Chapter 8:

There are some things that do not have to be said out loud, to be understood. Because just a gaze lingering on you, a smile or a nod will tell you everything that you need to know. Like the smiling eyes of your mother can tell you - long before you understand words - that she loves you. Or like the sorrowful eyes of your mother - seconds before she sacrifices herself for you - can say ´ I am sorry for the hard live we have burdened upon your shoulder.

This however was not such situation.

Obviously Harry had realised that something was off bye the way Dumbledore and Snape were acting, but he reckoned they just did not know how to act around him after getting acquainted with his so called home life.
The sometimes forgotten glares from Snape, when he looked thoughtful as if he was pondering something very grave which came to surface every time he looked at Harry directly.
Harry guessed that Snape only now realised that he was not pampered at all and had indeed a homelife full of hardship.

But Harry was only partly right.

Dumbledores gaze however often stayed on him for minutes but the emotions ranged from compassion, love, pity to anger or hopelessness so that Harry did not dare to take a guess. But he could not stop himself and fear that the anger was directed to him for disappointing Dumbledores expectations.

After all he was the boy who lived, expected to defeat the Dark Lord or die, now he could not even defend himself against a mere muggle.
Admittedly a very big muggle, but still only a muggle.

Still there was this nagging feeling.
Like there was more to the wired acting of Dumbledore and Snape, more than met the eye. But he had not much time to dwell on this thoughts since he was still so exhausted that he spend the most time healing and therefore sleeping.
But his dreams where not restful , not restful at all, I dare say.
Every night there where nightmares or visions, after Sirius Harry did not dare to guess which on he was experiencing.

Almost one week went by with him waking up - drenched in sweet and screaming - alone. The fact that he always had those terrible nightmares or visions , whatever there where, always at night, made him suspect it where actually visions…..but now he would not suspect….

The last nights he almost thought there was a presence nearby, but he could not be sure. One night, 10 days after his so called rescue, he had a particularly bad vision.
Just moments after he closed his eyes he found himself sitting on some chair made of stone. He felt hot anger and rage filling his mind as he looked down at a kneeling, snivelling man in a black robe with a mask over his face.

"Lucius you have disappointed me greatly.
Your boy would have been a valuable asset, especially in the task of spying young Harry Potter."

Lucius fearful eyes which could bee seen through two little holes in the Death eater Mask darted up.
Harry tried to escape, to shut his mind from Voldemorts,….how could this be, wasn´t Lucius in Azkaban?

" I am so sorry Master"

, Lucius began to crawl nearer to his, no Voldemorts hem of the robe.

" But how could I have foreseen, he seemed such a faith full servant."

Then he felt Voldemorts hand with the wand raise, and it felt like it was his one, he knew what was coming and prepared himself.

In all those nightmares when he had watched muggels tormented , he had always felt each and every unforgivable curse as if it was cast upon himself.
Unfortunately Voldemort was quite fond of the crucius curse and so Harrys nerv system got destroyed , every night, a little bit more.

So he readied himself for what was to come.

He already felt sick to the stomach, but not only because he knew what was coming , but because he felt somewhere in the back of his mind hat he didn´t exactly mind that Lucius got cursed, that Lucius had to suffer.
After all this man had done to innocent people…..to Sirius,..he might even deserve it. This would almost be like revenge, seeing Lucius scream for mercy.
Then Voldmort hissed the word Crucius, the curse flew and hit Lucius who screamed and twisted and clawed at his hands.

But for the first time in weeks , there was no pain for Harry.
.
He felt nothing, nothing at all and then when he began to relax, when he was slowly released from his nightmare and began to wake up, it caught him of guard.

The pain was exactly like in the night when Sirius was killed, his scar burst open, blood flew.

Harry stumbled out of his bed , hands over his bleeding scar in the surprised arms of a reading potion master who was everything else but prepared for this.
All the other nights Harry had only whimpered he had never woken up.
But said boy didn´t even realise the presence of the other.
The pain was so immense that he could do nothing but curl himself into a little ball , he knew Voldmort wanted to possess him but he fought it with all his might.

A stunned Snape watched a bleeding Harry on the floor, the boy seemed to be in much pain, and then for a moment so short he couldn´t be sure if it was real, Harrys eyes turned red, like the ones of Voldemort.
But the colour faded and Harry screamed:

"No, you will not possess me again. NEVER!"

Confusion aroused in Snape, he knew that Dumbledore had not told him everything about that night in the Ministy but surly he would have told him if the boy himself was possessed by Voldmort.
On the other hand it did not seem likely that the Potter boy would lie under such a dire plight.

But the potion Master had no more time to dwell on this thoughts as the boy lost his battle. The red eyes glazed over and a unnatural voice for the boys mouth spoke.

"Vengeance is sweet Harry, isn´t it?
I dare say I am almost proud of you! You have mastered the first step!"

The voice died out, red eyes turned emerald green.
The boy was definitely himself again.
But he still seemed to be slightly out of it.
His gaze flickered unseeing over the room, it did not even linger on Snape a proof that he did not see him, for the view of the hated potion master would otherwise have caused a reaction. All colour drained from Harrys face and then he tried to stand up, stumbled and staggered a few feet away where he sank down on his knees again and began a violent retching. He did not stop for minutes.
But there was not much in his stomach to begin with so it were only dry heaves , which shook violently on his body, in the end.
He could not hold himself together and so the tears came.
Only a few at first soon followed by heavy sobs.
What had he done?
He wanted vengeance did he not?

