Title: The True Meaning of TARDIS
Fandom: Doctor Who
Rating: Definitely a 16+
Summary: The Final chapter and EVERYBODY is drooling over Jack
Spoilers: Characters from all the episodes Jack's been in so it helps if you know those episodes but if you don't… you probably do.
Disclaimer: I'm a student. I own a tatty book and a mouldy piece of cheese. I don't own Doctor Who.
Terrifically. Absolutely. Ravishingly. Definitely. Incredibly. Slutty
5) Everybody/Jack/TARDIS
Jack woke from a rather pleasant dream about the TARDIS, where he was busy adapting her blastohyperantineutronicalitineramicrogalacticdrive to accept Beryllium crystals, he awoke from this to a rather shocking reality. Pretty much all the humanoid people Jack had ever met, from all times and places, were in his bedroom.
"Erm… hello." Jack grabbed a blanket to cover up his nakedness.
"It doesn't bother us." A girl who looked about 14 said. "In fact… that's why we're here." The girl was definitely making a move on him as the others watched on in lust.
"Erm… how old are you?" Jack asked the girl, feeling rather anxious with what felt like thousands of pairs of eyes on him. The room was filled with slight frustration as he got dressed.
"I'm older than I look. Old enough, anyway." The girl cockily said. "My name's Nancy."
"Yeah, hi. How did you get in here?"
"Through the TARDIS." A pale looking man replied.
"Davitch, Davitch Prevel isn't it?" Jack asked. The man nodded and smiled.
"The TARDIS, she brought us here. As a distraction for you. She thinks you're falling in love with her. She likes you too but she thinks it's getting too serious so she brought everybody who wanted … fun… with you here. I must say, it does seem that you have rather a lot of people to choose from." Davitch sounded disappointed.
"And you would be at the top of that list." Jack flirted honestly. "But if you don't mind, I believe I can hear a catfight which I must break up. There is to be no fighting in my bedroom, only loving." Jack added with a wink before hurrying to find the two felines mid-brawl.
"Rose? Lynda?" Both girls broke apart and stood to attention for Jack, pruning themselves to look their best for him. "What are you girls doing?"
Both girls spoke at once, squealing and flailing their arms about. Jack couldn't understand a word but he did hear a large crash outside his bedroom. He decided to investigate.
"Rose? Lynda? I've got to go now but promise you two'll be good girls, at least until I get back. Promise?" Both girls reluctantly nodded, sticking their tongues out at each other when Jack wasn't looking. Another crash from outside, this time followed by a grunt in pain. Jack was there in a flash.
"This is getting ridiculous!" Jack muttered as he stared on in disbelief. The Doctor was wresting with Jack's old boyfriend Algy, trying to stop him from entering Jack's bedroom. Neither man was winning the fight but what with Algy's military experience and with the Doctor's 900-years-of-life experience Jack was seriously worried that someone might get hurt.
"Algy, Algy, Algy." Jack broke off the fight, stepping between the Doctor and Algy, kissing Algy reassuringly. Jack couldn't see it but the Doctor was staring daggers at Algy. "What's the problem, old man?"
"He won't let me through." Algy said sulkily before pulling a face at the Doctor.
"It's pretty full in the bedroom, I doubt you'd fit." Jack was pretty quick to defend the Doctor.
"I reckon he's jealous." Algy shouted. "But I've got more of a right to you than he has. You were screwing me before you even met him."
"Actually, time is pretty irrelevant. I've been to times with Jack when the Human race was just an amoeba. I just don't want you two… at it… in my TARDIS." Jack bought the Doctor's excuse.
"The TARDIS brought me here!" Algy pointed out. "Just because you can't get into his pants you don't want anybody else to either!"
"Algy." Jack placed a brief kiss on Algy's lips as a way to get Algy to stop talking. "You've got it wrong. The Doctor's straight." Jack naively said. Algy shot the Doctor a disbelieving look, which the Doctor guiltily turned away from.
"I'm sorry gentlemen but I've got to go. I've got a mob of people in my bedroom baying for my… flesh." Jack's smile faded. "the TARDIS really doesn't like me." Jack sounded depressed as he went back to his bedroom to face the music. Algy followed him into the bedroom whilst the Doctor had it out with the TARDIS.
"You're not going to let him sleep with them all, are you?" The Doctor could feel the jealousy rise within him. "That's not fair, I-" he cut himself off. "He's not in love with you, he's just infatuated!" He grumbled before deciding to change tack.
"I thought you like being the centre of attention. You like him fiddling around with your parts. You told me what good, strong hands he's got. But now, because of you, those big, strong hands are going to be busy doing other things to other people.
