Yes, I DO still think you're all insane. My god, 12 reviews? Oi, you're all weirdo's. But I loved every one of the reviews XDD.
Next chapter is here! If you choke from laughing too hard, it ain't my fault! Since you guys seemed to find the last chapter so amusing. I guess that would make this one hilarious (sweatdrop)
Fic Goals: Same as before.
Warnings: The most perverted conversations you will ever read in your entire life.
Everyone was staring wide-eyed at Luffy. It seemed as if Zoro was praying to just disappear from the side of the earth. Sanji's cigarette had fallen out of his mouth, Chopper looked confused, Usopp seemed ready to burst out laughing, and Nami's grip on the map she was working on had weakened so that the parchment rolled back up and curled along the floor, rolling away from a gaping navigator.
Luffy was still rubbing his upper thigh, his hand dangerously close to his (AHEM) so that it looked like he was rubbing a wrong place.
"What was that?" Sanji asked in horror.
"What was what?" Luffy asked, confused.
"Please tell me this is just one HUGE misunderstanding," Nami said. "Luffy... what did Zoro do to you?"
"He tied me down, said it would help," Luffy replied easily.
"Help who, you or Zoro?" Sanji sneered.
Zoro's face exploded in a very unique shade of red. "It wasn't like that!" Zoro roared.
"Why did it hurt so much?" Luffy whined. "I'm confused."
"Poor Luffy," Usopp said. Then turning to Zoro, he said, "You should have just taken a cold shower, you know."
Zoro's face turned, if possible, even redder.
Before he could even manage to get a threat out, Luffy said, "Yeah, it was really hot," Luffy said, remembering the searing heat of the poison. Looking up at his first mate, Luffy asked, "Is that why you took my pants off, Zoro?"
"YOU SICK MINDED PERV!" the Straw hats roared at Zoro.
"IT WASN'T LIKE THAT!" Zoro snapped right back. Only Luffy could make this big of a mess without even meaning to do it.
"You corrupted poor Luffy!" Nami yelled.
"What's going on?" Chopper asked, frankly disturbed at the amount of yelling going on.
Throwing a quick smirk of triumph at Zoro, Sanji said tot he reindeer, "Zoro raped Luffy."
"I DID NOT!" Zoro declared angrily.
"Rape...?" Chopper asked. "Rape? RAPE? I DON'T KNOW HOW TO CURE RAPE!" He got up and ran up and down the ship, frantically yelling he would never reach his goal if he could never sure this 'rape'.
"RAPE?" Luffy yelled. "AHHH, I HAVE RAPE!" And he too began running in circles.
"You do not have rape!" Zoro shouted forcefully.
"Then what did that big bite do?" Luffy asked.
"Wow, Zoro, you really got in there," Sanji said with fake approval on his face.
"SHUT THE HELL UP YOU SHITTY CHEF!" Zoro screamed. This was pissing him off, he felt his anger rising. Zoro would never rape Luffy, and if it weren't for the captain's use of word they wouldn't be having this conversation.
"If you didn't rape him, then what did you do?" Nami asked suspiciously.
Unfortunately for Zoro, Luffy answered first. "He bit me!" Luffy exclaimed.
Usopp gasped. "Zoro!"
All this was trying to be heard over Chopper who was currently yelling, "RAPE!" at the top of his lungs, hoping to jog something in his memory that would cure this disease.
"There was a lot of blood!" Luffy went on.
"How big are you?" Nami exclaimed while Sanji looked on at Zoro jealously, unhappy she asked Zoro and not him.
"Shut the fuck up!" Zoro said. "It wasn't that!"
"Zoro called it a snake," Luffy nodded.
Usopp snorted. "What a stupid name," Usopp scolded. "I call mine The Great...!"
"NO ONE WANTS TO HEAR WHAT YOU CALL IT!" Zoro, Sanji and Nami all shouted in unison, whacking Usopp over the head.
"But Zoro made it better!" Luffy told his crew. "But it tasted really nasty. He forced it into my mouth!"
"You poor thing!" Nami exclaimed, rushing over and hugging Luffy while Sanji silently planned mutiny of the captain behind them. Turning to Zoro with flames in her eyes she shouted, "Zoro, how could you?"
"I DIDN'T!" Zoro shouted.
"Yes you did!" Luffy told him, misunderstanding the situation entirely. "You had to force it in my mouth when you tied me down!"
"How dare you take away a poor kid's innocence like that?" Sanji murmured, shaking his head. "I know you're hopeless in the love department, you stupid swordsman, but this just plain disgusts me. Even more then your green head."
"I DID NOT RAPE LUFFY!" Zoro shouted, slamming his fist into the table.
"Were you this violent with Luffy?" Usopp asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yup, he pinned me down!" Luffy said, grinning.
