Eyes of Infinity
Author's Note: Thanks to my 3 reviewers! Someone loves me! Yeay! I know there are more pplz out there reading this storie! Push the little SUBMIT REVIEW BUTTON at the bottom this time, mmkay!
Disclaimer: Don't own it, wish I did, and then Sirius wouldn't be dead.
On with the show.
From Kat's POV:Chapter 2 – On The Hogwarts Express:
The alarm clock went off at 6:00A.M. sharp. I grimaced as the noise jolted me from my sleep. I sighed. At least when I was asleep I didn't have to be so stressed out, or worry about everything the way I did. In my dreams I could control what I did and how everyone reacted to it. My mind jumped back to the conversation I'd had with Sirius last night. Why was it that I could think of nothing but him? Whenever I tried to reason things out in my mind everything just got all mixed up. Sure, I was worried for Sirius, but there was nothing I could do about the growing void that was forming between us. My mother shouting from downstairs interrupted me from my thoughts.
"Kat, honey! Time to get up! Don't want your breakfast to get cold!"
"Alright mom." I yelled back, distractedly.
I felt like a zombie dragging myself out of bed and staggering over to my closet to pull out my clothes. I grabbed the first thing I put my hands on (a pair of jeans and a dark blue T-shirt) and headed downstairs. I entered the kitchen to find both my mom and dad already there. Mom was placing breakfast (pancakes and eggs) on the table. Both of them appeared so happy. Part of me was screaming 'how can they be so happy when my very soul is writhing inside me!' but I did my best to ignore that part and sit down at the table next to my dad.
"Excited about starting your 6th year?" he questioned.
"Oh, erm…yeah. I guess so." I replied, somewhat absently. The rest of breakfast consisted of mom asking me if I had packed everything in my trunk and reciting a list of just about everything under the sun that she thought I should bring. I had, of course, packed all my things the night before, and so I sat there, toying with the last bit of egg on my plate and answering her questions mechanically. Dad got up from the table and left the room, probably to get ready to leave for work. Everything in my house was such a ritual that I thought I might die of shock if something out of the ordinary happened.
"Katrina, dear. Is something wrong?" I heard mom say. I looked at her and saw that she had concern written on her face.
"No." I replied rather firmly. "I'm fine." She continued to give me that sort of 'you-say-you're-fine-but-I'm-your-mother-and-I-know-better' look for a few more seconds before she finally gave up and began clearing the dishes from the table. Of course I was fine. Everything was perfect. I was going to start 6th year off good. I was going to get to Hogwarts and have loads of fun.
2 hours later…
I was sure that sixth year was going to be the end of me. There was no possible way that I could feel this wretched and still survive. I walked in a daze towards the Hogwarts Express on platform nine and three quarters.
Everyone around me was saying goodbye to their families, and greeting old friends. Olive Brown, my fellow Gryffindor sixth year, was chatting animatedly with her crew; Frank Longbottom was walking hand in hand with his girlfriend, Alice. Everyone seemed excited and happy to be starting another year at Hogwarts. Not me, I thought decidedly. Not this time.
"Honey, are you sure that you've got everything?" my mom asked.
"Yes, mom, I'm sure," I replied. She had that concerned look on her face again. I just couldn't take it, so I gave her a big smile, grabbed my stuff and strode off into the crowd. I hate it when parents always suspect that they think they know what's going on. They try to tell you a story about them and hope that it fixes your problem in the process. Sometimes it actually works. Most of the time though, the talks aren't even related to the same subject.
I got on the Hogwarts Express and shoved my things onto a storage rack. The train was leaving in about five minutes, so everyone was cramming inside at once, trying to get on. Hurried goodbyes were spoken, last minute hugs and kisses exchanged. And then the train was off.
I shouldered through the crowd, looking for an empty compartment, or at least one with some friends or acquaintances in it. I passed several compartments, each full with different groups of individual people – one with first years that were nervously becoming acquainted with each other, one with gossiping girls sharing the latest juicy secrets with one another, one with a group of seventh years trying to show off in front of everyone. Everywhere seemed to be full. Normally I wouldn't have had this problem, because I would have left my house earlier and been one of the first ones here. However, this time I was so busy feeling miserable that it took me much longer to get ready than normal.
I sighed and continued on, deciding that any compartment that wasn't full was going to have to do…unless of course, it was filled with Slytherins. I was just about to give up and settle myself in the hall somewhere when someone spoke.
"You can join our compartment if you want, Kat," I turned and found Remus Lupin standing behind me with a kind look on his face and a handful of sweets that he must have just gotten off the trolley. I grimaced inwardly. If I went with Remus, I would have a place to sit for the remainder of the trip. A place with nice people, all of whom I knew. However, if I went with Remus, I would most certainly have to see Sirius again, as he and the other 'marauders' never went anywhere without each other. The situation stunk so bad I could have cried, or screamed, or shouted, or any number of things. But, I resigned myself to my fate and responded with a small "Sure," to Remus' invitation.
He gave me a reassuring smile, and led me into the compartment. Everyone there was laughing and having a great time sharing stories of what had happened to them over the summer. There was James Potter, the quidditch star, who was talking energetically about the quidditch world cup with Peter Pettigrew, who hung on his every word, and a couple of girls. One of the girls was Lily Evans, the girl that hated James more than anything in the world. She clearly was not enjoying herself, and was only staying because her friends made her.
And then there was Sirius. He sat at the end of the compartment, switching between adding random comments into James' story, and entertaining his own flock of females. He appeared very jovial, and was laughing and making wild gestures to illustrate his point. It made my stomach twist.