Than there was this touch, on his shoulder, he did not know who it was,….but he did not care. He had to let it out, and so he did.
He screamed with a pleading tone like he searched for reassurance.

But his screams where muffled by a shoulder from this person whom had turned him around and hold him tight.

"I did not enjoy it, I swear that I did not!
Please believe me I do not want this to happen to anyone……"

Then he whispered on.

"Please believe me, please, please, please……..ohh please!"

This was to much for Snape, although he did not know what the boy had seen in his nightmare it certainly must have been something horrific judging from his reaction.
But why was he, in his mind, still calling it nightmare when it was so obvious that it had to be a vision, the possession of the boys mind made it very clear….but what did the dark lord mean by it?
He was almost proud of Harry, did that mean Harry was turning?
Was he now a fellow of the Dark Lord?
But he soon dismissed that thought.
Seeing the repulsed reaction of the boy , this could not be an act, the boy no Harry had clearly been as shocked as he was when haring the approve of Voldemort.
And now the boy seemed crushed.

"Sir?"

During Snapes strain of thoughts Harry had visibly calmed himself and was just whipping his mouth with his sleeves while staring in confusion up into Snapes face.
Clearly he had just now realised who he had clutched and plead to.

"Boy!"

He returned cold, a sneer on his lips.
He could not help it,…old habits die hard.

But the reaction to this word was harsh, Harry shrunk back and only then did Snape remember, the boys uncle had called him "boy".
So what to call him now, …well he would have to……
Slowly Snapes mouth opened and the foreign word stumbled awkward out of it:

"Harry…."

The reaction was harsh as well but this time the boy shrunk not back, no he looked up in a sudden move.
Green eyes met black.
Analysed them.
Whatever Harry found in the eyes Snape did not know, but it seemed enough for him because he relaxed again.

"Listen , Harry" ,

this time it almost felt normal speaking the name,

" I know this is difficult for both of us "

Snape was stalling time, he knew something needed to be said.
Dumbledore and his stupid order to not talk to the boy so theat he would not get him over the edge now that they knew he could become the next Dark Lord, had only led to more problems.
Now he could not stay silent, but what to say….what to say, he was the last person who knew what was right to do.
And so Snape did something that he had not done for years, and he could not really see why he was doing it now.
It seemed like the trusting, hopeful green eyes staring into his caused is somehow. He spoke the truth.

"Harry I do not know what I am supposed to say?
You must have realised, that we avoided talking to you this is because of reasons that is not my place to tell you but Dumbledores.
But let me assure you he will tell you.
Now I know this must be very unpleasant for you."

A confused look met him.

" Well I have realised that you are a private person and it certainly seems like you did not want anyone to find out about your home life and I did.
And now I even know about your nightmares or vision.
And about the fact that Voldemort did indeed posses you."

Another confused look.

"No Harry, Dumbledore did not tell me, it just became apparent from …how to phrase this : recent occurrences, you might say."

A slow nod confirmed that Harry knew that Snape must have watched the incident just moments ago.

" You do not have to tell me anything Harry, after all I can not tell you anything. But if you want to, as surprising as it may be, I am willing to listen.
I won´t judge you and I will try to restrain my " sarcastic comments" as hard as it may seem to me."

Harry bowed his head but Severus was not satisfied with this reaction.

" No Harry"

he forced his head up to meet his eyes,

" look at me , I need you to understand this!
I do understand the graveness of this situation."

,He could not help but think that he did understand the graveness of the situation more than Harry did after all Harry did not know of the second prophecy.

"You need someone you can talk to, someone you can trust.
And although I am not your first choice… or would be any choice at all. I am all you have got right now,
and probably for the near future.
So we will have to deal with it as good as we can.
Are you willing to do that?"

No reaction, well that had certainly not been what Snape had anticipated, just a star. He could not read what the boy was thinking , for once.
All this years the boy had shown his feeling, his thought in every move in every look all this time he didn´t wanted to know for it had made him uneasy to see nothing but honesty. It had made him uneasy that he could not detect arrogance or hate even regarded to him or the Malfoy boy.
It had made him uneasy that all this years he had known that this boy was nothing like his father and therefore he had hated the boy for showing his emotion, his thoughts so openly. Somehow he had convinced himself that Harry had shown all his feelings in order to remind him with every move, with every look , with every word that he was nothing like his father and could not be hated.
And somehow in the back of Snapes mind he had thought this to be enough to hate him.

But this times where over now, he saw his mistakes.
And now, now when he wanted to see Harrys thought, his feeling, he could not.

Time seemed to slow down.
Harrys answer was of importance, even if he did not know so, the decision to trust someone or to not do so could easily influence his staying on the light side or turning to the dark one.

And so Snape did not turn his gaze away, although he could read nothing in those eyes.
But because he did not turn away, he did not miss the small nod of Harrys had.

" Professor I see your reasoning, and I am willing to try."

TBC