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Chapter Twenty-Five

Buffy walked into the living room and stared at the pictures on the mantle. The faces of her friends and family smiled back at her. She felt the familiar ache that accompanied any thoughts or reminders about them, but now it was bearable. Her new friends had eased her pain. While they could never replace them, they did make living easier.

So much had changed over the past two months. She had changed. It was all because of one man - Logan. The same man who was lying on death's door because she had drawn him into her world. It was her fault.

Her forehead creased as she frowned. If she was concerned about him, why was she at her house in Sunnydale?

"Hello, cutie."

She whirled around and froze. She knew for sure now that something strange was going on because of the vision before her. It had been over a year and her body refused to great him out of shock.

"Bloody hell, slayer. Is this the kind of thanks I get?" He asked, a smirk playing on his lips.

"Spike," she breathed. As if admitting he was truly there was all it took, her body released its paralysis and she ran to him. She sobbed out loud as she felt herself being held once more in his comforting embrace.

He held her tightly as she cried. When her tears died to hiccups he pulled back just enough to look down at her upturned face. "God you are beautiful. I'd almost forgotten."
She hastily wiped away the tears as she stepped back. "How can you say that? I must look awful."

"Never. Even covered in blood 'n gore you're still beautiful."
Buffy rolled her eyes. "Only because you're a vampire and blood is a turn on for you." She dropped her gaze suddenly. "At least, you were."

"Luv, I would have done it a hundred times over it meant that you'd live."
"But you left me!" She yelled, turning away from him. "You left me to face this world alone! To deal with my loss alone!"

Spike grabbed her arm and roughly turned her around. He never saw the punch coming until he was on the ground reeling from it. "Oy slayer. Wha' the hell was that for?"

"Because."
"There's a good reason," he growled. He looked up at her from the ground. "You gonna help a mate up or you gonna join me?"
"Neither."
"Buffy."
"Spike."

They glared at each other for several minutes before Spike finally broke. Letting out a sigh, he said, "It was the only option, luv. Between the two of us, you were the only one strong enough to beat Caleb."

"You could have done it."

"No, I couldn't," he argued. "You're stronger than me, and in more ways than one."

Her eyes narrowed. "What do you mean? We've always been evenly matched."

"Not in recent years. When was the last time we had a knockdown, drag out, to the death fight?" He watched as she searched her memories.

"The gem of Amarra."

"Right, an' you would've dusted me then it I hadn't had it. We hadn't really tested ourselves in years. But you had gotten stronger and faster."
"But you left me here alone," she said, tears streaming down her face once more.

Spike stood and held her again. "Your heart was, is strong enough to endure. Plus, I didn't leave you alone." He paused before grounding out, "Angel's still there."

"Not really," she said with a shake of her head. "Too much has happened. I can't really trust him like that anymore."

He fought back the urge to grin at those words. It was gratifying to know that Buffy trusted him more than his sire, but this was about her at the moment and not his glee. "What about the others? Wesley. Fred. Gunn."

She looked up at him. "How do you know about them? You never met them."

"I've been keeping an eye on ya."
"And you only come now to visit?" She asked, growing angry again. "You saw the pain I was going through. Didn't you ever think to come down and ease it?"

"Bloody hell, slayer!" He said, releasing her as he threw his hands up in the air. "Don't you think I wanted to? The damn Powers thought it would be best for you to come to terms with it on your own."

"So you agreed with that?"

"No! But I couldn't get down here and visit without their help. I was stuck!"

"Like that ever stopped you before?"

He growled. "That's not fair. They have ways of stopping people from visiting. But I'm here now!"

"Fine!" She cried.

"Fine!"

"So why are you here?" She yelled.

"To talk about Logan!"
Buffy froze. "What about him?" She whispered.

Spike took a moment to calm himself and sat down on the sofa. He patted the spot next to him and waited for her to sit down before continuing. "Luv, I know you've found someone else."

"I'm sorry, Spike. I didn't want to..."

"I know you didn't, but you can't choose when and who you fall for," he said softly. "I never wanted you to remain alone for the rest of your life."

"But it still sometimes feels like I just lost you and that it's too soon to fall in lo... to be with someone else," she said guiltily, not looking up at him.

"Do you love him?"

"I don't know."

He sighed and gently tilted her head up to look him in the face. "Do you love him?"

Tears formed in her eyes as she nodded.

"Tell him before it's too late."
"Like it was for you," she said softly.

"I knew you loved me. I could tell by the way you treated me, believed in me, and the way you trusted me. I didn't need to hear you say it to know that was how you felt." He kissed her forehead. "From what I've seen, Logan knows you love him, too."

