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Readers: O.O
Me: Digital said that I won the internet so HA! (watches readers run away) Awww!
Chapter Goals: To finish the story off in this chapter and tie up all loose ends.
Chapter Warnings: More perverted conversations.
The Strawhats sputtered loudly in surprise, the icy water being spilled on them from the reindeer quickly flowing over their skin and soaking their clothes.
"WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR?" they all roared in unison, eyes filled with fiery rage as they looked at the now cowering doctor.
"I had to cure you!" Chopper yelled in defense, dropping the buckets to the floor and crossing his arms... or legs... or hooves... or whatever.
"We're not sick!" Zoro snapped.
"One of us sure is," Sanji muttered darkly, eyeing Zoro as if expecting him to pounce the cook and strip him naked.
"Oh yes you are, and I cured you!" Chopper insisted. "I looked it up and rape results in sexual tension, and to cure sexual tension you use cold water!" He pointed towards the abandoned buckets.
"But the only rapist here is Zoro!" Nami cried, pointing to the swordsman who immediately began sputtering threats about how Nami was going to go to hell and he was going to PUSH her down there.
"No!" Chopper cried. "Look at this definition!" He pointed to the end of the definition.
To plunder or pillage.
"And the definition of plunder and pillage is to steal!" Chopper said. "You've all stolen money, so therefore, you all have rape!"
All of their jaws dropped. Not only was it disturbing to see the cute little reindeer, in a child like voice, talk about sexual tension and rape, but it was also disturbing about how he was making sense of it... in the worst possible way.
"Well, Chopper is sort of right," Usopp sniggered. "Zoro definitely plundered Luffy's family jewels!"
"I'M GONNA KILL YOU ALL!" Zoro roared,
"Chopper, you have it all wrong," Sanji told him calmly. "The rape we're talking about is the sex kind, not the stealing kind."
"Although Zoro did steal Luffy's innocence!" Usopp added as he clung to the mast, trying to stay out of reach of Zoro who was currently trying to get at him with his swords to slice him into pieces.
"True," Sanji nodded. "But Chopper, this really has nothing to do with plundering. Besides, the only one who can heal MY sexual tension is Nami-san."
"WHAT?" Nami yelled, but she didn't look nearly as affected as Chopper.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Chopper said. "If Nami can cure sexual tensions, then so can I!"
"Umm... Chopper..." Sanji began, inching away from the reindeer.
"That does it!" Chopper said. "I shall find the cure for sex rape later! Now I must...FIND A WAY TO CURE SANJI'S SEXUAL TENSION!"
So as you can see, it was a bad time for Nico Robin to come up, which was exactly what she did.
It was a very odd scene for someone to see when they just got here. The marksman was clinging for dear life to a mast, Zoro was rolling on the floor laughing his ass off while pointing to the cook, whom was beat red in the face, and Nami staring wide eyed at the whole thing while Chopper continued to yell he needed to "CURE SANJI"S SEXUAL TENSIONS!"
"Captain-san," Robin said, looking at Luffy, "I think I'm going to be downstairs for a while if you need anything. A very, very long while."
They all watched as she walked down the stairs again, shutting the door behind her.
"...Zoro?" Chopper asked Zoro. "From what I hear, you eased your sexual tensions with Luffy so how may I do it with Sanji?"
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?" Nami roared. "The first mate raped the captain and Sanji is getting his kicks with reindeer!"
Usopp laughed hysterically, pointing at Sanji who looked ready to kill and in the act, he fell from the pole. But that didn't matter since Zoro was also laughing too hard to kill the marksman anyway.
"I do NOT get my kicks with REINDEER!" Sanji roared.
"Yeah, Sanji kicks really good already," Luffy frowned.
"Is that how to cure it?" Chopper exclaimed. Using his hard little hoof, he kicked Sanji sharply in the knee.
"That is NOT how you cure sexual tensions!" Sanji snapped. "And it's not really CURED."
"Is it like asthma?" Chopper blinked. "It's an on going disease?"
"With dartboard over there, yeah it is," Zoro sneered.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP PORCUPINE!" Sanji snapped, cigarette dangling from his mouth.
"I may not be able to cure asthma," Chopper said, "but I swear, as this ships doctor, I WILL CURE SANJI'S SEXUAL TENSION AND RAPE!"
"Well, sexual tension and rape are sort of the same thing," Usopp nodded. "So I guess you can cure both with the same thing."
"Stop putting ideas into his head!" Nami, Sanji and Zoro all roared at the same time."
But Chopper decided to listen to Usopp. "Then I'll do it!" he declared. "I WILL CURE SANJI'S SEXUAL TENSION AND EVERYONES RAPE!"
"Where did all of this start?" Nami asked exasperatedly, rubbing her temples.
"It all started," Sanji said, pointing dramatically at Zoro, "with him raping Luffy!"