I tried to convince myself that maybe Sirius was actually happy. He was surrounded by a crowd of people that adored him, and he was going back to Hogwarts, his true home. Yet I knew he wasn't truly happy. I knew that Sirius could act better than anyone. It had been necessary for him to act, growing up in that corrupted house. He almost always appeared happy, even when he was dying inside.
I realized that I had been standing in the doorway staring for quite some time. Remus had gone and sat down near in the middle of the compartment, so he could participate in both major conversations. I…didn't know where to go.
I figured that sitting next to Remus would be my best bet, seeing as how he was the one who had invited me into the compartment in the first place. That way, if anyone questioned why I was here, I would have something to tell them.
I sat down and tried to act natural, like I was one of them. It was a rather hard thing to accomplish with the source of all my problems sitting just a few feet away from me, chatting happily and pretending not to see me. He was in his element. Sirius had always loved to be the center of attention. After all, when he was busy telling fascinating stories and gaining a huge fan base of girls, there really wasn't time for dwelling on more painful matters. I watched him talk, charismatic and charming. His blue eyes danced as he spoke, and his black hair fell into his eyes so that he would be forced to brush it away every few seconds.
"Brooks! Hey, Brooks!"
I was startled out of my reverie at the sound of my last name. I looked around for the speaker. Lily Evans waved both arms in the air dramatically as if she were flagging down an airplane. "Sheesh, are you zoned out or what today?" she said, laughing, "I've just been sitting here chatting to myself for the past five minutes I guess!"
"Sorry…I was just thinking about something."
"Anyway," Lily continued, "I was asking you about your summer, but I guess you wouldn't know about that would you?" she gave a small smirk.
"Oh…um…it was fine." I replied. This was the last thing I wanted to talk about, especially with Sirius sitting not too far away from me.
"Yeah?" Lily persisted, "So what'd you do?"
"I…er…actually it was pretty boring…just stayed at home…relaxed and stuff." I was becoming increasingly agitated. Lily seemed to notice this, and she did not inquire any further into it. I sat there for a few more minutes, listening to everyone talk merrily. Except for Lily of course, who was trying desperately to get her friends to leave so that she wouldn't have to put up with James' fat head anymore. The other girls wouldn't have any of it though, and shook their heads determinedly at her. I smiled and shook my head. Why couldn't she just go on one date with James and get it over with? She might even learn to like him. I chuckled to myself, thinking of the probability of this actually happening. Suddenly a large outburst of laughter came from Sirius' end of the compartment.
"And then," Sirius said excitedly, "I walked right out of the store! With the dungbombs in my pockets and everything! I swear, the shop owners need to make it a little more competitive, y'know?" All the girls around him were either swooning or laughing. I shook my head. He was putting on another grand show, and everyone around him was eating out of his hand.
"Hey, we're nearly there," I heard Lily say through all the laughter; "We should go and get changed." The other girls nodded and got up to leave. I rose as well, figuring it best to go ahead and get changed now, as opposed to wait until the last minute when everyone would be scrambling about like mad again. Remus smiled at me and gave me a polite 'goodbye'. I returned the smile and headed for the door. Sirius continued to pretend I didn't exist.
I followed the other girls and got changed into my Hogwarts uniform. I tried to forget all the worries that had been hounding me all morning, but it was turning out to be very difficult. All the girls were chatting cheerfully, and I tried really hard to contribute to the conversation, but my mind always kept drifting back towards Sirius. I decided that this was definitely not a good thing, and if the whole year was going to be as painful as this, someone may as well just shoot me now and put me out of my misery. After all, it's not like Sirius actually returned my sentiments.
I spent the remainder of the trip discussing random things with Lily and the others. Stuff like quiddich season, new classes, new teachers, who was going to get the most detentions this year, etc. For awhile, I forgot everything, and I was happy. I relaxed, laughing and having a great time. The train came to a stop, and we all started filing out of the train.
I had to admit, I was happy to finally be back at Hogwarts. It just felt…natural to be here. I looked up at the castle that I would soon be inside. The castle that had been my second home for the past 6 years. Maybe this year would turn out ok after all.
"Kat," The voice jolted me, and I turned quickly around to see Sirius standing right behind me.
"Yeah," I said, almost timidly. I was nervous about last night, and I didn't want to make the distance between us any further by saying something stupid.
"You ok?" Sirius asked. There was a bit of concern in those blue eyes, and for a moment, I relaxed, seeing the Sirius I had once knew in them.
"Yeah," I lied, trying to sound cheerful, "Yeah, I'm fine. This year should be great."
"Really? Because you don't look very 'fine' to me," Sirius stated plainly. But then the concern left his features, and was replaced by a look of nonchalance. He shrugged, "But I guess you are, since you say so. Guess I must need my eyes checked." He tossed his long black hair behind him, and headed off into the crowd, catching up with James. Both boys left, talking in loud, boisterous tones once more.
I stood there nonplussed for a good minute or so, wondering what had just happened. Why had he ignored me this whole time, and then asked if I was fine or not. Of course I wasn't fine! The best friend I ever had is suffering right before my eyes, and refuses to let me help. He also refuses to acknowledge my existence, apparently. I wanted to scream.
"Kat! Hey Kat! Are you gonna stand there all day? Hurry up!" Lily's voice rang out. She was standing by one of the horseless carriages, motioning me to get a move on.
"Coming!" I shouted back, and headed towards her. We climbed into the carriage that would carry us up to the castle. And so the new year begins, I thought, a mixture of excitement and dread running through me. Hopefully, it would be less confusing than today had been.
A/N: Well, that's chapter two! Sorry I took so long to update it! I got sidetracked on my numerous Tales of Symphonia fics, and then on my other storie that I am writing. Anywho, send reviews plz! They are greatly appreciated!