"Then why?" She pouted slightly. She knew she was being childish, but she couldn't help it. "If he knows already, then why tell him?"

"It's not for him, luv, but for you. What was your biggest regret after I died?" A slow smirk formed on his lips as she buried her head in his shoulder and mumbled something. "What was that?"
"I said, not telling you how I felt," she repeated, not moving.

"And you'll feel the same way if something happens to him. Tell him. Trust me."
"What if he doesn't..." she bit the question back.

"Doesn't love you in return?" He asked incredulously. "He's a first rate git if he doesn't. Nobody can resist you, luv."

A shy smile appeared on Buffy's lips as she looked up at him.

"Don't live the rest of your life alone. What did you tell Dawn on the tower?"
Her smile turned to a sad one. "The hardest thing in this world is to live in it."

"Live in it, for me?" He asked.

"I'll do my best."
Spike gave her a final squeeze before standing. "As much as I would love to stay, my time is up."
"You have to leave already?"
"'Fraid so, luv." He turned to walk out the door.

"Spike!" Buffy called out. When he turned around she smiled at him with tears in her eyes. "I love you."
His face broke out in the first true grin she had ever seen him give. "I love you, too. Now wake up."

XXXXXXX

Buffy blinked several times as she looked around at her surroundings. She recognized the room that they had moved Logan to once he had passed any danger. She knew he cared for hospitals even less than she did so she had insisted on the change. He had done the same for her once and she thought that it was the least she could do after getting him into this mess.

She swept her gaze over him and was relieved to see that most of his injuries had healed. When Jean had first examined him, she had been appalled at what the demons had done. Not only had his body been covered in cuts and gashes, but they had taken huge chunks of skin as well. His body was so busy fighting off the poison that it couldn't heal the rest of him.

Therefore, Jean had carefully cleaned and stitched all of his wounds to try and help his natural healing ability. She had also been forced to give him a transfusion since he had lost so much blood. Now, five days later, he was looking like his old self again. So much so, that Jean had removed his IV in anticipation of him regaining consciousness soon.

Buffy knew that he got lucky this time - that he had made it through. Next time, he might not get so lucky. She knew that not even this near-death experience would deter him from her, though. He was hers until she told him in no uncertain terms to leave or until she left. Neither was an option that she was particularly thrilled with.

Whether she liked it or not, or even wanted it, she found a place that could be home, people she had formed bonds with. Her closed off heart had betrayed her by developing feelings for and becoming attached to this place and these people. This was where her heart wanted to be.

And truth be told, it was where all of her wanted to be - body and soul. And the man lying in the bed before her was who she wanted.

She thought back to the strange dream-visiony thing with Spike. She knew he was right about what she needed to do about Logan. Spike had always been able to see her heart - whether the feelings were directed at him or others. His advice or insights were unusually unasked for and unwanted, and she'd spend a lot of time fighting or denying them. In the end, however, she'd follow and discover he was right from the beginning.

Love was blood screaming inside of her, working its will. It was time that she admitted to being love's bitch.

A groan from the bed pulled her out of her thoughts and she moved her chair closer. She reached out and took on of Logan's hands.

Logan slowly opened his brown eyes and looked over to see Buffy's bright hazel eyes staring happily at him. To him it seemed that the last shred of tension that she carried was gone. "Hey," he said softly.

"Hey yourself. How do you feel?"
"Like I was swallowed by the hellmouth," he replied with a grimace. "Have I been out long?"
"Almost a week."
He looked at her in surprise. "That long?"
"The poison was a nasty one and you had a lot of injuries. But you're all better now."
"Had to be. Had to get back to ya," he said with a small smile before frowning.

"What? What's wrong?" She asked in concern.

"It's just. I had the strangest dream."
"About what?"
"There was this guy - blond hair, a black duster, and I think he was British."
Buffy groaned as she dropped her head on top of their intertwined hands. "If he wasn't already dead, I'd kill him."
"Who?"
"Spike. That guy was Spike."

"That was Spike?" Logan asked carefully. At her nod, he grinned. "Explains a lot. I kinda liked him."
"What did he say?" She asked, still not moving.

"Just that no matter how much he approved of me, he'd find a way to come back and kill me if I hurt you. Something about railroad spikes."
She laughed as she raised her head to look at him. "Sounds like him. Anything else?"

"Few things, but they were personal." He reached out with his free hand to brush away a stray lock of blonde hair from her face. "I'm sorry if I worried ya."
"It's ok. It was my fault for dragging you into my world," she said softly.

"Darlin', I'm the one who shoved myself there. And I wouldn't have it any other way. I'm right where I want to be."
Buffy looked into his dark eyes and saw the truth of his words shining back at her. She smiled and said, "Logan, I love you."