"Yeah!" Luffy agreed, completely missing the whole point. "I don't care what you say, Zoro, it was still painful!"
"I was only trying to help!" Zoro said.
"By fucking him?" Sanji snapped. "I knew you were an idiot, you damn swordsman, but even you should know that's not the way!"
"I didn't do anything to Luffy!" Zoro snapped.
"Did too!" Luffy whined, pointing to his leg... that looked a lot like he was pointing to another place. Guess where. Just guess damn you.
"The snake was right here!" he told his crew.
"It'll be all right, Luffy," Nami assured him. "We'll get you a nice psychiatrist to help you through this. Of course, you'll be paying for it..."
"I don't need a psychotic," Luffy scoffed.
"She said psychiatrist, idiot," Sanji said.
"Whatever," Luffy shrugged. Looking over at Zoro, he said, "I still don't get it! What's rape?"
Zoro's face flushed red with embarrassment; of all the things he had to explain to Luffy, this was the worst. INCLUDING the sex talk.
Sanji and Usopp sniggered.
"Yeah, Zoro, tell him," Sanji taunted, smirking.
"Shut the fuck up!" Zoro spat at the cook. Sighing, he looked at Luffy and said, "You know what sex is right?"
"Umm... no, not really," Luffy said, laughing sheepishly.
Zoro's eyes grew huge and his cheeks grew redder; the constant sniggers from his fellow shipmates and Chopper yelling random solutions to cure rape and Sanji's sexual tensions not helping at all. "You've... never been taught about... sex?"
"Nope," Luffy laughed. "But you can tell me, Zoro!"
"Well... do you know where babies come from?" the swordsman asked hopefully.
"Of course I do, I'm not stupid!" he said, failing to notice the audible snorts from his friends. "Usopp told me babies came from storks!"
Zoro shot a glare at Usopp, but Chopper looked at him with wonder.
"Really?" the reindeer exclaimed.
Usopp nodded impressively. "Yup," he said. "When two people want a baby, they call the storks!"
"Really? Wow! That's so cool, Usopp!" Chopper exclaimed.
"I once met a stork," Usopp nodded. "But it was an evil stork who was eating the babies! He had gigantic fangs and long, deadly claws!"
Chopper's eyes grew huge. "What did you do to it?"
"I beat him up!" Usopp said as if this were the most common thing in the world. "And do you know what I said to it?"
"What?"
Usopp drew out his chest importantly. "I told him that I was the great captain Usopp and he will never eat another baby as I was around!"
"EH? SO COOL!"
"Yes," Usopp encouraged. "But it was already eating a baby when I got there; it was sucking out the poor kids brains! But I saved him and the child was later on named... Luffy."
"That explains a lot," Zoro snorted.
"But Usopp..." Chopper began, "you and Luffy are the same age. How could you beat up a stork when you were that small?"
"Time machine."
"EH? USOPP, YOU'RE SO COOL!"
"Alright, enough!" Nami snapped. "Chopper, that is not where babies come from!"
"Oh just let him believe it," Zoro grunted, not at all minding the fact that he could now skip giving Luffy the sex talk.
"We're getting off topic," Sanji smirked, enjoying the flustered look on Zoro's face.
"That's right," Nami blinked. "We need to figure out what to do with the rapist."
"I AM NOT A RAPIST!"
"Sure you're not," Sanji snorted.
"I'm not!" Zoro snapped. "Luffy, tell them what really happened damn it!"
"I did!" Luffy retorted. "The dripping white snake bit me, the potion you forced in my mouth gave me a stomach ache and left a weird taste in my mouth and now I hurt!"
"That's solid proof!" Usopp declared, pointing wildly at the swordsman.
"Luffy's just wording it wrong!" Zoro insisted. "If you just sit the fuck down and listen to me you'll see that!"
"I don't know about you guys," Sanji murmured, "but I don't want to here the excuse of a rapist. It's dishonorable."
"Here here!" the others shouted enthusiastically.
Zoro opened his mouth to spurt out a threat but he was cut off by a loud scream.
"AHHHH!" Chopper shouted, eyes bulging at something on the other end of the ship. "It's coming this way!"
Everyone's heads snapped to the stern and a faint hissing noise spread through the air and reached their ears, wisping through their veins and sending tingles up the spine.
"Ahh, it's the stupid worm!" Luffy cried.
Well, he wasn't completely wrong, Zoro though in slight shock. He recognized it as the snake that had been coiled up next to Luffy in the town, sunlight bouncing off of it's lurid green scales, sleek muscular body waving in curls as it slid across the sun baked wood.
"Is that an..." Nami began.
"That's the Arubatsu Snake I was telling you about," Chopper stuttered.
"I told them about it, too," Luffy said grinning.
The reptile hissed at it's latest pray, seemingly dissapointed Luffy hadn't died.