"He'll be too busy to recalibrate your sensor array. You'll have to put up with me to recharge you dilithium banks because he'll be otherwise engaged. He'll be too busy pleasuring others to tend to your needs. And he'll be enjoying himself too. But that's what you want so…" The Doctor knew he had said enough to change the TARDIS' mind because in his heart he knew the TARDIS wanted Jack almost as much as he did. Satisfied that he had done a good job, he sat down in a big, comfy, leather chair and wondered how Jack was coping.
Jack had been stripped naked by the mob, who were now waiting in quiet anticipation and appreciation of the sight in front of them. Jack was just about to go with the inevitable when the TARDIS gave him a brainwave, a plan. Trouble was, he had to get past all the people in his bedroom before he could fulfil the plan. His escape route was thoroughly blocked. Standing on his bed he addressed the mob.
"I know the TARDIS sent you all here but she made a mistake. I know you're all here for me, (and by the way, that's a real ego-booster so thanks) but as much as I want to, I can't sleep with you all. My landlord wouldn't approve. And I REALLY like my home here…" Jack could have gone off on a tangent for hours there but he caught himself and jumped to the point, announcing his idea to the crowd.
"There is a plan B. I know you're all horny and you want to get off with me, but you could get off with eachother. I know it won't be as good without me but…" Jack laughed nervously: he was used to wanting, not being wanted.
"Erm, Nancy… I think you'd be suited to… Davitch. He's a proper gent, you'll like him. Neves, you and Katherine would go well together. For you Algy… it's got to be Stephen. Ah Lynda, well you've got to have Myke with a y. Erm… the rest of you pair up, triple up, quadruple up whatever." Jack was making his way through the mass of people when he was suddenly blocked by a 19-year-old blond girl who was so horny she looked ready to pounce on him. "Rose…"
Rose leapt onto the Doctor and attacked him with her lips. The Doctor didn't look too interested so Rose said two words to explain her horniness, knowing it would make the Doctor horny too.
"Jack. Naked." Sure enough the Doctor's dick did twitch, Rose felt it, but still the Doctor feigned disinterest. Rose, in all her time sleeping with the Doctor, never understood the relationship between him and Jack. The Doctor was definitely attracted to him, but Jack couldn't see it. The Doctor never made a move, despite how much he wanted to, and he also refused to admit that he wanted to at all, even though it was blatantly obvious to Rose.
Rose knew her lover well, she just didn't understand him. She knew that although sex between her and the Doctor was great, it was fantastic when she talked about Jack during it. It was better for both of them.
"He told me… to come to you." Rose breathed, in between kisses.
"So he's not going to sleep with them all then?" The Doctor perked up.
"No. He's too faithful to the TARDIS. And to his… 'landlord." Rose insinuated. The Doctor's interest was increasingly rising as he removed Rose's t-shirt.
"Then he went to the Carbon Copy room. Naked. Said something about cloning himself." The Doctor got a picture in his mind: himself in bed with two Jack's either side of him. He growled before pouncing on Rose. They made passionate love on the floor, shedding their clothes and, afterwards, falling asleep under the Doctor's leather coat.
"Hello." A fully clothed Jack looked down at the Doctor. The Doctor felt naked, despite the fact he was sharing his leather jacket with Rose. The Doctor decided Rose wouldn't mind and he put on his coat, making sure to cover up his bits, revealing Rose in all her naked glory.
"Are they gone?" The Doctor asked whilst pulling on his trousers.
"I went into the Carbon Copy room and fiddled around with the subelectronicalpyrotoner in the quadromaticpsychoimagingmatterduplicator so it could duplicate complex biological tissue, organs, bones etcetera. Then I made copies of me and gave one to each humanoid. They went home happy. I'm the original and I'm all yours." Jack grinned as the Doctor just stared at him. "They're gone." Jack laughed.
"I have a question." A naked Rose spoke up, having woken when her makeshift blanket was taken from her. "If you cloned yourself when you were naked, why are you still wearing clothes?" Rose cheekily teased, making it clear she wanted to see a naked Jack. (who doesn't?)
"I'm keeping my trousers on." Jack announced, much to Rose's disappointment. "Isn't that right, Doctor." Jack turned the Doctor for back-up. The Doctor was suddenly busy putting on his t-shirt. Then he gather himself together and then outright lied.
"I wouldn't have it any other way." The Doctor's voice was kind of choked. Jack didn't notice. He nodded but Rose had caught the catch in the Doctor's voice as he said it.
Jack whipped off his t-shirt with one swift movement. Rose eyed him up, approvingly.
"Fantastic!" The Doctor exclaimed under his breath.
And it was. All around the universe humanoids were busy loving Jack. They were so busy that they had no time to start wars. Other races left them alone because Jack was a very powerful enemy when made angry, and interrupting him during sex made him very angry indeed. As a direct result of this the universe now lived in harmony. The universe was a very happy bunny, so happy that the TARDIS decided to make that happiness and those nights last an eternity.
(So they literally did all live happily ever after)
The End
AN: Please be so kind as to review, it'll make me a very happy bunny indeed:-)