It was at this moment that Chopper came barging through them.
"RAPE!" he yelled. "I MUST FIND A CURE FOR RAPE!"
The reindeer scuttled down the wooden steps and out of sight, hooves clattering on the floor.
Nico Robin, who had chosen to remain in her and Nami's room, was reading when she heard the doctor's shouting.
Eyes peeking up form the page, she watched as Chopper zoomed by, still screaming "RAPE!"
...a pause.
Sighing, she returned to the book, deciding she did not want to know and trying to ignore Tony's shouts from the hallway. She was curious as to who raped who, but thought better of it not to say anything.
"So, Luffy, what did this 'snake' look like?" Usopp sniggered.
"Oh, it was huge!" Luffy cried, motioning with hi arms. "And he was dripping white stuff," he added, remembering the white venom dripping from his fangs.
Everyone's eyes grew huge, including Zoro's
"Damn, Zoro, how big of a close up did this kid get?" Nami exclaimed, horrified.
"I swear to God it was not that!" Zoro shouted.
"I'm telling you, you should have just taken a cold shower!" Usopp said. And then, after slight hesitation, said, "A very, VERY cold shower..."
"I was NOT horny!" Zoro snapped at the marksman. "And I did NOT rape Luffy! Get it the fuck out of your sick minds!"
"Zoro, what's rape?"
Everyone turned to look slowly at their captain who was looking at his first mate with questioning eyes.
"Umm..." Zoro muttered, not at all sure how to explain this one.
"Yeah, Zoro, tell him," Nami ordered. "He has a right to know."
"It wasn't rape!" Zoro insisted, yet again.
"Oh, so it was consensual sex?" Sanji asked, smirking.
"I always knew you weren't straight," Nami sighed.
"Zoro looks pretty straight to me." Luffy said, eyeing Zoro's back that was, indeed, very straight.
Nami bent own to look Luffy, who was sitting on a low chair, in the eye. "Luffy, she said, "what Zoro did to you was very bad."
"I didn't do anything to him!" Zoro said, hands itching towards his katana but he was being restrained by Sanji.
"But Zoro said it would save my life!" Luffy pouted.
Nami had a disgusted look on her face. "Believe me, Luffy, the only person who is that desperate in Sanji and even HE doesn't go to such measures."
"That's right!" Sanji agreed.
"You do know she just called you desperate, right," Usopp asked; Sanji chose to ignore him.
"If you'd just let me explain you'd see this is just a big mix up!" Zoro shouted. "You've got it all wrong!"
"All wee need to know is that YOU took advantage of our poor Luffy!" Usopp snarled.
"I did not!" Zoro exclaimed. "I never touched Luffy!"
"Did too!" Luffy said. "And it really hurt, Zoro. Now my stomach feels all bad. Are you sure the potion stuff you put in me is working?"
"Now you're calling it POTION!" Nami shouted.
"That's a stupid name," Usopp snorted. "I call mine The Wonderful...!"
"NO ONE WANTS TO KNOW!" Nami, Zoro and Sanji shouted. Usopp shut up, frowning.
"Fine, but I still have better names then him," Usopp sniffed.
They heard a scuffling noise from the doorway and everyone turned to see Chopper running through the doorway carrying a bucket of what looked to be water with ice cubes floating in it.
"Which one is infected with rape!" Chopper shouted.
"I am!" Luffy replied, raising his hand.
Luffy let out a cry of surprise as Chopper threw the ice water on his head.
"Ah, what was that for you stupid reindeer?" Luffy roared.
"I read the definition of rape!" Chopper shouted. "And I figured the nest cure was cold water!"
"What definition?" Nami asked in amusement.
Chopper held up a dictionary, showing them to a page that did, indeed, have the definition of 'rape' on it.
rape (n.)
The crime of forcing another person to submit to sex acts, especially sexual
intercourse. The act of seizing and carrying off by force; abduction.
Abusive or improper treatment; violation: a rape of justice.
tr.v. raped, rap品ng, rapes
To force (another person) to submit to sex acts, especially sexual
intercourse; commit rape on.
To seize and carry off by force.
To plunder or pillage.
Luffy read in confusion. "Too many big words," he told them, crossing his arms.
"To plunder or pillage," Chopper said, walking away. They all stared in awkward silence until a minute later when Chopper came out; with about four buckets of water.
"Err, Chopper, what are you doing?" Zoro asked.
"Curing you!" he said happily.
And then he spilled the water over everyone.
That's it for now, people. I would have continued, but I thought that was a good place to leave it. Hmm... I don't think it was funny enough. Damn it. Well, I guess you may all throw random flaming objects at me now. Gomen nasai, guys.
Please review if you find the time! I'd love to hear your opinions!