Moving on Chapter 2: Feelings of Loss, a gravitation fanfic

Disclaimer: Shu-chan, do the disclaimer for me please!

Shu-chan: Arashi doesn't own gravitation or any of its characters, buthe killed me nevertheless! So this is my ghost speaking…I love you Yuki! I'm waiting don't go out with K! I'm not that righteous and I'm feeling really selfish now so die already!

Arashi: (drags Shu-chan away) you're dead so SHUT UP! Anyway one and all don't worry Yuki will not die and he will start seeing K sometime soon. Now I really need to get back to torturing Shu-chan's ghost so enjoy reading!

A/N: thanks to all those who reviewed. Firewithin, hoshi-hiru, flippy and EMYLI. really appreiciate it.

Chapter 2: Feeling of loss.

K woke up as the alarm went off…he looked around a little blearily…where was he? It was Yuki's place! Then he remembered the night before and groaned. He wondered how Yuki was doing. He tiptoed to Yuki's room and peeped in, the novelist was still fast a sleep, his face buried in his pillow. K sighed. Today was the funeral, he checked his watch it was still seven, another five minutes and then he'd have to wake Yuki and ask him to get dressed.

He took the liberty to make some coffee and sipped it wishing he could drown in it. He kicked himself, wondering why he had agreed to Tohma's scheme… to live with and keep an eye on Yuki. But it was necessary and it wasn't that he didn't like Yuki; it was just that he didn't trust himself with Yuki around.

While K drowned himself in his coffee and his thoughts, Yuki was just waking up. He opened his eyes slowly; lines of pain starting to form on his face as he realized what had happened. He choked back the sobs breathing in deeply until they were under control and stared at the ceiling. Thought of Shuichi flashed through his mind. He didn't want to get out of bed…he wanted to lie there forever and slowly die. A sound in the kitchen roused him out of his thoughts. He swung himself out of bed with an effort, remembering that as much as he wanted to stay in bed and die…he also really wanted to say goodbye…today was the funeral… he swallowed the lump in his throat and started walking out of the room. He wouldn't act like a raving maniac, crying all over Shuichi's body…he would cry when he was alone.

He walked into the kitchen and saw K rinsing his cup. He walked up to the cupboard and picked up another cup and helped himself to some of the coffee in the pot. Then he walked to the living room and turned on the TV. The first thing that came on was a picture of Shuichi.

"The tragic death of the singer Shindou Shuichi has left us all devastated…" a few pictures of Shuichi's battered car flicked through the screen. Then a few more videos of thousands of fans, most of them weeping came on screen. Yuki switched off the TV and stared at the blank screen.

"Good morning Yuki-san." K walked in and sat down in one of the chairs.

Yuki continued to stare at the TV, with out even a hint that he'd heard him. K sighed…he really didn't know what to say, he stood up and was about to walk away when…

"He was so cheerful, K-san. I always woke up to his smile…he knew everything about me, my past and he didn't care! He's the only person who made me feel whole…he made me feel alive and now he's gone. Why did have to be him? Why didn't he call me I would have picked him up! It hurts so much to see all those fans out there on the news, crying there hearts out! But then in a few days time they'll all be back to normal and lead their own little lives completely forgetting him…and then there's me…I'll never be able to get back to leading a normal life! It'll be torture again! Why do you think God hates me so much? He just wants to hurt me again and again!" Yuki talked with out looking up. He was still staring at the screen with eyes filled with pain and anger.

K turned to look at him. He really didn't know what to say, other than helplessly look at the other man. He was a little surprised that Yuki was actually talking to him, of all people. "Yuki-san. I know you're feeling hurt and you wish to die. I also know how much you loved Shuichi…but then sometimes there are obstacles in life and you have to face them. Its going hurt a lot, but then really, Shuichi would never have wanted you to give up." K had never felt so lame in his life. He really wanted to comfort him, but he didn't know how! And he knew a hug wouldn't do any good considering Yuki didn't look like he'd let anyone touch him. "Um…I think I'll take a shower Yuki-san and then we can drive down to the funeral."

Yuki looked at the grave in front of him. It was heaped with flowers. Everyone had left and at last Yuki got to sit down alone with his lover. Somehow the grave looked serene…something Shuichi had never been except when he was sleeping. Tears filled Yuki's eyes again, but he choked them back. "I…love you Shuichi." He reached out and brushed the grave stone. "I don't know how I'm going to live with out you…I don't even know why I made that stupid promise! I wish I could break it…but I cant…and you baka manager wont let me. Who am I going to talk to Shuichi? You promised never to leave me." His whispering ended just as he sank into the memory of one of their conversations.

It had been a nice night. Yuki had just got news that his latest novel was again a best seller. So there was a nice big paycheck…he'd even offered to take Shuichi out, but the pink haired man had refused…choosing instead to cuddle up with him on the sofa and talk about their life. They had talked for a while…between all the kissing, when Shuichi had suddenly turned to face Yuki, looking a little grim. "Yuki…what would you do if I died?"

