; if he knew, he'd likely have Reeve killed. Or, knowing how much the man hated to have his pride hurt, he'd have him sent to Hojo.
Knowing that the keycards of the Turks could open any of the resident doors and most of the lab doors in ShinRa, both Reeve and Scarlet should have been more careful. There was literally nothing stopping someone else, like President or Rufus ShinRa from walking in as well. Though, Rufus probably already knew what was going on and didn't care about it, he wasn't exactly in charge…yet.
Reno and Reeve stared at each other while Tifa shuffled off and got the sleeping Suzanna. He knew that Reeve trusted him, but he hoped that Reeve also knew how stupid Reno thought he was being. He didn't say anything as they left, though he could hear Reeve latch the chain lock from behind them.
"Tifa looked mighty… ah, flushed this morning." Tseng commented as Reno walked into the office.
"Fuck you and the chocobo you rode in on." Reno responded in an almost sing songy manner.
Rude sighed, lighting a cigarette. The action plainly said that Reno needed to get laid.
"She is not my girlfriend, we are just… " Reno fished for a word, "close."
"Yes Reeve, we… oh, wait, I'm sorry, Reno. Yes Reno, we know." Tseng smirked at the glare Reno tossed him. "It's just the same argument, hard to keep you two straight."
Before Reno could comment, Reeve walked into the room and Tseng wasted no time proving his point. "Scarlet looked mighty…ah, flushed this morning."
"Fuck you and the chocobo you rode in on." Reeve's statement turned into a question as Rude began snickering from his desk. He shoved a cigarette in his mouth and then lit it. "Reno, you and I have a job to do, I'll have to brief you on the way." Twin jets of smoke filtered from his nose. "And when we get back, we have a LONG briefing to get to. There just isn't time now."
Tseng and Reno shared a confused look before heading out the door after Reeve.
Tifa paced the living room, looking up at the clock and then to the door with every lap. She wasn't paying attention to the smells coming from the kitchen, though she usually was right next to Rude while he cooked. "I thought they were on their way hours ago?" She asked Scarlet.
Scarlet looked up from the television, she'd been intently watching about a riot in an underground Junon club called Masamune. "They will be here Tifa, they are fine."
"Why do you keep watching that? What's going on?" Tifa crossed to the couch almost angrily. "Why can't you guys tell me what happened? Is Reno hurt?" Her eyes flickered to the new program. And almost drifted back down when a mug shot caught her eye. "What?"
"… Apparently, a man perpetrating to be General Sephiroth or at least a relation was running this dance club behind me with gang money. A run in with the leader of a Midgar gang, known only as Red Wolf, left him and many dead. There is no lead on this Red Wolf, though authorities assure us that we are safe, this was a gang related issue…"
Tifa's mouth worked twice before she fell to the couch. After the program stopped she turned to glare at Scarlet. "Pirates? You guys sent him in alone to deal with them? They'll kill him on sight, are you sure-"
Scarlet cut her off with a gesture. "Reeve called me, they are all alive and fine. Reno's a bit banged up, but the objective was taken care of, and ShinRa kept out of it. It was a gang issue according to the press and it will stay that way."
"He could have been killed!" Tifa yelled. She almost gained her feet. "They killed Bethany, or didn't you guys care about that?"
"Tifa, Shut up before I shut you up." Scarlet growled. "You think I wanted any of them there tonight? Is that what you think? Just because I'm forced to fuck President ShinRa that I have some control over this? Well I don't. I don't have any control. And what the fuck were we supposed to tell you? Would you rather worry like you are now for days on end?"
"Yes!" Tifa growled right back, "I would as a matter of fact. Wouldn't you rather know then not know? If I know at least I can be ready for something, if you keep me in the dark then I'm left with nothing. What am I supposed to do if he doesn't come home? Are you not going to tell me? What am I supposed to tell Trigger?"
Scarlet sighed, looking at the remote control in her hand. "They were sent to take care of a Sephiroth Clone. To our knowledge, Sephiroth is dead, though we never found him after your home was destroyed. Him, along with a full dozen clones have gone missing, everything else is accounted for. As a result our new priority, as ShinRa is to take care of this mess. Rufus wants it to be as distanced from us as possible." A few moments of silence continued before Scarlet added. "I don't want to be like this. I don't want any of us to live like this, but we don't have a choice in the matter Tifa. You have to learn to accept that, you can't change it."
They finished watching the program and Tifa got up to help Rude in the kitchen. "We will see about that." She muttered.
AN: If you are wondering what went on in the Masamune dance club, check it out on The Writer's Den. Chocobogoddess teamed up with me to write an accompaniment that we call Fish Hook. I was more then happy with the collab, and thrilled that she wanted to use my ficverse to write in. I hope to add more accompaniments to The Writer's Den in the future, but for now, here's the link to Fish Hook.
www .fanfiction .net/s/2204415/1/ (Take out the spaces in your browser)
And you can find The Writers Den by checking my info page or just searching for them here on Thanks for reading!
/Kas