"Yeah, that's right, you stupid snake, I'm still here!" Luffy declared. To his ship mates, he said, "See, I told you! This snake thing bit me and Zoro gave me the potion to make me better!"
"You mean... the antidote I gave you?" Chopper asked.
Luffy nodded happily. "Yup!"
"Then why did he force it in your mouth?" Sanji asked.
"I just didn't want to take it," Luffy laughed.
"So... this is the dripping white snake?" Nami asked.
"Yeah, see the white stuff?" Luffy pointed at the dripping white venom.
Their jaws dropped as Zoro gave them the I-Told-You-So glare.
"And the potion gave you a stomach ache," Usopp said faintly as he watched Zoro walking towards the snake.
"Yeah," Luffy replied. "And it bit me right here."
The watched as he pointed to the same place as he had earlier, but they could now see a faint spot of blood and saw his finger was actually pointing to a place below his... yeah. (Author can't bring herself to say it)
"So this was..."
"Just a big mix up?" Zoro asked, raising an eyebrow. "Yeah. Now if you'll excuse me for just a moment."
They looked on, Luffy with amusement. Zoro pulled out his cursed katana, raising it high above his head and brought it down. "DIE YOU STUPID ASSHOLE OF A SNAKE!"
They winced (but Luffy laughed) as the snake let out a final hiss in pain, blade cutting clear through it's body and cutting the creature clean in half.
"Ew, Zoro, that's disgusting!" Nami said, eyeing the two chunks of bleeding Arubatsu Snake with utter most repulsion.
"Yeah, Zoro, kill it!" Luffy cheered.
"Er, Luffy, it's already dead," Zoro said, kicking the two bits of body over board and tumbling into the ocean below.
"Eh, really?" Luffy exclaimed. Beaming, he jumped up and glomped his first mate. "Thanks Zoro!"
"He may not have raped Luffy," Sanji murmured to Nami, Usopp and Chopper, "but we now know he isn't straight. And neither is the captain."
Usopp and Nami nodded in agreement while Chopper just stared, confused, as Zoro frantically tried to pull Luffy off, face bright red.
"Luffy, get the hell off of me!" Zoro snapped.
"What are you gonna do, rape me?"
"NO!"
Sanji snorted, looking at Zoro and smirking. "Rapist."
"THAT'S IT, YOU'RE DEAD DAMN IT!"
The chase lasted on until 2 a.m. in the morning.
Me: I could end it here, I really could. But hey, why not make an epilogue?
Sanji waved good bye to the last of the beautiful woman, bag of spices jangling over his shoulders as Chopper, in full reindeer form, pushed the cook on.
Sanji and Chopper had gone to town to buy more spices since the supply had gone low and, as luck would have it, they ran into some of the local villagers... the cute ones.
"Goodbye, ladies!" Sanji called over his shoulder as Chopper continued to push him forwards. "I'll be back!" he yelled to the giggling girls.
"Come one, Sanji!" Chopper said. "We have to get this stuff back!"
"I'm going, I'm going," Sanji said as they walked up the ramp of the Going Merry. "But hey, you got what you wanted.
"Eh?" Chopper said in confusion, tilting his head to the side.
Sanji smiled, knowing the reindeer really wouldn't get it. "My sexual tensions have been cured."
"REALLY?" Chopper shouted, startling Sanji and causing him to run into the railing which tugged at his pants a little, causing his shirt to fall loose and the cloth to slide down a few inches. But he didn't notice.
Sanji grinned. "Yeah."
"Yeah what?"
They saw the rest of the crew watching them come onboard.
"What took you so long you shitty chef?" Zoro asked.
"None of your business shit head," Sanji said calmly.
"Hey, hey, guess what?" Chopper exclaimed, now happy that he let Sanji stay with the girls a bit more; in his mind, it was his doing that helped Sanji get rid of his problem. "I cured Sanji's sexual tension!"
Sanji's jaw dropped open, cigarette falling out. Nami and Usopp's eyes grew wide and Zoro grinned, his face clearly saying 'Pay back time'.
"Sanji... what happened to your pants?" Luffy asked, drawing everyone's attention to the man's lower anatomy. They saw the un-tucked shirt and low hanging pants.
The same thought were running through everyone's heads.
Chopper cleared Sanji's sexual tension.
Sanji's clothes were messed up.
Oh dear god.
Me: I finished! Finally! I hope you all enjoyed it, please leave me a final review! Thank you to all who added this to your favorite's list and telling me you liked the fic! I'm so proud!
(sniffs air around the end of the epilogue) What's that smell? Is that the smell of... a sequel? Nah XDDD.
A/N: The line "someone definetly plundered Luffy's family jewels," is not mine, it's Digi's friend Kaya's. IT IS AWESOME! Thanks Kaya.
Review one last time please!