Yuki had turned cold at the very idea. "Lets not talk about it baka. It's a nice night…you want to watch a movie?" he'd evaded the question, but Shuichi was not one to give up when an idea stuck in his head. He'd stubbornly gone on bugging Yuki about it, until Yuki'd turned and told him in a casual tone that he'd have followed him.

"Yuki! Promise me you'd never do that! Promise me if anything happens you'll go on living ok?" Shuichi had looked so puppy faced that Yuki'd promised him without thinking, while adding, "You're acting like a silly, clichéd school girl. Now you promise me the same."

"I never thought it would be so soon." Yuki closed his eyes. He wanted to die…everyone who got close to him had to leave just when he was getting to know them…everyone he loved had left him alone. "I love you Shuichi…" he could go on repeating it over and over again and he would have felt like it wasn't enough. He didn't know how long he sat there, but by the time he decided to leave, the sky was dark, almost black. He got up slowly and placed a last rose on Shuichi's grave and started walking back. He noticed K silently fall into step with him and waited for the man to say something. But they went on walking towards the car in silence.

When they got to the car, K took the drivers seat and motioned for Yuki to get in. he was driving him home. After a while Yuki realized that they weren't heading in the direction of his apartment, he looked at K questioningly. "K, where are we…?

"We're going to get some food…we need to talk about…well a few things." K looked straight ahead like he didn't want to talk about those things after all.

"We don't have anything to talk about. I'm not hungry K-san; please drop me off at home." Yuki didn't want to sound so clipped, but they didn't have anything to talk about and he just wanted be alone with his thoughts right now.

The car suddenly screeched to a halt at a near by pavement. When K turned his face looked very controlled. "We have a few things to talk about Yuki. For starters, you tried to kill yourself last night…I know you promised Shuichi you wouldn't, I heard you mention it at the…there. But let me be frank, Mr. Seguchi and I want to keep an eye on you…I can understand how your feeling…I felt the same when my wife died. So we decided it would be good if one of us stayed with you for a while."

Yuki stared at him in disbelief. When he spoke, his voice was like ice. "I don't need you or Tohma interfering in my life. I promised Shuichi, so I won't be trying again…I don't need either of you staying with me and I think I'll leave now."

K caught hold of him as he left. "Mr. Yuki…Mr. Seguchi and I discussed this and I know we're intruding, but we think its best if someone was with you…not that I believe you'll try suicide again, but I don't think you're going to feel up to doing anything. It's only going to be for a little while." K cut him off as he opened his mouth to protest. "if you protest Mr. Yuki I'm going to have to report you attempt at suicide…then you'll just have lots more people watching you…its your choice." K let go of his arm hoping that his desperation wouldn't show. As much as he didn't want to do this, he wanted to be sure Yuki was alright before he left him alone. He wished Tohma was staying with Yuki instead.

Yuki was too tired to argue; at least his room was his own. He silently closed the door and stared ahead. K sighed and drove off…this was going to be so hard.

Tohma dialed K's number…he hoped his brother in law had agreed to let K stay with him for a while. He listened to it ring for a minute when he heard K's sleepy voice on the other end. Shuichi's manager was a very light sleeper…that was good.

"K-san…how did it go? Did I wake you?"

"It went alright I guess. I threatened to report his attempt if he didn't go along with our idea." Another yawn hit him answering Tohma's question. "Don't worry, Mr. Seguchi I'll take care of things here. I'll call you if anything goes wrong…I don't think he'll attempt it again."

"I know he won't. But K-san, I don't want to treat you like a babysitter or anything, but I really don't think Yuki's going to be ok soon. Could you please make sure he's alright? I'm giving you a month or so off from work…Do you mind?" Tohma sounded a little tense.

K sighed again. "Fine Mr. Seguchi. No I don't mind. Goodnight then, every thing will be fine you don't have to worry."

"Fine Mr. Seguchi. No I don't mind. Goodnight then, every thing will be fine you don't have to worry." Yuki heard K end the call and walk towards the kitchen. He padded up to the door and peeped out K was making yet another cup of coffee, then he (K) sat down on the couch and turned on the TV in low volume.

After a few minutes he turned off the TV and covered his face with his hands. Yuki got back into bed, why Shuichi…look at how you're going has affected us all? He clutched Shuichi's picture tightly, trying to hold in the pain, afraid to let it out.

In the living room, K had finally sat up again. This was torture, being made to stay with a man you loved, when he was in this state. It was tearing him apart all ready. He grimaced…he was here to keep and eye on Yuki and that was what he would do, enough moping around, he'd have to slowly cheer Yuki up, not to soon and not by acting cheerful to his face, but by being calm. He couldn't act like the maniac he was feeling like. He looked at Yuki's room. "I love you." He whispered. He told himself to stop being so stupid and lay back on the couch trying to get some sleep.

A/N: are the characters alright? I mean do they seem like themselves? I'm really trying to keep them that way, but it's hard with the tragedy that's occurred. I mean the only time Yuki would cry, the way I figured was if Shu-chan died. Doing their feeling end up making me feel so low…but I need to build up the relationship here so if things are a little long and boring tell me when to start making them actually fall for each other…I'm trying my hand at writing a long story now. Chill people!

Arashi.